


Friends for Life

by orphan_account



Category: E.R.
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mild Language, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 175,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4731653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carter comes back from Africa and reconnects with an old friend.  Will romance ensue?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

John Carter opened the door of his house, and looked around, letting out a soft sigh, and thought _'here I am, back in Chicago, home._ ' The past few months had been tough, emotionally draining, and he was back with mixed feelings. Life was much easier here, good food, hot showers, comfortable bed, but his heart still ached, knowing that his marriage was over and he had another failed relationship to add to his list.

He'd been happy when he’d boarded the plane a year ago, leaving to be with Kem in Paris. They had spent a few weeks there, and married just before they left to go back to Kinshasa and the clinic. The first 3 months were good, it seemed like maybe they had gotten things back on track. Kem still felt a bit withdrawn, but he was hoping that over time it would get better, that the Kem he first met would be back. That was not to be, and he started to feel like him being there reminded her of the son they had lost. He knew she tried, but he saw how she looked at the babies that came into the clinic, the deep sadness and pain, and he understood, he really did. He had spent the last year trying to overcome his own pain at losing Joshua, the son he never got to know.

Carter had lost so many people close to him, starting at an early age, when Bobby died. He watched families torn apart every day in the ER, and Kem saw the same in her work, she watched mothers, fathers, sons and daughters dying of AIDS and the related infections, but she had not lost as many who were close to her. She lost her father, and her mother was ill, but no one else that had a strong personal connection – was that the difference between how he handled loss and how Kem was handling their loss? Or did she blame him, for asking her to come home with him to the States, that if they had not been there maybe it would have been different? Or would it have happened anyway, and Kem would have died too, due to the lack of medical care? Mothers and babies died daily in high numbers in Africa, there just wasn't access to the kind of care available in the States.

All he knew was that things were not getting better, they were getting worse. She was spending more and more time at the clinic, and less time with him. She went more frequently to Paris, to see her mother, but she never wanted him to come with her. He tried to talk to her, tried to ask what was wrong, what she was thinking, but she couldn't seem to answer. The sparkle, strength and humour that she had when they met, seemed to have died with Joshua.

Finally came the day when he knew – he loved her so much, but whatever they'd had, those first magical months when they met, found out they were going to have a baby, he didn't think they were ever going to get that back. He had some hard decisions to make.

He remembered seeing his friend Debbie and their discussion.

* * *

 

_Debbie walked into the clinic hoping to see her friend. She had just returned from a trip to a remote clinic and wanted to catch up. She spotted him with a patient, and saw he was looking very tired, just not the man she remembered. He just looked – sad. Not just today, but all the time recently and Debbie was worried._

_"John, are you okay? You don't look like you've slept in a month. Why don't we go for a break?"_

_John looked at Debbie for a moment and decided he needed to talk to someone. One thing he had learned from the past few years, when someone offered help, he should take it – he knew he was having trouble coping. He knew he could trust Debbie, tell her anything._

_"Okay, let me just finish up with this patient, and we can go find a cold drink." John checked the IV and then they left, walking slowly through Kinshasa._

_"So, John, what is going on? You haven't been yourself for the last while. Is Kem still in Paris?"_

_"No, she came back last week, but she has been at the clinic a lot." John sighed "Debbie, it's just not the same, and I don't know what to do – she is working, or in Paris, we're not talking about anything. I think I made a really big mistake coming here. I love her, but I feel like me being here is just causing her pain. I told her I would give her as much time as she needs, but it is much harder than I anticipated. If we are going to start over, that involves actually spending time together, talking and getting through what happened, and we're just not – it's like she can't even look at me lately, but she says I haven't done anything to make her upset. Maybe I should leave, let her get on with her life without me. I don't want to cause her any more pain, and it seems like there is nothing I can do to make anything better."_

_Debbie could see how troubled John was, and she was concerned. She had been in Kinshasa with Kem while she and John were apart, and knew that Kem was still struggling with the loss of the baby. That Kem was not the same after she came back from Chicago. Kem had said she still loved John, loved him a lot, but that she couldn't ever give him what he wanted, what he needed to be happy. Yet she had married him, brought him back to Kinshasa with her, was living with him, but slowing withdrawing even further into herself, hurting both of them in the process. Hadn't Kem and John been through enough already? Why was Kem doing this to him – if she wasn't able or willing to try, she needed to let him go, let him move on with his life._

_Debbie stopped and turned to John._

_"I'm sorry, John, I really am. I was really hoping that you two could work this out. I know she loves you, and you love her – that was pretty obvious from the start." Debbie paused "I know it's hard, Brian, the man I was involved with Seattle – well he and I went through some things, and I loved him more than anyone I had ever known. But things got in the way, even with all the love in the world, we couldn’t make it work, so we broke up.   I came out here and have found love again with Stephen. John, you need to sit down with Kem and tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, see if this can be fixed. You are tearing yourself apart, I can see it, and you need to do whatever it is you need to be happy – truly happy. It is not easy to do, but you really need to do it. I hate seeing you in this much pain."_

_John nodded.  ”I know Debbie, I….I guess I'm scared to do this, because I feel like I know how it is going to end. I don't want to live without her in my life, but the reality is, I don't think I have a choice – it's not my choice, it's hers. We were so happy, and then, it was all gone and there seems to be no way to fix it."_

That night, he had forced Kem to sit down with him, told her how he was feeling, and they finally agreed that he was going to leave. She admitted that she didn't think she was ever going to want to try to have more children, that she loved him, but that she didn't think she could make him happy. He had given up too much to be with her, and it made her feel guilty, keeping him here when she didn't think she could ever commit fully, she wasn't in an emotional state that she could even begin to try to fix what was wrong. Kem felt guilty too about the death of their son...if only she had noticed something earlier, would it make a difference? John tried to tell her that she could not have known, but she didn't want to hear it - she wasn't ready to accept the truth.

John knew that until you were ready to fix a problem, there was nothing anyone else could do to help. Kem didn't want his help, she had already given up on him, on their relationship. She wasn't ready, may never be ready to try, and she encouraged him to go, to move on without her.

The next day he packed his bags, and joined Debbie and Stephen as they were going to Darfur to work in one of the IDP camps and they were always looking for doctors. He spent several months there, and even had Greg Pratt join him for a couple weeks. Greg updated him on events at the ER, Susan was still the ER Chief, Luka and Abby seemed to be back together, and Greg had heard that Deb was back from China, but he had not seen her. There had been a bit of the usual ER drama, County had never been the safest place to work, Carter knew that for sure. At the end of the two weeks, Greg thanked him for inviting him to come to Darfur – Carter could see he was greatly affected and changed, for the better. Greg had always been arrogant, and overconfident to the point of endangering patients, these two weeks seemed to have given him new perspective.

Carter gave Greg a note with some contact information, asked him if he would pass it on to Deb for him. He had tried to reach her several times in the past year, but knew she was traveling so figured his correspondence may never have caught up to her. Pratt knew they were good friends, so he agreed readily – he knew Jing-Mei would love to hear from Carter.

A couple months after Greg went home, Carter started thinking about going back to Chicago, he was ready to move on with his life. He knew he had to make a quick stop in Paris and sign divorce papers before he went home, Kem had emailed him letting him know they were ready, and that she was sorry things had ended this way. He supposed he was lucky, though it didn't feel that way – Kem only wanted the divorce, she wasn't asking for anything from the enormous estate left by his grandmother. She was happy that he was building the Carter Center in Chicago, and including HIV care for children and felt his money was put to better uses. Kem supported herself very well on her own salary and really had no use for material possessions, she was one of a kind that was for sure.

Carter packed his bags and said his good byes, leaving Africa for maybe the last time. He wasn't sure he would ever be back.


	2. Chapter 2

Jing-Mei walked into the ER at County, she knew it was going to be a tough day. She had come back to Chicago a couple months ago, after spending some time in China with her family, and had returned to County less than two weeks ago. It wasn't the same at County, most of the people she had started with in the ER were gone, and she especially missed John. They had become good friends, and had supported each other at some of the worst – and best – times in their lives.

She now knew he had tried to reach her a few times after she left, but her cell phone was disconnected and she had sold her parents' house in Chicago, so he was unsuccessful in contacting her. When she came back to County, Susan told her John had moved overseas, and last she heard he was in Africa somewhere. He had apparently moved to be with Kem, which made her happy and sad all at the same time. She knew he had gone through a very rough year, and felt bad that she had not been there to support him more – but she was mostly trapped at home with her ill father, then she went overseas as well.

Luka told her he had heard from John about a month before and that he had wanted to Luka to come to Darfur, where John was currently. He decided not to go, as he and Abby were expecting a child, and she was adamant that he not go – it was very dangerous over there, and he had almost died a couple years ago. He instead sent Greg Pratt, as he did not have a family to worry about – Jing-Mei was not sure she agreed with the thinking, but Greg was an adult and had decided to go. Jing-Mei was worried for John though, he was often putting himself into dangerous situations, always thinking more about other people than about keeping himself safe. It was something she loved about him, his generous nature, but it also scared her too. She hoped that he was taking good care of himself, she wouldn't want something to happen to him – he'd had enough tragedy in his life.

Jing-Mei thought about her relationship with John. It was an interesting dynamic, they had gone from med school rivals to close friends over the 12 years they had known each other. They were very comfortable with each other, and could talk about almost anything. They also flirted with each other shamelessly, though it had never gone further than friendship. Jing-Mei never thought she was truly his type – he always seemed to go for those perky pretty blond girls – well, until he came back from Africa anyway. That was a bit of a surprise, but he looked pretty happy with Kem and she was an intelligent and beautiful woman. Jing-Mei wondered sometimes what it would be like to date John, even though they were not each other's usual 'type'. He was one of the most caring men she had ever known, why had they never taken things beyond friendship - there was always an underlying physical attraction, but maybe it was just on her side, she had never asked him.

"Jing-Mei, you're late!" Susan seemed pretty annoyed.

"Lighten up Susan, I'm like two minutes late. Just let me grab my lab coat and I will be ready to work." Deb found that in the last year, Susan had changed, she was still bitter about tenure and stressed about keeping staff, she had yet to find a permanent Attending to replace John. Even after John left, the medical committee had not offered her the tenure position – they simply decided not to offer it at all for the year, once John quit. Susan was still angry with John about it, even though he had been gone a year. Jing-Mei remembered when they were friends, going for girls night, having some fun, and wished things could go back to those simpler times.

"You better be, I need my Attending Physicians to set a good example."

Jing-Mea went into the lounge and interrupted Abby and Luka, she was not surprised they were back together, they were expecting a baby anytime. Jing-Mei could see Abby loved the attention when both John and Luka were interested in her, she sure played the game with the two men. As soon as Luka dumped her, she was all over John and as far as she could tell, she made his life difficult. He was always doing things for her, helping her with her family, but it seemed she didn't appreciate it. Now she was back with Luka, and it sounded like the pregnancy was very accidental - they weren't actually together, dating at the time. It seemed like Abby was just with Luka for the sake of the child, not because she loved him. Not that Jing-Mei was going to judge, after all, Michael had been unplanned too. It was just that it seemed Abby liked to manipulate men, so Jing-Mei wasn't sure why she was with Luka. No matter what happened with Kem, John was for sure better off without Abby, Jing-Mei was happy he had left when he did.

"Oops, sorry, I just need a couple things out of my locker."

"Oh no problem Jing-Mei, we were just going on shift." Abby smiled at her, though she didn't seem particularly happy. Abby never seemed truly happy to Jing-Mei, no matter who she was with, she always seemed to find the bad in everything. It drove Jing-Mei crazy when John dated her – he did so much for her, but when John needed her, she took off after her brother. Jing-Mei felt bad she hadn't been able to be there more for John at the time, but Abby was his girlfriend, she should have made the effort, but didn't.

"Oh, we are on together tonight, terrific." Jing Mei tried to smile and be happy, but inside she was just thinking – great I have to watch those two all night. Things were not too exciting in her love life at the moment. Her family had tried to fix her up with several suitable Chinese men while she was visiting China, but she was just not interested. So she came home – but she found trying to date and manage her shift work was exhausting – and she had not really found anyone that she could see spending her life with. Some friends tried to set her up on blind dates but….they never turned out to be guys she could see being in her future.

Luka left the lounge and Abby busied herself at her locker.

Jing-Mei opened her locker and got out her lab coat just as the lounge door opened. She glanced over and saw Greg Pratt walk in.

"Hey there sweetness, I heard you were back."

"Hi Greg, and don't call me that, it's Jing-Mei. How was your trip?"

"Sorry Jing-Mei, but you better be nice to me….I have some Africa mail for you. But…maybe you're not interested."

Jing-Mei turned. "What are you talking about Greg. Africa mail?"

"Yeah, Dr. Carter sent something for you…..if you want it."

Abby perked up and looked over towards them at the mention of Carter's name.

"You have something for me from John? Of course I want it, Greg, where is it?"

Pratt dug in his bag and pulled out a small package.

"Straight from Darfur, I didn't even open it, though I was tempted to see what he had to say to you. He's a bit of a crazy man, sure stands up to those military guys." He saw how Jing-Mei and Abby were looking at him "Oh don't worry, he's fine and he knows what he is doing." He handed the envelope to Jing-Mei and grabbed his stuff from his locker to start his shift.

Abby looked on as Jing-Mei took the envelope from Greg and tucked it into her locker for later. Abby was obviously disappointed, but she left the room to start her shift.

Jing-Mea finally had a chance to take a break several hours later, she went up to the roof, the place where she and John had so many of their conversations. She opened the package and found a letter from John.

_Dear Deb,_

_I hope you are well, and this reaches you. Pratt mentioned that you might be back in Chicago, and returning to work at County, so I asked him to pass this on. I can't believe you are back at County yet again, just can't stay away from the place I guess. I tried to contact you before I left for Africa last year, but all the numbers I had were disconnected….and my numbers all changed as well. I have included my new email at the bottom, and you can send mail through the Alliance – address also included if you like snail mail better – and trust me, here it really does take a long time to get anything, even by Fedex. It is pretty tough to phone, I am working for now in an IDP camp in Darfur – Greg can probably tell you a bit about it. I get access to email maybe once a week if I am lucky, and don't have that much time as it is satellite and we are time restricted._

_I have some thoughts of coming back to Chicago, but – and keep this to yourself please – I don't think I am coming back to County. Too much history there, I am ready for a change. In fact if you can keep my thoughts of coming home just between us for now, I would appreciate it, I know I can trust you. You know how the rumour mill is, nothing stays secret for long at County._

_I hope things are good for you, I have thought of you often, we both had a tough couple of years, didn't we. Losing family is never easy, I know I still miss my grandmother, she was one of the strongest and wisest ladies I ever knew. All the rest that happened, I am just taking it day by day, but working here keeps me really busy so I don't have a lot of time to dwell, which is a good thing, kind of like therapy I guess._

_Kem and I are not together anymore, which is why I am in Darfur, not the Congo. She has never been able to get past losing a child, she is not the same person I met when I was first in Kinshasa. I needed some time before I came back home, there just doesn't seem to be much in Chicago right now. Well, aside from the fact that I need to come back at some point and run the Foundation, which my grandmother left me in charge of in her will. You may know that we are building a health center right beside County, but not everyone at the hospital knows this yet, I will have to check in on the progress._

_Well, maybe your love life is better than mine, I don't know why I can't seem to keep things together. It feels like the last 6 years have been a disaster with small flashes of happiness in between. I really hope you are doing well and you are happy, you deserve it._

_Take care, and maybe I will hear from you soon?_

_Love John_

Jing-Mei smiled – John was the only one who could ever get away with calling her Deb. When she came back to County a few years ago, she had changed to Jing-Mei, and insisted that everyone call her by her Chinese name, but John just kept calling her Deb. And for some reason, she didn't mind – they had been through a lot together, though they were super competitive with each other at first, they started to respect each other – and they helped each other survive Peter Benton. Just the way John said her name, it always made her feel special, like they had a bond no one else did.

She was sad to hear things had not worked out with Kem, but excited that John might come home soon. She was worried about Greg's comment on Darfur, and she missed her friend.

Jing-Mei finally got home and thought she would send John an email, probably the quickest way to reach him.

_Dear John,_

_It is so great to hear from you! I couldn't believe it when Greg got back and he had a letter from you. I have been thinking about you too, I am happy you are safe._

_Sorry to hear things have not turned out as planned, I know you went through a very tough couple of years, and I wish I could have been there more for you, but I know you understand. Losing my parents was very hard, they were all the family I had in Chicago. Going home to see some family in China helped, and my parents are buried together now, but it is hard to live there. They are all set on finding me some nice acceptable Chinese man to marry, but I just was not….well attracted to any of them. They were all very traditional and I just can't see myself as a traditional stay at home mom in China, I worked so hard to become a doctor._

_So, I came back and I am unsuccessfully looking for the man of my dreams. I still miss Michael too – did I make a big mistake giving him up? Will I ever have the chance to have another child? I just don't know – I hope one day…well, you do know what I mean don't you?_

_I was excited to see that you are thinking of coming home. I wish you would, I have missed you, my best friend. I promise I won't say a word to anyone about your plans, or how things are going over there, you can tell people when and what you want. The rumour mill at County can be toxic, and the one thing I didn't miss while I was away. Though there are a couple people who know I got a letter from you, so I am sure everyone will be asking soon enough._

_Come home soon, I have included my new phone numbers for you._

_Love Deb_

Jing-Mei went to shower, and finally crawled into bed, totally exhausted, but happy.


	3. Chapter 3

Carter walked slowly along the lake pathway, stopping to lean against the railing. He reflected on the last few years of his life, how much he had been through. His life seemed to be on track until he was stabbed that night in the ER – he lost a friend and almost lost his own life. Since then things seemed to be on a downward spiral, every time he thought he had it together, it all fell apart. The drug addiction, his disastrous relationship with Abby, the loss of his son, not to mention how things ended with Kem.  
  
"Hey, Carter! Haven't seen you for a while."

Carter turned at the familiar voice "Peter, what are you doing in Chicago, I thought you were out in the boonies at some private practice. Good to see you." Benton had been running along the pathway, but stopped when he saw the younger doctor he had grown so fond of when he worked at County.

"I'm back now, Reese is in school full time and I went to Northwestern as a General Surgeon. I am liking it a lot, Cleo is working in Pediatrics there. How is County?"

Carter shrugged "I'm not at County anymore, I actually quit about a year ago, and went back to Africa – I was in the Congo for several months, then Darfur for a few months as well. I just got back, thinking about where I want to apply. County is not where I want to be at the moment, too many memories there I guess."

Benton looked surprised "Africa – wow Carter, what took you there?"

"Very long story, Peter. I'll have to tell you sometime."

Benton gave him an appraising look, noting that Carter seems a little sad with this exchange and decides to leave it alone for now. "So, if you are not going back to County, would you consider coming to the ER at Northwestern? They are going to be posting a search for an Attending with some surgical skills for a pilot project. I was thinking of you the other day, you would be a perfect fit, I heard you were an Attending, and your time as a surgical intern would fit this role well."

"Yes, I did move to Attending as my Chief Residency was finishing up. I would be interested in the position, who's hiring – Ken Moran?"

"Yes, do you know him?"

Carter nodded at Benton, "Yes, I do. I'll give him a call, and see what he says about the position." Benton didn't know, but Ken was one of the people Carter had dealt with when donating his grandmothers massive house and ground to Northwestern. The legal work was almost done to finalize the transfer – with the amount of assets being transferred, settling the estate had taken forever.

They said goodbye, and Benton waved, continuing on his run thinking how nice it would be to work with Carter again. He was one of the best students he'd ever had, and turned into an excellent doctor.

When Benton got back to the hospital, he stopped by Dr. Ken Moran's office. "Dr. Moran, I think I have a good candidate for that job opening. Dr. Carter, I worked with him at County and he is looking for a change."

Moran looked up sharply "Dr. Carter as in John Carter? He's interested in the job? Really?"

"He's going to give you a call, he was a surgical intern for a year before he switched to Emergency Medicine, he was the best student I ever worked with."

"Well, if John wants the job, it's his, no question. We can set up a time to discuss the position details, get a contract done up for him, and he can start as soon as all his insurances are in place at Northwestern. He was at County for a long time, but I heard he went to Africa, didn't know he was back in town."

Benton looked at Ken with a bit of curiosity "So you know Carter pretty well then to offer him the job without even an interview."

"Sure, I know him professionally and socially, he's doing a lot for the medical community with the Foundation he took over from his grandmother when she passed away. I knew his grandmother as well, she was quite the lady. There are some announcements coming shortly about some donations and he's behind that new medical center being built beside County too. He turned into a pretty well respected doctor, and if you helped train him I can see why. I'll give him a call."

"Well, that was easy then. I would love to work with him again, and he is the perfect choice in my books." Peter looked at his watch "I have surgery in 15 minutes, so I need to go, let me know how things work out with Carter."

The next day Carter appeared at Benton's office door. "Hey Peter, just talked to Ken, thought I would stop by and see if you have time for a quick lunch?"

They went to a nearby deli and grabbed some sandwiches then sat on a bench near the lake while they ate.

"So Carter, Africa….that's an interesting trip, what area?"

"The Congo actually. I went there originally a couple years ago for a couple weeks with Luka Kovac as a volunteer doctor for an NGO. I did come home then ended up going back. Luka had stayed, but he disappeared and was presumed dead. I ended up finding him alive, but stayed myself to work for a few months in Kinshasa."

"The Congo, that has been in the news a lot lately, pretty rough place to hang out."

"Well, Kisangani and Matenda were, but Kinshasa wasn't so bad at that time. And….well, I met someone while I was there, so between both trips I must have been there close to a year by the time I came home."

Benton smirked and nodded "Of course, now it all makes sense, you never could resist a pretty lady. So what happened?"

"Well, I brought her home with me, I had to come back and take care of my grandmothers' estate. Ruffled a few feathers when I showed up with her, let me tell you. But..." Carter stopped.

"So do you have a picture? Where is she now?"

Carter pulled out his wallet, then looked at the picture of him and Kem together, gave a little laugh then handed it to Benton. Benton looked at it, then at Carter, then back to the picture. "A sister, Carter? And a very pretty one at that. You two look happy together in this picture."

Carter sighed "Well, we were pretty happy at that point. We were expecting a baby, everything was going great."

Benton looked at him in surprise "I didn't know you a kid."

Carter looked out over the water "We lost the baby when she was 8 months pregnant, and it…was difficult to say the least. Kem ended up back in Africa, she runs an HIV pilot project there, so she needed to go back to work. Kem is half Congolese and half French so she spent time in Paris and Kinshasa, while I was still here in Chicago. We were apart for close to year, then we reconciled. I met up with her in Paris, we got married, and went back to Africa, it lasted a few months, then we ended it. I wasn't ready to come home yet, so I went to Darfur to work in an IDP camp with some friends, I was there for several months, then finally came home."

"Sorry man, sounds like a rough couple of years. I can't imagine not having Reese – we almost lost him when he was born premature, and it was hard." Benton said this sympathetically, Carter had always had a very sensitive empathetic side and he knew that it had taken a lot out of him.

"Thanks, Peter. How is Reese doing by the way, and you mentioned Cleo the other day too?"

"Reese is great, he is thinking he might want to be a doctor some day too. And yes, Cleo and I are still together, we are not officially married, but we celebrate our 'anniversaries', we have another one coming up soon. She is working in pediatrics at Northwestern, so you will see her if you decide to come work with us."

"That's great, Peter. I'm glad the move worked out for you, Reese is lucky to have such a great dad."

Benton smiled "So what did you think of the job offer? He did offer you the job right?"

Carter nodded "He did, actually. He knows my work history and I filled him in on my experience in the Congo and Darfur – I actually assisted our surgeon Angelique quite a bit in Kinshasa, there weren't too many doctors that have even as much experience as me in the OR. In Darfur, well you just jump in and do what you can – there is no surgeon to come to your rescue, I did a lot of different procedures there I would never have done in the ER. And County was good training, that's for sure. So I took the position, it is a new challenge for me."

"I hoped you would take it, we will be working together again."

Carter glanced over at Benton "He told me you would be my supervisor on the surgical side, but I would also be Attending for Emergency Medicine, and I would end up being a board certified Surgeon at some point. Kind of the best of both worlds in a way – and I would enjoy working with you again, you taught me most of my surgical skills and I have always appreciated it. Ken is getting my contract done up, and have to get my malpractice insurance in placce , so about 2 weeks and I will be starting."

Benton was thrilled to hear Carter took the job. They finished lunch and headed their separate ways, knowing they would see each other again soon.

 


	4. Chapter 4

"John, so good to hear your voice, dinner sounds great, why don't we meet at Shaw's at 8pm on Thursday. I can't wait to see you!" He was really happy to hear Deb's voice too, he had missed talking to her in person.

Carter and Deb had emailed each other several times in the last couple months he was in Darfur – at least as much as his limited internet access would allow. They had caught up a bit during this time, but it wasn't the same as their in person chats. He had been back two weeks now and they were finally having a chance to meet for a dinner.

Thursday night he walked into Shaw's just before 8pm and got them a table. A few minutes later he saw her walk in, looking beautiful as usual. As she approached the table, he stood up and gave her a big hug. "Deb, you look fantastic, it is so good to see you."

Jing-Mei hugged him back and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I never thought I would see you again. When I got back, I heard you were back in Africa, maybe permanently. You will not believe how much I missed you."

Carter smiled at her "I missed you too Deb. I guess you just can't get rid of me, I am back here for good now."

Jing-Mei could see a bit of sadness in his eyes and reached over to cover his hand with hers. "Well, I am happy you are – you know I worried about you after Greg told me about the living conditions over there. You take to many personal risks, John. I know Chicago is not 100% safe, and you have handle a lot of things, but – I hope you don't ever go back there."

"Well, if I do it would be only for a short two week visit, but I have taken on the new position at Northwestern, so I have committed to be there for a while. So that should make you happy, Deb, or maybe not, you'll be sick of me before you know it. So how are things with you?"

"Well, okay, I guess. My love life hasn't been that exciting, you know a few blind dates, but no one I could see myself marrying. The visit to China – well seeing my family was great, but as I told you, they want me to marry some very traditional Chinese man, and I just can't see myself living there permanently. Work is okay too, but County is not the same since you aren't there. Why didn't you want to go back there?"

"A few reasons actually. After the tenure issue with Susan, I can't see working with her – it was really tense the last couple months. Lots of memories there too, not all of them good as you know, plus the same issues as you, a lot of the people I started with are gone. By taking the position at Northwestern I get to work with Peter again, and, they have asked me if I want to go back and finish my surgical rotation, they will give me credit for the year I did as an intern. They have a pilot project in their ER, so I still will be working in Emergency Medicine, just an expanded role."

"I had no idea that you wanted to go back and do surgery, I thought you liked the patient contact, and that is a lot of hours of work to finish surgery. And why wouldn't you want to work with Susan? You were always friends, weren't you?"

"The hours don't matter much right now, I can't seem to keep a relationship together, can I. Keeps me busy, you know, with no personal life at the moment. A couple years ago I saw myself married and with a couple kids by now, and we know how that turned out. I will still have a lot of patient contact, plus supervisory and teaching as an Attending Physician. Northwestern is ramping up their emergency program, and trying something new, they want to see if having an ER doctor with more surgical will speed things up and improve patient care. My time in Africa is even more of a bonus to them, good experience as they say."

"Wow, that sounds great, and you would be good in that kind of position."

They waited for a few minutes as their server approached and took their orders, and retreated back to the kitchen. They chatted for a while longer, trying to keep things light, as they ate their entrees. Jing-Mei filled him on some of the lighter things that had happened in the ER since she returned to work. After dinner they decidedto take walk along the lakeshore pathway.

Carter took her hand as they walked "Maybe you should apply at Northwestern and come work with me – we could get you an ER Attending position there, no problem. Get you away from Weaver."

Jing Mei looked thoughtful for a minute "Really? Are there positions open? Might be nice to get away from Susan too, she is not a happy person these days."

John snorted a bit "Yeah, I bet. You know, she was pretty pissed about the tenure thing, she didn't talk to me for the last couple months I was at County unless it was absolutely necessary. I swear she was scheduling us on opposite shifts, just so she didn't have to see me. She didn't even say good bye."

"She didn't talk to you? At all?" This Jing-Mei did not know.

"Nope. You know, she basically said that I didn't deserve tenure, that she needed it more than I did. I wrote a big cheque for the center, so that was why I got it. Not that I worked there for 11 years, published, brought in so much more grant money than her, did the chief residency, taught, all of the stuff I did to further my career. She barely published anything, and I heard she didn't even break $75,000 in funding, where I managed over $1million in grants, and published several articles. She thought her clinical diagnostic experience and teaching would carry her – but she forgets I have that too."

"John, I can't believe she said that. I know Susan taught you a lot in the early years, but between the two of you, you ended up the better doctor. You have always been more aggressive in trauma, and you are very good a diagnosing, and you are fast – which in a trauma is crucial."

"Thanks Deb, Susan is a very good doctor too, I won't argue she can be very good at diagnostics, and teaching, but that is only a small part of what they look for when they offer tenure." He hesitated "The worst thing she said was that I couldn't understand, that I never had to worry about money a day in my life and must be so nice to be me. I didn't even know what to say when she said that, I had to walk away – after all this time she still doesn't seem to understand that money can't fix everything – it couldn't save my son or my marriage."

Deb squeezed his hand. "I get it John, my parents left me quite a bit of money – though nothing like what you inherited, and it doesn't buy me the love of my life, or a family." She sighed "And I still miss Michael, though I know he is alive and healthy, it still hurts sometimes to be without him. I sometimes wish I had kept him. I don't know if I will ever have another baby now, I'm 33 and no prospects."

Carter put his arm around her "I know you must miss him, and I know its hard to find the right person too, I feel like I am starting all over yet again. I was hoping that when Kem and I got married, that at some point she might want to try again and have a baby, but that was just not part of her plan. She told me she will never want kids, she just can't go through it again. And I get it on some level, it was….beyond painful, I can't even think about what that day was like, I try to forget it like a bad nightmare. I know it is something that happens to people, it is unlikely to happen again to us, but she has become too emotionally withdrawn." Carter looked down at ground as he walked and his voice got really soft "Kind of like my mother did when Bobby died, and Deb, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be patient and understanding, but….it was too much, too painful, to watch her. I had to leave. I loved her, but the Kem I first met is gone."

He looked at Jing Mei and saw the compassion and understanding in her eyes. "You always did understand me, didn't you Deb. We are so much alike, in so many ways." Jing Mei nodded and took his hand in hers as they walked.

They stopped and leaned against the railing, looking out over the lake. Jing-Mei moved close and slipped her arm around his waist, and he responded with an arm around her shoulders and they stood their enjoying the closeness.

"So John, were you serious, about me coming to Northwestern?"

"Of course I was Deb. With the changes they are making, I know there is at least on more position opening up. And I would love to work with you again. Get your resume ready and send it to me, and I will get it to the right people." He looked down at her with his expressive brown eyes "And hey, as an added bonus, you get to see Benton again."

Jing Mei shook her head and laughed "Now you are scaring me off. I don't think you want me there, threatening me with Benton. Maybe you should reconsider coming back to County. We have a really pretty Social Service worker there now… just your type…Wendall something."

Carter rolled his eyes at her "Ha, very funny Deb."

"No seriously John, I think you would like her."

"Yeah, well you have been away for a while, haven't you, so I guess you wouldn't know. Wendall worked there when I was at County, Deb. We….went out for a while, when I was in the trying to move on with my life stage. And it did not end well, so no, I don't want to work around her, though she is great, no question."

Jing-Mei shook her head "Of course you dated her, I should have known. She really is your type, I was right."

"Why do you insist I have a type."

"Well you do John, admit it. You like blonds, very attractive blonds, that is your type."

Jing-Mei looked up at him, he had an eyebrow raised at her "No, actually _Deb_ , I like women who are intelligent, attractive, fun, caring and have a personality to them, something unique. I have been around lots of attractive blonds that I wouldn't date no matter how beautiful they are physically. I didn't marry a blond did I? Why do you think I have dated so many women in medicine, they are intelligent, someone I can have an actual real conversation with. I dated Wendall because she has those qualities. Anyway, you should talk about _types_ I think maybe you're the one who has a type."

"Oh really? And what is that?"

"Well, the Greg Pratt, Nurse Frank kind of guy?"

"I have dated other kinds of guys too, John. I like good looking, intelligent, and personable men, I just haven't had good luck with my choices. You know, wrong person, wrong timing, wrong circumstances and bad luck. I know you understand what I am saying – you are a great guy and you should be married, happy with a family, but you aren't, due to the same kind of things."

"Not to mention the raft of baggage, dysfunctional family, the fact that I'm an ex drug addict, have a bunch of failed relationships and yay, now I can add a divorce to that list. Enough to scare any sane woman away. I wonder sometimes if that is why I dated Abby – the only person I know with more baggage than me. Too bad she is back with Luka."

Jing-Mei turned her head sharply and glared at him "Don't even joke about that, John. After what you went through with her, I don't ever want you to even think about it. Anyway she is back with Luka and they have a baby, a son actually."

"So I heard and I wish them all the luck in the world." He looked over at her "Don't worry Deb, I am kidding, honestly. Abby and I made each other miserable, nothing I ever did was enough, we spent at least half our time trying to deal with her mom and brother, that kind of overtook our whole relationship at some point. The drinking, the fights, the negativity about everything, the constant 'stop trying to fix me, I'm not broken' track, the inability to even give me a clue what she was thinking most days – I wish I had left sooner is all I can say. When I didn't come home from Africa, she apparently decided that was it was time, and she sobered up, went back to school and stopped smoking. Another reason not to be at County –I need to stay away from Abby, I made her unhappy."

Jing-Mei turned towards him and looked him in the eye "You didn't make her unhappy, John. Abby did that all by herself, and she still does. She should be happy, being with Luka, and having a child, but looks miserable most of the time. I don't know if she has managed to stay sober, I don't spend much time with her these days, but what I do know, is that it is not your problem. I think that it is a wise decision to keep your distance, she relied on you way too much to solve her problems, but never seemed to appreciate what you did for her. You know, like when we went out for girls club, she never said anything about the two of you - if my boyfriend did all the things for me that you did for her, I probably wouldn't be able to shut up about it."

Carter nodded "You're right Deb, she needs to be responsible for herself, I can't and won't get involved. I tried to be supportive when we were dating, but I always ended up looking like the overprotective boyfriend." He gave her a hug pulling her against his chest. Jing-Mei took a deep breath, inhaling his warm scent, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. "So Deb come work with me at Northwestern - at least consider it, for me?" As she tipped her head up to look at him, he gave her one of his most appealing looks, boy she had a hard time resisting this guy, especially when she looked into his eyes.

"I don't know, John, Benton is at Northwestern now? I thought he was out at some private practice."

"Actually, that is how I found out about the position. I ran into Peter just after I got back about a month ago – and he suggested I apply for it. He knows I am not excited to go back to County, we had a long talk about it, he understands. Anyway, now Reese is older and in school full time, he's at Northwestern as a surgeon. I know quite a few people at Northwestern, so it was pretty easy to get the job, and I think you would like it there."

Jing-Mei tilted her head slightly "So, Benton recommended you take the position – wow that is a pretty strong compliment. I think he developed a soft spot for you John – he was such a slave driver and so tough, yet you somehow got through that."

"Kind of a miracle really. You know how he was when we were med students, and the year I was an intern…well I don't know if you know about that. We did not get along well for a good part of that, after Dennis died, we kind of had it out of few times. Then Hicks wanted me to transfer to her surgical team as Benton wasn't doing much for a while, so I moved teams. At the time, I didn't think Peter even cared, but in hindsight maybe he did. When I decided to leave surgery, he did tell me he wished he'd had the chance to try and talk me out of it. Then when I was stabbed he was right there, told me he was going to get me through it. Benton saved me Deb, more than once. He has become….almost like a big brother, which sounds weird considering everything, but it's true. We had our differences, and he was very tough, but I doubt I would be such a good doctor without him. And I would have walked away from my career that night – he got me on that plane."

"I always wondered about that – how he got through to you. Everyone else just stood there, like that was all they were going to do that night, and Aunspaugh said 'is that it' and Benton said 'no way' and went after you."

"And he was probably the only one of them that could get through to me – the one I felt was the most disappointed in me, the one that was hardest to see in that room. We worked really closely together for almost three years, long, long shifts, and he knows how to get to me."

"Somewhere along the way you earned his respect, his trust, and he really cares about you, maybe you're right, like a brother would. I have to say, I lost a lot of respect for Kerry and Mark over that time – I told Mark a few shifts before that there was something really wrong, but he didn't do anything, did he?"

"No, he didn't, that I remember anyway, keep in mind I was high half the time Deb." He saw Deb looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Only half the time?"

"Okay, you're right, it was most of the time, I won't lie. There was one day he kind of talked to me for like 2 minutes, and I am not sure what he said. I was hiding out in one of the exam rooms, to be honest I was waiting for next round of meds to kick in –can't remember what I was taking that day, but I was coming down hard at that moment, and he didn't even notice. Mark was a great doctor, again he taught me a lot, and I always respected him, but….he didn't like confrontation much. He had great advice at times, a personal touch, but, you know I think he would have just fired me. I never got the impression he really wanted me back either, I felt at some point I was just too much trouble for him. Which made me – sad I guess, another one in a long line of people I'd disappointed. He and Kerry made my life a living hell when I got back, it took forever before they trusted me again."

"I know that was hard, but you did get Mark's respect back, you know you did. I think most everyone understood on some level, you went through something pretty horrific, John. Being stabbed, seeing Lucy like that on the floor, I always wondered how you had the courage to come back."

"Ahh, just my stubborn Carter pride I guess. You know, the first day back, I went to see my grandmother, I admitted to her I hadn't been sure I was going to make it through the day. It was tough, but I'm still a doctor, the only thing I ever wanted to be. I don't know where I would be now if I lost my career."

They walked back and said goodnight, Jing-Mei promised Carter she would send her resume, and he would recommend her for a position.

Two weeks later Jing-Mei nervously went in to the ER at County. Today she was going to hand in her resignation to Susan, as she had accepted an Attending position at Northwestern, which was offered to her very quickly. She figured it had a lot to do with John, he seemed to know a lot of people over there. It offered a nice increase of salary, better hours and best of all, she would be working with John on most shifts according to the Chief of Staff Dr. Ken Moran. She was excited about the change, but knew Susan would be less than thrilled, after all she had only been back about 3 months.

Jing-Mei had spent a lot of time with John in the last couple of weeks, they were meeting for lunch or dinner as their shifts permitted. She knew why she had missed him so much, he was good company and they had a lot of fun together. She immediately felt comfortable around John, no matter how long they were apart, they just fell right back into their friendship with no effort.

Jing-Mei was also excited, since once she started at Northwestern, she would see him even more, if fact they would be on the same shift schedule, at least to start. John had begun his new position, so he would be a good resource for her once she made the move. Though she knew she was a very good doctor, John was even better. He was more confident in his skills, plus the time he spent in surgery meant he had been practicing medicine longer than her, and spent more time with Benton. For some that may have been a bad thing, but Benton was unquestionably a great teacher, even if he was tough on them.

"Well, Dr. Chen, nice of you to join us today." Susan was on the warpath again today. It used to be Weaver, but now it was Susan who was being tough on the staff.

"I'm 5 minutes early _Dr. Lewis_ , I will be at the board on time to start my shift. By the way, I have this for you." Jing-Mei handed Susan the envelope with her resignation letter in it and turned away, going into the lounge to hang up her things. Less than a minute later, Susan came into the lounge waving the letter at her.

"What the hell is this, Jing-Mei?"

"My two week notice, Susan. I have accepted a position at Northwestern as an Attending, in their emergency department, so I'm leaving County."

Abby came into the lounge just then and opened her locker. She noticed the tension between Susan and Jing-Mei. She was recently back to work after having her baby.

"Jing-Mei, we really need you here, I am still trying to find another Attending that will stick around, you know when Carter decided to go back to Africa yet again, we were left short, and we have never been able to replace him properly."

"I know Susan, but I was told I should apply, and it's a good offer, a really good offer."

"Who told you to apply there? I didn't know you knew anyone there."

Jing-Mei turned back to her "Well, I do….actually John suggested I come over and work with him."

Both Abby and Susan stopped short and looked at her "John…Carter? You've been talking to Carter and he's working at Northwestern now? When did this happen?"

"He sent me a letter from Darfur, when Greg came back. He has been in Chicago a month now and Benton had him apply at Northwestern for an ER position."

Abby looked pretty interested in the conversation "So Carter comes back, and doesn't even bother to come for a visit to County, to say hi? I thought I was his friend too."

Jing-Mei shrugged "Well, he probably will at some point, he has been busy getting settled again, and starting a new job."

Susan looked at Abby, then Jing-Mei. "Jing-Mei, I think we should go for a walk. We need to have a discussion about this." Susan felt there was a lot more to this story, but she didn't want to discuss it in front of Abby. Sure she was with Luka now, but Susan thought she never really got over Carter, he was always going to be the one that got away. She had changed her whole life while he was in Africa after finding Luka, Susan believed it was so she could get Carter back, but he came back with Kem.

"Okay, let's grab a coffee."

"Abby, let Luka know we will be back in about half an hour, if he doesn't mind staying for a bit longer."

They both grabbed coffee and headed up to the roof.

"So he came back from Africa, I thought he was gone for good. I'm surprised he didn't come back to County."

"I think that there is too much history here, Susan. You must understand the need for a change, he went through a lot at County, not all the memories are good ones, Susan. And he has the chance to work with Benton again, and he was looking forward to that."

"I never thought I would hear that – Carter _wants_ to work with Benton. I thought when he was a med student Benton was going to kill him at some points."

"Well, as strange as it sounds, they have become pretty good friends. Carter impressed Benton somehow, Benton recommended he take this new job, and apparently they are working together pretty closely."

"And then Carter poaches you from County."

"He just told me there was another position, and he would love to work with me again. You know, we were talking about how most of the people we started with are gone. Aside from you, people have moved on, and he thought it was time he did too. He's had a tough couple of years, getting away from everyone who knows everything about him…well it's a good change for him."

"I thought working with people who knew you really well was a good thing."

"Well, maybe, but he has a lot of history at County, 11 years is a long time. Don't worry, you'll see him once in a while."

"If he wants to see me…maybe part of why he didn't come back... maybe it's me, I wasn't the warmest towards him the last couple months he was here, I was pretty mad about tenure."

"Maybe, you'd have to ask him yourself. And Luka and Abby are together now, so I think he wants to stay out of that mess too."

"I didn't think he was interested in Abby anymore – it's been like 3 years or something since they broke up. He knows that they are together and had a baby?"

"Yes, he does know, and it's not an issue for him – he moved on long before Abby did, he knows that their relationship was not a good one. Why do you think he didn't come back from Africa the second time – to give them space to move on. Between you and me, I think he regrets getting involved with her. They were good as friends, but beyond that, it was a disaster. I think it is more that – well I don't know how to explain…just too much history I guess Susan.

"I suppose, but I am still his friend, he and Abby seemed to work together okay when he was with Kem. I know Wendall is here, but I think whatever happened between her and Carter is a long time ago now, she is dating someone now and seems happy. We would have liked to have him back with us at County." Susan stopped, still looking out over the city said "Is he okay, Jing-Mei? I mean, he's back, did Kem come with him?"

Jing-Mei looked over at Susan "I don't think I should be discussing this with you, Susan. Kind of his business what is going on with Kem."

"So that would mean, it's not going so well with Kem, then. I hoped it would work out for them, they had a pretty rough time, losing the baby."

"It was very tough on both of them, she's not here, other than that, you need to talk to John about it, if you want to find out more."

"Okay, I understand, I suppose he confides in you more than most – you two are really close aren't you."

"We are – he's a friend that no matter how long it's been since I saw him last, I can still talk to him, about anything, there is a real comfort level there. You know, when I had my son, John was my labour coach? I couldn't do it by myself, my family was upset with me, Michael's father didn't want to have anything to do with it. So I called him and he came, no questions asked, and stayed with me all day. Helped me when I was struggling with putting Michael up for adoption, talked to the adoptive parents, he was my rock that day. And he has been there for me through a lot of other things too, and I have tried to be there for him too."

"Really? I didn't know Carter was there - that must have been interesting to have him as a labour coach. How old is Michael now?"

"He's 5 now, he'll be six at Christmas. I still miss him, I know he is well taken care of but I sometimes I wish I had kept him. And as a labour coach, John was amazing - he just knew what to do - I mean he delivers babies in the ER all the time so it wasn't such a difficult thing for him."

"I suppose - you know he was there when my niece Suzie was born too? He was in his first year a med student, so he wasn't as confident as he is now, or as he must have been when he acted as a coach for you. But he sure was cute."

"Sounds like you had a bit of a crush there Susan - I knew he had a crush on you back then."

"Yeah, it was kind of mutual, but he was a med student, so that's all it was - then of course when I came back, we hung out quite a bit, but it never really developed into anything. Maybe if he hadn't been kind of interested in Abby already? Who knows."

"If it was meant to be, it would have happened Susan. Anyway, you seem pretty happy with Chuck, and you have Cosmo too."

"Yeah, I'm happy, and I'm lucky. I can't even imagine how hard that must be, giving up a child like you did, or losing a child, like Carter."

"Well, at least Michael is alive and well, where for John, his son is just gone. He is okay though Susan, he has dealt with it and though he won't forget he has accepted it. I know he'd like to have kids, hey I'd like to have another one too, but has to be with the right person."

Susan nodded "I agree, it has to be the right person, I waited a long time for Chuck to come along. So, Jing-Mei, I can't get you to reconsider going to Northwestern? You want to work with Carter obviously, and get away from Weaver…and me too probably, I haven't been very nice to anyone lately, have I?"

"Yes to all of the above – I know you are upset about tenure, so if you are that unhappy, you should think about making some changes too. County is not the same as when I started, everyone used to work together, be friends, or almost like family. Going to Northwestern, I get to regain some of that, and at the very least I get to have John working with me."

"Well, we will miss you here, and it's too bad Carter doesn't want to come back here, we could use him. We should get back, Luka will want to go home."

Jing-Mei nodded and they left the rooftop.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Carter picked up his phone on the second ring "Deb, what's up?"

"What are you doing tonight? Time for some dinner maybe?"

Carter looked at his watch "Sure, I'm done here in about half an hour. What time are you thinking?"

"How about 7, I am leaving County now. I gave my notice, and accepted the position at Northwestern, so …. in 2 weeks I will be your newest Attending."

"Deb! That's great, I am so happy you went through with it. I mean, I know you said you were coming over, but I was hoping they wouldn't kidnap you, or lock you up in exam room 4 to keep you from leaving."

"Ha, not a chance, I would not let that happen. I am so looking forward to this, John. I have missed working with you so much."

"Well, two weeks and you'll be wondering why you missed me so much. I should get finished up and I want to go home and shower, change clothes. Dress up a bit, I have a good idea for dinner, we need to celebrate your new job. Can I pick you up at your place?"

"Yes, you can pick me up at 7 then, and I think I have just the dress. See you then!"

Carter hit the off button and looked up to see Benton standing in his office doorway. "Sounds like a hot date tonight, you look pretty happy there Carter."

"Hey Peter. Dinner with a friend….well, dinner with Deb actually. She took the job, so we are celebrating tonight."

"Mmmmm, Dr. Chen. So….when is the date at the jazz club?"

Carter shook his head and laughed "Oh, I am never going to live that comment down, am I. Deb and I are friends Peter, we have been for years."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You know, Carter, I see how you look at her, how happy you are to have her come work here with us. I think there might be a bit more than friendly feelings going on there. She's always been an attractive lady, you might want to think about that, before she finds someone – you said she's not seeing anyone now?"

"So how are Reese and Cleo?' Carter tries to change the subject.

"They are both good…and nice try Carter, but it's not working, you are not changing the subject. I think Chen might have a few feelings for you too, given how she acts around you, so….get moving before some other guy asks her out….enough said. Anyway, we need to work out some details for getting you started on the surgical side."

Carter and Benton started to discuss how things are going to work and before long it is time for Carter to head home and get ready for his night out with Deb.

Carter walked up the steps at Deb's townhouse, which is not too far from his own place. Deb answered the door right away, looking stunning in a little black dress. "Wow, Deb, you look…amazing." Carter is almost speechless at how good she looks – not that he should be surprised, Peter is right, she is a beautiful woman and he has at times felt very attracted to Deb, but he has always tried to ignore it, he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.

"You look pretty good yourself!" Deb gave John a long look, he was wearing a very well cut suit, probably Armani she thought, with a silk tie. He had on an expensive overcoat with silk scarf as well.

John had always known how to dress well and he looked great in a suit. Aside from when he was dating Abby, he even wore suits to work most of the time. Abby seemed to encourage him to dress more casually than he had in the past, she seemed really insecure, a little threatened by how much money Carter had, and it was like she wanted him to be more like her. Abby was not one to dress up or be into nice clothing. Good thing they broke up around the time his grandmother died, she thought, Abby would really be uncomfortable with John's wealth now. He had inherited an unimaginable amount of money, she suspected it ranged not in the millions, but hundreds of millions if the Foundation assets were included. Jing-Mei wasn't uncomfortable around him though, she grew up with money too, her parents were successful surgeons, and she inherited quite a lot herself, she had a couple million socked away in investments. She loved to dress up and go out to nice places, she was used to the social scene that John grew up with.

Carter presented her with a large bouquet of flowers, and leaned down and gave her a kiss on the lips, which she found herself returning. She felt a shiver run down her spine at the touch of his lips on hers, but Carter pulled away fairly quickly, like he had surprised even himself with the kiss. "Congratulations on the new job, Dr. Chen. We are really looking forward to having you come work with us."

Jing-Mei took the flowers and gave Carter a hug. "Thanks John, me too. These are beautiful" she buried her nose in the flowers, enjoying the soft fragrance. She went into the kitchen and put the flowers in water, John followed and leaned on the door frame watching her, secretly admiring how beautiful she looked tonight and thinking about how kissing her had made him feel. She glanced over at him, and smiled, her eyes lighting up as she looked at him.

"So, Deb, I made some reservations for us at that new restaurant – the one you were talking about. I was going to call and let you know, but looks like I didn't need to….that dress is perfect."

"So how did you get us in there on such short notice? I thought they were booked like six months out?"

"Oh, I have my ways." He smirked slightly "Are you ready? The car is out front."

"I bet you do. And yes, I am ready, I just have to put on my coat." She took her coat out of the closet, and Carter assisted her with it. Always the gentleman, thought Jing-Mei, not too many guys made such a point of being so attentive to their dates. His family placed high value on manners, that she knew, he had been groomed from an early age, to take over the empire so to speak and it showed. She suspected he was the favourite grandchild, and he was the namesake for his grandfather, so it was kind of fitting he was now in charge of the Foundation. She didn't think the newer doctors at County had any real idea what family he came from, and this was probably a good thing.

Carter opened the door and Jing-Mei gave a little laugh as she saw the limo waiting for them. "Wow, going all out are we?"

"Well, we might want to have a few celebratory drinks, so now we don't have to drive and can just enjoy the evening." The driver saw them come out and waited with the door open. John took her hand and helped her into the car then slid in quickly after her.

She reached over and took his hand, he smiled at her and entwined their fingers. "I heard this new place is really good."

In a few minutes they arrived at the restaurant, the driver promptly opened the door curbside and John assisted her out of the car. They walked in, and maitre d' looked up right away "Dr. Carter, nice to see you this evening. May we take your coats?"

"Yes, thank you, Andre."

Jing-Mei was surprised, he didn't even say who he was, he must have come here before. Andre escorted to a prime table by a lovely fireplace, and they were seated within moments of entering the restaurant.

"Wow, John, that is service. How do they know who you are? Have you been here before?"

"No, but my family knows the owner… and Andre worked at a restaurant that I used to go to quite a bit with my grandmother. I have known him for years."

Jing-Mei nodded "Ah, of course you know the owner. That makes sense – this is really nice by the way, I feel a little spoiled at the moment."

Carter smiled at her "Good, I wanted this to be a special evening for you, we need to celebrate that we are together again. What would you like to drink – wine, a cocktail, or maybe champagne?"

They settled for an expensive bottle of wine recommended by the waiter, which they sipped while they perused the menu. They decided to start with a shared appetizer, then some salads. The waiter noted their choices then moved off discreetly.

"So how did it go when you turned in your notice…was Susan upset?"

"Upset doesn't begin to cover it. You know, they haven't found a permanent replacement for you yet, and then I quit, so they are down two Attending at the end of next week. The new group of doctors coming up are just not the same – I mean, Morris as Chief Resident? He doesn't teach like you did, you know your stuff, Morris really doesn't. Greg has been a lot better since he came back from Sudan – I think he had a reality check – said he didn't know how you did it, living down there. I was a bit worried for you when Greg got back, he told me about the two patients, you know the Human Rights Activists and how the military came into camp looking for them. You and the other doctors took a lot of risks to keep them safe. And I suspect you were doing stuff like that regularly, you take way too many chances John."

"No, Deb, I knew how far to push it, you get a feel for the limits after a while. Greg almost overstepped a couple times and I had to get him to back off. I think Greg was a little shocked at what he saw – they military men aren't supposed to come in to the camps, but they do, and you can try and get them to leave but since they are heavily armed it is always a risk, they often just do what they want. I hope the experience makes him a better doctor. The hardest part of working there, is that we couldn't save everyone – people that would have lived here, well, we just didn't have the resources to treat them. No unlimited electricity to run vents and such, so we have to let them go. Greg was pretty shocked when I wouldn't let him treat one of the patients – I think he said 'this is just messed up.' And it kind of is, but you learn quickly who you can realistically save and who you can't, and you get on with things. I knew the patient was going to die, so why prolong it."

"I wouldn't do well there, you have always been stronger than me that way. Even with the Chief Residency thing, it should have been you right from the start. I lose my head and stress out too fast, but you, you just take charge. Remember the lockdown, with the suspected smallpox? Susan couldn't take action, you told her what she needed to do and you kind of took over, you even stopped the riot that was getting out of control. And the Marfans case, as soon as you looked at thee x-ray, you knew."

"You are a very good doctor, Deb, never doubt it, we made each other better doctors because we pushed each other so much when we were med students. Our competitiveness, overall, was a good thing for both of us, even if it got out of hand a couple times. Maybe we need to work on that with your new job, get you to recognize how good you actually are – it's just the confidence in yourself that you need. I lacked that when I first started too, but over time, it just came naturally."

"That's the thing, for you it comes naturally, for me it doesn't. You just have a way – like when Michael was born and you became my mediator with the adoptive parents. You knew what to say to them, you gained their trust quickly, and they kept turning to you for help during the process, and did I. You know, I still can't thank you enough for being there, I really don't know how I would have handled it if you hadn't been such a good friend that day."

"I was happy to do it Deb, I wouldn't have had it any other way. You know….you have been there for me too – that night in the trauma room, after I was stabbed, it helped that you were there. It was your voice I could hear, everything else was just kind of a haze, but I heard you talking to me. And the visits you made, taking care of my charts, even having the courage to confront me about the drugs – all of that Deb, I won't forget it."

"I just wish I had done something sooner, paid more attention, and maybe the drug problem would have even happened."

"No Deb, that was my fault, I'm a doctor, I knew better. I watched my cousin Chase overdose, I see it in the ER all the time, I should have asked for help. I let it all overwhelm me - you know I felt really guilty for a long time, I should have supervised Lucy more carefully that day, made sure Malik sat with the patient, I failed and Lucy died."

"It wasn't your fault John - you know there were other people who should have been there. DeRaad took forever to come down, Mark left early so he could go on a date with Elizabeth, Luka was sitting at admit with his feet up, not even looking at the board or checking up on things. The nurses including Malik were all partying, playing the music too loud. There are a lot of people who didn't do their job that night, and you and Lucy paid a big price for it."

"I guess Deb, but you know, Lucy and I went through a lot in that year, she constantly challenged me, she would have been a really good doctor. Drove each other crazy, that's true, but...you know her mom visited me in hospital?"

"No, I had no idea...what did she say?"

"She told me a few things I already knew, that Lucy loved her work, things like that, and then she said that Lucy talked about me all the time when she called home. Barbara Knight was a single mom, and she and Lucy were really close, so I don't think they had a lot of secrets, which is kind of scary really. But anyway... she told me how much Lucy appreciated me and all this stuff, and I could barely look at her, I knew it was at least partly my fault her daughter was dead. Then...she asked..." Carter looked down and shook his head "Never mind"

"John, what did she ask you?" Jing-Mei felt a little concerned.

"Not tonight Deb, let's enjoy our dinner, I'll tell you another time. We are supposed to be celebrating. So, congratulations again on your new job - I am so happy to have you coming to work with me Deb, I can't tell you how great that is going to be. So cheers, to being together again." They gently tapped their glasses and drank.

Jing-Mei wasn't happy he changed the subject, but obviously whatever it was upset him, and she didn't want to push it right now, she would try and get the information out of him another time.

"So you will be working closely with Benton?"

"Yes, he is going to be my supervisor for the surgical part, but we work well together now. It won't be like when I was a med student. The ER shifts where I am working we will have 3 Attending Physicians instead of 2 so then if I go up to surgery, the ER is properly covered. No scut work for me, Peter and I will have a med student and a resident working with us, so they get to do a lot of the running around. No 36 hour rotations, no 95 hour weeks, lots of ER time and surgery. Basically it is like a Trauma Fellowship – Peter and I are going to collect data and hopefully publish on the results. You know, track if and how it improves patient care."

"Wow, that sounds great. So is that why they had the extra position? To be the 3rd Attending on your shifts?

"Exactly. We have six Attending Physicians at Northwestern now, if we include the two of us. This gives coverage for holidays and sick time, plus the time I am working on surgery. I requested we be on the same shift the majority of the time, and we can see how it goes. You might get tired of me, so we can change it later if needed."

"I don't think I am going to get tired of you, John, I love being around you. I can't wait!"

The waiter came by and whisked away the appetizer and salad plates, then the entrees were delivered and their wine glasses topped up.

"Oh that looks so good!" Jing-Mei had ordered a salmon dish and John a specialty steak dish. They ate and reminisced, occasionally offering each other bites of their meals. Once they were finished, they ordered coffees, and relaxed for a few minutes.

"That was great, would you like some dessert Deb? I hear the make an excellent chocolate soufflé, and the crème brulee is good too."

"Chocolate…yes definitely." They ordered, Jing-Mei getting the soufflé and Carter getting the crème brulee then sharing their desserts. Andre came over and chatted to them for just a minute to make sure things were all to their satisfaction.

"Dr. Carter, I hope you enjoyed the meal."

"Thanks Andre, Dr. Chen and I thought everything was excellent."

"Very nice to meet you Dr. Chen, I hope you will join us for dinner again soon." He moved off to make sure the other diners were taken care of.

Jing-Mei reached across the table and took John's hand. "This was fun, John. Thank you for such a nice dinner."

He squeezed her hand and smiled back "Thanks for joining me, good food and great company, doesn't get better than this." He took care of the bill, then hit a button on his phone just before they headed up to the front to gather their coats. They stepped out and the limo pulled up to the curb, the driver hopped out and had the door open for them.

They headed back to Jing-Mei's place, and Carter dropped her off giving her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. They both had work the next day so they said goodnight, Jing-Mei stepped in and leaned against the door thinking what a perfect night it had been.

 


	6. Chapter 6

A few days later Benton walked into Carter's office and dropped into a chair, looking tired and haggard.

"Peter, looks like you had a rough day."

"You could say that, we had a GSW come in, what a mess. The guy was shot about 6 times, and we fought hard, but he didn't make it. It was rough notifying the family, he was an innocent bystander in a gang war. On top of that, my anniversary with Cleo is coming up and I wanted to take her out to that new restaurant – but they are booked out 6 months if you can believe it. Cleo is going to kick my ass."

Carter laughed "Alinea?" Benton nodded at him "Oh, that is not good, hate to see you get in trouble with Cleo. It is worth a visit, the food and service is excellent, I took Deb there for dinner the other night. When is you're anniversary?"

"Really – you took Chen? How did you get in there! Anyway our anniversary is Saturday – I thought a week would be enough to book reservations, but apparently not. Do you know any good restaurants that would be a good replacement?"

Carter looked at him with a raised eyebrow, pulled out his phone, then hits his speed dial. As it rings he says. "What time are you thinking you want to be at the restaurant?"

"Dinner around 8 would be good, gives us time to get Reese off to bed and get over there."

Carter nodded as the phone was answered "Hi, this is Dr. John Carter, can I speak to Andre please? Thanks." Carter paused for a second "Hi Andre….really good thanks…..it was excellent. Yes, Dr. Chen loved it…..I know….."

Peter looked at him curiously at the reference to Jing-Mei.

"Andre, any chance at a table for Saturday night, around 8 or so? No, for a close personal friend…..for two….8:30? That's perfect…..Dr. Peter Benton…right. I'll tell her, yes we will be in again soon, thanks Andre." Carter hung up the phone.

"All set, 8:30, Saturday night for two at Alinea."

Benton regarded Carter for a moment then shook his head "Do you have a limo in your back pocket too? I am having trouble getting one, left that too late as well."

Carter grinned at him, scrolled down the list on his phone and hit the speed dial again. "Damien, John Carter. Good thanks – hey, I need a car Saturday night." Carter whispered at Benton "Write down your address." Carter listened to the phone as Benton scribbled on a piece of paper and slid it to Carter who read the address over the phone. "8:30 reservations at Alinea, so how long do you think….7:45pm? Perfect, on the account is fine…..Dr. Peter Benton, I'll give him your number. Thanks Damien." Carter clicks off the phone. "Done, Marco will pick you and Cleo up at home 7:45 on Saturday night."

"Seriously, I just spent like over an hour trying to get all this done, and you have reservations and a limo lined up in less than 10 minutes. That is just wrong, man." Benton laughed ruefully.

"I have a driver I have used for years – he drove my grandparents a lot too, so I'm on his priority list. I have never had a problem getting a car even on really short notice."

"Yeah, I just bet…rich white guy service huh."

"Something like that." Carter gave a little laugh "But now Cleo will love you forever – got to keep her happy. Does she like flowers too – I have a great florist."

"She does, actually, but I think I can manage it. Let me know how much I owe you for the limo."

"Consider it my anniversary gift to you and Cleo."

"Thanks Carter, you don't have to do that you know."

"I know I don't have to, Peter, but I want to, so it's my treat. Here is the number for the driver...little tip, program it in your phone and call it just before you leave the restaurant and they will be at the curb by the time you get out the front door."

"Ahh, so that is how that little bit of magic works, good tip. So…..taking my advice on Chen huh? You took her to this restaurant and sounds like she enjoyed it. Did you take her flowers, get a limo?"

"I took her to celebrate her new job, so yes, flowers, limo, nice restaurant….she's a good friend, Peter."

"I still think there is more to it than that."

"Well, maybe, but to find out….I kind of have to cross a line if you know what I mean….and after being friends for 12 years I guess I just don't want to wreck a friendship. In some ways with Deb it's easy to connect to her, we know a lot of each others strengths, weaknesses, and each others secrets. On the other hand, how much of our relationship is being really comfortable with a very good friend, and how much is more than that….I'm still trying to figure that part out, but I think I have time to do that, I don't want to ruin a good thing."

Benton nodded "I see your point, you and Chen were always close, but so competitive when you were students. You two have something though, Carter, I wouldn't leave it too long to find out what that is.

"Well, we are spending quite a bit of time together right now, so…..I am sure we will figure it out. And working together…I pulled some strings so we are mostly on the same shift schedule."

Peter nodded "Impressively sneaky Carter. And thanks for getting the reservations, I owe you."

"No you don't Peter, I still owe you." Just then both of their pagers go off and they rushed down to the ER for an incoming trauma.

Saturday night, Carter finally went over to County, he promised to pick Deb up and take out to a movie or do something fun. He walked up to the glass and tapped, fortunately Sam was on the desk so she recognized him. "Dr. Carter – long time no see, what are you doing here? I heard you went over to work at Northwestern."

"Just dropping by the pick up Deb….Dr. Chen I mean." Sam hit the door switch to let him in. "Thanks Sam."

"Dr. Chen is in with a patient."

"Thanks, I'll say hi to a few people and wait for her, I think she said she is off at 7." He headed over to the admit desk. "Hey Jerry, how are you?"

"Dr. Carter, the Northwestern traitor….I'm good and you?"

"Good thanks Jerry, just waiting for Deb."

Susan walked out of the lounge adjusting her stethoscope and saw Carter leaning on the admit desk talking to Jerry. "Carter, what are you doing here?" She asked "Not stealing more staff from County are we?"

"Who me? I don't know where you got the idea I was stealing staff." He gave her an innocent look.

"So why is Jing-Mei quitting and going to Northwestern, _Dr. Carter._ " She tried to sound stern, but ended up smiling at him "It is good to see you." She said as she gave him a big hug.

Carter looked totally surprised but hugged her back "Good to see you too Susan. How is everything?"

"Well, could be better if you decided to come and work here, but I guess you had a pretty good offer uptown. And then you gave Chen a very good offer to come join you."

"Well, the hospital did - we needed another Attending, and you know, no love lost between her and Kerry….and I thought she would be a good fit. We work well together, I know her well which was important as we are on a lot of shifts together. Sorry for leaving you short, but I am sure you have a few doctors coming up the ranks that will be able to fill the spots."

"Yeah, in about a million years. We have missed you, you know."

"Really? I didn't think you would miss me at all actually, but good to know if Benton ever decides he's had enough of me and boots me out."

"Like that will happen, I heard Benton asked you to apply for the job. You were his all time favourite student, you know that Carter."

"During the times he didn't want to kill me maybe, some days I'm amazed I survived. Peter and I get along really well now that I'm not a med student or intern. It is great to work with him again, never thought I would ever say that, but there it is."

Abby came out of one of the exam rooms and stopped short seeing Carter talking to Susan. Wow, he looks so good she thought, why in the hell did we break up, I should really have tried harder with him. Good looking, rich and generally a nice guy besides, he was hers and she let him go. No, pushed him away as hard as she could, which was crazy really. "Carter" She called out "Are you coming back to work with us?"

He turned "Nope, just visiting, picking up Deb actually."

"Oh, Chen, right. Any more great jobs over at Northwestern to fill?"

"Oh, not at the moment, the matches are all in for residents and I heard everyone accepted, so we have a full staff." Carter was glad to be able to say this, he _did not_ want Abby to even think about coming to Northwestern, he was glad to be free of her drama. It was always about her, her problems and her family when they dated, and he'd let her have the spotlight. He didn't mind helping a friend, but in a relationship there needed to be some equality, and truth was she wasn't there when he needed her. He had asked her to stay that day his grandmother died, told her he needed her, yet she still went to chase after Eric. And didn't come back that night as she promised, leaving him to deal with everything on his own. He hadn't seen her for several days by the time they had the funeral, then she showed up late and brought Eric, who was manic and drunk, embarrassing everyone with his antics. Of course things had been going downhill before that day.

Carter was actually grateful that Maggie needed a ride that day to the bus station, and they go stuck in traffic. Their discussion had been...enlightening really. Abby never talked much about her marriage to Richard, other than to say he was a total asshole, and that seemed to be true from what Carter had seen of him. But...the fact was she didn't communicate with Richard, they had been happy once, then they stopped talking, and that sounded a little too familiar. Carter felt like he dodged a bullet, he didn't ask her to marry him at the restaurant that night, it would have been the biggest mistake of his life, marrying Abby. She was uncomfortable in the social setting sometimes required of him, he knew she was a friend, but truthfully he knew a marriage with her would have been doomed to failure. She viewed him as the interfering over protective boyfriend, rather than a partner who could be there to support her when she needed it. And she totally failed to support him when he desperately needed her.

Carter looked over as Deb came out from an exam room. Her face lit up with a smile as she saw him at the admit desk "John! I'm almost done, let me get this patient handed off to Susan." She breezed up to him and gave him a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, the soft floral scent of her perfume surrounding him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Abby glaring at them.

"No rush Deb, I'll wait while you finish up. Did you want to get something to eat first?"

"I'm starving, so yes, that sounds great, haven't had a chance to eat all shift." She handed the chart to Susan "Just waiting for transport to take this guy upstairs to medicine, I got everyone else taken care of and discharged."

"Great Jing-Mei, you can leave, it has been quiet and Luka is on in an hour, I have Abby and Neela, so I'm good for now."

"Thanks Susan" Jing-Mei was surprised at how congenial Susan was being, but she was going to take advantage of it and get out of the ER while she could. "I'll just get my stuff from my locker and we can go." Within two minutes she was back and ready, John put his arm around her and they walked out of the ER. Jing-Mei knew Abby was still watching them, she had been glaring at them when she greeted John with the kiss and hug, but too damn bad for Abby. John wasn't Abby's property, she lost any sort of claim on him years ago. Truth be told, it was kind of fun to flirt with him freely, and it wasn't that unusual, they had always been flirtatious with each other. He never seemed to mind, and returned the affectionate touches and comments comfortably.

They went to Shaws for seafood, then he took her to a movie she had wanted to see. She found herself jumping a few times during the intense action scenes and ended up grabbing his hand part way through the movie. At the end she realized she was still holding on to him, but again, he didn't seem to mind, in fact maybe he was kind of enjoying it? There was a little chemistry between them, she couldn't deny it.

"That was fun" Jing-Mei linked her arm through Carter's as they walked towards his Jeep. "You know tomorrow is my last shift at County, it is going to be strange to leave."

"Don't worry, you won't miss it for long. Just wait, the ER at Northwestern is better stocked, has more staff, and the whole hospital is just...nicer. Working uptown is a change, a pleasant one. And of course, the best part...you get to work with me."

"Oh, someone's ego is getting a little over inflated, is it John?" Jing-Mei joked with him.

"Who me? Nah, never." He winked at her "You can thank me for saving you later."

"Always there for the damsel in distress, aren't you." Jing-Mei stifled a yawn "You better get me home, I have a really early shift in the morning."

"Yeah, me too, call me if you feel like dinner tomorrow night."

They pulled up in front of her place, John jumped out and came around to open her door, and walked her up to the front of her house. She unlocked her door, then turned, impulsively sliding her hand around the back of his neck and giving him a kiss. She totally took him by surprise and pulled away before he had time to react.

"Goodnight John." She whispered and retreated inside. What came over me, she thought, he is my best friend, but...I just...enjoyed that too much. She couldn't deny she was having more than just friendly feeling towards him lately, she was letting the attraction finally surface.

Carter stood there for second as the door closed having similar thoughts. He got back in his Jeep, deep in thought - maybe Peter is right, there is something definitely there between us.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Monday morning, Jing-Mei walked into Northwestern for her first shift 6am to 6pm. She was excited and nervous to be starting her new job. Yesterday she had worked her last shift at County and said goodbye to everyone, they'd had a cake for her. She also got quite a few comments about jumping ship and being a traitor for going to Northwestern, but she didn't mind as she knew everyone at County did wish the best for her.

"Good morning Deb, ready to get started?" John came up and gave her a quick embrace then ushered her into the doctors lounge. "Lockers are here, go ahead and put your stuff away."

"Okay, I am definitely ready – I'm glad you're here this morning."

"I wouldn't miss your first day. It's quiet for now, so let's do a tour and show you where everything is, introduce you around to the nurses and other doctors. You'll do great."

They spent the next couple hours getting Jing-Mei acquainted with the staff and familiarizing her with the setup of the ER. It was familiar in many ways, but also much different than County. Everyone was welcoming and friendly, and all seemed to have a respect and comradery built up with John already. He was an outgoing guy, and she could see that some of the nurses were pretty much falling over themselves to be in the same exam room with him. That figures, she thought, he never had a problem getting women interested in him. It was a bit annoying really, watching the nurses flirt with John.

By lunchtime, she had assisted John with several traumas, and felt comfortable with her new surroundings, and she started taking on patients on her own. The afternoon flew by and before she knew it, it was time to go home. She walked into the lounge, and turned as the door opened.

"Hey Deb, how's it going? Looks like you jumped right in, and it went well?"

"It did, once I figured out where things were, it is not really that different than the ER at County. Well, maybe a little nicer…. where have you been all afternoon?"

"Upstairs, I assisted Peter with the surgery on that GSW that came in earlier, then I had a bit of work to do in my office. We are doing quite a bit of tracking on patients right now, we have to keep up with our data so we can publish later."

"You have an office? How did you manage that?"

"Anyone at a certain level on the surgery floors have an office – so I keep my stuff up there. 5th floor, room 524 is me, if you ever find I'm MIA, you can try there, or I might be in surgery."

"Okay, good to know. So, what are you up to now."

"I need to go eat, I missed lunch – you up for dinner somewhere, or do you have a hot date or something?"

"Well, maybe I do have a hot date, if you are offering?" she said flirtatiously.

"You're on, I need to get my things, if you're ready I'll show you the surgical floor." They left the lounge, and walked by admit desk, saying good bye to everyone as they left.

Jing-Mei could see a couple of the nurses looking at them with speculation in their eyes, she was sure they had noticed that she and John had a very comfortable relationship. They stepped into the elevator together and John hit the button. "Your fan club is pretty interested in where we are going, I think."

"My fan club?"

"Like you haven't noticed, there are at least a couple nurses out there that can't seem to do enough for you."

"Oh, well, I'm not interested in any of them….not my _type,_ you know."

Jing-Mei rolled her eyes "Are you sure about that? Couple of perky little blonds out there."

"So, do you think they are wondering if we are going for a quickie in my office?" He teased and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Oh stop it." She gave him a playful swat. "We better be careful though, don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about us."

"Which would be?"

"You know what I mean."

"I'm teasing, Deb, but you know, you can be my cover, my excuse for not having to fight off the advances of all these nurses that you seem to think are falling all over themselves. We spend enough time together, we can let them think, well, whatever they want to think. And it will help you avoid having to fight off the advances of the doctors."

"Oh, so that is how you want to play it."

He shrugged "Well whatever works, I don't want to get involved with anyone here. I've seen enough of the nurse-doctor dynamic at County to know its a bad idea."

"You dated Abby while she was a nurse."

"Thank you, you just helped me make my point, that was not a good idea, dating Abby. And then Chuney had a thing with Luka at some point, that almost ended up as a sexual harassment suit. So, no thanks. Come on, be a friend and save me from the nurses."

"So two doctors being involved is so much better?"

"Sure, you know, we're both Attending Physicians, so not against the hospital rules or anything."

"Like you always follow the rules?" She raised an eyebrow and looked at him, knowing he had definitely broken rules about who he should be seeing in the past. "You could just say you're seeing someone."

"This would be more fun. If you find someone you're really interested in, then let me know - not that there are any doctors here that are your _type."_

Jing-Mei laughed softly as the elevator opened on the 5th floor. "Okay _Dr. Carter,_ I'll be your cover for now." Anything that will keep the nurses from making a move on you is fine with me, she thought possessively, I don't like watching them hang all over you.

They walked down the hallway to his office and he gathered up his things.

"Carter, before you go…oh hi there Chen."

"Dr. Benton, nice to see you!"

"Carter mentioned it was your first day, how did it go? Everyone treat you okay?"

"It was good – everyone was nice, once I figured out where everything was, it isn't so different from County, except much nicer facilities."

"That it is. So Carter, I forgot to thank you again for the reservations, Cleo loved the place, the limo was a hit, the whole evening was great."

"You're welcome Peter, anytime. Let me know if you and Cleo want to go again, and I'll make arrangements with Andre."

Jing-Mei perked up "Andre….did you take Cleo to Alinea? It's good isn't it? John, I'll have to talk you into getting us in there again."

"Anytime. Andre actually asked when we'd be in again, you obviously worked your charms on him….so name the day. and I'm sure he'll be happy to accommodate us."

Peter gave a little snort of laughter. "Well, you two have a good night, see you in the morning."

"Good night."

Peter left the office and Carter leaned on his desk. "So, did you want to try that little Italian place down the street? I've heard it's really good, and I am starving. Did you get some lunch?"

"No, not really, just a quick snack on my break. Italian sounds good, then I need to go home and get some sleep. It was busy today."

They exited the hospital and walked down the street with his arm around her shoulders.

Over the next couple weeks, Jing-Mei got comfortable with the staff and the new ER, and found she was enjoying it. It was really great to be around John, he joked and teased a lot as usual, it was like old times. She also loved the lack of Weaverness about the place - that woman had made her life hell more than once. She knew John got along with her okay, but she had made his life difficult at times too.

A few of the nurses seemed put out with her relationship with John at first, but they seemed to get used to it fairly quickly. She had also found the other Attending usually on shift with them was friendly and professional, and she felt very at home.

The ER was busy, though the clientele was slightly different than at County. As promised she was mostly working the same shifts as John, and they were often getting meals together after their shift. He was also doing nice little things for her, a lot of days he stopped and picked her up for work, bringing coffee to sip along the way.

Before she knew it, she had been at Northwestern two months and it was like she had never worked anywhere else.

One morning as Jing-Mei and Carter were working, when Benton strolled into the ER.

"Carter, how do you feel about Vegas?"

"Vegas? Can't say I have been to Vegas- my trips have usually been out of the Country."

"Well, you, me, Chen and Cleo are all going to the medical conference there, in two weeks. I thought I would bring Cleo since she has lots of ER experience, this will be mostly Trauma and ER topics."

"And it's like a little mini vacation too right? A little couple time..."

Peter ran his eyes over to where Jing-Mei was finishing with a patient "Yeah, Carter, maybe a little _couple time_." Carter turned to see what Peter was so interested in and laughed.

"Subtle there Peter, very subtle. Anyway Vegas...sounds good. I haven't had a chance to go to any of these conferences before, and since I've never been to Vegas, should be fun."

"Northwestern pays for the flights and the hotels, but you have to fly coach" Benton smirked at Carter. "Think you can handle it?"

"I don't know about that Peter, traveling with the common people?" Carter joked. Jing-Mei came over to the admit desk.

"What's going on here?" she said as she slipped an arm around Carter, but noticed that Benton raising an eyebrow at them Maybe not such a good idea at work she thought, she and John have always easily expressed affection towards each other but others might not understand their history. She was about to remove her arm when John casually slung his arm around her shoulders.

"Pack your bags, Deb, we are going to Vegas." Jing-Mei looked at John in surprise "We are being sent to a medical conference – you, me, Peter and Cleo. For…. how many days Peter?"

"It's a full 5 days starting early on the Monday, so you probably want to fly in Saturday or Sunday night. Let me know and we will work the schedules, might be fun to be there Saturday, we could all go out for dinner."

Jing-Mei looked at Benton in surprise, he had never been this friendly to her before, but then again he and John have become very good friends and Benton knew how close she was with John. As she thought about it, she realized that Benton was much warmer towards her since she started at Northwestern, he was much more patient too. "I'm down for that" she said.

She and John were still spending a lot of time together both at work and on their personal time, and she didn't mind the idea of a week in Vegas with him. Jing-Mei had been doing a lot of thinking, and trying to figure out her feelings. John had always been sweet, and generous, but he had been particularly attentive lately. Though they had not kissed again, like on that night he took her for dinner, she was feeling a growing attraction and they never shied away from physical contact. He was always putting his arm around her, she would hug him often, it was so natural and comfortable.

Carter watched Deb as he and Peter ironed out some details about the trip. He too was thinking about how much he would enjoy a bit of time away from Chicago, especially since Deb was going to be there. Over the past couple of months he had tried to spend as much time as possible with her, and things were going well. Vegas might be just what they needed to see if she wanted more in their relationship, move out of the friend zone.

Two weeks later, Carter picked Deb up at her place and had a car take them to the airport. They went to do their check in and Carter flashed his elite card and got them both upgraded to First Class. Carter knew Peter and Cleo would be on one of the next flights out, and they were going to meet at the hotel.

"This is nice, John." Jing-Mei flashed him a smile as they waited in the lounge for their flight to be called. Soon they were on their flight, relaxing in the large comfortable seats. Carter had ordered them a car, so as soon as they landed and gathered their luggage, they were whisked off to the hotel. Carter kept Deb with him as he checked in, and the clerk took one look at his black titanium credit card and upgraded them both to suites in the MGM Skyloft. Carter used his credit card to check Deb into her suite, which ended up being right beside his.

"So how did you manage that, upgraded to First Class on the airplane, and then the hotel gives us suites." Jing-Mei had dropped of her luggage, then come over to see him in his room. "I have a hot tub on my deck, a view of the city, it is pretty incredible."

"Oh, you know, my bank gave me one of these fancy black credit cards, just wave it around a little and they upgrade you like crazy. Oh and wear a nice suit while you are at it and they double the upgrades... or so it seems. So anyway, we have a limo at our beck and call for the week, concierge service and we could even have a butler if we wanted...but you know that might just be pushing it."

"A butler...well we had some staff at our house, but never a butler."

"We did, two in fact, one in the day and one at night...well at my grandparents house anyway. She had a lot of staff, the really hard part of donating her house was getting them to accommodate as much of the staff as possible."

"Donating her house?" Deb asked curiously.

"Oh right, you don't know...forgot about that. My grandmother left me her house, well you saw it, it was massive, and the grounds are like some sort of park, acres and acres of land. Too much for me, especially when I wasn't even planning to be in Chicago, so I donated it all to Northwestern to serve as a conference center for visiting medical personnel on Foundation fellowships. Part of my support for the medical community initiative."

Jing-Mei was a little stunned "John, her house must have been worth like millions. And you donated it."

"Sure, why not...a drop in the bucket really. Deb, I can't even spend the interest I earn daily, and I get a nice tax break on the value of the house, which is considerable. The tax man would have taken a lot of it, so why not let the full value go somewhere it can be used, not to pay taxes. I took all the personal items and they let me keep some of the cars I haven't disposed of yet in the garage there - still can't bring myself to sell the two Jags or the Bentley, and there are a couple of sports cars there too. I took a few special furniture pieces too, but left most of it, there's like 14 bedrooms or something silly."

"Exactly how much did she leave you?" Jing-Mei paused "Never mind, that was a totally rude and inappropriate question, forget I asked."

John regarded her with his warm expressive eyes. "Deb, if anyone else had asked I would evade that question, but lets just say with the Foundation assets included it runs in the hundreds of millions. And it is growing fast, I haven't really spent much, aside from buying my house and the travel I have done, its ridiculous really."

Jing-Mei shook her head "I thought my parents left me a lot - the house and their savings left me with a few million. I don't need to work, but I went through a lot to be a doctor, and I like it. I guess it's the same for you, but you need work even less than I do."

"Pretty much, we are in much the same position - I now run the Carter Foundation, and I'm on the board of the new Carter Center too, it should be done in a couple years, and by then I will be about $200 million poorer, but the health center will be operational. Hey how about a dip in the hot tub...if you want to grab your swimsuit?"

"Sure, sounds good." They changed into swimsuits and relaxed in the hot tub for a while, Carter discreetly admiring how Deb looked in her bikini. It was soon time shower and get dressed for dinner, they were to meet Peter and Cleo in the lobby at 7:30.

Carter put on a well cut suit and then went next door to Deb's suite. She let him in to wait while she finished getting ready, finally appearing and Carter gave a low whistle "Wow Deb, you look amazing, I am going to be the most envied man tonight." She looked beautiful and sexy in that dress, and it was all he could do to leave the suite – when what he really wanted to do was kiss her, and not one of those friendly ones either.

"You look pretty good too, so maybe we'll have to be protecting you from the ladies." She looked him up and down, then they stepped out of the suite and went down to the lobby to meet Peter and Cleo.

The limo arrived and took the group to a nearby restaurant, then afterwards ferried them to the club. It was a small and intimate venue, where they were able to talk without yelling, and it had a nice size dance floor.

They all had a drink and listened to the music for a while, then Peter asked Cleo to go up and dance. Carter soon asked Deb to dance as well, she smiled at him "I'm not very good, John, so as long as you don't mind me stepping on your toes."

"That's okay, I have a few moves you haven't seen, we will be fine." He held out his hand and she went with him onto the floor. He took her in his arms and she relaxed, letting him take the lead, they had arrived on the floor for one of the slower songs. She allowed him to pull her close, and she leaned into his chest, resting her head against the expensive and soft fabric of his suit jacket. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the warm spicy scent of his aftershave.

She was enjoying this, maybe a little too much, she thought, the feel of his strong body against hers, his heartbeat under her ear. She could feel the warmth of his hand on her back and her heart started to beat faster as his lips touched her hair. Jing-Mei closed her eyes, lost herself in moment, feeling like they were the only two people in the world.

Carter inhaled the smell her soft floral perfume and her freshly washed hair, feeling the warmth of her back through the thin material of her dress. He rested his head against her hair, feeling the strong pull of attraction.

The song ended and Carter reluctantly led her back to the table. He needed a little distance, so he excused himself to the men's room, and when he came out he saw Cleo and Deb talking at the table, so he joined Peter over at the bar. Carter leaned against the bar "Hey Carter, I just ordered us another round, let the ladies have some time to chat. They are getting along pretty well, might have to get out as a group a little more often when we get back home. I never got to really know Chen, she seems pretty great, you get along well don't you."

"We have a lot of similarities, her parents were both surgeons, so more accepting of her being a doctor than mine, but she was raised with a lot of the same social ideals. Her family wasn't as wealthy, but she had quite a few of the same advantages as me. Part of the reason we got along so well as med students, we understand each other and the pressures our families put on us. And there isn't much she doesn't know about me, and I guess I know a lot about her too."

"Kind of like me and Cleo, she was with me through a lot of what happened with Reese, we've had our moments, but overall our relationship is strong. She is like a best friend in a lot of ways, kind of what I see with you and Chen."

"Cleo seems great, I think she finally warmed up to me…. there were times when I wondered if she didn't like that I got to come back after….Atlanta."

Peter nodded. "I won't lie Carter, Cleo can be a tough one sometimes, she didn't have it easy growing up. You might be right to a point, but she eventually saw it all for what it was – you went through something traumatic, the people around you weren't paying attention – and that included me. But, you worked hard to get it all back, and she respects that, she sees you have become a great doctor, how much you care about the people around you. I think you have won her over."

"Good to know, I hope she can eventually consider me a friend. I am sure it looks like everything should be easy for me – lots of people think that when you're the rich white guy." Carter joked.

Benton gave a small laugh "I suppose, but I have a hard time feeling sorry for you some days. Getting reservations at a restaurant that is booked up for 6 months with one phone call. By the way, Cleo was very impressed with the evening, and I have to thank you again for setting that up. I got major points that night."

"Those are the little details, I won't deny there are advantages... but I had to fight my family hard to go to medical school. My grandmother finally accepted my career was a permanent choice, not a phase, only a couple years before she died. My grandfather never accepted it - you know I have a business degree too - I had to be ready to take on the family business when the phase was over, or they wouldn't have supported medical school."

"Really, I didn't know that, must have been a tough few years, no wonder you handled the long surgery weeks better than most, you were used to it."

"I guess, or I was just to stubborn to give up."

"You, Carter? Stubborn, who would have known that." Peter laughed

Jing-Mei watched Carter talking to Peter at the bar, thinking how tempting it was going to be, having him right next door in the next suite.

"So Jing-Mei, you haven't been able to keep your eyes off Carter all night. What is going on with you two?"

Jing-Mei started, she hadn't realized she was being so transparent. "John? He and I are friends, have been for a long time."

"Well, you both were pretty cozy on the dance floor earlier. Peter sure respects and cares about him, probably the only student he has ever considered a friend. He says John worked really hard to get where he is, and he has overcome a lot too, hasn't he?"

"He and I were both Peter's students, and John did work hard, out of the two of us I consider him the better doctor. I know I am a good doctor, but he's ... decisive, knows how to take charge in the trauma room, quick on his feet. You know, I shouldn't admit this." Jing-Mei looked down at her drink "We have been good friends for so long, but lately it feels like there is something more there. We have always flirted rather openly, and there has been a level of attraction, but….I am feeling a lot more now for some reason. But I'm scared to act on how I'm feeling about him, what if I read this wrong and he doesn't feel the same? Then I ruin a friendship, and I have to work with him too."

Cleo gave a little smile "You may not be noticing Jing-Mei, but the looks he has been giving you….they seem more than friendly to me. You make a great couple, you fit together, it's noticeable right away, he cares a lot about you, it is pretty obvious."

"I can only hope that it's true, what you say. We are spending a of time together, but I don't want to read more into it than there is….oh here they come."

Carter slid into the seat beside her and motions to her drink "Did you ladies want another drink?"

Jing-Mei nodded "That would be good."

"Please, that would be nice, John." Cleo said warmly

Carter signaled the waitress and motioned for another round, she nodded and headed to the bar to place their order.

"This is nice, we don't get out and socialize enough, do we. It's always work." Cleo sipped her new drink.

"I guess with the hours we all put in, especially when we were at County, it doesn't leave a lot of time for this kind of socializing. Everyone seems to have their families and lives outside of the hospital and not enough time to spend with them." Peter commented. "So Carter, tell me a bit about the Congo, I haven't had much chance to ask about it."

"The country itself is beautiful, and the people, they are wonderful, but it's also heartbreaking, there are people starving, dying of any number of diseases that are easily treated here, but they just can't get the medicine or the antibiotics needed. Then of course there are the kids running around with guns, I swear the Mai Mai are all about 12-14 years old, they are armed and dangerous. I would rather face down a gang member in Chicago to be honest. Darfur is just hot and desert like, there you have the government forces, and the Janjaweed to contend with, so you try to stay in the compounds and camps as much as possible."

"So you would recommend going. I've thought a bit about it, even for a couple weeks."

"Well, I'm glad I did it – it was pretty life altering, it changed my perspective quite a bit. It has to be a personal decision though, it has gotten much worse since I was there – it is dangerous living in the middle of a civil war with genocide, and the living conditions are rough. Westerners can be a target, they resent us, especially in the Congo. My friend Debbie made a comment the second time I was there, you know about being careful of perception – she basically said if we weren't cautious, that we could be dead – like head mounted on a sharp stick dead, and she was very serious when she said it."

Cleo looked at Peter "Absolutely not Peter, you have Reese to think about, no crusading for other countries."

Peter laughed "Well, I guess the boss has spoken, Carter. No NGO work for me."

"She has a point, I was single when I went, no kids to support or worry about. If I had a family, I wouldn't consider it right now either – not that I am going back in a hurry, since I made a commitment to Northwestern to be around for the surgical training."

Deb finished her drink, then took Carter's hand "I wouldn't want you to go back anyway, it's too dangerous. Greg told me what you guys contended with those couple weeks he was there, very scary, I would worry about you."

Carter squeezed her hand. "Ah, Pratt is a drama king, we did what we had to do, and not like he didn't just jump in. A couple times I had to get him to back down, you get to know what the limits, how to push just enough without overstepping."

Cleo shook her head "Nope, it sounds dangerous, John, I wouldn't want Peter going. So, Peter, I need another dance."

Peter took Cleo out on the floor again, and Carter put his arm around Deb. "How about you, another dance?"

Deb waited until she heard a very slow song start up, then nodded, and they went back out on the floor. He pulled her in close and Deb closed her eyes resting her head against his chest again. They had a few last dances, then they all decided it was time to call the limo and go back to the hotel and they said their goodnights. The had decided Sunday would be just a relaxation day, Peter and Cleo were going to take advantage of having a night to themselves, without having to worry about Reese, who was staying with his sister Jackie while they were out of town.

Carter and Jing-Mei reached their floor. "Do you want to come in for a bit, I'm not quite ready to go to sleep."

Deb nodded, taking a deep breath to calm her pounding heart.  "Sure."

Carter shut the suite door behind him watching Deb as she wobbled slightly on her heels across the floor.

"A couple too many there Deb?"

"Ahh, I'm not drunk John, but I need to get of these heels, they look great but they are murder on my toes after a while."

Carter admired the way her legs looked in the heels and silently agreed. He took off his suit jacket and hung it neatly over a chair, loosened and removed his tie and undid the top button of his shirt.

"So do you want a drink, Deb? I might just have a soda, but there is a mini bar."

"Oh just a soda is good. I think I had enough at the club and dinner." She opened the french doors and stepped out on patio. Carter grabbed a couple of sodas and followed, and teasingly ran one down her back.

"Oh you are going to pay for that!" Deb squealed at him "Cold!"

Carter put both the drinks down on the patio table. "It's okay, I'll warm you up." He stepped behind her and slid his arms around her waist, and she leaned back against his chest.

"Warmer now?"

"Mmmmhmmmm, this is nice." They stood quietly for a couple minutes. "I really need to take off these shoes." She said softly and sunk on to one of the loungers.

Carter sat beside her and and reached down, lifting her foot, undoing and sliding off her shoe, then doing the same on the second foot. Deb leaned back in the lounger as Carter took one foot and started to massage it for her.

"Ohhhh, that feels so good. I love wearing heels, they look good, but murder on the feet."

"Yeah, they did look pretty good – I must admit."  He said very softly.

"You like the heels?" Deb raised an eyebrow, giving him a saucy look. "How about the dress?"

"A guy would have to be dead not to like you in that dress, Deb." He started massaging the other foot, but looking at her slim smooth legs, the dress was riding up slightly, showing them off.

"Mmmmmm, so you do notice these things….good to know." She gave him a sexy smile, not missing the fact that John was very obviously checking her out. Time to give him a little encouragement, see where it goes, she thought.

They looked into each others eyes for a second, then Deb slid towards him running her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, Carter leaned over and kissed her very softly on the lips.

She felt one of his hands as it slid around her tiny waist pulling her against him, and she opened her lips slightly feeling his tongue touch hers, then probe inside her mouth. She looped one arm around his neck pulling him closer, and felt a tingle in her belly he parted her lips fully with his and the kiss became fierce, deep and passionate. Jing-Mei was a bit taken aback by the surge of desire that ran through her body, surprised at how much she wanted him. They remained locked in each others arms for several long moments.

John pulled her up off the lounger, barely breaking contact between them, his arm snaking around her back so their bodies were virtually glued together as they continued to kiss. Jing-Mei felt him unzip her dress and slide it off her shoulders, soft feathery kisses running down her neck to her collarbone. Her dress was now in a pool around her ankles and she stepped out of it as he backed her towards the french doors leading to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing as he expertly unhooked her bra and she undid his belt and pants. He scooped her up covering the few steps to his bedroom quickly, and dropped her across the bed, joining her, his warm body on top of her, both working at removing the last of the clothing that separated them.

Jing-Mei wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, pulling his mouth to hers, parting her lips to allow his exploring tongue to caress and tangle with hers.  She let one hand run down his warm smooth back, over his tight ass and back up even as she ran her other through his hair.  She worked a hand between their bodies, finding his hardness and wrapping her hand around him, stroking, eliciting a moan from deep in his chest.

Carter was skimming her body with his fingertips, he could already smell her arousal wafting around him, her soft hand tugging at him.  He wanted to taste her sweet wetness, play with those beautiful perky breasts, make her call out to him.  He started to work down her body, taking time to suck and nip at her breasts, running his thumbs over her nipples, making them into hard points with his attentions. 

He loved how she was playing with his hair as he trailed his lips down over her rib cage, then down over navel,and finally down to her inner thighs.  She smelled so good, he could not wait, he covered her wet core with his mouth, sucking and licking.  Jing-Mei gasped at his initial assault on her clit, it was exquisite what he was doing to her.  She never imagined it would feel so good, having him between her thighs, pleasuring her so thoroughly with that magic tongue.

 _"Oh John, don't stop!"_ She keened, one hand clutching his hair, the other balling up the sheet as she pushed up towards his mouth.

She tasted so good, he was throbbing with need, but he didn't stop, not until she cried out, her muscles pulsing, producing a gush of wetness.  He kept up his ministrations a few moments longer, then gently disengaged her fingers from his hair and made his way up her body.  Jing-Mei automatically parted her thighs, wanting to feel him inside her.

She didn't have to wait long, he slid deep inside, savoring the hot wetness, pausing only briefly before starting long slow strokes, in and out of her body.  Their hips fell into a steady rhythm, as he moved against her, thrusting faster and harder, enjoying the sexy little noises she was making every time he pushed into her body. 

Jing-Mei wrapped her legs around his, digging her nails into his back as the waves of pleasure overtook her.  She could hear his rough and ragged breathing in her ear, feel the perspiration trickle down between their bodies as their pace increased.  He was pounding into her now, and it felt like they were the only two people on the planet.  His body rubbing against hers as she tightened her grip with her thighs trying to pull him deeper into her body.  It felt like the world stopped for a second, she felt the tension building in her body, then the sweet release, his low groan, his hips bucking against hers as he filled her with his hot fluid.

 _"John!"_ She cried out, holding him tightly wrapped with in her arms and legs.

He sank down onto her, and they both lay still for a few moments, his body still covering hers, until he gently rolled them onto their sides, holding her in his arms as their breathing normalized.

They stayed there quietly for a few minutes, neither of them knowing quite what to say, both knowing a line had been crossed and there was no going back. John kissed her softly.

"Deb, that was..."

He barely knew what to say, it had happened so quickly, the feelings had overtaken him and he knew, he had to take the chance, let her know how he felt. He had lost too many people in his life, and he knew playing it safe never got him anywhere. What if she was the one? They'd been dancing around this attraction for quite a while, and now he knew, she had felt it too.

"Incredible? Hot? Totally crazy?" She murmured in his ear.

"Mmmmhmmmm, all of that." He sat up and looked at her, then flipped back the covers and slid in between the sheets, and held them up. "Coming in? It's getting chilly out there."

Deb slid in with him and he put his arm around her, she rested her head on his chest and her arm across his belly. She tilted her head up and looked at him and he leaned down and brushed her lips with his.  She returned the kiss, trailing her fingers down his face, suddenly pulling back.

There was a frisson of panic running through her, she suddenly realized, this was  _John,_ her best friend, and she'd...just _had sex_ with him!  What if she'd just ruined their friendship? No doubt he had felt the attraction, no way he hadn't because that was amazing, but what was she going to say to him?

She disengaged herself, sliding out of bed and fumbling around the dark floor for her clothing.

"Deb, what are you doing?" She could hear the confusion in his voice, one minute she was in his arms, the next she was practically bolting out the door.  Carter was concerned, they'd just been incredibly intimate and now...she was running?  Did she already regret this?  Had he ruined their friendship?

"I...shouldn't I go back to my room? I mean, you don't want me to..." She stopped, not able to look at him, thinking what have I done?  Fucking my best friend?

"Stay? But, I do want you to stay...come back to bed Deb." He said this gently, he wanted her to stay with him, if she left, it would just be...awkward.  If she stayed? Then maybe it would be okay.

"Okay, in a minute." She disappeared into the bathroom, and took a few deep breaths. She freshened up a bit, and looked in the mirror. She gave herself a bit of a pep talk. This is John, I can talk to him, it won't ruin our friendship. She took another deep breath, wondering how they had not ever had sex before, it was damn incredible, the chemistry, he had made her feel _so_ good.  She noted her slightly wild hair and flushed face, her lips swollen from the passionate kisses they had exchanged.

John was feeling worried, why did she suddenly felt the need to leave. He got up and grabbed a robe, needing something to do with his nervous energy. He turned off the lights in the main part of the suite and grabbed a glass of water with ice, then went back to bed, trying to relax.

The room was fairly dark, just the soft moonlight coming into the room. Deb finally appeared in the door of the bathroom, and flicked off the light, coming back into the bed, glad it was dark so he could not see her blushing. Why am I acting like a nervous virgin, she wondered? Not like she hadn't had lovers before, she was 33 years old, and a doctor. And this is John, relax.

Carter was still not sure what was going through her head, but he put his arms around her, and she settled comfortably back on his chest. She was still here, so that was a positive development, that she had agreed to stay. He hoped they could talk about it, but he wasn't sure she was ready yet.

"You okay?"  He murmured softly against her hair.  He felt the slight nod, though she still did not say anything.  He felt her relax slightly as he dropped a kiss on her hair, and gave her a soft squeeze.

Jing-Mei lay idly running her fingers across his abdomen, stopping to trace the scar that ran down it with one finger. She knew where this had come from - the emergency surgery that saved his life six years ago when he was stabbed. She would never forget that night, blood on the floor in a pool, blood all over her clothing as she worked with the other doctors to save her friend, John's blood everywhere. She had been so close to losing him.

John kissed the top of her head again and closed his eyes, surrendering to her gentle touch. It was always difficult to explain where he got his scars, the ones on his back from the knife, the ones on his front from the surgery. With Deb, he didn't have to say a word, she knew, she was there, it was a relief not to have to go through that tonight.

He felt her slide down and gently kiss along the scar and the wet heat of her tongue on his belly. She was running kisses up his chest, caressing him with her soft hands, her mouth. Her lips brushed his, he opened his eyes, looking deep into her dark ones as she kissed him again, probing his mouth with her tongue. She was now straddling his body, he ran his hands softly down her back as they continued to explore each others mouths, tongues tangling, and he wrapped one hand into her long silky black hair.

She wrapped her hand around his already hardening member, stroking up and down, then guiding him inside her.  She pushed him back into the pillows, taking charge, circling her hips as she rode him, her hands flat on his firm chest.

Carter grasped her slim hips, watching her gyrate about him.  She was beautiful, her mouth slightly parted, head tipped back, her skin shimmering with perspiration.  He watched the emotions play across her features, fingers grazing over her tiny waist, over her navel and finally cupping those surprisingly full breasts. 

He couldn't believe how soft and gentle her hands were, how sensual her every move was, as they made love for the second time. The first time had been almost frantic, a release of the pent up sexual tension and desire they had been suppressing. The second time was the polar opposite, tender, sensuous, and almost dreamlike, and better than he could have imagined.

He could see her eyes glittering under half closed lids as her movements became jerky and she collapsed down onto his chest, gasping for air. His arms moved around her as he turned them, taking control, starting to thrust in and out of her hot wetness, taking his time, looking down into the dark eyes that were still half closed. 

Jing-Mei let her fingertips continuously wander, through his hair, down his face, across his lips as he loved her, her hips circling almost lazily against him, neither of them rushing, both seeming to want this to last as long as possible.  He had himself propped up on on arm, the other hand tangled in her hair, she could feel his grip tighten as his eyes closed, finally enjoying his release, as her body tightened and pulsed around him.

"Deb."  Her name issued breathlessly from his lips as he tipped his forehead down against hers.

Carter felt like they were both emotionally and physically connected, and he was reluctant to let her go.  He cradled her in his arms as they fell into a deep and contented sleep.

Jing-Mei woke up Sunday morning, and snuggled closer to John, she had her head on his chest, and his arms were around her. She felt warm and safe, something she didn't usually feel when she spent the night with someone. In fact, it seemed like her past relationships had mostly felt like they were just about the sex, and often they ended up with one of them leaving right after. Even when she was dating Greg, it never felt like this, and then right after the dinner they'd had with her parents, he made the comment 'It's not like we were planning on getting married or anything' and she knew, it was just about the sex for him, just like most of the other men in her life.

John had wanted her to stay with him, she'd started to gather her things and go back to her own room, but he had shaken his head, and outright said 'I want you to stay'. She'd crawled back into the bed with him, and he'd just held her, and she'd found her emotions taking over, and they'd had sex a second time. Except not sex like she had ever experienced, this was more like love, she thought, she let her feelings for him to come to the surface and she expressed them with how she touched him, kissed him.

They had fallen asleep in each others arms, and she remembered waking up at some point, it was still dark. She knew he had awoken too. His arms were still around her, she had run her fingers through his hair and pulled him towards her, their lips meeting. There was no thought, it was a natural, unconstrained exploration of each other, their lovemaking so gentle and intimate and she had fallen asleep again soon after, not even sure if it was real or dreamed.

Last night was incredible, she had never felt like this after a night with anyone else. There was an intimacy, a connection, chemistry between them that she couldn't explain.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then slowly opened her eyes a while later realizing she had gone back to sleep. She had an arm across her and she could hear his steady breathing, feel his warm breath on her neck. She rolled towards him, and his eyes opened sleepily at her movement. She gazed into his deep brown eyes and couldn't help but smile slightly, and thought she might even be blushing, thinking about how intimate they had been last night, how she had been with this man she considered her best friend.

"Sleep well?" He asked. She looked beautiful first thing in the morning, slightly flushed, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow. He couldn't resist giving her a soft kiss.

"I did, I haven't had that good a sleep for a long time. I'm glad I stayed with you."

"Me too, Deb, I'm not sure why you thought I would want you to leave."

"Habit I guess." She couldn't quite look at him when she said it, but could feel his eyes on her. She didn't know what he must think of her, acting like that last night.

"Hopefully we can break that habit." He said softly "I want you to be comfortable to stay, wake up with me, just like this." His lips caressed hers again, a soft good morning kiss.

Jing-Mei inhaled softly, the way he said that, break the habit, made it sound like he didn't regret what they did last night, at all. That he would welcome her into his bed again, and she felt...relieved.

She looked into his eyes. "I am comfortable with you, and I promise I won't just get up and leave like that again."

Again? Carter almost sighed in relief, it suddenly seemed less awkward, maybe she would welcome this change in their relationship? He had taken a big chance, taking her to bed with him, he had turned friends into lovers before and it didn't always end well. He had been hurt enough times by women leaving him, ones he thought loved him, to know that there were no guarantees.

This was Deb, though, surely she knew how fragile his heart was? He had watched so many women walk away in his life, he sometimes wondered if he was just...unlovable.

Jing-Mei was rewarded with his signature smile, but she could tell there was something going on in his head, but John was the master at controlling his emotions. "Good, know that I like having you here." He looked at her silently for a minute then he asked. "So are you hungry? I was thinking maybe...room service this morning? We can take our time eating, and decide what we want to do today. We have the whole day to ourselves."

Deb nodded "I'd love some coffee, and maybe some pancakes? What are you going to get?"

"Maybe some eggs, bacon, hashbrowns and toast, coffee, fresh squeezed orange juice."

"Mmmm, maybe I'll share some of mine if you share some of yours?"

"Sure." He reached over and grabbed the phone, and ordered for them. "It'll be here in about half an hour if you want a shower." He pulled on one of the fluffy hotel robes and passed one to her.

He disappeared into the bathroom and she heard the shower running. He was out in a couple minutes and he pulled out some clothes. He was slightly disappointed, he had hoped she would join him, but she didn't. Maybe she needed her space for a while, they had turned their whole relationship over, they weren't just friends anymore, they'd become lovers, after 12 years. He could be patient, after all last night was a huge step forward.

Deb kind of wanted to follow him and crawl into the shower with him, but she hesitated, and waited until he was done. She went in and had her shower, borrowing his shampoo. She was going to have to go next door and get some fresh clothes, but for now she pulled the robe back on. She went out into the bedroom, and she could hear John talking to someone, she assumed breakfast had arrived. She picked up John's dress shirt from the night before, dropped her robe then slid it on, enjoying how it still smelled just like him. She turned as she felt a presence, John was watching her from the doorway.

"That looks good on you." His eyes were appreciative of how sexy she looked in his shirt, she knew he was enjoying seeing her wear it. "Breakfast is here, come eat?"

They sat at the table which had been all set for breakfast already. Carter poured her some coffee and they started to eat. He noticed Deb seemed a little quiet, deep in her thoughts. He was starting to wonder what she was thinking - last night had been pretty amazing, it had gotten weird between them for a couple minutes right after the first time, but after she had come back to bed, she seemed relaxed. Hell, she had initiated the sex the second time, and it was great, mind blowing even, but was she regretting crossing the line from friends to lovers? Having second thoughts?

He tried to keep the conversation light, talking about what they might do with the day. Neither of them had even been to Vegas, so he thought maybe a little sight seeing and shopping would be good way to spend their free time. He knew with Deb he could not push too hard to find out what was going on, but if he was patient, she would tell him what was on her mind.

Deb listened to John, how was it that he was so relaxed and comfortable this morning? They had been so...intimate... she'd had sex - no made love with him - three times in one night! She was freaking out a little. No, she was freaking out a lot! She had a history of past lovers, but never someone who meant this much to her, someone she had known so long and knew so much about. Most of the men had been easy to disconnect with, she hadn't spent the night wrapped in their arms, feeling so safe and loved. What if something went wrong between them, what if she lost the best friend she'd ever had? She had wanted this, wanted to be with him, to make love with him, but she'd had no idea. No idea that it was going to be so perfect, so special, how different he was than the other men she had dated.

Even last night, as was often her habit, she got up to dress and leave, but he'd asked her to stay, seemed to expect she would stay, seemed surprised she had considered leaving to go back to her room. For her, it often felt awkward the next morning and she rarely stayed even with men she had been dating for a while. And she had never had one ask her to stay, expect her to stay, want to wake up with her in his arms. And this morning, definitely it was a bit awkward between them, they were almost doing a dance, each waiting the other one out.

She knew he was patient, and she knew that though they had started the conversation, it was nowhere near finished, but she was not quite sure what to say. Not yet anyhow. She didn't want to get hurt, like she had so many times before, and she sure didn't want to hurt him. He'd had his heart broken more than a few times, she knew that, he'd picked the wrong women, time and again.

"Deb? Hey, Deb...are you okay?" John was looking at her with some concern in his eyes, she knew she had let her mind drift.

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, just...so yes, let me get dressed and we can go out for the day." She finished her coffee and went to gather her clothes off the bedroom floor.

She was on her way to the front door when he stopped her, and pulled her into his arms giving her a warm hug and a kiss. It was reassuring, Jing-Mei knew he would not purposely hurt her, not John. Surely he knew, she had her heart broken too? Maybe not in such spectacular fashion as his, but she'd been hurt numerous times.

He held out the extra card key for his suite "Come back when you are ready to go, just let yourself in." Deb nodded and left.

Carter heard her return about 45 minutes later, he had finished getting ready and done a little research on his laptop, and had called to rent them a car, which was being delivered to the hotel right away. They were both early risers so it wasn't yet 8 am, so they had time for a road trip. He was trying to keep his mind off of last night, trying not to obsess about all the things that could now go wrong.

"John?"

"In here Deb, just finishing a couple things...thought maybe you'd like to go see the Grand Canyon, do a little sightseeing? We'll have evenings to do other things."

"Don't we have to rent a car?"

"Done...so grab what you need for the day, maybe bring a sweater, I'll grab some bottled water from the fridge, and we can stop somewhere for lunch."

Carter grabbed his wallet, a light jacket, phone and camera and he was ready, Deb got things from her room. A quick stop at the concierge to sign the rental agreement and collect the keys, they were ready to go. They stepped out and the valet pointed out the car that was waiting.

Deb laughed. "Nice, a convertible."

"Sure, what else? By the way you get to navigate." Carter opened the passenger door for Deb, then slid into the leather drivers seat of the fully loaded M6 Mercedes. He handed Deb a bottle of water, lowered the car top and and they were on the road. As they drove, he reached over and took her hand, entwining their fingers, then bringing it up to his lips for a soft kiss then just held it on his knee for a while. Deb sat back and relaxed, starting to realize that maybe she had been stressed out and worried for nothing.

Deb had one of the most fun days of her life, they drove through the desert, stopping anywhere she wanted, finally arrived at the Grand Canyon several hours later. They walked on the glass bridge, which she found a little scary, but she used it as an excuse to cling to John and he didn't seem to mind - at all. In fact, he was affectionate and warm towards her all day, not hesitating to hold her hand, put his arm around her, or give her a light kiss. She returned the gestures without hesitation, and they joked around, laughed and she totally relaxed, the day was light, fun, and unexpected. They took a bunch of crazy pictures of the two of them together, toured around the area, and soon it was time to drive back to Las Vegas.

Once they were in the car on the way back, Deb looked over at John, then reached over to run a finger down his cheek, then leaned over to rest on her head on his shoulder. He rested his hand on her thigh, giving it a little rub, and left it there as they drove.

"That was fun, thanks for arranging the car for today."

He glanced over at her "I enjoyed it too Deb, it was a good day. You seem a lot more relaxed, let me know when you want to talk about it, you were a little...distracted this morning."

"I know, I'm sorry...I guess I freaked out a little."

She could feel him looking at her again, the car signal went on, and he pulled into a convenient roadside pullout, stopping the car. Deb got out and walked to the edge of the pullout looking out over the desert. It was truly beautiful out here, she thought. She felt him come up behind her and he wrapped his arms around her waist, she leaned back against his chest.

"So, why did you freak out Deb." He said this softly into her hair.

"I guess because we have been such good friends, and I'm scared...that what happened between us was going to change everything, that it was going to be weird between us. And it was a little, last night I had sex with my best friend, and I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me, lose us.  It will only change things if we let it...I mean it will change some things, obviously, but...not the important things. We are so compatible, we know each other really well, we don't have any big secrets from each other, we trust each other, we always have fun when we're together, those things shouldn't change. We still have all of that, but maybe we will have more, it you want to that is. You aren't going to lose me, Deb, no matter what. We can move forward, or we can just pretend it never happened, but you are not going to lose our friendship because we slept together."

Deb turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. "So, do you see a future for us...as more than friends?"

He gazed back at her for a moment "Yes, I do, don't you? I know I have been...feeling things for you that are beyond friendship, for a while now. Last night, it just seemed to feel right, it just kind of happened, naturally. I am not sure what you thought, but it wasn't...a one night stand Deb. I hope we have more nights like that. I think we have something more than friendship."

She shook her head "I didn't think that you would have a one night stand with me John, but I know you are wondering why I started to leave...I just...this is going to sound...bad...like I'm some kind of tramp or something." Deb looked down at the ground "I'm not used to staying, you know afterwards, it always feels so, uncomfortable in the morning, I have never felt connected to someone like I do with you. With us it felt ...so...I don't know, it was so personal, intimate, I wasn't sure how to act with you after we'd had sex...I freaked out and...I guess I thought it would be easier to run away, but you...didn't let me." She laughed nervously. "That is something you didn't know about me I bet. That I don't know how to do the morning after, and I run away."

She felt him grab her chin gently and pull her head up so she was looking into his eyes again. "Deb, I would never think bad things about you...and I of all people would have no right to judge you. I'm not exactly a choir boy myself, we both have pasts, we're adults with history. I'm sorry if that is how it has been in the past for you, but if we decide that we are going to continue what we've started, then know that I want you to be there when I wake up. I know it is different for us in some ways, crossing that 'friend' line, but we can just be us. I know it was awkward this morning, it _was_ very personal and intimate last night, but that's how it should be when you care about someone. It wasn't just sex, Deb, no matter what, I don't regret it, you don't have to feel bad about it, and it doesn't have to ruin our friendship. We are just a lot closer now." He gave her a little smile, he used the same line after Michael was born, and he had seen...everything really.

It made her smile "Closer, is that what you call it. I call it unexpected, how good...no how _great_ it was, it took me by surprise how it made me feel, so warm, safe, and...I want to have more nights like that too." She leaned up and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer, and they stood savouring each other for a while, the kisses getting deeper and more passionate until he stepped away.

"I think we need to call time on this, don't need to provide a show for the passing motorists. Maybe should go back to the hotel?"

Deb nodded "That's a good idea."

They hopped back in the car and headed towards the city. Jing-Mei knew now, no matter where this went, it would be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

As they crossed the lobby they heard a familiar voice.

"Carter…Jing-Mei…you are here already?" Susan called out to them.

They went over to the check in line where Susan and Abby were waiting.

"Hey Susan.  We flew in yesterday afternoon, Peter, Cleo, Deb and I – decided to have an extra night, went out for dinner and a club, it was good."  Carter gave her a quick embrace.

'Must be nice to have such a generous hospital." Abby piped up.

"We paid for the extra night's accommodation ourselves, otherwise we would have come in today." Carter looked at his watch "You are all arriving kind of late, it's already 9 pm."

Susan sighed. "I know, our flight was delayed leaving Chicago, I wish we had booked a day ahead, you two look so relaxed. Hey, you two should join us for breakfast, we are meeting at 7am in the MGM dining room tomorrow morning.  You are all ex-County people, it would be nice to see you."

Carter glanced at Deb who nodded. "Sounds good, I'll mention it to Peter and Cleo as well, they might like to come too. Be kind of like a County reunion, who is here?"

"Besides us, Pratt, Barnett, and Neela. Neela went to the ladies room, and Pratt and Barnett had to take another cab, so they should be here anytime. So, what did you do with a whole day in Vegas?"

"We went on a bit of a road trip to the Grand Canyon, rented a car this morning, just got back so we are a bit tired. Might just get some room service, go to bed early, last night was a bit late for the four of us."

Susan raised her eyebrow. "Room service huh. I think I might do that when I get to my room - today has been long, just airport food. Oh, they are ready to check us in, so see you tomorrow for breakfast?"

Carter and Jing-Mei both nodded, then headed for the elevators. They were soon back at the suite, Carter ran his card through the reader, and they went in, both kicking off their shoes right away. "So room service? I am kind of hungry."

"You're always hungry, John. But yes, I would love something to eat too, I'm starving." They both perused the menu, Carter ordered a steak with baked potato and vegetables, Deb ordered chicken with salad.

"Why don't I make us some drinks from that well stocked bar there for while we wait, and we can eat on the patio, it's nice out tonight."

"Sure, why not. What can you mix up for us? Can you make me a Margarita?"

"Of course I can." He pulled out the bartenders book and mixed her drink then poured a soda for himself, but pulled out an expensive bottle of Tequila and a couple shot glasses and plunked them down on the patio table.

Deb raised an eyebrow. "So we're doing shots are we? Ah, its the good stuff too, Patron."

Carter poured them each a shot, they tapped glasses and drank. "I am usually so good, you know I don't drink much, but a couple shots won't hurt, no getting drunk for me though."

"I know, don't worry, John, I'm not going to judge because you have a couple shots. If I think you are drinking too much, I'll tell you - and you have to listen if I do, right?"

"So you are going to take care of me, are you? Of course I'll listen to you Deb." Carter tipped her chin up and kissed her. "I'll always listen to you."

"Well, you haven't _always_ listened to me, you are pretty stubborn."  Jing-Mei wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, caressing him gently.

"Yeah, I know, I'm working on that."

Shortly after the food arrived and they sat on the patio eating and talking, sharing bites of food and laughing about the road trip. When they'd finished, Carter put the dishes out to be collected, and they lounged on the patio. They shared a lounger, Deb snuggled up against his chest with his arms around her.

"This is so nice out here, so private and such a great view. This is like a mini vacation." Deb sighed blissfully.

Carter laughed. "Peter and I were talking about that when we were booking this trip. With the suite, it is even nicer, you could come out here and do some nude sunbathing if you wanted. I don't think anyone else can see."

"You wish." Then Deb laughed again. "Then again, I guess it wouldn't matter _now_ , would it."

Jing-Mei realized that John had already seen her naked. Not just last night, but he was there when she gave birth to Michael too, even though that was several years ago _and_ he had joked about it all being a blur.

"No, you can walk around naked as much as you like. I wouldn't mind at all." He winked at her.

"So...am I invited to stay at your place tonight?" Deb played with his hair.

"Of course, you don't even have to ask, just consider yourself welcome...all week in fact. Or we can stay in your room a few times, where ever we end up is fine. Maybe at some point you should sneak into your room and get some clothes for tomorrow…. bring some stuff over so we don't have to worry about it the morning."

"Not like this morning…. the walk of shame in the clothes from the night before? Good thing our rooms are so close together, so I don't think anyone was around to notice."

"Is that what they call it? Sure, then you can avoid the walk of shame, not that it is likely anyone we know will be up here, but hey, maybe someone will drop by. By the way, keep the extra key card too, just don't make it too obvious that you have it. Maybe we want to keep this – discreet for now – play it cool at the seminar and in front of the County people?" Carter asked her.

"I think it is a good idea, both Abby and Greg are here, and I don't want everyone talking about us all week. Are you okay with that?"

"Sure, we don't have to keep it hidden from Cleo and Peter, they will be cool with it, but I agree about the exes, Abby can be a little… interfering sometimes. And my life has had enough discussion at County, I must have provided hours of entertainment in the 11 years I was there."

Deb giggled. "Well, I can't argue that point, John, we both know that's true. Anyway, we can still flirt and be affectionate to a point, everyone expects it of us."

"I know, it might be kind of fun, keep them guessing. That is why I think we should keep the two rooms, maintain the illusion. So, do you want to get your things before it gets too late?"

"I'll be back in 5 minutes, keep my spot warm."

"Count on it. I'll time you."

Deb was back quickly, depositing her things in the bedroom.

"Wow, record time, impressive." Carter pulled her onto the lounger with him and proceeded to give her a warm kiss.

"So, I brought something extra too...we weren't...very careful last night were we. I'm using birth control, but...shouldn't we..."

"We probably should be, I have some too, last night just got, a little out of hand, and I guess I wasn't that concerned, because it's you. I'm not worried about HIV or STD's, I know we have talked about it in the past, I get tested regularly, after I got jabbed with a scalpel about 3 years ago. You know, when that kid attacked the other gang member, and I had to pull him off. Fortunately the one that got stabbed was negative for both HIV and hepatitis, but still, working in trauma I have gotten more cautious. And working in Africa too of course, I was as careful as possible there, never got jabbed or anything that worried me, just a precaution. I have been careful who I choose to sleep with as well."

"I'm the same, testing every 6 months, even though I haven't had a needle stick or anything at work, I still like to make sure. I'm usually more careful when I sleep with someone too, but...I guess I just trust you more, so I didn't worry so much about it. I just like the idea of extra protection, you know I was on the pill when I got pregnant with Michael, and we used a condom, but it broke and next thing you know...you get it."

"Believe me, I get it, the risk is low, but you're right, we should be more careful, though, you do make pretty cute babies, Deb, Michael is an adorable little boy."

"He is pretty cute,I won't argue that point, I love getting the pictures of him...you know I miss him." She looked at him with a more serious expression "We both know that it could happen, John, we have each been through an unplanned pregnancy, and the fact is we didn't even think about it last night."

Carter nodded and met her eyes with his "I know, and if it does happen, we deal with it - you won't be alone - I didn't let you go through it by yourself before and I wouldn't now. It would change our lives, but I can't say it would be a bad thing...maybe that's why neither of us was that worried about it last night, we are both in place in our lives that we could...be happy about it. I don't know how you feel, maybe you really don't want that right now, and that's okay too."

Deb rested her head on his chest and thought for a moment about what he had said. "I know you wouldn't leave me to have a baby by myself, you aren't like that, you never have been - you were there for me and it wasn't even your baby. You're right, it would be life changing, but not the worst thing that could happen. I do want to have another baby at some point in the not too distant future and I guess I would be okay with it, even now. I have mostly put the thought of kids out of my mind lately."

"Why is that, Deb."

"I didn't have anyone in my life that I could see having a baby with...so I tried not to think about it. But suddenly, we are...together, and it's something we have talked about, how we both want to have a family. It sounds like you are saying...that it is something you could see having with me...that you would okay, or maybe more than okay if we had a baby."

Carter was quiet for a minute. "I guess I am saying that - it's something I realized as we've been talking. This is a huge change in our relationship, and really, I'm kind of figuring us out as we go along. Until last night, I wasn't sure what we had, if you were feeling it too or it was just me. But I wouldn't have acted on those feelings if I didn't think there was really something there - our friendship has been too valuable to me, I wouldn't have risked it. I told you, it wasn't just a one night fling for me - I do see a future for us, and that could easily include us having a family...as you said, its something we both want. It just depends if you could see it, would want that with me. It might be too early for you to answer that, I don't expect you to know this second."

"I wouldn't want to just jump into it, but I could see it, I've always thought you would be a great dad. It's good to know how you feel about it...funny, this is not really a discussion I would have with anyone but you. I love how we can talk about ...anything and be so honest with each other. I think that is why we could work." She reached up and gave him a kiss, then put her head back down.

They relaxed in comfortable silence, just enjoying the closeness.

"So, according to you, we could get naked out here and no one would notice?" Deb whispered in his ear.

"Probably, but if you want to get naked, maybe we should take this inside. Just in case, because it sounds like you have a little more in mind than just sunbathing." He said back softly. He got up off the lounger and pulled her to her feet, leading her off the patio and into the bedroom, leaving the French doors open to let in the soft breeze.

Carter woke as the phone rang, he realized it was their wake up call. Deb was still fast asleep in the bed beside him. "Deb, hey wake up." He gave her a gentle shake and she rolled over and looked at him with bleary eyes.

"Oh, it's not morning already!"

"Sorry, but it is… we have breakfast in an hour."

"Okay." Deb sighed then moved closer to John, and gave him a good morning kiss. "I like waking up with you in the morning, I could get used to it."

"It's nice, isn't it." He returned the kiss and Deb wrapped her arms around his neck keeping his lips on hers. They kissed gently for a few minutes. "So how long do you need to get ready?" He murmured into the side of her neck.

"Oh, not too long" She whispered "We have time…"

An hour later they entered the dining room, most everyone was already at the table, including Peter and Cleo. Carter had left them a message the day before about breakfast.

Carter and Jing-Mei took seats beside Peter and Cleo, and ordered coffee right away.

"Have a good time yesterday? Susan mentioned something about a road trip." Peter gave Carter a meaningful look. Carter just raised an eyebrow at him as if to say - yeah Peter, couple time, I get it.

"We rented a car and drove to the Grand Canyon, a little desert sightseeing. We had fun, got back around 9 or so, a long day but probably the only day to do it since we have conference stuff all week."

"What did you and Cleo do last night?" Jing-Mei asked.

"We found a great little restaurant with some live music, had our date night. Sounds like some went to a club last night, you two didn't join them?"

"No, we were both tired when we got back, and hungry, so just got some food and went to bed fairly early. We were out kind of late on Saturday night, glad we did that, it was a nice club." Carter took a drink of his coffee.

"Ahhhh, yes the _jazz club,_ you and Chen enjoyed that didn't you." Peter smirked at him, Carter pretended not to notice while Neela watched with a confused look. Jing-Mei was watching the interplay between Carter and Benton, thinking - well someone has figured out what is going on with John and I, though she didn't really mind if Peter knew about them. Peter wasn't going to spread it around, even if he made a few side comments to John about it.

Everyone ordered breakfast and soon it was time to go to the first seminar of the day. The day past quickly, with just a short break for lunch. After lunch they went to a pediatric presentation with Cleo, and were quite surprised to see someone Carter and Benton both knew in one of the chairs on the far side of the room.

During the presentation, Keaton kept looking their way, and at the end Carter could feel Benton staring at him, and glanced over. "Okay, what, Peter."

"Are you going to go say hi, Carter?" Benton had a small smirk on his on his face.

"Of course, I mean we both know her Peter, would be kind of rude not to don't you think?" Carter got up and strolled over to her. " _Abby_ Keaton." He said.

She turned around and smiled. " _John_ Carter. I thought that was you, how _are_ you, it has been…. well 10 years I guess."

Carter could feel the group across the room watching him as he chatted to the attractive blond. He glanced across and saw Peter smirking a bit, and Abby Lockhart glaring at him. Everyone else had started to talk amongst themselves.

"Good, a bit of a surprise to see you, what are you up to these days?"

"I am working in California right now but I am thinking about moving back to Chicago with my husband. How about you?"

"I'm at Northwestern, in the ER, but dual duty in surgery. I changed to emergency medicine, but I'm finishing my surgical boards now too."

"Wow, I always thought you would be a good surgeon, but you were excellent with the patients, so maybe Emergency was a better fit." She pulled out a card. "If you are here all week, give me a call and we will go for a coffee. Is that Peter Benton with your group?"

"It is actually, we are pretty good friends." Keaton gave him a very surprised look and Carter laughed. "Yeah, who knew right. But I would enjoy catching up, so a coffee sounds good."

"Okay, I am going to hold you to it – give me your number too." Carter pulled out a card with his cell phone and wrote his room number on the back as well.

"Perfect. I need to get over to the next presentation, but we are on for coffee this week." Keaton gave him a quick hug and they said goodbye.

Everyone in their group had left aside from Susan, Jing-Mei, Peter and Cleo. "Who was that, Carter." Susan was looking at him "She looks a little familiar."

"Oh that's Abby Keaton, Peter and I did a pediatric surgical rotation with her, like 10 years ago at County."

"Keaton, Keaton." Susan looked like she was trying to place the name "Oh my god, _that's_ _Abby Keaton."_

"Yeah, that's what I just said, Susan. Dr. Abby Keaton." Susan and Jing-Mei were both staring at him. "What?

"Carter, she gave you her phone number _and_ she asked for yours, didn't she." Susan was grinning at him, and he thought, oh she knows about Keaton, crap.

"Sure, she wants to go for coffee. We worked together Susan, we were friends." He could see Benton looking away trying to hide a smile.

"Right, Carter. _Friends."_ Susan was still looking at him with a grin on her face.

"Okay, well I think it's time to go…Deb, we should get to the next session." Carter took her arm and they left.

Deb looked at him. "Keaton, huh. Seems like the rumours might have been true given the looks going around the group."

Carter stopped and turned to look into her eyes. "You seem upset. Are you pissed at me for talking to her?"

Jing-Mei started to walk again, Carter could tell from her body language that she was a little upset and angry with him.

He caught up to her quickly. "Deb….you can asked me whatever you want, but… let's go for a walk this is not the place to talk about this, too many people around. Outside or upstairs in one of our suites?"

"Let's go upstairs, I think we need to talk privately." They took the elevator up and went back to Carter's suite. He went over to the fridge and pulled out a couple of sodas then motioned for her to follow him to the patio.

Jing-Mei took one of the soda's offered and sat on one of the loungers, and Carter sat facing her. "So...you're mad?"

Deb looked at him. "Is it true?"

"If you're asking if Keaton and I had a relationship 10 years ago, the answer is yes, we did."

"And she just gave you her number."

"To call her so we could go have a coffee and talk."

"A coffee. You took a phone number from someone you had….an _affair_ with, John."

"We had a relationship, 10 years ago. We were both single, it lasted about 2 months, and yes it was against hospital policy, she was an Attending and I was an intern. You know, she's married now and I'm seeing you, it really was just an invitation for coffee. But, if it bothers you, I won't go, or you can come with me, or I'll take Peter with me."

Deb sat and looked at him for a moment. "So am I over reacting here?"

Carter didn't know what to say – if he said yes, who knows how she would react, if he said no, then it would sound like guilt, but he hadn't done anything. He wanted to be with Deb. "I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that…. I just ran into someone I haven't seen forever, I didn't think there was any hidden agenda in her invitation, but it clearly upset you. I'm not sure what you're thinking right now, other than you're angry with me."

"I guess I'm jealous, John, she gave you her number and asked you out. She's like an ex-girlfriend. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just…..we…us…this is so new, and….I don't know why I feel this way. I just didn't like her asking you out. I'm sorry."

Carter moved to sit beside her, putting his arm around her. "No, I'm sorry, Deb. I see your point, if I'm honest, I would probably be jealous too if the situations were reversed. I didn't think about it that way – it has been so long since I've seen her, it is more like seeing an old friend to me, there aren't any of those feelings left. She wasn't 'asking me out', she asked a friend she hasn't seen for years to go for a coffee. But, I won't go – I don't want to cause us issues, you're right, our relationship is new. We've known each other a long time, but being involved like this, we have to get used to it. Maybe that's why I didn't think, you know…it would never have bothered you before, you would have just made some comment or teased me about it, and that would have been it. It's different now, the issues are different."

"Yes, they are – you're not just my friend now, we are way over that line, John. We have to adjust, seeing you talking to her brought up some feelings I wasn't expecting, then Susan made that comment so suggestively, and I kind of lost it."

"Susan was just being Susan, Deb. She talks like that to me all the time, she doesn't know that we are involved, she thinks I'm single, unattached. She wouldn't make comments like that if she knew I was seeing someone – seeing you."

"Right, Susan, another one of your ex-girlfriends."

"For the record Deb, I have never slept with Susan. We hung out a lot when she first came back to County, but we ended up as friends, there was no chemistry there. I have known her a long time too, she obviously heard the rumours about me and Keaton, she couldn't let the opportunity go by to get a dig in about it."

"And Benton – he had a look on his face, does he know about you and Keaton?"

"Yes, except he _knows_ about me and Keaton, he knows it's fact not rumour."

"You told him that you slept with your supervisor?"

"No, I don't go around telling everyone who I sleep with Deb, it just seems that you can't keep a secret at County. And she wasn't my supervisor, she was Benton's supervisor, so it was very awkward when he found out. We were just sitting on the couch in her office, too close for it to be mistaken for anything but what it was. Neither of us thought to lock the door and Benton came by to talk to Abby and walked in on us. He didn't say a word, Abby asked him to wait outside and he just left. We had about 3 words about it later in the day, and that was it. Abby was leaving for Pakistan right away, so, it was ending anyway, but she did talk to Peter that I know. Until his little comment today, it has been pretty much left alone, heads would have rolled if it had been brought to the attention of say, Hicks or Anspaugh. I probably would have lost my internship and Keaton's career would have taken a major hit, Peter was good enough not to report us."

Carter paused, reaching over to take Deb's hands in his.

"So, I will be more…aware in the future, and I'm sorry I didn't realize how you would feel about it. I want you to be able to trust me, and not worry – if we are going to make this work, then we have to trust each other. But I am glad you told me how you feel and that we are talking about it, you can always talk to me, you know that right?"

"I know, and I do trust you, the jealousy really took me by surprise. So, let's just forget this and move on. I think I over reacted."

"You know I have a past as do you, hopefully we can just… concentrate on us, not who we've dated?" Carter slid back on the lounger and pulled Deb with him so she was leaning against him, and they sat for a while looking out over the city.

"I guess we missed the last couple of sessions, hopefully people haven't noticed we've disappeared, or there will be some new rumours."

"Oh well, if there are. It's nice to keep this to ourselves for now, but at some point people are going to find out. Should be interesting when someone finally figures it out." Carter laughed softly.

"Well, I think Peter already has, right? He made some comment to you this morning at breakfast about it didn't he?"

"Ah, you caught that. They saw us at the club, how we we dancing together, I think it was more obvious than we realized. We weren't really hiding it in front of him and Cleo, they see us at work, and they both have noticed there is more there than we were admitting. But he won't say anything."

"No, I guess not, and you're right, we weren't hiding it, Cleo even commented to me." Deb turned so she was lying on her side, and resting on his chest, and slid her hand into his hair.

"She did? I think we need to be a little more subtle then, or everyone is going to pick up on it. And they really will if you play with my hair like that when we are around other people.  I love it when you do that."

"I noticed you really seem to like it. I know how to get to you now."

"You might get more than you bargained for...be careful Deb."

"Or what?"

"This." Carter smoothly scooped her up off the lounger and took her into the bedroom throwing her on the bed and straddled her, pinning her hands gently down. He gazed down at her for a minute. "So...now what should we do with you..."

"Oh...I'm sure you'll think of something." Deb blinked her big dark eyes at him and smiled suggestively.

A couple hours later, they lay together in the king sized bed.

"Do you think they are wondering where we are yet?"

"I hope not, but whatever. I think we can come up with some excuse for disappearing. Maybe we went to a different session, or got lost in the casino…you know they make them confusing so it's harder to leave. Found an all you can eat buffet…. the excuse possibilities are endless."

"Spent the afternoon having hot sex with a colleague and ordering room service? No maybe not huh?"

"No, probably not something we need to share with the group. But, I am starving so...should we go find some dinner, and then we can do some shopping?"

They both showered and dressed, then headed out of the suite.

Carter and Jing-Mei left the lobby and started to walk. Once they got a ways from the hotel, Carter reached over and they walked hand in hand for a while, stopping along the way to comment or look at the sights. They came to the fountain outside the Bellagio, and watched for a while, Jing-Mei leaning on his chest with Carter's arm around her.

"So, do you want to check out some of the shops?"

"Sure."

They looked in a few of the shops, Jing-Mei suggested a couple things for John, but he laughed. "You haven't seen my closet…I have so many ties, suits, shirts, I can't wear them all." He stopped short looking at one of the mannequins. "However…that dress I would love to see on you. I bet it would look fantastic."

Jing-Mei looked at it and thought he had a point. It was a gorgeous dress, and she could probably wear it out while they were here. She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her into the shop, and asked to try the dress on. She came out of the dressing room. "So, what do you think?" She gave a little turn and John gave a low whistle.

"Yes, I think you need to have that dress, it is….amazing."

The shop door opened and they both heard. "Wow Jing-Mei, that is some dress."

John looked over his shoulder then back at Jing-Mei rolling his eyes slightly. Abby and Neela had come into the shop and gave Jing-Mei and appraising look before they started sorting through the racks of clothes.

"So, what happened to the two of you? Playing hooky? Didn't see you at the last session, it was interesting." Abby asked as she pulled out and frowned at one of the tops.

"Oh, you know, got lost in one those casinos, they make it so hard to find your way out." Carter said this so casually, Deb looked at him trying not to laugh.

She escaped back into the dressing room and took off the dress, then came out, giving it to the saleslady. "I'll take it." She said sweetly, smiling at John.

She could see Abby and Neela look at each other, and she headed over to where the sexy La Perla lingerie was on display. John was very discreetly watching her, but made no move to come over to the display. Abby and Neela both went to look at the lingerie as well, holding up a few pieces and commenting on it, Jing-Mei picked out a couple pieces that would work well under the dress, and held them up, but not looking at John as she did. He was behind Abby and Neela so they could not see him, and out of the corner of her eye she could see him give a nod and a small smile with a subtle wink.

Hmmm I think he likes this, she thought.

She took the skimpy bra and panties up to the front with the dress which the sales lady was wrapping and leaned on the counter, observing Abby and Neela who had turned to look at Carter. He was looking at some ties, pretending he had no idea or interest in what she was buying, playing it cool in front of the other women.

Abby held up a sexy bra and called over to him. "Carter."

He turned and looked over at her. "Yes, Abby?"

"What do you think?" Should I get this for tonight?" She held it up against herself and smiled at him coyly.

"I think you should ask Luka, not me." He turned back to the ties without a second glance, and Abby glared at his back.

Jing-Mei gave a little shake of her head, Abby was trying to flirt with him. To maybe entice him? Reprehensible since she was supposedly with Luka, but she noticed that John shut Abby down quickly.

The saleslady was almost done wrapping up Jing-Mei's purchases and John went up to the counter and very discreetly dropped his credit card on the counter. Jing-Mei shook her head at him, but he just raised an eyebrow. "Could you have this sent to the concierge at the MGM Grande, for delivery to Dr. Chen's room?" He pulled out a card provided by the hotel that could be attached to purchases, and the clerk nodded.

"Certainly Dr. Carter." She ran his card and he signed the slip quickly while Abby and Neela had their backs turned, going through the dress racks.

Jing-Mei could hear Abby give a little hiss and then whisper. "Neela, that dress she just bought is like $2000, are you kidding? But then again I guess she is hanging out with Carter and he's totally loaded."

"See you later ladies." Carter and Jing-Mei left the shop and looked at each other.

"Wow, does she make comments like that all the time?"

"What the flirting with the lingerie, or the _loaded_ comment."

"Both I guess. By the way, thank you for the dress. I was going to buy it, you didn't have to pay for it, I do have my own money."

"I know, Deb, I wanted to, I suggested you buy it, though I like the little extras you picked out…do you think they clued in?"

"No, I think Abby was too busy trying to figure how to flirt with you, nice comeback by the way, she was pissed that you didn't even blink."

"Did she really thing she could get me to show some interest? I have absolutely zero attraction to her, she could walk by me naked and I wouldn't care. And Luka is a friend, I don't like that she is flirting with me, she is with someone, who incidentally is a friend of mine."

"Naked, really."

"Yeah really. She and I were over a long time ago, Deb, you know that. Besides, cheating women just don't do it for me, she should know better."

"So….you are a one woman guy? You don't get tempted?"

He glanced around, then leaned over and gave her a kiss. "No, I don't cheat on my girlfriends, Deb. I figure that if I feel the need to be sleeping with someone else, then there is probably something really wrong with the relationship I'm in and it's time to get out. I don't tolerate cheating either, it is a violation of trust no matter which party cheats. So, Deb, if we are together, then it needs to be exclusive, I don't want you to be with any other guy if you're sleeping with me."

"Jealous are we?"

"Yes, I fully admit it, I would be incredibly jealous, I can't help it."

"Well, I would be jealous if you were with another woman while we were in a relationship, so the exclusive rule, that is good with me. I want you all to myself." She reached over and trailed her fingers down his arm.

They found themselves back at the fountain, and they stopped to watch for a while, she leaned against him in comfortable silence. Finally she said. "So, what are the plans for tonight?"

"Hmmmm, a quiet night in the suite, or did you want to go for dinner then find another club?"

"Well, we are in Vegas, so we should go out…I have this new dress to wear that my generous boyfriend bought me."

"True, I think I would like to see you in that sexy new dress."  Carter wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, making Jing-Mei wonder if he was thinking more about getting her out of the sexy new dress.

They walked back to the hotel and stopped at the concierge to pick up her package. Carter asked about a good club for the evening and gave their suite number. "Dr. Carter, I have some VIP tickets for you, if you are interested – Club 212 is a fun place to hang out."

"Okay, so can we have a limo for the evening, and we need a dinner recommendation."

The concierge set up reservations for them, the limo was going to pick them up at 7:30.

"Hey you two!" They turned to see Susan coming across the lobby. "What are you up to tonight? We were all thinking of hitting a club, if you have any ideas."

"Well, we are probably going to Club 212, maybe around 9:30-10:00, something like that, if the rest of the group wants to go."

The concierge perked up at the mention of the club "Dr. Carter, would you like additional VIP tickets? The line can be quite long."

"Maybe – Susan, do you think anyone else would want to go? If so, I can get the VIP tickets now and you can give them out."

"Sure, that would be 5 of us, I am sure we will all go."

Carter turned to the concierge "5?" The concierge slid the tickets across the counter. "Thanks so much." Carter turned and handed them to Susan as the concierge responded.

"My pleasure Dr. Carter, let me know if there is anything else we can do for you."

"We are going to change and have some dinner, so we will see you later." They headed for the elevators and were soon back at Carter's suite.

"So, this should be interesting tonight, I think I am going to find a way to flirt with you, Dr. Carter….I don't want any girls at the club thinking they can have you."

"Well, don't worry, it's you I'm coming home with tonight, but…. _you_ can _flirt_ with me all you like." He moved close to her and pulled her into his arms, his lips descending onto hers for a warm kiss. "We should get ready for dinner, now I'm _really_ starving."

Jing-Mei took her things back to her room to dress, she wanted to surprise him.  She showered quickly, the day had become very hot and it was just now starting to cool down.  After quickly drying and styling her hair and adding a touch of makeup, she put on the new lingerie and dress, adding a pair of strappy high heels.

"Wow, Deb, you look absolutely incredible."  John's deep brown eyes ran down her body, noting the way the dress showed off her lithe and slender body.  "Very sexy, I am going to have to keep the guys off you."

"Mmm, you look pretty damn good too."  Jing-Mei admired how great he looked in his expensive and well cut suit, reaching up to give him a kiss.

"They called from downstairs, our limo is waiting out front, so...dinner?"

"Yes, lets go."

At 10pm their limo pulled up in front of Club 212, and Carter assisted Deb out of the car.  She knew they were both getting a lot of attention, she felt his arm curl around her waist, his hand warm through the thin fabric of her dress.

"Oh, that figures, a limo, of course, Carter has a limo." Abby snarked at Neela. Abby watched them approach the door, she had to admit they both looked pretty incredible, Jing-Mei in her new dress that accented her tiny waist and complimented her dark silky hair, and Carter in a tailored suit with silk tie.  She watched his arm slide around Jing-Mei's waist, the way the woman's arm wrapped around him in return.

She looked over at Neela. "Told you, he is loaded, I think his first car was actually a limo."

Neil, Ray and Greg all looked at Abby.

"What are you talking about Abby." Neela asked.

"You know, Carter is like really, really, _really_ rich, like millions of dollars rich. Or hundreds of millions rich, unless he spent it all on the Carter Center of course."

Susan looked at Abby. "Oh shut up Abby, Carter wouldn't appreciate you talking about his finances, and you don't have to go in, if you don't want. Carter was nice enough to get us VIP tickets from the concierge, but if you are going to act like a total bitch, then just go back to the hotel." Susan had been listening to Abby complain about Carter and Jing-Mei all afternoon. Apparently she had interrupted a little dress shopping and she seemed incredibly jealous that Jing-Mei was able to afford a pricy dress and some lacy expensive underwear.  La Perla underwear according to Neela, she had been kind of envious as well when the doctor had casually taken a few pieces up to the cashier without to much as a glance at the price tag.

Worst of all, according to Abby, Carter was with her when she bought it, and Abby was a little suspicious that Carter was the one who actually bought the dress and the lingerie, not Jing-Mei. Why Abby was acting like Jing-Mei was infringing on her territory, Susan didn't know. Carter and Jing-Mei had been friends forever, they'd known each other much longer than Abby had known Carter. The fact was, Carter wasn't Abby's boyfriend, they had broken up over 3 years ago, Abby had gone back to Luka and they'd had a baby, while Carter was off overseas with Kem.

Neither Carter nor Jing-Mei were doing anything wrong, whatever, if anything was going on between them, they were both single adults, and Susan thought Abby was overreacting. She had not right whatsoever to comment on Carter or Jing-Mei, what they did together or how Carter spent his money. And she thought Abby was imagining things, those two were friends, they hung out all the time.

Carter and Jing-Mei had disappeared into the club already, not seeing them gathered just down the street.  Susan and the group from County went up to the same VIP entrance and presented their tickets and were soon inside. She noticed that Abby was still with them, despite all her snippy comments, she was going to take advantage of the tickets Carter supplied. They saw the two at a large booth which could accommodate the group, and she walked over with the other four trailing her.

"Carter, Jing-Mei, how are you?" Susan slid into the booth beside Jing-Mei who was sitting fairly close to Carter.

"Good Susan. You all made it." Jing-Mei smiled at her, but looked a little annoyed to see Abby.

Susan noticed Carter was greeting everyone but his hello to Abby was pretty short. Both of them were pissed at Abby about something, she would have to find out what happened.  Carter signalled the waitress and they all ordered drinks, Abby was watching Carter as he sipped his, and then ordered a shot of patron tequila each for him and Jing-Mei.

"Anyone else care for a shot?" Carter asked. Barnett, Pratt, Susan and Neela took him up on his offer, Abby just watched in silence as they all drank and Carter motioned for another round.

"Should you be drinking, Carter?" Abby finally had to say.

Susan laughed out loud at that comment, Carter simply looked at her with his eyebrows slightly raised. "What, are you my mother Abby? Mind you own business."

Carter was annoyed, he was long recovered from his mistake, the drug addiction. He drank occasionally, he never let himself get drunk and he had no desire to use drugs, at all. Abby however had fallen off the wagon several times, her drinking was definitely one of the things that had destroyed their relationship. Carter had been happy when he got back from Africa and found her in med school, seemingly sober and happy, but he was not sure it had lasted.

Barnett and Pratt kind of looked at each other in confusion, wondering why Abby was telling Carter he shouldn't drink. Neela gave Abby a shocked look as Abby waved down the waitress and ordered herself a cosmopolitan. When it arrived Carter gave his head a small shake. Apparently it had not lasted, she was openly drinking. Better than when she was secretly drinking, he supposed, but still just as destructive.

He sighed, then turned to talk to Susan and Jing-Mei _._ It was no longer his business, Abby never accepted his help, she always accused him of trying to _fix_ her. He absolutely hated it when she would spout off ' _don't try to fix me, Carter, I'm not broken'_ , and he knew that had probably come from Maggie. He remembered her saying something similar in his Jeep the night he drove her to the bus station - _'Abby doesn't need fixing, she's not broken'._ Carter had never thought Abby was broken, but she _was_ an alcoholic, and he had told her time and again, if their relationship was going to work, she had to stop drinking.

Abby hadn't taken this seriously, she kept justifying a couple beers was okay, she was drinking because she was happy with him. Right, she was never happy, there were small flashes when she was fun to be around, and she pretended to be happy,  but she was unable to be _truly_ happy. She continuously doubted him, expected him to leave, and refused to open up and talk to him. The lack of faith in him and their relationship took its toll, and by the time his grandmother died, it was pretty much over. She sealed their fate by abandoning him when he needed her most, and then rejecting him when he came back from Africa the first time. She basically told him to get the hell out, so he did, he gave up and welcomed the escape when he went to Africa to find Luka. Abby was suffocating him, he gave and gave, she took and took until he had nothing left to give.

Deb noticed he was slightly distracted, but slid an arm around him and pulled him into the conversation with Susan, and they were all were soon laughing and joking. Pratt and Barnett got up and went to ask a couple of the ladies in the club to dance, leaving Neela and Abby to talk, as Carter was totally ignoring Abby at this point. There was nothing he could or wanted to say to her at this point.

Jing-Mei excused herself to go to the bathroom and Susan murmured to Carter. "What the hell is going on with Abby? Did she really just do that?  Try to boss you around?"

"Yeah, well that's nothing, she was outright flirting with me in the store today, I mean totally out of bounds Susan, I thought she was living with Luka.  I am so not interested. Then she has the balls to tell me I shouldn't drink, and then orders a cosmo? She keeps falling off the wagon, she was for sure drinking when we broke up 3 years ago, like pass out drunk drinking. Someone else is going to have to scrape her off the floor and take her back to the hotel, I am having nothing to do with her."

"Shit Carter, she was drinking that much?" Susan was surprised, she knew that things had ended badly between Carter and Abby, but she never truly knew what happened. One minute Carter was going to ask Abby to marry him, the next he disappeared to Africa.

"I came back from Belize when her brother's plane disappeared and she was passed out. Left out the evidence, didn't know I was coming home. That was only one of our many issues, she couldn't see she needed help, kept telling me not to try and fix her. You know, I was the overprotective boyfriend. If I had been using, she sure would have given me a hard time, but it was okay for her to 'have a couple beers'. So, seriously, if she gets drunk, someone needs to keep her away from me, I can't deal with her, it's not my place and I really can't, given our history."

Susan frowned, Carter was really bothered by Abby's behavior, but then she didn't really blame him.

"Hey, did you want another drink? I am going to go have a shot at the bar with Pratt."

Susan nodded. "I'll have a martini please."

"I'll be back in a minute."  He went up to the bar. "Buy you a shot Greg?"

"Yeah, thanks Dr. Carter."

"Greg, you can call me John or Carter, you don't need to be so formal, especially after Darfur."

Pratt nodded. "So John, what's the deal with Abby?"

"Oh I don't know, she seems to think she's my mother or something. You know, I guess once you date someone it gives them the right to tell you what to do forever, or so they think. Women, not sure I understand them, not sure I want to. Let's not talk about her, or it's going to ruin my night. How are things for you?" Carter ordered a couple shots of Patron and then a non-alcoholic drink, he knew he couldn't let himself get drunk and he had to slow down a bit.

"Good, well except for dealing with that idiot Morris. Boy, I wish I had taken the Chief Resident position when it was offered, I can't believe they offered it to him."

"I know…I didn't get to vote as I was pulled out for a code, so sorry man, neither Luka nor I wanted him but we lost our votes – patients were dying."

They both drank their shots, Carter pulled out a $100 bill and tucked it under his glass on the counter. "Keep them coming until this runs out." He said to the bartender. Pratt looked at him and nodded as the bartender poured another. Carter was about to reach for his, when a small hand came in and took it, he turned his head slightly as Deb winked at him and downed his shot.

Greg shook his head. "Cheeky little thing, isn't she…stealing your shot.  Damn Jing-Mei, you are a sight in that dress, wow, gorgeous honey."

Jing-Mei smiled brightly, she was used to men making comments to her, she had been hit on several times tonight already, glad that John had not seen it.  She thought she might stay close to him for a while, let him protect her from further advances.

"Thanks Greg, a little something I picked up today shopping."

"Think we need another shot glass here." Carter slid an arm around Deb, moving her so she was between him and Greg.  It had not escaped him, the leers of the men nearby, their eyes mentally undressing Deb, hell, he knew the look.  He was sure he was guilty of it on occasion himself when he saw an attractive woman in a sexy dress.  She looked incredible, smelled amazing, and was opening flirting, he almost wished they were back at the hotel so he could take that dress off of her himself, but he kept his desire hidden.

The bartender set them up again and the three of them drank. Ray appeared beside them. "Another one." Carter pulled out another $100 and slid it across to the bartender. All four of them did two more rounds, and Carter took a sip from his other drink then Deb took it out of his hand and walked away.

"Shit man, she keeps taking your drinks." Greg was laughing. "I miss that girl, I kind of messed up with her, but we've both moved on, wonder if she's seeing someone now?  She looks so damn hot tonight, I wish I was still dating her."

Carter hated to think about it, but he shrugged it off.

"Whatever, I'll end up buying her drinks anyway, and hey it's Deb, so no big deal. Not everyone could have gotten away with that, but she can. Anyway there is no alcohol in it, so I bet I get it back…but just in case." He signaled the bartender to replace his drink and slid the $100 that was still on the bar over to him, and ordered Susan a Martini. "You two want anything while I'm here?"

Greg and Ray each ordered a drink and Carter paid the bartender including a generous tip, then went back to the table with his drink and the Martini for Susan. "Oh here he is, thanks Carter. I love these things!"

He slid into the booth, beside Deb, Susan was now on the inside seat. Next thing he knew Abby slid in beside him and she was already starting to slur. She had been busy drinking while he was up at the bar.

"So Carter…  _John,_ how's it going." She started to rub his arm and leaned against him, and then she ran her hand up into the back of his hair, playing with it.

"Abby, you need to move over, and please don't do that. You know, I think you've had enough to drink." He took her hand off him and moved closer to Deb. Why is she acting like this, he thought, I haven't given her any indication that I'm the least bit interested, yet here she was.

"Oh come on, I know you like it, Carter. And, you don't want me commenting on your drinking, so you shouldn't worry about mine." Abby was leaning up against him again, she kept moving closer, Carter was becoming uncomfortable as Abby was getting a little _too_ familiar with him.

Carter could see Deb look at him, then she literally crawled into his lap, and he put his arm around her so Deb was sitting with her back to Abby making it impossible for Abby to lean on him.

Susan watched closely and saw how annoyed and uncomfortable Carter was getting and laughed as Jing-Mei made a move and was then cuddling with Carter, sitting in his lap and running her fingers through his hair, flirting with him quite openly. Neela was sitting observing them with her mouth open as Abby stared at them.

"Oh so she can put her hands all over you, and you're okay with it." Abby snarled, then slid out of the seat and stomped off.

Susan shook her head. "Well that worked, Jing-Mei, cute move, Abby sure didn't like it though did she. I think you've made an enemy."

"Abby is getting out of control drunk, and she is getting a little too friendly with me. I think I'll keep you here for a while Deb, you can be my protector tonight."

"Sure, I can do that. So Neela, how are things?"

They all started talking about what was going on with Neela, if she had heard from Michael and catching up. Deb stayed sitting in Carters lap, secretly laughing at how easily they did that without anyone thinking there was more to it than getting Abby off him. She enjoyed sitting there with his arm around her, and she continued to absently play with his hair, knowing he really did like it. She could feel his hand resting on her thigh under the table, she relaxed against him and enjoyed it as he very discreetly rubbed her bare skin.

Greg and Ray finally came back to the table and gave Carter and Jing-Mei a funny look, but Neela whispered to them, and they both nodded, so it seemed like they were on board with the story. Neela finally decided she should go look for Abby, as she had been gone almost an hour by this time.

Carter looked at his watch and saw it was already 1am. "Hey, Deb, I am ready to go, are you coming back or staying?" He knew she was going to come back with him, but he figured he'd play the part.

"I think I'll go with you."

Carter looked at Susan "Want to catch a ride or are you going to wait for everyone?"

"Hey, I think I'll go with you two, they can hunt down Abby and get her back to the hotel." Carter used his phone to page the limo, and they gathered up their things, stopping to say goodnight to Pratt at the bar where he was chatting up an attractive dark haired woman. "We are gone, so hopefully you can get Abby back to the hotel."

"Yeah Neela found her puking in the bathroom, so we will get the two of them in a cab when they're ready. Unless you want to take her in your car."

Carter shook his head. "Not a chance, Greg, she is not my responsibility, Neela is with her, they can manage to get themselves back to the hotel.  Besides, I don't want her puking in the limo."

"Don't blame you guys for bailing, that girl is a mess."

The limo waited at the exit, and they were soon on their way back to the hotel. Jing-Mei leaned against Carter and closed her eyes. "Fading out are we there Deb?"

"Yeah, I need some sleep, too many shots maybe?"

Susan watched the two of them, thinking how cute they were together. They were always teasing each other, flirting, and she wondered if at some point there had been more to the relationship. They had never given the impression that there was, but Susan thought they would make a great couple, there seemed to be a bit of chemistry.

A few years ago, there had been some rumours about Jing-Mei's baby, that Carter was the father, but it turned out to be totally false, something started by Malucci, a guy who had left before Susan returned to County. Susan had asked Carter about it when she first got back to County as she had heard a few comments, but he laughed, said no, the baby was not his, and asked her if she had ever seen any pictures of Michael. She understood what he meant when she finally saw a picture, he was an adorable, gorgeous little boy, but there was no way John Carter was his father.

Carter and Jing-Mei obviously cared a lot about each other, though, and tonight they seemed very much in sync. They came from similar backgrounds and appeared to have quite a bit in common.

As comfortable as he was with Jing-Mei, Carter was clearly very uncomfortable around Abby at the moment, she was pushing far beyond acceptable limits. The comments about him drinking, which she made in front of Pratt, Barnett and Neela, made Susan cringe. Not everyone needed to know about the drug addiction, he had clearly won the battle and didn't need someone to remind him. Abby on the other hand, should be taking her own advice, and not drinking. She had embarrassed herself in front of her colleagues, coming on to Carter, and then getting sloppy drunk.

They arrived back at the hotel and said good night, Susan watched them disappear together into the elevator and sighed, heading up to her own room. She wished she could go and talk to Carter tonight, they used to be so close, but it was very late and he looked tired. She would try and get him to go for a morning coffee one day, make amends to him for being so harsh those last couple months he was at County.

She recognized now how stupid her comments had been, the guy had lost so much in his life, in such a short time and she was berating him over his family money? He had always been such a sweet and generous guy, and life had not given him many breaks, that was for sure.

The elevator doors closed and Jing-Mei snuggled into Carter's chest, closing her eyes again. She felt him kiss her hair then as reached their floor, Carter scooped her up in his arms and carried her down the hall to her suite. She leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled. "Mmmm, I am so tired."

Carter took her into her bedroom and put her gently on the bed, sliding off her shoes and unzipping her dress for her. She slid off the dress and crawled into bed, and she could hear him place a wake up call for 6am.

"John, don't go, stay here with me." She didn't want him to go back to his room, even though she was tired, she wanted him to be there in the morning.

"Okay." He said it softly, then she closed her eyes and fell asleep, she was exhausted.

Carter got ready for bed and climbed in beside her, and was soon asleep too.


	9. Chapter 9

   
  
 

Wednesday morning Carter reached over to silence the travel alarm. 6am, time to get up. Deb was still sleeping quietly beside him, with her hair fanned out over the pillow. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, he thought he would let her have a few extra minutes sleep while he showered. He stood for a few minutes with the hot water sluicing over him, washed, the got out and wrapped himself in one of the soft towels.

He stepped out of the bathroom and leaned over the bed, giving Deb a gentle kiss. "Good morning, time to get up sleepyhead."

Her dark eyes fluttered open and she gave a little sigh. "6 already? I was enjoying the best dream..." She looked up at him with a little smile on her face. "Or maybe I was just remembering last night..." Deb wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on the bed with her, giving him an exuberant kiss.

"Mmmmm, I could get to like mornings, if they were all like this." Carter whispered, giving her a return kiss "But I let you sleep in...so it's almost 6:30..." He kissed her again "Maybe we could be late..."

Deb's eyes popped open. "6:30...oh I will never be ready in time. If we are both late, you know there will be some comments." She untangled herself from Carter, giving him another quick kiss before she padded towards the bathroom "Rain check, though..." this was said with a wicked little smile, and then he heard the shower running."

Carter smiled then quickly dressed for the day, and moved into the kitchen area, starting the coffee. He turned on his laptop intending to work on a paper he was writing, while he waited for Deb to finish getting ready. He heard the finish signal on the coffee pot, and had just poured two cups of the fragrant brew, when there was a knock on the door. He looked at his watch – 6:35 am – who would come by this early? He opened the door, surprised to see Susan standing there.

"Susan! I wasn't expecting to see you this morning." He said as she stepped into the room.

"Hey Carter, I woke up early and wanted to see if you would like to get a coffee. We haven't had a chance to talk for a long time, thought we could catch up. I know you are usually up early, and looks like I was right." She could see he was dressed and ready for the day. "This is nice, how did you manage to get a big fancy suite all to yourself." She leaned on the raised counter top near the kitchen, then froze as she noticed the two cups of coffee that had just been poured, and had steam rising from them. "Oh….you're not alone are you." This came out as a whisper and she had a little smirk on her face. "I should...leave, sorry for barging in." She started to reach for the door handle, when Deb came out of the bedroom, her hair wet from the shower, wearing one of John's dress shirts.

"John, is the coffee ready, I really need a…" She stopped suddenly and threw a quick look over at Carter when she realized Susan was standing there. "Ahhhh, hi Susan."

There was an awkward silence, as Susan and Jing-Mei stared at each other for a moment, then Carter broke the silence. "I was just going to bring you one, but Susan...showed up." He poured in a bit of cream and handed Deb her coffee with a little shrug.

"I need to get dressed." Deb gave Susan a guilty half smile, turned and went back into the bedroom shutting the door behind her. Susan looked over at Carter, who just handed her the second cup of coffee that had already been poured. He reached into the cupboard and grabbed another cup, poured himself coffee, taking a sip.

He motioned for Susan to sit, she still hadn't said anything, she had barely moved. She took a taste of the coffee Carter had given her, then sat on the couch.

Carter looked over at her. "Sooooooo, what's going on with you Susan?"

"Nothing quite as interesting as seems to be going on with you…and Jing-Mei?" Susan now had a huge smirk on her face "What exactly _is_ going on with you two?"

"What do you _think_ is going on, Susan?" Carter parried back.

"Well…given Jing-Mei is half dressed, in _your_ shirt, and came out of _your_ bedroom at 6:30 in the morning, obviously just out of _your_ shower…" Susan gave a little laugh and shook her head.  "I think there is a little...extra curricular activity going on."

"Well, then I guess it's _exactly_ what you are thinking. But we would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone else."

Susan took another sip her coffee, and glanced over at Carter with her eyes twinkling. "So is this like a friends with benefits things or are you two actually….well _together._ "

Carter shook his head slightly and laughed. "Only you would ask that. We are together, we've been seeing quite a bit of each other over the past few months and it kind of just developed into something more than expected. We are keeping it low key, not everyone at County needs to know, not yet anyway."

Susan nodded. "Kind of funny actually, you know the other night when you gave me a ride home the limo, I was thinking how you two would make such a good couple. And, here I find out, you actually _are a couple_ – and now that I have gotten over the momentary shock of finding this cute little domestic scene – I am happy for you. And well done, if I hadn't _interrupted_ this morning, no one would ever have known that you two are..." She trailed off.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you, Susan. So can we rely on your…. discretion? This isn't something I want in the gossip section of County weekly, if you know what I mean."

"You want me to keep it a secret? Well, it'll be tough, I'm not going to lie, but...okay, I won't say a word. You two really are cute together though."

Jing-Mei came out of the bedroom, now fully dressed with her hair dried. She looked over at Carter and Susan sitting and drinking coffee "So I guess we're busted." She came over with her coffee cup in one hand and sat on the arm of the chair beside Carter, and ran her hand across his shoulders, leaving her arm resting gently across them.

"Totally, but I just promised Carter I won't say anything. I understand if you want to keep this private for now, County gossip can get out of hand, and…wow, you both have exes here too don't you. That could get interesting if they find out."

"Greg won't really care, but Abby…..I think she might have a problem with it. You saw her at the nightclub, and how she has been flirting with John at every opportunity – he told her he is seeing someone, but she still is relentless."

"I noticed that…I hope she backs off soon. When we get back, I will try to talk to Luka, I think Carter is right about the drinking."

"I don't _think_ I'm right Susan, I can see the signs – if she doesn't get help, soon, it is going to be a train wreck. You need to keep an eye on her, if she goes over the edge she will end up going into work under the influence at some point. Or maybe she already has been, she's an alcoholic, she would be good at hiding it."

"But that good at it Carter? You really think so? We see drunk people all the time, we know drunk."

Carter looked down for a moment then over at Susan "I know so – Susan, I was going to work high and we see people on drugs all the time too – I would come in looking like crap, totally bottomed out, 20 minutes later I would be working on patients and be on top of the world, and no one clued in for two months. _Two months_ Susan. I was lucky I didn't kill anyone, but I came close. I gave a patient an antibiotic that she told me she was allergic to, I wasn't really paying attention to the history she gave, and she went into anaphylactic shock. I caught it in time, but it was really close. Deb came in to the room and saw what was going on, she started to notice the mood swings, she commented to me that day how bad I looked when we were at our lockers – then she told Mark, and he still didn't do anything. He even talked to me about how I was doing, and I was able to fool him into thinking I was okay, when really I was just waiting for the next high to kick in. I went to rehab, to AA, and there is a recurring theme - alcoholics and addicts can be very accomplished liars when it comes to hiding their addiction. I hid it from my grandparents, I was staying at their house - you'd think one of them would have noticed, I hid it from people at work who'd known me for years."

Jing-Mei nodded slowly, then rubbed Carter's shoulders again. "That's true, John was able to hide it for quite a while, and if Abby hadn't seen him with the Fentanyl that day, it could have been much worse. She made Mark and Kerry listen to her. Mark was in denial, kind of like 'Carter wouldn't do that, no way he has a problem', until that point. If you think that Abby wouldn't be able to fool you, hide her problem, then you're wrong. I would never have guessed someone I knew as well as John could have hidden addiction from me either. Don't make a huge mistake and ignore what John is telling you, if he thinks Abby needs help, I would bet he's right, the signs are there."

Susan looked at Carter. "And you don't think you are the one who can get through to her."

He shook his head. "It would be a huge mistake for me to even try. I tried to get her to stop drinking when we were together, and she kept telling me it was all fine. She was lying about it, pretending, but I knew her too well, and I knew what addicts do to hide their behavior, I did it myself." He looked down at his hands "It is hard to admit, something I have to live with... I don't like who I was when I was using, and I felt like I couldn't ask for help. Like I was going to disappoint everyone around me - I knew better, but I still did it. Abby may need help, but she is going to have trouble admitting she needs it, she is going to deny she has a problem."

Susan closed her eyes for a second, then looked over at Carter. "You never told me any of this, John. I really wish I had been here when all this happened, maybe I would have seen it. These are things I've never really understood, you know how it was with Chloe - she would never admit the problem, but she was never good at hiding it either - you saw her that day at the hospital, I know you remember, Carter."

Carter nodded. "I remember. It was your birthday and I found you on the roof, we shared the champagne Mark gave me. I know you have lived with addiction too, with Chloe, but I don't know if you get what its like on the inside. My cousin, Chase, turned out to be using heroin, but I didn't really understand how it could have happened to him, until I went through it myself." He hesitated" A piece of advice for handling this with Abby, whatever you do, don't stage a confrontation like they did with me, if it wasn't for Peter, I would have walked away – Abby is a lot like me that way. One or two people only, don't ambush her."

Jing-Mei gave a sniffle, and wiped away the tear that tracked down her cheek, Carter looked up at her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded "I'm okay, I just…. I'm sorry for how we handled things with you…. you're right, we should have done it differently." Another tear ran down her cheek. "I never told you I was sorry, if Peter wasn't there, I don't even want to think how it would have turned out."

Carter slid his arms around her and pulled her down on the chair with him and she rested her head on his chest. "Hey, it's okay, you did what you thought you needed to, and it turned out okay in the end. I know you cared, I don't hold it against you. Peter was there, he knew how to get to me, and he did, that's all that matters."

They were all quiet for a moment, then Carter looked over Deb's head at Susan. "Get her help, she is not acting like the Abby I know, she is moody, erratic and the night at the club, that was not a one time thing, I have been watching her the past couple days at the seminar, really paying attention. There is something wrong, but I can't get involved – she won't accept my help."

"Okay, I hear you, Carter. I know it is difficult with Abby right now, but you obviously know her better than I do, and I can see you care, even if you can't get involved with this. As soon as we get home, I will talk to Luka."

They finished their coffee and went down to join the group for breakfast.

It was later in the day, when they had a chance to take a break. Carter had been invited to coffee with Abby Keaton, so Susan asked Jing-Mei if she wanted to go for a walk outside during the lunch break.

Jing-Mei agreed, she and Susan had really not been close for so long, and she missed the friendship. She could also talk to her about her relationship with John, now they'd been caught. She hadn't been able to share this change in her life with anyone. Susan had been pretty cool about it actually, it was a little funny in hindsight to think about the expression on her face, seeing her coming out in John's shirt, realizing they had spent the night together.

They picked up some lunch and sat on one of the benches near the fountains. Susan was sitting back enjoying the sun, and Jing-Mei did the same. Chicago was home, but sometimes it would be nice to live somewhere warmer.

"So, you and Carter. That was a bit of a shock this morning, here I was just coming by for a coffee. I wanted to see how he was doing, and maybe clear the air after I was, well, so bitchy at him about the tenure thing. I see that he is doing _pretty well_ , I didn't need to worry."

Jing-Mei laughed "No you don't need to worry about him. We have been spending a lot of time together, especially since I started work at Northwestern, and it just kind of felt right. You know, it's funny, we were friends for so long, but never in sync. There has been an attraction for a long time, and I thought about him once in a while, what it would be like to date him, but timing was always off...until it suddenly wasn't. It's like we both realized that we are really attracted to each other, and we are in just the right spot in our lives - or maybe it's because of all we have both been through. If we had tried to be together before, I don't know if would have worked, but we've both changed, and grown closer. Matured, I guess."

"I told Carter this too, but I was thinking in the limo the other night what a great couple you would make, you just seemed so close. I guess I was picking up on the 'together' vibe you were giving off. I am happy for both of you. You know, it can be tough to find real love, someone who understands you, accepts you for exactly who you are, it took me a long time find it too. When I met Chuck, it was like, wow, finally. And it took a while even with him, well you know the story, and then we got pregnant and married. Wow, that would be something if you married Carter, and had babies with him, after being friends for like 12 years?"

"Well, don't get ahead of yourself Susan...though I have thought about it a bit too. If maybe he's the one I've been waiting for...even though I've actually known him all this time. He's the same guy I met 12 years ago, but not the same guy, if you know what I mean. When we were in our 20's it was all about getting through med school, and at some point for both of us it became about surviving, especially for John. When I think what has gone on in his life over the past 5 years..."

"It's almost unreal to me, I wasn't there for what happened, so I can't even begin to wrap my mind around what he went through."

"It's hard for me too, and I was in that trauma room after he was stabbed. I have only ever been that scared a couple times in my life - he'd lost so much blood. None of us even gowned up, and afterwards I realized I had his blood all over my clothes, I had nightmares about it for a while, there was so much blood. And it's not the same as in a regular trauma, it doesn't bother me when it's a stranger, but realizing it's someone close to you. I know he saw Lucy lying there in a pool of blood, and what made it worse, is he cared about her. You know, Chuny had a pool going on how long it was going to take before he and Lucy became an item."

"You're kidding - you think they were..."

"I don't think it had developed into anything, but they were hot and cold with each other, like he was pushing her away. There was an attraction between them, but he didn't want to get involved with a student, so I think he distanced himself. If she hadn't died, and she stayed at County, it was probably only a matter of time, once he was not longer her supervisor, he might have let it progress."

"So he lost his student, who he was responsible for, but also maybe someone he had deeper feeling for that he wasn't letting himself acknowledge or act on?"

"I personally think so - and it put him over the edge for a while, I don't know why they didn't insist on mandatory counseling - it would have been enough for me to watch her laying on the floor bleeding to death, not being able to help her, and I wasn't that close to her. Everyone was too busy with their own lives to pay attention, and when they did...well you heard him, he felt ambushed, not a good thing when you're suffering from PTSD. Really not good when you are a stubborn guy, like John is - I am thankful Peter Benton was in that room, no one else had a clue what to do when John walked out. They seemed to forget, he doesn't need to work, he could be sipping Margaritas on a beach someone for the rest of his life, he just likes being a doctor. Threatening him with losing his job didn't get the results they were hoping for, they didn't account for who he is. But, he's done the work to get better, and I don't know what came out in all of that, I've never asked him, but I don't think he is in any danger of using again. He has proved that, he has lost a lot in the past 3 years, and he has been able to stay on track."

"Carter is pretty strong actually, I know he had a hard time, kind of the year from hell really, but he's come out of that - even stronger maybe."

"It has made him who he is now, and I guess that is why _we_ work as a couple, when maybe before we wouldn't have. We have been through a lot of the same things, some together because we have been such good friends. He is really easy to love, I could see spending the rest of my life with him, I really could."

"Wow, so this is true love?"

Jing-Mei gave a soft smile. "Well, don't repeat this, but yes, it is, for me at least. He has kind of stolen my heart, I just hope he feels the same, if not I am in big trouble, I don't know how I would get over him."

"For some reason, I don't think you need to worry. I can't picture Carter getting involved with you this deeply if he wasn't feeling pretty strongly about you. It seems like he knows what he wants, and if this morning is any indication, he has it pretty bad for you too. Isn't it a little weird though, going from such good friends to... sleeping together?"

"It was at first, I kind of freaked out, you know, after the first time - it was like this incredible, crazy hot sex, and afterwards I'm thinking, I just _slept_ with my best friend. What if this is just some sort of one night thing and it ruins our friendship, we lose what we have. It's not like we planned for it, we had been out together and we were doing our usual flirting. And then, it just...happened, one minute flirting, the next minute, ripping each others clothes off."

"Wow, so the chemistry is there, I miss those days, Chuck is so...predictable these days. But you obviously figured it out, you looked pretty comfortable being there this morning, and I'm guessing you are - spending the night with him on a regular basis."

"I am comfortable now, I realized pretty quickly that he didn't consider this a one night fling. He noticed I was kind of distracted and I think he knew I was worried about things changing, but he waited me out – he knows that he can't push me to talk, he just waits until I'm ready and then we talk. So we went and had this great day together, and then he just told me to talk to him when I was ready – he can read me so easily it's scary, he knew exactly when I was ready to tell him what was on my mind. "

"So what did he say?"

"He just said that it was up to us to not let it change things too much, we still had everything that we did before, we are adding to the relationship, that he wants to see where this goes. You know, not let things get weird or awkward between us, we don't have to change how we are with each other."

"Well, he's right - you obviously have a strong bond with each other, and I can tell how much you care about each other – maybe now I would say how much you love each other. This morning was interesting, Carter just handed me a coffee and we sat down and talked - he barely blinked after the initial 'busted' look he had on his face."

"I think it's part of what makes him such a great doctor, he handles _situations_ really well, it has to be major and personal before he gets upset. He is not the usual type of guy I date, which is actually a really good thing. We don't really have a lot of secrets from each other, if any really. He knows about Michael, and it doesn't bother him at all, me having a son that I gave up - I mean, he was there, he knows the detail. I guess its safe to say, I know his demons, and he knows mine, and we accept them. We want the same things…. and we talk about everything."

"That is a big deal, Jing-Mei, being able to communicate, having a guy that will talk to you, and that you feel you can talk to in return. And it doesn't hurt that he's a rich, good looking doctor, who also is great in bed, apparently – one who wants to be with you, loves you, not sure you can go wrong Jing-Mei."

"Well, we haven't quite gotten to declarations of love yet, Susan, but I know what you mean. Just so we are clear on something, everyone makes such a big deal about his money. It's not about that for me, it never has been - I don't need someone to take care of me financially.   I know money doesn't make you happy - it's convenient to have it, but you can't buy what is really important. Both John and I understand that all too well."

Susan nodded "You're right, I have done that to him, told him how nice it must be to have money. A lot of people at County have over the years, especially when everyone first found out about his family. I know even Benton made a comment to him - like must be nice not to have student loans kind of comment. I'm not proud of my behavior, especially how I acted around the time he left County for good, I didn't act like a very good friend."

"Well, I think he has probably let it go - he seems to have learned not to hold on to the negative things. But if it is still bothering you, talk to him about it. You know him pretty well too, you kind of went out with him."

"Kind of, yes, we hung out a lot when I first got back, we sort of dated, but something was missing, it was obvious pretty quickly. I had such an attraction to him when he was a med student, he was so cute – well you remember. But of course he was a student and I was a Resident, so nothing happened. When I came back, he had matured and he was just, well not a cute little med student anymore, but a good looking doctor… anyway, we never ended up sleeping together, like I said, something missing, the timing was off, whatever. But, it sounds like you do have chemistry.

"Oh there's chemistry all right, I don't think that is going to be an issue in this relationship. But I also love waking up with him, he just...makes me feel so safe, and loved, you know just to have his arms around me when I wake up, or know he is nearby. I've never wanted that with a guy as much as I with him."

"Okay, now I'm jealous, Chuck can be cuddly, but sounds like Carter is even more so. Ummmm Jing-Mei, can I ask you something? It just occurred to me - when Carter talked to Keaton, you seemed pissed, and then I made those comments …..did you two fight about that? Did I cause a problem between the two of you? If so I'm sorry."

"He could tell right away I wasn't happy, but we didn't fight about it, we went and talked. I had heard the rumours, but the way you and Benton were acting, I thought it was true, you know, the thought that he may have accepted a phone number from an ex-girlfriend right in front of me. I was really...jealous, and I admit your suggestive comment didn't help, but we worked it out."

"Benton? I didn't notice him acting any different, but maybe he knows something, after all he was Carter's supervisor, and Carter only got the rotation because he was Benton's intern. So…did he tell you if it was true?"

"We talked and figured things out….and John is having coffee with Keaton today, I am okay with him seeing her, I trust him and he understood why I was upset about it at first."

"So, it is true then."

"I didn't say that, Susan, just that we talked."

"Right but you didn't say it wasn't true…..so it is true…. lucky it wasn't found out by anyone in the power positions back then, or they would have been in big trouble."

"You're right, if it's true it could still ruin careers, so can we just let the rumour die. Whatever happened was 10 years ago, so not relevant to my relationship with John."

"Ruin Keaton's career you mean…and he doesn't want that, so we should just pretend we know nothing…. got it. And I won't make any more comments I promise, I just like to bug Carter, you have to admit, the guy has a bit of a dating history with people at work. I wouldn't have said those things if I knew about the two of you."

"I know Susan, and you know what, it really isn't a big deal. He's having a coffee with her today, I told him he should go - he is going to run into people he knows, and I trust him, he has never given me a reason _not_ to trust him. He doesn't get crazy when I talk to Greg, because he knows it's over, and _he trusts me."_

"Wow, I'm surprised you encouraged him to go, I don't know if I would be so understanding with Chuck. But then I guess Carter has proven he can be around an ex-girlfriend while in a new relationship and it hasn't ever been a problem, and Keaton is so far in the past. He worked with Abby after they broke up and it wasn't a problem - he even supervised her as an Attending while she was a resident and it was never an issue."

"They went back to being friends. I think John really wishes he had never gotten involved with her, they were good friends before that, but they weren't right for each other. It was going wrong, then his grandmother died. I don't know all the details but whatever happened at the end, it was a rough breakup."

"I never got what happened when his grandmother died either, aside from Abby wasn't very supportive, which maybe is all it took at that point. It seemed to be going really well, then it wasn't and Carter disappeared for months. Kind of ironic really, Carter apparently risked quite a bit to get Luka back home, he spent like three weeks looking for him, assuming he was reclaiming a body, and finding him alive, and now Abby is back together with Luka. Anyway, she was beyond angry he went to Africa in the first place, and the first time he came home she was pretty hard on him. I told her to quit punishing him already, but she didn't see it that way, she wanted him to know how angry she was, but she just finished off whatever was left of their relationship with how she acted. I think he just couldn't handle it anymore."

"Abby has never seemed happy, not for long anyway. She has Luka and a son and she doesn't appreciate how lucky she is, Luka seems pretty devoted to her. But you know what really pisses me off, was how she took John for granted - remember our girls nights, she never seemed to appreciate what she had, and he did so much for her. And then she played up how horrible it was that he sent her a letter from Africa - and she was careless and let everyone read it."

"I didn't see it, I think she got it back before it totally made the rounds, so I only heard rumours about what was in that letter. And I guess I am glad I didn't see it or read it, kind of personal stuff to be passed around, Frank and Jerry were pretty low to do that no matter how careless she was to leave it out."

"John wasn't impressed when he found out, but it was old news by the time he came back, people seemed to mostly have forgotten. But enough about her, once the conference is over, maybe we can get back to normal. Working at Northwestern was a good choice for both of us, County has so much history, it is nice to have a fresh start, a break from the past."

"I think the two of you are a great couple though, and I hope it works out for you. Be nice to see you both happy."

They returned to the hotel for the afternoon sessions.

Carter walked into the diner, seeing Abby Keaton in one of the booths. Abby had called him wanting to set up coffee, and surprisingly Deb immediately said he should go, that she trusted him, that it was just coffee.

"Are you sure Deb? If it is going to bother you, I'll make some excuses, I don't have to see her."

"No, you should go, I totally trust you - if I can't trust you, how are we going to have any sort of relationship. You don't get upset when I talk to Greg, you know I went out with him, why should this be different."

Carter gave her a kiss "That means a lot, Deb, and you're right."

Carter slid into the booth opposite Abby. "Sorry if I'm late."

"No, I was a bit early. It is so good to see you, and have a chance to catch up, it has been so long. You know, I've thought about you over the years, wondered how you were doing."

"Really? I guess I've thought about it a few times too, I've seen a few of the articles you've published, sounds like Pakistan was a great experience."

"It was, if you ever get a chance to do some NGO work, it is well worthwhile."

"I have done some already, I went to the Congo, in total in all three trips I spent over a year there, and I spent several months in an IDP camp in Darfur. It was - eye opening, life changing, and overall a great experience. I met some interesting people, and felt like I made a difference."

"Wow, I'm impressed, what made you decide to go?"

"Another doctor I was working with was a big advocate of the program, and some things happened in my life, I felt the need to get away and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I've never regretted it either, I met some really interesting people, learned a lot, and I think I am a better person because of it. I finally understand why you were so excited about going to Pakistan."

Abby nodded "I think you have to experience it yourself to understand. It changes you, seeing what life is really like in some of these countries. But I have to say, you were a pretty good person already, John. You cared about your patients, I saw something in you that impressed me, drew me to you. I knew you were going to be an excellent doctor, if I had stayed at County I would have encouraged you to go into pediatric surgery, I think you would have been great."

"I didn't know that, I never really thought about going that route. A lot of things happened after you left, though, so I guess pediatrics wasn't meant to be."

"Was there ever any fallout, you never had any problems, because of our relationship,did you?"

"No, Peter didn't say anything, though there were rumours - I blame Shirley for those, I think she knew. But nothing really happened, and eventually the rumours stopped. Not a big deal really."

"Shirley, the circulating nurse? Hmmm, I guess she did kind of suspect us didn't she, sometimes we weren't too subtle. I really did enjoy our time together, John, I was a little worried about you when I left."

"I enjoyed our time too, we had a lot of fun, but I'm not sure why you were worried about me."

"Just leaving you to deal with Peter, and I heard about the other intern dying, that he was your roommate."

"Dennis...he was a friend, and it was difficult, but I got through it. Peter, well he never made much of an issue out of our relationship, beyond a passing comment, but we definitely had some differences over what happened with Dennis, I ended up on Hicks surgical team for a while, Peter had a lot going on I didn't know about at the time."

"He was hard on his interns, he was a very demanding resident, but you were one of the best interns I had seen. And I think Peter has a lot of ethics, I thought at first he was trying to blackmail me into giving him a recommendation, when he found out about us, but he set me straight, he didn't want pediatrics if he I didn't think he was going to succeed. He's an excellent surgeon, but not for children. And you and Peter are friends now, that really surprised me."

"Oh, we had our moments, but he is tough on his students and interns for a reason. I learned a lot from him, and he earned my respect. And I owe him at lot, more than you can imagine. We work together at Northwestern, pretty closely actually and it is great, I am back into some surgery, we are running a pilot project, and we will likely publish the results. You know, if it will help patient care to have double boarded ER doctors, reduce the drain on the surgical units."

"That sounds interesting, and you obviously have good experience now, both in an ER, surgery and your time overseas."

"How was Pakistan?"

"Well, much the same as the Congo, I think. An incredible experience, we made a difference, training some doctors there to take care of their own people. I was glad I did it, and I met my husband there, about 6 months into the tour. I ended up being there for about 2 years, and the we came back to the States and moved to California which is home to my husband Mitch. He is a general surgeon, and a great guy. How about you, married? Kids?"

"Well, I was married for a short while, and...well, my ex wife and I lost our son, so no, not married and no kids."

"I'm sorry, John, losing a child is so difficult...my husband and I have always wanted children and we haven't been able to go full term."

Carter nodded "I'm sorry too Abby, that must be hard too, we lost our son when she was 8 months pregnant, and it was - devastating to say the least. I can't even imagine going through that more than once."

"I hope you have the opportunity for more kids, you were so great with them, I think you would be a great dad. We are trying the adoption route now, but it is a long wait for a baby - we might think about an older child now - I'm 39 and if we are going to have kids, it should be soon. Mitch is a good man, I love him and he has been supportive through everything."

"Adoption is a great idea, though not always easy. You will make a great mom, Abby, I hope it works out for you. And having a supportive husband who has been able to get through this with you, that is great."

"Your ex wife wasn't able to get through it?"

"She never really recovered, and our relationship suffered because of it. I understand on one level, but on another, I guess I don't - but everyone grieves differently. It's a very long and complicated story, our lives were very different, and I guess, love isn't always enough to get you through something like losing a child."

Abby gazed at him a moment "I'm sorry, I know that seems...inadequate, but I am...I would have liked to hear you were happily married with kids."

"Well, I wish that too, but I am seeing someone pretty special right now, and I still have time to have all that. One thing I have learned, life can change all to quickly, you think you have it all, and it can be gone in the blink of an eye. We see it every day, don't we?"

"We do. You have changed a lot, but I guess I should expect that. 10 years is a long time and you've...seen a lot, I can tell by the way you talk."

"I've seen and experienced more than you would believe in the past 10 years, and I was only 24 when I knew you. It's probably good I've changed, don't you think?"

"Ahh, there is the John I remember. I know, it must seem strange to you that I would get involved with an intern, 5 years younger than me. There was just something about you, so different than the other interns, you always...well cared, you had such an affinity for the kids. You seemed more...mature than most, probably more mature than some of the older surgeons I worked with. Difficult to explain, but so you know, I didn't make a habit of picking up interns."

Carter laughed. "I never thought that you did. And not so strange, there was definitely an attraction on both sides...we enjoyed each others company, it never bothered me that you were older than me, you're not that much older, really. I knew it would never be serious, it was something I think we both got into without thinking too much about it. It was against hospital policy, and I realized later how much of a risk it was, especially for you, career wise. I was happy nothing ever came from the rumours."

"So looking back, it is not something you regret?"

"Not at all, aside from the career risk. I got to spend time with an intelligent, beautiful woman, who was an amazing pediatric surgeon. You understood my schedule, the pressure I was under, what it was like to be an intern, and I understood about your schedule, so it was kind of the perfect relationship - not to mention I was always prepared for the next days surgery." He said the last in a joking tone.

"Ahh, so that's how it was...using me to prepare and study...makes perfect sense now." Abby laughed "But seriously, I am glad it is not something you regret, it had its special moments, didn't it."

"It did, Abby."

Abby nodded "So, I wanted to ask you, I read about a new health center being built near County, and there is a Carter apparently involved in that project, any relation to you? "

"Ummm, it is me actually, I wanted to make an investment in health care, so got involved in building a health center, the land is close to County, it is to provide a wide variety of health services for the unserviced population in Chicago, those they can't get at County. Like a HIV program for children, among other things. My time in Africa made me see how needed it was, and I got some experience about clinic operation."

Abby stared at him for a second "You? Really, that's pretty amazing John. It sounds like a major project."

"It is, the construction is running around $150, plus there's an endowment, and then of course staff salaries will have to be funded, we will probably be looking for some additional donations."

"How did you get involved in this project. Sounds like a much needed program."

"My grandparents set up a Family Foundation many years ago, and after they passed away, I ended up as president, so I decided to divert some funds - previously most of the money was going to the arts, like the Symphony Hall, some environmental and children's Charities."

"So that new Symphony Hall was funded by your grandparents?"

"Yes, they, well their Foundation funded about $10 million of it as a leadership gift, then the rest was from other donations, my grandmother loved doing that stuff. She was always trying to get me involved in the Foundation events, made me present the cheque for that hall. Anyway, I talked to Donald Aunspaugh, we got plans figured out and started construction about a year and a half ago now. County had the land already, so they agreed if there was enough funding, we could have the land for the project."

Abby sat and looked at him for a second "And how much is your Family Foundation adding to this."

"The entire cost of construction, plus the endowment."

"$150 million dollars."

"More like $200 probably, once we add the endowment and cover any cost overruns."

"Wow, John, that is an amazing investment, I knew your family had some money - remember when we went out to get the tree - but I never imagined they were so involved in charitable giving. I would love to see it when it is done."

Carter smiled "Yeah, of course I remember looking for the tree, how could I forget." A little look passed between them and Abby gave him a little smile back. "I'll send you an invitation for a tour once it's complete, let you know when we have the grand opening. I got Todd Becker on board to run it, he did a whole similar thing in New York, and he did a great job of managing it. I talked to him a lot during the planning stages."

"Todd Becker - from Stanford."

"Right, he gave me some great ideas, so we are waiting for construction to be complete, and Todd is working on staffing requirements, that kind of stuff in the meantime. If you like I'll send you a list, to see if you know anyone you can recommend."

"So you are going to have some involvement when it's done, other than funding?"

"Well, I'll have a board of directors position, and I'll probably do some volunteering, see some patients, but I'm going to leave the day to day operation in other hands - I don't want to deal with the paperwork and headaches - just like I never want to be Chief of Staff, I just like being a doctor."

Abby shook her head in amazement "Well, this has been interesting, I never have imagined you would accomplish so much...I knew you'd be a great doctor, but this is terrific, John. I would love to get that invitation when it opens, and I'd love to keep in touch, if it wouldn't cause any issues for you."

"I would love that Abby, it would be great to keep in touch, and maybe I'll get a chance to meet your husband. Is he here at the conference?"

"No, he's home in California, how about...the woman you're seeing."

"Deb... or actually Dr. Jing-Mei Chen - she's here, we still have a couple days, so maybe you'll get a chance to meet her, she is an ER doc too."

"Does she know...about us, about our history?"

"She does, I haven't told anyone else, but I felt full disclosure was the best idea - and she was fine with me meeting you today."

"Keeping it honest, that's a good plan. I told Mitch I was meeting a colleague I had worked with at County, but he doesn't know the history, though I probably will talk to him when I get home. Especially if we keep in touch, I don't want him to get the wrong idea."

"No, and I don't want to cause a problem in your marriage, either."

They exchanged contact information and gave each other a quick hug. "It was really good to see you Abby, I hope things go well with an adoption."

"It was good to see you too. I look forward to hearing more on the clinic, and I meant it, keep in touch."

Carter met up with the group just before the next session started.

"Hey Carter, missed you at lunch." Benton sat down beside him.

"Yeah, I met Abby for a coffee."

Pratt turned around "Abby? She was with us at lunch." Abby turned around as she heard her name and something about coffee.

Carter shook his head. "Not that Abby, Pratt."

"You know another Abby?"

"Yes, I do. And I had coffee with her, if that's okay with everybody." Carter rolled his eyes.

Jing-Mei and Susan came in and sat down on the other side of Carter.

"How did your meeting go?" Jing-Mei gave his hand a quick squeeze.

"Really good actually, it was great to catch up. I'll tell you about it later." He motioned his head towards the group from County just in front of them, most of which seemed to be eavesdropping to hear about this other 'Abby'

Benton gave Carter a little look "You'll have to catch me up on how she is doing, she was a great surgeon."

Carter nodded "Sure, do you and Cleo have plans for dinner? Maybe the four of us could go out tonight."

"Sounds like a good plan. Maybe around 7 we meet in the lobby, and we can go from there."

"Great." They both turned their attention to the front of the room as the session was starting.

At 7:30 the four, Peter, Carter, Cleo and Jing-Mei, were seated at a nearby restaurant, perusing the menu.

"What have you and Cleo been up to the past few nights? Haven't seen you around much."

"We found a couple shows we wanted to see, the County crowd seems to mostly enjoy going to the clubs, not really our scene. How about the two of you?"

"Mostly just finding some different places for dinner. We did go out with the group one night, but you're right, nicer to find other things to do. We found a show to go to, did a bit of shopping, a little sightseeing. It has been fun, relaxing."

"And you went for coffee with Keaton today. That seemed to cause some interest in the group."

"I think it was more that I said I went for coffee with Abby - they all thought I meant Lockhart, which would have been a big deal to them, for various reasons. I don't think any of them know who Keaton is, Susan recognizes the name, but she never knew her. And it would be good to keep it that way."

"I bet, I'm sure neither of you want things out in the open."

Cleo was watching this banter go back and forth, it was obvious she didn't know who Keaton was either.

"Not particularly, for career reasons, I'm sure you get that, Peter. Anyway, it was a good visit, she had about 2 years in Pakistan, teaching the surgeons there, she met her husband, and now they are living and working in California. We talked a bit about the Congo and Darfur, and we got into talking about the health center. She is going to let me know if she has any recommendations for staffing, and we said we'd keep in touch."

Peter nodded "The Readers Digest version of a two hour coffee."

"Sure, but the rest of the conversation might not be that interesting to you - stuff you've heard before mostly. Anyway, she is happily married in California, and still a great surgeon. She has done quite a bit of publishing, have you read any of it?"

"Some, but not all I'm sure. She's a talented doctor, I enjoyed the rotation we did with her."

"Me too."

Peter laughed "I just bet you did, Carter."

Carter rolled his eyes "I guess I have to watch what I say, right Benton?"

"So, this must be a previous girlfriend, is that it?" Cleo was catching the body language and inflections in the banter.

"Something like that. Anyway, who is ready to order?" Carter was ready to change the subject.

Much later Carter and Jing-Mei arrived back at the suite, and started getting ready for bed. Jing-Mei had brought over her suitcase and checked out of the other suite, they were spending all their time together, and no-one but Susan had come by, so they weren't too worried.

"That was nice to have dinner with Peter and Cleo tonight." Jing-Mei pulled of her shoes, dropping them on the floor by her suitcase.

"It was, Peter mentioned that you and Cleo are getting along great, might have to think about getting together with them once in a while at home. Nice to get out with some other couples once in a while."

"I'd like that, Cleo is great. So what else happened at coffee, that you didn't want to say at dinner."

"Well, Abby and I are going to keep in touch, but know she is very happily married. We talked a bit about some of the more personal stuff, like you and me, kids, marriage. If we have a chance before we leave Vegas, she'd like to meet you."

"She knows we're involved?"

"Yes, I told her, no reason not to tell her, she lives in California, she doesn't work at County."

"I just like that you told her you were with me...it's a good thing, and she told you about her husband too." Jing-Mei wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss.

"Well, I can tell her again if it gets me another kiss like that." Jing-Mei gave him another kiss.

"Oh, you don't have to do that, _you_ just get one anytime you want." She stepped back and went in to the bathroom to wash her face. Carter followed her in, picking up his toothbrush.

"So how was lunch with Susan? Good girl chat?"

"Yes, it was nice, we have reconnected, it was tough for a while with her, you know that she was ER Chief when I was there. Now it feels like we can be friends again, and just talk. You should go have a coffee with her soon, just the two of you, she kind of wanted to talk to you this morning, but...I guess she got distracted when I came out in your shirt." Jing-Mei picked up her toothbrush and started on her teeth.

"That was kind of priceless - she realized from the second coffee cup that I wasn't alone, but she _did not_ expect you to come out of the bedroom. She almost left, but the timing was great...she didn't quite know what to say at first. It is kind of nice that she knows, though, she won't say anything, and it got you two talking again."

Carter finished his teeth and went back out to the bedroom, crawling into bed to wait for Deb. She came out shortly after, flicking off the light and snuggling in with him. "Mmmmm this is nice, I'm going to miss it when we get home."

"Are you?" Carter pulled her closer and gave her a tender kiss "You think we can't spend the night together in Chicago?"

"Am I invited to stay over when we get home?" She teased giving him a soft kiss back

"Maybe...do you need to be invited? I just kind of thought it was...well.. understood? Expected?"

"A little presumptuous there Dr. Carter, aren't we." they continued to trade kisses during the exchange. "Mmmmm, I think I owe you a rain check from this morning."

Saturday morning arrived, and Carter shook Deb awake at 4 am. The last two days of the conference passed quickly, and they were heading back to Chicago later in the day, but first he had arranged a surprise for Deb.

"Why are we getting up soooooo early. It's dark out there!"

"I know, but work with me here Deb. I have a car rented for us again, and our flight isn't until 6pm. Grab a quick shower and let's go."

"Can we at least have some coffee?"

"Yes, I've already started the coffee, it'll be ready in like two minutes. I'll pour you a cup as soon as you're out of the shower."

45 minutes later, they were in the lobby, Carter signed for the rental car at the bell boy took their luggage towards the front. Deb was gratefully sipping coffee from a travel mug, wondering why they were up so early. Carter led her out to the car and opened the door for her, getting her settled as the suitcases were stowed in the trunk.

They drove a little ways out of the city, the darkness was just starting to lift.

"Where are you taking me John? Tired of me already and dumping me off in the desert?"

"Nah, not tired of you yet, though that might be a good plan for later on." He gave her a little grin as she hit his shoulder. "Here we are." He stopped the car and Deb gave a little squeal.

"We're going up in that!" She pointed to where the hot air balloon was being filled, "I've never been in one before."

"Me either, but the sunrise is supposed to be incredible and you can see for miles from up there. So...ready?" He opened her door, and locked the car.

A couple hours later, they were back in the car and heading for the next adventure Carter had planned for their last day in Vegas. Deb leaned over and rested against his shoulder. "That was so amazing! The sunrise was beautiful and the view...wow. Thank you."

"So it was worth getting up extra early?"

"Absolutely. Though now I am starving."

"Oh don't worry, we will stop and have some breakfast. I was told to stop at this little restaurant, and I think it is just up here on the right."

They pulled into a small parking lot, and Deb sighed "Oh good. I don't know how much longer I could last."

The two enjoyed breakfast and filled up their coffee mugs before they left. Another half hour down the road, Carter pulled in to a driveway and they arrived at a barn.

"Oh no, you don't think you are getting me up on one of those! Really John? Do you know how to ride?"

"Uh, yeah, of course I do, remember I told you I had lessons for years. I just don't ride often now because I haven't had the time. We have some horses still, in the stable on my grandparents estate and a few polo ponies too. I should take you out there sometime - they let me keep the horses there still, part of the deal when I donated the house. I haven't gotten around to selling them, and now I'm back, I might keep them for a while or at least a couple of them."

"Right... of course you own horses. What don't you do...you ski, fence, scuba dive, ride, sail, swim, have I missed anything?"

"Well I was on the wrestling team, I played baseball, and I windsurf, play tennis and squash, and I took a few surfing lessons when I was a kid if that counts. And we played around on the polo ponies when I was a kid - Chase and I used to have a lot of fun, got in a bit of trouble with Gamma over those ponies. What do you do?"

"I did a little bit of ballet, and I can play the piano, but mostly my parents made me do school work, so I had tutors, learned mandarin and cantonese."

"Piano, I had a few lessons on that too...never play anymore. Were you good?"

"Pretty good. I wish I got to do more sports."

Well you'll be fine today, I promise not to let anything happen to you. We'll make sure they give you a gentle horse and hey, if you like it, I'll take you out riding on the estate. Athena would be perfect for you."

"And what is your horses name?"

"Well, Athena is mine, and Eclipse is too. I have a few other horses too, they were my grandfathers, I should think of selling them. Anyway, lets go."

They met up with their guide, who was taking the two of them out for a couple hours. Carter coaxed Jing-Mei onto her horse, Genevieve and within a short while, she found she was actually enjoying herself. The horse was gentle and John was encouraging, and the scenery beautiful. By the time they returned to the car she was tired, but she'd had a great time.

"Wow, it's only lunch time, we still have hours before we need to be at the airport."

"Oh don't worry, we still have a couple things to do." Carter turned the car back towards Vegas, and soon they were pulling up in front a lavish spa.

Deb looked over at him "What's this?"

"Oh I thought after riding, you might need a little pampering, so I booked us some massages."

The valet took the care and they checked in at the desk, then were taken to a lavish room with two tables. Within minutes they were both enjoying massages.

"Wow, I feel so relaxed." Deb was almost in heaven when they were done. Carter had booked them a table for a late lunch, and then they would be on the way to the airport. "That was probably the best massage, ever."

"I know, my back hasn't felt this good in a while. Time for our lunch then we have to head home."

That night when they got home to Chicago, they went to Carter's house and fell into bed exhausted.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 Monday they were both back on shift, they had the 6pm-6am shifts for the next few weeks, but they were together, so neither minded.

Over the past weeks since they had returned from Vegas, Jing-Mei was spending most of her free time at Carter’s house. It was bigger than her condo, and she loved the house, she could see why he bought it. She knew he had originally purchased it when Kem was in Chicago, but she didn't mind – that part of his life was over, and if he was okay living there, it was fine with her too. It was close to the lake path, to work and it was roomy.

He'd had it beautifully renovated shortly after he'd purchased the house, the kitchen was state of the art with granite and high end appliances, beautiful wood flooring and all freshly painted.

Life had been good, they had gone out with Cleo and Peter a few times for breakfast after the night shift and Peter seemed really happy to see that the relationship with Jing-Mei and Carter had progressed so much. The initial awkwardness of moving from friends to being in an intimate relationship had totally faded, they both were embracing the change. Jing-Mei had broken her habit of leaving, she was thoroughly enjoying waking up in John's bed every morning, and even more so joining him there at night, he was a wonderful and attentive lover.

Carter had started thinking about asking Deb to move in with him, their time in Vegas had gone well, and she was pretty much at the house all the time anyway. Her place was really just a stopover now to pick up clothes, and he noticed that more and more of the walk in closet was devoted to her clothes.

"Why don't you just move in here, Deb?" He asked her one morning as they crawled into bed after their night shift.

"I don't know, do you think it's too soon?"

"I've known you for like twelve years, and it's too soon?

She gave him a playful smack on the shoulder. "You know what I mean John, we've only really been _together_ for a few weeks now."

"But most of your clothes have migrated here anyway, this is where we spend all our time. When was the last time you slept at your house."

"Well, I think a certain doctor and I were there one day last week."

"Okay, so when was the last time you slept at your house _alone._ In fact, when was the past time you slept alone, period."

Deb giggled. "Okay, I get it, we sleep together every night, my clothes are here...I'll think about it."

"I guess I'll have to live with that, but don't think too long. Wouldn't it be nice to have Christmas together, here? We could go out to the house and cut down a tree." Carter gave her a long kiss.

"Your grandmothers house? You could do that?"

"Sure, they let me access the land, I'm sure we could take a tree. It was a _very_ generous donation, letting them have the house."

The next day marked a month since they had returned from Vegas, and it was busy in the ER, with some major MVA's. It had finally quieted down for a few minutes and Carter ran into the lounge to grab some coffee. Their shift was almost over, but he was running out of energy.

Out at admit Jing-Mei was reviewing a chart for her next patient, but looked up as Luka came storming into the ER.

"Dr. Chen, where is Carter. I need to speak with him, immediately."

Jing-Mei knew John was in the lounge, so she pointed it out to Luka, and watched him stomp across and push open the door. She was a little concerned but the nurse called out. "Dr. Chen we need you right away!" and she had to get to her patient.

Carter looked over as the lounge door banged open and saw Luka charge across the room. Luka grabbed him, and slammed him up against the lockers.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Carter. Keep away from her, do you hear me?" Luka's voice was rough and angry.

"What the hell are _you_ talking about Luka. Let me go." He shoved Luka off him and they stood glaring at each other "Exactly what is going on here? Keep away from who?"

"I think you know, John, Abby told me everything. Keep your hands off her."

"Abby? I haven't touched Abby, I haven't seen her since Vegas."

"Well, your time in _Vegas_ is the issue, so don't pretend innocence."

The lounge door swung open again and Peter Benton stepped in "Hey Carter, do you have those..." He paused looking at the scene before him - Carter and Luka were glaring at each other and the tension in the room was thick.

"Everything okay in here?" Peter asked in a concerned voice "You okay Carter?"

Carter looked at Luka for a moment, then over at Peter. "I think we're okay, right Luka? We were just going to take this outside, get some air and discuss whatever is going on here." He motioned to the lounge door, and Luka stared at him for a minute, then nodded.

"Okay, you're right, we need to settle this, but not here."

"Peter, would you mind letting Deb know I needed to go out for a few minutes so she can cover for me." He glanced over at Peter who nodded.

"No problem, in fact I will be down here for a couple minutes. I'll expect you back in about 15 minutes or so? I need to go over those numbers, I think you have them."

"Sure, I'll meet you at my office."

Peter looked at both of them again, and then left to find Jing-Mei. Carter motioned to the door, then followed Luka out of the ER. They walked towards the lake path, finally stopping a leaning on the railing, looking out at the lake.

"So, Luka, what is going on? You come into my work place and attack me? What exactly is the problem?"

"Abby told me what happened in Vegas, _Carter,_ don't play games with me. She's pregnant, did you know that?"

"Abby's pregnant? I didn't know that, but you don't seem very happy about it."

Luka turned and glared at him. "Well, why would I be happy about her having an ex-boyfriends baby. She told me the baby is yours, that she was sleeping with you in Vegas. She's due next June."

Carter felt his heart drop, and he looked over at Luka as he continued "How could you do that, John, I thought we were friends, yet you couldn't wait, could you. To get her away from me, just like last time."

Carter shook his head "I didn't sleep with her Luka, if she's pregnant, it sure the hell isn't mine. You better ask her again, because either you're mistaken, or she's lying."

"So you were alone in your hotel room every night, then? She said she was sharing your fancy suite, visiting you every night – I still can't believe it."

"I wasn't _alone_ in my hotel room every night, but I sure the hell wasn't with Abby. I'm seeing someone, and they were with me every night in Vegas, in my room." He met Luka's eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you Luka, I know we have not always gotten along, and Abby is a big part of that, but I wasn't with her in Vegas. She and I haven't been together for over 3 years now, so if she's really pregnant, I swear to you, it's not mine. I do consider you my friend, I know you two are back together. And to be honest, I have no interest in getting back to together with Abby - it didn't work last time, I sure wouldn't put anyone through that again.I don't know why she would say that we had been together."

"So who's baby is it then….I know it's not mine."

Carter shrugged "I don't know Luka, I didn't see her with anyone, but of course I was off doing my own thing most of the time, we only went out with the County group a couple times. Maybe Neela would be the better person to ask, she was around Abby more than I was. I'm sorry, man, I don't know why she is bringing me into this."

Luka looked over at him "You're telling me the truth? If you had someone in your room, who was it. If Abby knew you were with someone, she wouldn't think she could say she was in your room."

"She doesn't know, we've kept it kind of private for now."

"So who then, I heard it was just that you, Benton, Finch and Chen there from Northwestern. Though she did say you saw some old friend while you were there, a surgeon you had worked with at County."

"Dr. Keaton - no Luka, I'm not involved with her, haven't seen her for 10 years, we just went for coffee. I don't have affairs with married women, Luka, not my style."

"So who does that leave - the only single lady in the group was probably Chen." Luka stopped as the realization came over him. "You and Chen…. didn't see that one coming."

Carter nodded "Yes, it's Deb, we have been seeing each other for a while, we kept it pretty quiet, but she was staying with me in my room. We didn't need everyone talking about it, you know? So…..Abby doesn't know, which is maybe why she thought she could get away with this lie."

Luka nodded "I'm sorry John, I should have known better, she has been different lately."

"Did Susan talk to you, Luka, she promised me she would."

"About what?"

Carter sighed "The drinking, Luka….Abby is drinking. I told Susan she needed to get Abby help. I didn't want to get involved, especially since you two are back together, I didn't think it was appropriate for me to spend time with her. And I don't think Abby would accept my help anyway…but if you haven't noticed…. she needs help."

Luka stared at him "Right, Susan did talk to me about that. The drinking again….she has a beer or two once in a while, but she is okay. You are always worried about the drinking, John."

"Well, probably because she was getting drunk in Vegas - not one or two drinks. Ask Neela about the night at the club, hell ask anyone who went from County. Trust me Luka, she's not okay. You think Abby doesn't know how to hide it? Alcoholics…..and addicts…..can be pretty convincing liars when it comes to hiding the use of their drug of choice, it's not her first time either. I saw the signs in Vegas…remember I know Abby pretty well, she was drinking when she was having issues with her family, the drinking was part of why we broke up. She will deny she has a problem, but don't be fooled."

"You think she is – getting drunk a lot?"

"Probably, I haven't seen her since Vegas…but I would bet she is, unless she has gone back to AA, gotten herself help. If she really is pregnant, then she needs to get it under control. She was getting drunk in Vegas, Luka, she could have….gone home with anyone. I hate to say that to you, but it's not mine, and if it's not yours…..and it happened in Vegas, maybe she doesn't even know. Maybe that's why she told you that it was mine, she doesn't want to admit the problem."

Luka leaned his head on his forearms and took a deep breath. "I can't believe she would do this to me" He whispered "I thought we were happy, we have a beautiful baby boy, and she is doing this."

"I know, I'm sorry, it can't be easy. If you need to talk, you can call me anytime. I don't know why….it could be part of the alcoholism, maybe she didn't mean for it to happen, but if she was drunk…she might not have known what she was doing."

"I should go, you need to go back to work, and I need to go home and talk to Abby. I'm sorry you have been dragged into the middle of this, I will try to get her to tell me the truth." Luka stared over the lake "I'm afraid you and Chen might not remain a secret though….does anyone at County know?"

"Susan does….she came by for coffee one morning, and Deb was there, it was pretty obvious that she had spent the night. Don't worry about it, if it comes out, it's not the end of the world. People will find out anyway, we just wanted a little privacy, it's not like we have anything to hide. I'll have to tell Deb about our conversation, Luka, there could be rumours flying and I don't want her to hear about this from anyone but me."

"Right, makes sense, you don't want this to ruin what you have with Chen. It's bad enough that I came to your work and I was pretty close to beating the crap out of you. I'm glad we talked." Luka turned and shook Carters hand "No hard feelings? My emotions took over and I don't want to lose our friendship."

"No problem, Luka, I would have been pretty upset too, and Abby obviously got you going. I better get back, and let me know if you need any help."

They parted ways, Carter deep in thought all the way back to the hospital.

Jing-Mei watched as John came back in, he did not look very happy, in fact he was kind of distracted and upset about something. She glanced at her watch and knew their shift was almost over, but a trauma came in and they were both busy for the next 20 minutes. Jing-Mei watched him over the patient as they worked and she could see that he kept glancing over at her like he wanted to tell her something. Finally they sent the patient up to the ER and he ripped off his gown and gloves.

Jing-Mei went over and put her arm around him "Hey, are you okay."

"Yeah, just….we need to talk, Deb, are you ready to go?"

She nodded "Almost, let me sign these patients out to Nathan, and then we can go grab some breakfast"

"Maybe we could go for a walk first, I don't want to talk about this in the restaurant."

Jing-Mei was concerned, it had to be serious. "Okay, you have me a bit worried."

"Don't be okay? Just something you need to know. I need to go upstairs and grab some stuff and Peter might be looking for me too. Come up when you're ready?"

"Okay, I'll just be a couple minutes."

Carter arrived at his office to find Peter waiting "Sorry, we had a trauma come in, so I got stuck. But I have those numbers, their just on my desk." he opened the door and Peter followed him in.

"So what was with the very angry Croatian earlier. Looked like you two were going to get into it. Though I know not to underestimate you when you get angry, you gave me quite a bruise."

Carter gave a humourless laugh "Oh...you know, a little trouble with an ex-girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend?"

"Lockhart? Kind of a long story, but she is making up a tale about Vegas, and she is with Luka now, so he was about ready to kill me." Carter sorted through the files on his desk and pulled one out for Peter.

"Wait, you and Abby Lockhart were an item? Is that what all her mooning over you is about?"

"I guess so, I have no interest, but she seems to think...you know what, I don't have a clue what she thinks. Anyway, yes we dated, that was over 3 years ago, but she told Luka we were together in Vegas. And apparently, she got pregnant sometime during the Vegas trip. So...you can guess how happy Luka was when she told him I was the father of the baby."

"But you and Chen were together almost all the time."

"Right, so it's physically impossible for that baby to be mine - I don't think Abby and I were even alone in the same room the entire trip, and Deb was.." He looked over to see Peter smirking at him and he gave a small shrug and smile "Yup, exactly what you're thinking - she was with me, so I have an alibi."

"So Luka decided not to try and beat the crap out of you then."

Carter laughed. "Luka and I were in Africa together, and we understand each other. So yes, he believed me, and now he is going back to his cheating girlfriend to find out the real story. You know, Abby and I used to be friends, I've known her for something like 8 years, and she does this...I can't understand what she is thinking."

"What who is thinking?" Jing-Mei was standing in the door of the office. "Hi Peter, you two almost done?"

Peter turned "Hi Chen, yes, we're done. I'll let you two get going. Thanks for the file and we can talk about the numbers tomorrow on shift."

"Goodnight Peter, thanks. Ready?" They left the hospital and started to walk, he put his arm around her shoulders, she slipped hers around him. Finally stopped and he pulled her onto a bench looking over the lake.

"So….Luka came to tell me that Abby's pregnant."

"Really? I thought he would be excited about it, but he sure didn't look too happy."

"Well, I wouldn't be happy either if my girlfriend came home after a week in Vegas, told me she's pregnant and that it wasn't mine."

Jing-Mei felt her jaw drop open "Oh, poor Luka, that's…..wow, I don't even know what to say. How could she do that to him."

"I don't know, but it gets better." John said this a little sarcastically "Abby told him that I'm the father." He stopped and glanced over at her "He was ready to kill me in the lounge….how could she do that, Deb."

Jing-Mei couldn't believe this was happening "She said that….it's _yours_?"

"According to what she told Luka, we were spending our nights together in my room. She doesn't know about us, so she thought she could make this up and it would be believable. I wanted to tell you before you heard rumours."

"Oh, John….so did Luka believe you when you said it's not yours?"

"Eventually he did. I told him about you and me, that we were together every night, that the baby isn't mine. Fortunately he believed me. How could she even think she could get away with such a blatant lie. _How_ could she do that to me and to Luka."

Jing-Mei hugged him " _I_ know it's not true, you wouldn't do that to Luka, or to me. It's okay, we will get through this."

He hugged her back "I am so glad I have you….I love you, you know that. I love you so much." His voice was soft in her ear.

"I love you too." She felt a tear track down her cheek, then another one, and she was sobbing.

Carter pulled back and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "I didn't mean to upset you….what's wrong, Deb?"

Jing-Mei just shook her head mutely and buried her head in his chest, clinging to him. She honestly couldn't say why she was suddenly so emotional. Maybe it was because he said he loved her, and she knew he truly meant it. Other men had said it to her, but it wasn't the same, she wasn't sure they ever meant it. Is that why she started to cry?

John just held her and let her gather her thoughts, he was so patient and she loved him so much.

She finally pulled away slightly and looked up at him.

"Better now?" He asked.

She nodded and said softly, “I'm okay, sorry for getting your shirt all wet."

Carter smiled at her. "It wouldn't be the first time, would it. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, I'm suddenly starving. Let’s go get some breakfast” Her voice was a bit shaky, but at least she had stopped crying, he must think her crazy or something.

But he simply helped her up and held her hand while they walked towards their favourite diner. She could feel him glance at over at her a few times, but he still didn’t say anything – he knew her well - she would tell him when she was ready. The problem was, she didn't really know the answer.

They both had the day off, and didn't need to go back to work until 6am the following day, as they were on a switchover from nights to days. After breakfast, they spent a bit of time by the lake, it was getting towards the end of October now, but it was still nice during the days. Jing-Mei was soon ready to go home and crash.

“I think I need some sleep, John, maybe just a nap.  Something I ate isn't agreeing with me, I feel a little nauseous too. Maybe wake me up in hour or so? Making the switch from nights to days is always tough, you want to sleep, but you really shouldn't or you're up all night."

"I have a bit of writing to do, so go ahead and sleep, and I'll get you up in a couple hours. Then we can go out for a while again, get you tired before bed."

As promised John woke her up two hours later, and she was feeling quite a bit better. They made some dinner at home, then went out to a movie, getting home around 10pm, and Jing-Mei was ready to sleep again.

The next morning they were up early for their first day shift, they were back on 6am to 6pm for a few weeks.

The ER was particularly busy this morning, with a major MVA arriving. Carter was in one trauma room taking care of a child, a girl about 8 years old, trying to stabilize her so they could send her up to the OR to control the internal bleeding. Jing-Mei was in another room with Rachel, one of the other doctors, working on the mother.

Jing-Mei suddenly felt a little faint, and then nauseous.

"I have to go!" She blurted before she sprinted from the room, barely making it into the nearest bathroom before she vomited into the sink. She collected herself, rinsed out her mouth, then leaned against the wall, feeling slightly better, but a little concerned now. She had been tired lately, emotional, she hadn't felt well after breakfast yesterday, now she was getting dizzy and nauseous at the sight of a little blood. Last time this had happened to her…it couldn't be could it? Oh, but it could be, she thought, it was entirely possible.

She went out to look for John, but he had gone up to surgery with the little girl, and wouldn't be back for at least a couple hours. Rachel had finished with the mother, she was stable and awaiting transport upstairs. She came over to Jing-Mei with look of concern on her face.

"Are you okay Jing-Mei? You looked a little off in the trauma room, I've never seen you get like that over a trauma."

"Oh, I'm okay, I just hope I'm not coming down with something."

"Do you want to go lay down? It's quiet now, why don't you rest for a few minutes and we will page you if needed, the on call room is open."

"Maybe I will, thanks Rachel." She gratefully went into the on call room and lay down on the cot, and fell asleep almost immediately. When she woke up, she realized there was someone in the room with her, rolled over and John was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Are you okay, Deb? Rachel said you weren't feeling well, you almost got sick in a trauma? Do you need to go home? I can cover for you."

"I'm okay, I feel better now that I had a sleep. How long was I out for?"

"Well I was in surgery for 3 hours, and just got back down here, so probably about 3 hours." He gave a little laugh, but he was looking at her intently. He placed a hand on her forehead.

"What are you doing?"

"Just checking, you don't seem to have a fever, but we could do a temperature."

"I don't think I have the flu, John." She looked at him silently for a moment. He looked back at her then took a breath and nodded.

"So you're pregnant, right?"

"I think so. I have been so tired, and then today, I was suddenly faint and nauseous. Last time that happened to me…I found out I was pregnant with Michael. You know we haven't been that careful."

"You're right, we haven't. How far along do you think - 4 or 5 weeks?"

“I think closer to 4, if I think about my dates.”

“You haven't done a test yet?"

"No, I just came to lie down. I was so tired, and still a little nauseous." Deb felt a tear run down her face.

“Hey,” he said quietly, "Deb, it's okay."

She felt his arms around her, and she leaned into him for comfort.

"I know, but I cry at everything right now. I'm definitely hormonal, John, I just can't control it. Like yesterday, I didn’t know why I was crying, but I couldn't stop."

He gave a little laugh. "I noticed, remember, I'm the one that ended up with the soaking wet shirt. So, I'm going to get a couple things and you can go get us a sample. I think exam 3 is open, meet me in there."

"We're doing this now?"

"Uh, yeah, are you kidding? You're going to wait another six hours until our shift is over to find out for sure? Really Deb?"

It was her turn to laugh. "I suppose not, six hours of wondering…okay I will meet you there in a couple minutes."

She got up and discreetly found a specimen bottle, and went into the bathroom, then met John in the exam room. He did the test quickly and they both watched it turn blue. 

"I can't believe this, are we really going to have a baby?" Jing-Mea wiped away a tear. "I just can't stop crying."

"Do you want to have a baby, Deb?"

She nodded slowly. "I do want to have a baby…our baby."

"Then yes." He pulled her tightly into his chest. "I want this baby too."

They sat holding each other for a while, until there was a knock at the door.

"Oh, I think we need vacate this room, people are going to start to wonder what we are doing in here." He gave her a kiss, dropped the test into the garbage, and opened the door. "Hey Rachel."

"Everything okay?" She asked curiously, she saw Jing-Mei sitting on the gurney. "Are you okay Jing-Mei"

"I'm fine Rachel, thanks, John and I were just talking, sorry for tying up a room. I feel better after having a sleep, John and I can cover for a while if you want to take a break."

Rachel looked over at Carter. "Is that okay? It is still quite slow out there, and it would be nice to get away for a few minutes."

Carter nodded. "Sure Rachel, there's two of us, I'll come run the board, is there anything special that we need to be aware of?"

"Nope nothing critical, we are waiting on a bunch of labs and x-rays, I have a couple med students doing work ups, so if you want to check in on them in about 10 minutes. Jim is also here,” She said, referring to the Chief Resident, “So he is also keeping tabs on the students and residents.”

"Okay, take at least 30 minutes, Rachel. We will be fine."

“Thanks John." She departed for her break.

The rest of the afternoon Jing-Mei felt like she was walking around on a cloud.

"You look like you're feeling better, Jing-Mei, I guess that sleep really did help." Rachel was smiling at her.

"Thanks Rachel, I appreciate you covering for me. I do feel good now, maybe not enough sleep last night or something. You know, we are on the shift change."

Rachel had a speculative look on her face.

"Really. I'm thinking it is the 'or something'." She leaned in and whispered. "Come on Jing-Mei, I know pregnant when I see it." Rachel picked up a chart and left, heading towards the exam rooms.

The rest of the shift went quickly and they were ready to leave and pick up some dinner.

"Anything special you want?"

"Just food, I am hungry now, I didn't eat much earlier, I was too nauseous. You know Rachel guessed what was going on."

"Yeah, I picked up on that. You know what, we work most of our shifts with her, so if you want to tell her, go ahead. Ask her not to say anything for now, but in an ER setting it would be good for another person to know. In case there is a patient that comes in you don't want exposure to, if they have something that might be an issue for the baby."

"And I might be tired for a while too, I am sure that is why I have needed to take naps on your couch lately."

"I am sure it is – you can still do that and I will cover you as much as I can. You can use still use my office, just make sure you eat properly and sleep as much as you need. We can get your shifts cut back if it becomes a problem for you."

"Worrying about us already, daddy?"

Carter nodded "Of course I am, you need to take care of yourself." He gave her a kiss "And our baby. Wow that sounds so crazy, our baby."

"I know, but it's exciting too."

"I know. So, I was thinking about what I said the other day about you moving into the house with me….no point in having two places. If you like it there, that is – we could always look at selling it and getting something else if you prefer."

"No, I like the house. We can always move later if we need more space, but the location is great, close to good schools and nice parks, and convenient for work."

"So that's a yes? You'll move in with me?"

Jing-Mei stopped and turned to Carter "Yes…of course it's a yes, John. We're having a baby…I think this baby needs both of us, to be a family we need to be in one house."

"Good" he said softly and pulled her into a hug.

Three weeks later, Susan met with Carter for lunch, she had still been wanting to talk to him, so she had called earlier in the week to set it up for his day off. She walked into the restaurant, shook off the snow that had collected on her hair and joined Carter at the table.

"This is nice, we haven't had a chance to talk for a while." Susan took off her coat and sat down.

"Quite a while actually. I remember a time when we talked every day, then you were pissed at me, so….we just stopped talking."

"I know, I have to apologize for that, I think I was stressed out about too many things, I took it out on you when life didn't go how I planned."

"It's okay Susan, you were right about one thing….I didn't want to be there anymore. I needed to be somewhere else...even though that didn't turn out how _I_ planned, it was something I needed to do. And I don't think I will ever want to be back at County, just too many memories, and so many of them are not good ones."

"I know, Jing-Mei told me you are happy at Northwestern, kind of a fresh start for you. And a great position, too. And maybe too many ex-girlfriends hanging around County."

"That's true, and it seems like everyone there knows so much about me, especially the nurses. Most of them have been around before I started, so they seem to know about every girlfriend, every mistake, just….everything."

"The nurse rumour mill….I know it well. You know the nurses really respected you as a doctor, even if you did mess up a few times."

"Mess up, that's a nice way to put it…but I can't argue the point, I made my share of mistakes."

"We all have, Carter, whether in the hospital or in our personal lives, we have all made mistakes."

"I can't argue with you on that. How are Chuck and Cosmo doing? He must be getting big now."

"Yup, Chuck is getting bigger by the day...oh right, you meant Cosmo. He's two now, the time has flown by. Chuck is okay, things have been rough between us lately – I want to have another baby, I'm not sure he does – you know married life can be tough."

"Tell me about it. I've been there, and sometimes things just don't go as planned. Anything specific that's a problem, or just not working in general?"

"I don't know, I guess it's a little of everything, I care about him, and he's a good dad to Cosmo, but it's really time for him to go back to work – being a house husband is not the best thing for him. Even if it was for a while, until we had another baby. But who knows if that is going to happen anyway. And I guess I am not super happy at County anymore either, Weaver is driving me insane, they still won't consider me for tenure – it's all about getting the grants now."

"You should think about moving on somewhere else, it can make a big difference. I look forward to going in to work now. You know, it is still not for another year or so, but I should send you a few positions that will be coming up in the new health center, maybe there will be something you like. We might get to work together again, as I will be spending some of my time there volunteering."

"I would like that, maybe the big boss can put in a word for me?" Susan joked.

"I'm sure I could talk him into it." He winked at her.

"How are things with you and Jing-Mei? I talked to her a few days ago, and she seems really happy. She said something about moving in with you. That is big news, maybe a wedding next?"

"We have pretty much gotten her moved now, she has given up her lease on her condo. I love having her at the house – you know the week we had in Vegas was so great and we spent almost all our time together, and it just…worked, it was like living together. She was virtually living at my house anyway, and...well we have bigger news than a wedding."

"You're kidding, what could be bigger news than getting married, other than…..no, is she?" Susan's eyes widened as she realized.

"She is actually, we just found recently, about 7 weeks now we think. We have an appointment next week with OB at Northwestern and they will confirm for us, if not, we will sneak in an ultrasound in the ER. Keep it to yourself though, kind of early yet."

Susan had a huge smile on her face and she bounced out of her chair pulling Carter out of his to give him a big hug "Congratulations, John, I am so excited for the two of you. A baby, wow, how am I going to keep this to myself!"

"If you need to talk about it, call Deb and go for lunch or something. Ever since we found out, she has been incredibly excited, but we are keeping it quiet….you know, until after she is 12 weeks. It would be good for her to have a friend who knows – you've both had babies, you can girl talk or whatever."

"Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting she has a son that she put up for adoption. That must have been tough."

"I know she didn't make the decision lightly, and she gets pictures of Michael, he's really cute. The adoptive parents seemed like really great people and he always looks happy in his picture."

"Right, you were her labour coach….and now you get to be her coach again. It doesn't bother you she gave up her baby before?"

"No, why should it. She did what was right for her at that time, there were a lot of reasons she did it, and she didn't abandon him, she gave him to a couple who badly wanted to have a baby, but couldn't. She will make a great mom, now she is in the right place in her life – and she isn't doing this alone either."

Susan nodded "You look really happy, Carter, that's good. So, next thing will be wedding plans…maybe?"

"We haven't talked to much about it yet, but I think it is something we both want…so yes…in fact I had an idea I wanted to run by you."

"Really? Now I'm curious."

"Well, it's kind of fast in some ways, asking her to marry me, but we've known each other forever, and it just seems….right. I want to find out what she likes….for rings, and I'm thinking of the best way to do this. I thought maybe if you two went for a girl's weekend, in New York and you could do some…fact finding for me. All expenses paid, you can go to a Broadway show or whatever you like. Maybe just after Christmas?"

Susan felt her mouth drop open "You are going to send the two of us to New York, and pay for everything."

"Sure….you can stay in my Manhattan apartment, I'll pay for flights, we can get a car if you need it – parking is a nightmare in Manhattan, and I've ordered a credit card for Deb, so she can use it for all the meals and stuff."

"You own a place in Manhattan? Where, Park Avenue?"

Carter raised an eyebrow and gave a small laugh "Not quite, but it does over look Central Park, it's Central Park South, so a nice area, very close to 5th Avenue, in a cooperative called Hampshire House. My grandmother left it to me, I've been there a couple times in the last couple years, but mostly it has been sitting empty. If you can work it out with Chuck, and you want to go."

"You're going to give Jing-Mei a credit card and send her to New York. That's brave."

"I trust her….besides, it's not like I can't afford it. She would have to do a lot of shopping to even make a dent, and we both know she won't do that. Let me know, I think Deb would really enjoy it, like a mini vacation. She should be feeling better by then...right now she still has morning sickness, so it wouldn't be good to go quite yet."

"Oh, I'm in for sure. So what do you want me to do?"

"Well, go shopping, casually look in some jewellery stores, find out what she likes. They have Cartier, Bulgari, Tiffany's, and of course, Harry Winston on 5th Ave. Help her use my credit card to buy some clothes, she's going to need some maternity stuff."

"That sounds like a really tough assignment there, Carter. You want me to go all expenses paid to New York to shop with Jing-Mei, eat out in nice restaurants, stay in a swanky upper east side apartment. I don't know how you will ever repay my sacrifice."

"Well, if it is too much of a sacrifice, I could ask someone else..."

"No, that's okay, I don't mind - it's for the greater good. This is so exciting, a baby, a trip to New York ...and an engagement ring. Carter, our cute little med student all grown up."

Carter rolled his eyes "I grew up a while ago, Susan, I thought you had noticed that already."

"Oh, I did...to bad we didn't have the chemistry you have with Jing-Mei - it's so crazy that the two of you are together after all this time. So, the ring...is there a budget or carat limit we should be looking at?"

"Not really, I need to see what she is comfortable with – I want her to be able to wear it to work. I want to know what she can see herself wearing, without her thinking about how much the ring costs, or any of those details. I need to know approximately what size of diamond she will wear, what cut she likes, if she sees any particular design that she really loves. Then I'll take it from there."

"This could be fun…I could find a way to get her into the stores, pretend I'm looking for a gift for a friend or something."

"That would be perfect. Winston's is harder to get into, so I am going to make an appointment for Deb to take in a piece I have, that I want to get 'checked over', to make sure the stones are secure, and while you are waiting, they are going to offer to let you two try things on. That will be the most important one to visit, and they will take note of what she likes and her ring size, get in the others stores if you can as they might have some different designs."

"You're sneaky, Carter, do you think she will clue in?"

"I hope not, but you'll have to be subtle about it. I'll let her know I told you about our news, and maybe she wants to go shopping for some clothes, get away for a girls weekend, shop with someone who won't mind the clothes shopping. I'm going to say that without Chuck working, things are tight for you two, so that is why I am paying for it."

"Well, not too far off if truth be told. I wouldn't be able to afford the trip right now."

"Then it's good that I am paying for it. Just let me know how many days you can take off work, and what works best for dates after Christmas and then we'll trade some shifts around. Deb has some vacation days and we have enough staff to cover."

"I wish we did."

"If you get really stuck, talk to Weaver and see if they'll let me come and cover for you. I can switch some shifts or something – if she gives you grief over it, then I can call her. She won't say no to me - she's kind of my bitch now."

Susan laughed "Really...interesting term."

"Oh, right you don't know - so remember when Romano was being such an ass...okay sorry have to be specific, since that was his usual demeanor. Anyway, he was demoted and in the ER all the time, when Kerry took his job. Abby was by the elevators and overheard Romano and Weaver, Kerry told him he was her bitch now, since she was the boss. So, after I offered to fund the health center through the Foundation, Kerry sucks up at every opportunity. She made my life hell when I came back from Atlanta, bagged me for Chief Resident on the first round, even reminded me of my history a couple years ago - you know, I'm forever a drug addict. Then I walk in with $150 million and she falls all over herself, she'll do anything to make me happy cause I hold the purse strings...literally."

Susan wiped tears of laughter from her cheeks. "Well, I should get you to put in a good word for me on tenure then...hey maybe you could fund a study for me."

"Nope, I want you at the Carter Center...so no way."

"Seriously? Okay, send me the positions and I will take a look. Anyway, you would come and cover at County for me?"

"If you really need me to, and if we can work it around my commitments at Northwestern, yes."

Susan and Carter talked for a while longer, sorting out details and then gave each other a big hug, arranging to gt back in touch in a few days to finalize the trip.

Christmas morning Carter woke up early, for once he had the day off. He hadn't heard from either of his parents, but it was okay with him, he and Deb were spending the day together, then getting together with Peter, Cleo and Reese for dinner at their house. Deb was still sleeping, so he left her, knowing she was still often tired and nauseous in the mornings.

He went into the kitchen and started breakfast, and made some coffee.

"John, you should have woken me up." Jing-Mei came in rubbing her eyes, looking cute in her soft pajamas.

"I thought you needed the sleep." He gave her a kiss and gave her belly a gentle rub. "How are you feeling this morning, up for a little breakfast? I have some hot water too, so you can have some tea."

"I think I need to wait a while to eat, if that's okay, but some tea and juice would be good." She sat at one of the chairs at the kitchen island and rested a hand on her belly, which was just slightly rounded now at almost 12 weeks. "I have been feeling a little better every morning, maybe after Christmas the morning sickness will be completely gone."

"I hope so, I don't know how you manage. You have had some rough mornings." He place a hot cup of tea in front of her, and then stood behind her rubbing her shoulders. "We have until 3 today to relax before we go to the Bentons for dinner."

"I'm looking forward to it. Hey we should do the presents - I can't wait for you to open your presents. We didn't really celebrate Christmas in our house, we went more with the Chinese calender."

"Let's go then."

Carter handed Deb three small boxes, which she unwrapped, revealing blue Tiffany's boxes. She opened them to find a gorgeous diamond enchante heart pendant with matching earrings and bracelet.

"These are beautiful, John, I think you spent way too much though. Can you help me with the necklace and bracelet?" Carter helped her fasten them on and she turned "So how do they look?"

"They suit you, they're perfect."

Jing-Mei gave him a very warm kiss and a hug "Thank you, I love them."

She handed him a box, which contained new leather driving gloves and silk scarf. They opened the rest of the gifts one by one, Jing-Mei ended up with a beautiful new wool car coat, leather gloves and cashmere scarf, some diamond stud earrings which were more appropriate for work, along with a few other smaller gifts.

Jing-Mei had bought John a couple new sweaters, some cufflinks, and various other gifts.

"Thank you Deb, these are terrific." They snuggled on the couch for a while, then John made them some breakfast.

Deb gave a yawn "Oh, I think maybe I need a nap before we go out. I can't believe how tired I am all the time." She looked over at him "Maybe you want to come and keep me company?"

Carter smiled "Well, if I do that, you might not get much sleep." He winked at her.

"That's okay, I can still get a nap in." She held out her hand and they went upstairs.

New Years came and went, they both had to work, since they'd taken Christmas off. Soon it was time for the girls trip to New York.

 


	11. Chapter 11

   
  
A week after New Years, Jing-Mei unlocked the apartment door, and the two friends walked into the foyer.

"Man, look at this place, Jing-Mei." Susan walked through looking at the luxurious apartment, stopping when she reached the windows and gasping at the panoramic view over Central Park. "Carter owns this? I think I would be here all the time, way better than a hotel."

"Oh, he's full of surprises, that guy. You know he added me to one of his credit card accounts – gave me the card and just said 'have a good time'. It's one of those fancy black ones, not sure if it even has a credit limit."

"I didn't know there were credit cards that don't have limits – really? That's crazy. And he doesn't care how much you spend on this trip?"

"No, he specifically told me not to worry about what I spend, just to keep the receipts so he can reconcile the card before he pays it off. He is so sweet, he thought I might like to buy some clothes, I am going to need a few things as this belly gets bigger." She rubbed the soft swell of her stomach "It is still hard to believe that we're having a baby, and I can't believe I'm getting so big already."

"You have such a little belly compared to me, you don't even have a little basketball and I had a beach ball. It's not fair."

"Well, I'm only 14 weeks, and you can tell if I'm not careful what I wear. Like the dress I have tonight, it kind of shows off the belly, but that's okay. John is right, I need some clothes, this dress just fits but in a week it will be too small. Isn't if weird how guys like the pregnant belly, John just loves it. You know he covers for me so I can go take a nap in his office, and he brings me tea and snacks if I can't get away – just little things, but it's cute, he takes care of me."

"Chuck was like that too, he loved the belly and even strangers want to touch your stomach when you're pregnant. I can see Carter taking care of you, enjoy it, not many guys take such good care of their girlfriends. He is going to be great dad."

"I know he will, part of what I love about him, he is so good with kids. And you won't believe this, he bought a new car before Christmas - well an SUV actually - a Lexus. He took me out with him, made me test drive it too - and he put both of our names on it, so I guess it's our SUV now. He said the Jeep was not going work anymore, with a baby."

"Wow, he is getting domestic - a house, an SUV, sending you shopping for clothes. Next it will be the baby room."

"I know, that's going to be a tough one - he has a room that's painted and decorated with a jungle theme, it is so cute. But I haven't talked to him about it yet, you know it was for his son...the furniture is all gone, he donated that I think, before he went to Africa last time. Probably the only thing I'm not sure how to talk to him about - the baby room."

"I don't know how I would bring that one up, but if you wait a bit, I am sure he will say something, now that you are past the 12 week mark. It must be a bit scary for him, really, she was what - 8 months when they lost the baby."

"Almost - he knows that the chances of that same thing happening is pretty small, but I am sure it will be a bit difficult for him. I am as prepared for it as I can be, I will keep an eye on him as we get closer, make sure he is handling things okay. You know, he offered to sell the house and move if I wanted, maybe I should have said yes, but I really like the house, and so does John. I don't think he actually wants to sell, I think he was trying to be sensitive to my feelings."

"I'm sure it will be fine, you can always move if it seems to be an issue moving forward."

"Hey let's pick rooms and then we can go out – grab some lunch, try out this credit card my overly generous boyfriend gave me. He told me that he'd be upset if I didn't use it, so, I guess I should at least buy something. You'd think that I had no money of my own to spend, but it seems to make him happy, so why argue."

"Sure, let's go."

The two of them got settled into the rooms, and then found a cute little bistro nearby for lunch. Jing-Mei made sure she paid for it, John had told her to pick up all the meals on the card, or with the cash he had given her.

"Thanks for lunch, Jing-Mei, that was so good. Now, let's see what we can find for shops."

They spent the afternoon browsing in the many boutiques, and Jing-Mei ended up buying quite a few clothing items. Susan managed to get her into Tiffany's as well.

"I have never been in some of these jewellery stores, and I just love to look at the stuff. Even if I can't afford it – we should just try some stuff on for fun." Susan grabbed her arm and pulled her into the store.

They started looking at the earrings and necklaces "That looks like the one you are wearing, Jing-Mei." Susan pointed to a diamond encrusted pendant. Wow, kind of expensive."

"It is the same one, John bought if for me at Christmas, along with the earrings and the bracelet. I was going to wear them out one night when we are here."

"All I got for Christmas was a couple sweaters, Carter spoils you doesn't he."

They looked around until Susan managed to work their way around to the engagement rings. "Wow, look at that one, I love it!" Susan pointed to one of the princess cut diamonds.

"Nice, you should try it on." Jing-Mei smiled at Susan's enthusiasm over the ring.

"Which one are you going to try…you have to try at least one."

"Mmmmm, I like those ones." She picked out a beautiful emerald cut with diamond halo and diamonds around the band, and a cushion cut with diamond halo.

"Those both look great on you. Could you imagine wearing one of those to work?"

"Sure, don't you wear your wedding ring to work?" Jing-Mei admired the diamond on her hand "Wow, I like this one a lot."

"I do, but as you can see, it is much smaller than these rings. You could see yourself walking around with a 5 carat diamond at work?"

"No, not in the trauma room, but I think maybe 2 or 3 would be nice. Not that I need to worry about that for a while, we haven't talked about it recently, too much else going on." Jing-Mei absently rubbed her belly.

"Like finding out you're having a baby?"

Jing-Mei laughed "Exactly. It's something we both want though, you know, to get married, and it's not like our relationship hasn't moved forward. He got me to move in with him, he's added me onto his credit card and a bank account, we bought a car together...I am sure it will happen at some point."

"So I am guessing you would say yes, if he asked you."

"Of course I would, Susan, you know I'm in love with him. Should have fallen for him years ago, I don't know why we never...connected like this before."

"Timing maybe - Carter seems to believe timing is everything, and maybe he's right."

They tried on a few more rings, then went to find some dinner.

The next morning they were both up early. "It is so nice to be able to eat again in the mornings, I hated the morning sickness."

"I know, I remember, I even threw up at work the one day, just couldn't make it to the bathroom, it was so embarrassing. At least housekeeping is used to cleaning up."

Jing-Mei laughed "The day I found out I was pregnant, I had to leave a trauma and sprint for the bathroom. Just made it, barely. The other doctor in the trauma, Rachel, made me go lie down and I fell asleep for 3 hours. John came in and woke me up, and I could tell, he knew, he outright just asked me if I was pregnant – I had been so tired, then I had to leave a trauma to throw up. The day before John and I were talking, and I started to cry for no reason, my emotions were all over the place."

"The downfall of dating a doctor, he sees the signs…and Carter is good at diagnosing, pays attention and he picks up on things pretty quick. That impressed all of us when he first started at County, he remembered everything, and worked hard, not like some of the slackers we have around now."

"Yeah, well he had Benton as a supervisor, he would have been booted out of County if he didn't work hard. And of course he and I were competitive like you wouldn't believe, kind of funny if you think about it – we were always comparing procedures. But we pushed each other, so I think it helped us both become better doctors."

They got ready to go and found a bit of breakfast in the apartment kitchen. Carter had the fridge stocked with a few basics when he had the housekeeper come in and clean the apartment.

"He thinks of everything, doesn't he. We don't even need to find groceries, there's juice, soda, tea, coffee, milk, bagels, and lots of other stuff. Look, popcorn too, if we have a night in."

"He is like that at home too - he has a housekeeper I guess I would call it. We just make a list of what we want and she gets it, puts it away. Cleans the house a couple times a week, does laundry, the dry cleaning...pretty much everything we need. She makes dinner on the days she's there too, unless we tell her not to. She's not around all the time, but it sure is nice with our hours to not have to worry about all the little things."

"Of course he has a maid, should have known. But then again, if I could afford to have someone come and clean my house every week, I would."

"So I have an appointment at Harry Winston this morning, then we can go shop. John asked me to take in a ring his grandmother left him, get it checked. It is this gorgeous sapphire – John said I could wear it if I wanted, once it had been checked."

"Wow, I'd like to see it."

"Oh, you will. I am going to take him up on the offer to wear it.

They went to their appointment, and while the jeweler looked at the ring, they were allowed to try on some of the jewellery. Susan was making mental notes as Jing-Mei made casual observations about the different rings.

"Dr. Chen, the ring is ready, I checked and it has been well taken care of – it is a beautiful piece, must be about 35 years old."

"Yes, John said it was an anniversary gift given to his grandmother." Jing-Mei took the ring and slipped it onto her finger. "I like how this looks."

"A valuable piece, the sapphire is about 5 carats with another carat worth of diamonds, platinum setting, a very high quality sapphire. You are a very lucky lady to have that ring."

Susan's eyes widened as she looked at the ring. "It is beautiful on you, I can't believe he has that just sitting around." Susan reached out and took the ring off her right hand, moving it to her left hand ring finger with a little smirk. "Much better on the left hand."

Jing-Mei rolled her eyes, but left it on her finger. "John inherited quite a bit of jewellery in the estate, I'm not quite sure exactly what he has, but he is going to show me one day, in case I want to wear any of it. Mostly family heirlooms I guess."

They thanked the jeweler, and went back out to do a little more shopping, and then spent some time in Central Park before they returned to the apartment for a rest and to change for dinner.

"John told me to make sure I don't overdo it...and I promised to rest a bit before we went out in the evenings."

"He worries too much Jing-Mei, but at least you know he cares."

They were just about ready to leave for the restaurant when they heard a key in the door and someone came in.

"Hello?" They heard a male voice call out.

Susan and Jing-Mei stepped out of their rooms and looked at each other "That's not John, so who is it." Susan whispered.

"I have no idea." Jing-Mei whispered back, just as a distinguished and well-dressed man came around the corner."

"Ladies, I apologize, I didn't know anyone was here. How did you get a key?"

Jing-Mei thought he looked slightly familiar, but she wasn't totally sure so she just said. "We're friends of John Carter."

"Ahhhhh, so my son is in New York?" He looked around "Will he be back soon?"

Susan and Jing-Mei exchanged glances. Carter's dad?

"No, he's in Chicago, we are just here for a few days. I'm Jing-Mei and this is Susan."

"Jack Carter, nice to meet you both. So, you work with John?"

"I work with him at Northwestern, and Susan knows him from County."

"Right, your names seem familiar, I think John has mentioned you at some point. I'm sorry to barge in, I stay here sometimes when I'm in New York. So you are going for dinner?"

Jing-Mei nodded "We were leaving in a few minutes." She brushed some hair back from her face. Jack Carter froze, staring at her, then stepped forward taking her hand."

"Where did you get that ring?" he asked in a tense voice.

Jing-Mei pulled gently out of his grasp "John gave it to me. Why?"

"So, you and my son are obviously more than friends. That is a very special piece, it was my mother's ring, for him to let you wear it, and on your left hand….are you engaged to John? I can't believe he didn't at least phone me."

Jing-Mei blushed and shook her head "No, we're not engaged, I'm just borrowing the ring. But…we are more than friends, that's true."

"You're his girlfriend?"

"Yes, I am." She felt a little like a bug under glass as Jack stared at her, then his eyes dropped to fall on her belly, and he raised an eyebrow. As she was wearing a dress that was form fitting, he probably just registered the fact that she was pregnant. Oh boy, she thought, I know John hasn't told his parents yet, I think the secret is out, and John is going to hear about the ring.

"Well, looks like I need to phone my son, since he likes to keep secrets." He stared pointedly at Jing-Mei's belly "So, do you have specific plans or could I treat you both to dinner?"

Jing-Mei glanced over at Susan, who gave a slight nod "That would be very nice Mr. Carter, Susan and I would love to join you for dinner."

"Please call me Jack. Are you ready now, or do you need a couple minutes?"

"I think we're ready, let us get our coats and we can go."

Jack called down to get his car to meet them out front and they locked the apartment. Jack took his suitcase with him "I'll check into the Plaza later, so I won't interrupt your stay. John may not know I have a key to the apartment, so I'll call him later."

They stepped out of the building, and the limo driver opened the door and Jack assisted Susan and Jing-Mei into the limo, then stowed the suitcase in the trunk. Jack gave the driver a restaurant name, and they pulled smoothly away from the curb.

"So Jing-Mei, how long have you known John?"

"We met when we were med students, so about 12 years now. We have worked together off and on at County, then when he ended up at Northwestern, he asked me to come work with him."

"So you're a doctor." This was said as a statement. Jack looked at Susan "Are you a doctor too?"

"Yes, I've known Car….I mean John for about the same amount of time – I moved to Phoenix for a while then I came back about 5 years ago."

"You've both known him a long time then."

"Yes. So are you in New York on business?"

"I have a couple meetings in town, and I was going to visit a couple friends. I just got back from Europe, I have been over there for a few months on business. Seems like I need to have a visit to Chicago though, I haven't seen John for a while, he was getting to be a bit of a jet setter, back and forth to France and Africa."

The arrived at the restaurant "Nice to see you again, Mr. Carter, how many in your party this evening?"

"Three, Armand." They were promptly seated even though there seemed to be people waiting for tables. "This is one of my favourite restaurants. Eleanor – John's mother – and I used to come quite a bit when we had our New York apartment…but that's hers now, so I was using my mother's apartment. John has been away so much, I didn't think he would care, but I see he has been using it a bit himself."

"Not too often, but we wanted a girls weekend, and he offered to let us use it." Susan said, smiling "He thought it was sitting empty, I don't think he knows you have been using it."

Jack nodded "Well, it is his, as the favourite grandson, my mother saw fit to leave him pretty much everything. Kind of screwed us both over in one shot, made him take on the Foundation, and took it away from me. She always wanted John involved, but he was reluctant to take it on. Maybe she was right though, he has proven to be much more of a businessman than I could have imagined. I'm on the board as treasurer, so I see what he is doing with the money, and it's quite an impressive project he took on, have you seen it?"

"Yes, John showed me the plans, and I've seen the site. I think he is doing a great thing for health care in Chicago, it has always been his passion. He said being a doctor is all he ever wanted to be, and he is very good at it. Have you ever seen what he does at work, Jack?" Jing-Mei said this with a slight challenge in her voice, knowing that Jack Carter had never come to see John at work, he had barely visited when John was in the hospital after almost being stabbed to death.

Jack raised an eyebrow at her "No, I haven't, Jing-Mei. But I think you already know that, don't you. I don't spend much time in Chicago, and my son and I don't…have the best relationship, but you know that too."

Jing-Mei nodded slightly "I know your son pretty well, we don't have a lot of secrets from each other."

Susan sat watching the exchange, feeling a little uncomfortable "Excuse me, I'll be right back." She left the table, thinking they would barely noticed she was gone.

Jack watched Susan head for the ladies room then turned back to Jing-Mei "So, then you know who he is? What he has done? You know, the drugs, the running off to Africa, disappearing for months?"

"What he has done? You mean, given his time as a doctor, saved thousands of lives, volunteered for the Alliance in the Congo and Darfur, and been a good friend?"

"You do know though, about his history. I have never understood why he did it, he's a doctor, he should know better."

Jing-Mei met his eyes "No, you probably don't, but did you actually try to understand? Did you ever ask him, do you know what actually happened that night?"

"I know he was stabbed by a patient, and a girl died. Other than that, I have no idea - I've never asked him, I don't know how, we don't have a relationship where I felt I could. I don't understand my son, I never have - if fact I don't understand his cousins either - Chase with his heroin, John with the drugs, the others that don't seem to care about the family business and have their various divorces and family problems. So tell me Jing-Mei what could have been so bad that he needed to become a drug addict?"

"Needed to become? That oversimplifies the issue, if you think John doesn't understand the mistakes he's made, you're wrong. He knows, he's paid for them, and he's not going to make them again, he doesn't need reminding. He came pretty close to dying that night, even a few minutes or if he'd had less skilled surgeons working on him, he would not have survived. He had to watch his friend and colleague bleeding to death and he couldn't do anything to help her, and she ended up dying from surgical complications, she had pretty severe injuries. I'd call what he went through Post Traumatic Stress, and the people around him weren't paying enough attention, they didn't see the signs."

"Those are just fancy words for not taking responsibility."

"No it's real, - he had flashbacks, nightmares, he wasn't able to sleep, in addition to dealing with the extreme pain of being stabbed and recovering from surgery to fix the damage. He was in a lot of pain the night he got stabbed. If you saw a friend bleed to death, had been violently attacked in your workplace, would you find it easy to go back and work there?"

"But he's never needed to work, he never had to be there in the first place."

"Maybe not, but it's what he wants to do, all he's ever wanted to do with his life. Most parents would be thrilled for their son to be a doctor, yet no one your family seems the least bit supportive of how hard he's worked, and what he does - he saves lives for a living, he helps people. If you can't be proud of that, then I don't understand you - and if you ever need emergency care, maybe you'll be grateful that people like your son do this for a living. He took care of your mother when she came in after breaking her hip - he made sure she got the best care possible."

Jack sat back in his chair. "Wow, my son can pick his women, can't he, no sugar coating here. You sound just like him, he told me what he thought when his grandmother died, reminded me I disappointed her, how I had not been a good father. And you know what…. he's right, and you're right. I have made huge mistakes, I let Eleanor pull me away after Bobby died, left John mostly with his grandparents, which is why he was so close with his grandmother, pretty much all his life. I know I have been of little use to my son, I have only really been there once when he needed me, when he lost his own son."

Jing-Mei regarded him silently.

Jack continued "You love him don't you?"

"I do love him, very much."

"And you know him, you tell each other everything?"

"I know him really well, we talk about almost everything, we don't keep secrets from each other.

"Does he think I do that, remind him of the mistakes he's made?"

"I think you know the answer to that, you don't need me to tell you what you've said to him. If you want to know how he feels, then maybe you should take the time to ask him." They sat and looked at each other for a moment.

Jack finally nodded "Point taken, Jing-Mei. I have been hard on him at times, I haven't been there for him much, I admit it. His mother never will be there for him, she never got over losing Bobby, and sadly that meant John didn't have a mother, not really. Communication has never been a strong point, with our family." Jack sighed "Jing-Mei, I would very much still like to treat you to dinner, maybe we could get Susan to come back too? I don't get to meet many of my son's friends, and I have a feeling you are going to be in his life for a while."

Jing-Mei nodded "I'd like that – and yes, I plan to be in John's life for a long time."

"Can I ask you a question, maybe a little personal, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong but….."

"Sure, I reserve the right not to answer it though."

"Fair enough, but, when are you due? If I'm correct, you are pregnant, and I would guess that this baby is my son's?"

Jing-Mei laughed "Yes, John and I are expecting a baby in June. We haven't told a lot of people yet, I know he was going to tell you himself, but I'm sure he'll forgive me for telling you."

"Maybe he will even thank you for it….I was a little harsh last time. I am sure he thought I didn't care, but I was upset about other things and then….the worst happened, and I never got to tell him…..well I guess it doesn't matter now."

"You know, Jack, you could try to spend a little time with your son, at least make the effort. If you really want to that is, or maybe try to have some involvement in your grandchild's life. I think John is going to be a great father, but my parents are both gone, so you may be the only grandparent our baby will have."

"You think John would want that? He might not want me around."

"I don't think that's true, but you won't know unless you try. Think about it, he is going to hear about our visit anyway, I won't keep secrets from him."

Susan had been discreetly watching while frantically trying to get Carter on the phone, but he wasn't answering, he was on shift at the hospital and might be in a trauma or in surgery. She was surprised to see Jack reach over and put his hand on Jing-Mei's, and to see them smiling and talking. It had been getting pretty tense there for a few minutes, but now it seemed to be okay.

She returned to the table.

"We were hoping you would come back and join us, Susan, I think we are ready to order. Did you know what you would like to eat?"

Wow, Susan thought, the ice really has melted over here. Jack Carter was being totally charming now, what did Jing-Mei say to him?

"Yes, I think I know what I'd like."

Jack flagged down the waiter and they gave their orders. The rest of the evening past with light talk and some laughter. They had dessert and then Jack had the car take them back to the apartment after dropping him at the Plaza hotel.

"So what did you say to Jack to get him to thaw out, Jing-Mei, I thought you were going to kill each other for the first few minutes, then he was like a different person. And you told him about the baby too, is John going to be okay with that?"

"I didn't tell him, he outright asked me. The dress I was wearing didn't hide it very well, I was wondering if he noticed, and he sure had. Then seeing the ring and finding out I was his son's girlfriend, he rightly assumed the baby is John's. John will be fine, after all, this is my baby too."

Susan laughed "Clearly, since you have the belly to prove it."

"Exactly, men get the easy part. Anyway, Jack and I just had a bit of a discussion, and he has come to the conclusion that I am not going away. He said I sound like John. John can have a bit of a temper, especially when he deals with his family, he doesn't back down easily, and neither do I."

"I left a message for Carter to call me, I thought he might want to know about dinner with his dad."

Just then Susan's cell phone rang "Oh, look who it is, Carter." She answered her phone "Hey Carter...what...no...everything is fine, sorry I didn't mean to worry you. Jing-Mei is right here and we are on our way back to the apartment. I'll get her to call you in a couple minutes. Okay, bye"

"Call him as soon as we get back, he thought something happened to you or the baby, I wasn't very clear with my message."

"You need to be careful about that Susan, I don't want him worrying any more than he already does, like we said earlier, this is going to be a bit tough for him. He's happy, and staying positive, but I know what he's not saying, I can read him pretty well after all these years."

"He's worried something is going to go wrong?"

"Of course he is, because he's lived it, and he sees it at work. He's keeping it under control, and you are saying he worries too much, but I think he is just doing what he needs to do. And I'm going to let him - so if he's a little over protective at times, or even if he's doing more for me than I need him to do...I am going to try and just go with it for now. If I don't let him and the worst were to happen, he might blame himself - we both know he does that, takes responsibility for things that aren't his fault. And I kind of get it, even his dad admitted tonight, he is often way too hard on John, and his grandfather was like that too, or so I understand."

"So you got his dad to admit that? The question is whether he will do anything about it."

"I don't know, but I told him he should make the effort, and at the very least he should try and be a grandfather to our baby. Neither John or I have a lot of family left. Fortunately we do have some good friends, that really are kind of like family. Peter is almost like a big brother to John, as funny as that sounds, and John reconnected with you, as have I. We've become friends with Cleo too."

"Well I'm on board, my family isn't that close either, so having good friends is important to me too - maybe we need to start getting out with you, me, John and Chuck...and the kids once you have your baby."

"Sounds like a great plan."

The car arrived at the apartment and they went upstairs.

"I'm going to go call John and then why don't we watch a movie or something. There's a big screen TV in the family room area."

"Great, I'm going to go change into some pajamas, call Chuck and Cosmo then I'll make some popcorn, take as long as you need and I'll meet you in the living room."

Jing-Mei went to her room and closed the door, then dialed John's cell phone. He answered on the first ring. "Deb, everything okay?"

She assured him she was doing fine, had purchased lots of clothes and was having fun with Susan.

"What were you up to John? I thought you were working the day shift."

"I am, but we ended up in surgery with an MVA, so we finished late. Peter and I went out to eat, ended up having a couple drinks, and playing some pool. The battery on my phone died, so I didn't get Susan's message until I was able to plug in my phone."

"John, did Susan tell you in her message?"

"Tell me what?"

"Your dad showed up at the apartment, he has a key and stays here sometimes."

"I didn't know he had a key or that he was in New York. I guess it's okay he uses the apartment, but he could at least call me and let me know. So what did he say?"

"He took us for dinner, actually and we had a visit. So...he knows about us, and the baby."

"You told him? He must have been so not happy to find out you were pregnant, and that we're not married."

"He was okay surprising enough, and I didn't have to tell him, the dress I was wearing didn't exactly hide the fact that I have a little baby bump. He will probably be calling you, so just a heads up. I think dinner went okay."

"How did he know that we're together though, did you just tell him?"

"I was wearing your grandmothers ring, he saw it and asked where I got it from. And...he thought we were engaged at first and he wasn't happy that you had not told him."

"Why did he think that?"

"Ummmm, I had the ring on my left hand, so he assumed it, but I told him we aren't engaged."

"Ahhh. But it was okay otherwise?

"Yes, we had a bit of a talk at dinner, he seemed okay with everything by the end of dinner. I can tell you a bit more when I get home - he dropped us off and went to the Plaza to stay since we were already here."

"All right, good. So you like the ring?"

"It's beautiful, I don't know if I am going to want to give it back."

"So...was that a hint?"

"What?"

"Wanting to keep it, wearing the ring on your left hand, are you ready for that?"

"Are you?"

"I asked you first...so are you?"

Jing-Mei was quiet for a moment "If I said, yes, I think I am, that wouldn't freak you out?"

Carter laughed "Deb, you've moved in with me, we're having a baby, and you think that it might freak me out that you may want to get married? Don't you think that perhaps it's just the next step in our relationship, and that it's something we should talk about?"

Jing-Mei nodded, then realized John couldn't see her "Yes, we should talk about it. I love you, John and being together with our baby as a family...I want that very much."

"I love you too, Deb. So when you get home, we'll talk more. In the meantime, wear the ring on whatever hand you like, enjoy it, it's a nice piece of jewellery. And have fun tomorrow, call me when you get back to the apartment, I'm working days remember."

"I will, I miss you...it's strange sleeping alone."

"I miss you too, and I know. Good night Deb."

Good night, John."

Jing-Mei put on her pajamas, deep in thought. She washed off her makeup and tied back her hair, then went out to join Susan.

"So how did your phone call go? Was he upset about his dad?"

"Good, it was nice to hear his voice. And no, he wasn't at all upset, surprised his dad was in New York, but he was certainly okay that his dad knows about us and the baby."

"That's great then...anything wrong though, you kind of have a funny look on your face."

"I told him about the ring and his dad thinking we were engaged."

"He didn't like that you were wearing it on your left hand?"

"Ummmm, that's not it - it didn't seem to bother him. He asked if it was a hint."

"A hint?"

"You know, that I want a ring...on my left hand."

"And what did you say."

"That maybe it's time to talk about it...and then he said when I get home we will. And also that I should just keep wearing the ring, enjoy it, and wear it on whichever hand I wanted."

"So...he would be okay if you wore it on your left hand then...that's kind of a clear message."

"That's what I thought...so if I show up at home with it on my left hand, he is going to know I'm ready to get married? And he is okay with me walking around with this valuable family heirloom on my finger?"

"Jewellery is meant to be worn Jing-Mei, Carter can't wear it, he trusts you, and wants someone- meaning you - to enjoy wearing it. You're having his baby, you live with him, so it doesn't surprise me in the least. I would just keep it on, see how you like it, you might need to be picking an engagement ring soon. And I bet it's insured, so relax and just wear the ring."

They picked out a movie and relaxed until they were both yawning, and ready for bed. They had another busy day planned, with a spa visit booked, more shopping, then a show in the evening.

Carter had been working all day, with only an hour left on shift. It had been busy, with a lot of traumas, he had spent a few hours in surgery with Peter, and was now back in the ER.

"We have an MVA coming in, two casualties." Rachel swept by and Carter followed.

"I have the first one, John, if you want to take the next one."

"Got it, Rachel." Carter met the second ambulance pulling into the bay and the back doors swung open "What have we got here?"

"Male, approximately 9 years old" the paramedic rattled off a string of vitals as Carter started checking the boy over, the gurney already moving towards the ER.

"Into the trauma room." Carter started working on the boy, calling out orders to the nurses as he intubated the boy, reinflated his lung and checked for other injuries. One of the monitors started beeping "He has a tamponade, I'm going to do a pericardiocentesis." Carter took the needle offered by the nurse and inserted it carefully, slowly drawing out a large amount of fluid. They worked on the boy for a further 15 minutes assessing him, then Carter called out "Okay, he needs to go up right away, book an OR, get the surgeon on call to meet you upstairs." They took the patient out and got him on the elevators as Carter turned, ripping of his gown and gloves.

He looked up at the doors, and was shocked to see his dad standing there watching. "How long have you been there for?"

"Long enough, I don't know how you handle all that blood. You stuck a needle into that kids chest!"

"Well, I had to get the fluid away from his heart, or he would have died. Not the first or last time I've had to do that, and you get used to it. That is not even close to the worst thing I've seen come through the ER." He regarded his dad "So, what brings you into the ER?"

"I was hoping to take you for dinner, I hear that you are working day shift, and finish at 6." Jack tapped his watch "Must be done soon?"

Carter dipped his head "I am, in just a couple minutes, I have to pass on a couple charts, then I should be able to leave if you want to wait. You can stay here, or meet me in my office on the 5th floor."

"I'll wait here, if that's okay."

"It's fine, let me finish up." Carter took his charts to admit, ran the board quickly with Nathan, the Attending that was coming on to night shift. He said goodnight, then joined his dad, gesturing to the elevator. "I have to go up and get a couple things before I leave."

They proceeded to his office, Jack looking around in interest "Must be nice to have an office."

"It is, part of the perks of finishing up my surgical training, and being part of a pilot project I guess."

A short while later they were seated at a nearby restaurant. "I would ask why your in Chicago, but I guess I already know."

"Do you?" Well, I'm sure Jing-Mei filled you in on our visit."

"Well, just the basics, she is still in New York until tomorrow, so we haven't had a chance to really talk beyond a couple phone calls." He raised his eyes to meet Jack's. "But, it seems like you have heard the news."

"What - that my son is going to be a father, and he didn't bother to call me? That you are practically engaged, and I've never met the girl before?" Jack said this a little bitterly. "Kind of feels like history repeating itself."

Carter sat back and crossed his arms, his eyes cold. "Not like you have ever taken that much interest in my life and you haven't been around to meet her anyway. I wasn't planning on keeping the baby a secret, but I thought you were still out of the country. I didn't know you were going to show up in New York, and find out like that, I had no idea you had a key, or had been using the apartment. But you did, so...here we are."

They silently regarded each other.

"Have you told your mother?"

Carter sighed "And exactly _how_ or _why_ would I tell her. I haven't seen her, or heard from her in over 4 years." Jack gave him a look of surprise "I'd left her a couple messages at the New York apartment, and never heard back,and if she comes to Chicago, I sure don't know about it. No Christmas card, nothing for 4 years. She only has time when she wants something, and the last time I had information she wanted was when you two were getting divorced and she tried to drag me in the middle as the intermediary."

Jack shook his head unhappily "I didn't know that, John. That she had completely checked out of your life."

"Well, now you know, but are you really surprised? Be honest, she checked out of _my_ life when Bobby died - sure, she made the appearance of being a mother, but we both know she was in her bubble. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm fine without her."

Jack sat in quiet contemplation, not quite knowing what to say. Finally he said "I'm sorry, for allowing that to go on so long. I don't know what else to say."

"There _is_ nothing else to say. She has never been there when I needed her, she has always been...somewhere else. But I'm...over it, I told her how I felt when she was here four years ago, and she has made her choice - and that is to _not_ be part of my life."

"And me?"

Carter gave him a questioning look "What about you."

"If I wanted to... be a bigger part of your life, have a chance to get to know my grandchild...would you let me?"

Carter sat in stunned silence for a moment "I guess that would be up to you. If you truly want to be part of our lives, want to know your grandchild, then, okay. But...Deb and I are the one's raising this child, so, you have to support what we decide, how we want things."

"Deb?"

"Sorry, Jing-Mei. Deb is what I call her, when we first met she went by Deb, and I never was able to get used to calling her Jing-Mei. She doesn't let anyone else call her that by the way, so don't. Anyway, your choice, you know where we live."

"She's moved into your house with you?"

"Yes, we may not be married yet, but that doesn't mean we aren't committed to each other. I plan to be there 100 percent for both of them."

"I didn't think otherwise, I can see you love each other, and I am not quite as disapproving as I seem. You may be doing this backwards to how I think you should be doing it, but if you love her and are committed to her, then, I'm happy for you. I know I haven't always supported your choices, or been there when you needed me, and I'm sorry for that. I can't say I haven't made bad choices, obviously I have, we both have made our share of mistakes."

Carter gave a little laugh "Don't remind me."

"Well, in the future I'll try not to, I'll try to let past mistakes be just that, in the past." Jack hesitated "I saw today what you've chosen to do with your life, how you saved that little boy. I wish we had been more supportive earlier, you are doing something worthwhile, something you obviously love to do, you are making a difference. I hope that we can...maybe learn to understand each other, and learn how to communicate with each other. I would like to have that chance."

"So, exactly what happened in New York? Suddenly, you want to be part of my life? If you mean it, then I guess it's okay, but I think we need to take one step at a time." Carter was confused by the 180 his dad was doing here. What went on with Deb?

 


	12. Chapter 12

   
  
Jing-Mei was in front of the mirror at their house, looking at her belly. She and Susan had gotten back from New York a couple days earlier, and she was now 15 weeks. John came in the room, walked up behind her, and slid his arms around her so his hands rested on her slightly rounded stomach. "How are my girls doing?" He gently rubbed her baby bump.

"Getting big and fat. My belly is showing much faster this time and I grew again while I was in New York."

He turned her around "You look beautiful, I love the belly...you know that."

"I know, weird how guys love pregnant bellies so much."

"It not weird, Deb. You're growing our baby in there, babies are like little miracles." He put his hands on either side and his eyes lit up "Did you feel that? She agrees with me." Deb felt the movement and smiled.

"Okay, you're right it is incredible. I still can't believe that _we_ are having a daughter. Seeing the ultrasound today, that was a reality check wasn't it - it makes it so real, a little girl, John."

"I know, I can't wait to be a dad, Deb. You know, I'm nervous, scared and excited, but I know we are ready." He hugged her "I love you and I already love our little girl." They shared a soft gentle kiss.

"I love you too. I feel the same you know, I'm a little nervous and scared, but you know what is great?"

"What?"

"That we are doing this together. I know you are going to be there for me...for us." She rubbed her belly.

"You know it...hey, I even have practice as a labour coach, we'll do fine. You are going to be a terrific mom."

"You were a great coach, John, and you are going to be a great dad."

"And thanks to you, this little girl might also have a grandpa. That was a strange visit from my dad, but if he wants to try, then I won't stop him."

"Good, I'm glad - I was really nervous when he showed up and realized I was pregnant. I thought it was going to be really difficult, but, it wasn't so bad."

"You worked some sort of magic. Hey I have to go for a meeting at County today for the Carter Center, you want to come meet me for lunch? I think Susan is working, you could say hi and maybe it is time to let people know...about us?"

Jing-Mei nodded "I don't suppose we will be keeping it much of a secret, not the way I'm rapidly expanding. I'm just...happy, John. I love you."

"I love you too." He twirled the sapphire which she had been wearing constantly since they talked on the phone when she was in New York, then gave her another kiss. They had talked a bit when she go home, and agreed she would wear the ring, kind of like a promise ring for now. Susan had filled Carter in on what Deb liked and he was in the process of getting a ring made for her.

Carter dressed and left for his meeting, Jing-Mei took another look at her belly in the mirror and rested her hand on it gently with a soft smile.

An hour later, Jing-Mei walked in to County, she was feeling great, her rounded stomach hidden beneath one of the beautiful tops she had purchased in New York. She wasn't sure yet how she was going to make the announcement, she was sure it would be a double shock, that she was pregnant and that John was the father.

Sam was at the window and buzzed her in. "Dr. Chen, what a nice surprise, you look great, almost...glowing in fact." Sam watched her walk towards the admit desk.

"Jing-Mei! You look great." Susan smiled at her and gave her a quick hug. They had become much closer after the Vegas trip, and the trip to New York. Susan had confided that Chuck had agreed to try for another baby, so she was even happier these days.

"You too! Time for a quick coffee?"

"Hey there sweetness!" Greg Pratt came up and grabbed her around the waist from behind, and gave her a squeeze, but let go quickly, looking at her in surprise.

"Don't call me that Greg." She could see Greg still looking at her, and knew he suspected she was pregnant, he had grabbed her waist.

"Damn, is there something in the water?" He muttered, as a visibly pregnant Abby came into the admit area. Thought they were approximately the same number of weeks along, Abby wore scrubs which showed her belly much more than the clothes Jing-Mei preferred. It was still a mystery as to whom the father was, but she had been evidently telling the truth about one thing.

Abby stopped and looked at Jing-Mei with an unhappy look on her face. "Oh Dr. Chen, how nice to see you. What are you doing here?"

"Just came in to say hi. You are looking good Abby, how are you feeling."

"Fine thanks." Abby grabbed a chart and headed off to see another patient.

Jing-Mei turned back to Susan. "Coffee?"

"Sure, I can take off for a few minutes, we can be back before Carter finishes his meeting."

They left out the ambulance bay doors.

Within a few minutes, Carter appeared in the ER, Deb had left a message she was going for coffee with Susan, and he thought he would say hi to everyone, then go meet her at the restaurant. His meeting had gone well, but finished early.

Carter arrived at admit, and almost immediately Abby stopped him. "Carter, can we talk?" Abby looked at him with her face flushing red. She hadn't seen him since Vegas and she knew that Luka had talked to him about the baby allegations. She had been drunk when she threw that information at Luka, not really thinking he would talk to Carter. Not really thinking at all in fact, she had just wanted to get Luka to leave her, so she could try and get Carter back. Why did she still love this guy….all that she knew is he was the best boyfriend she'd ever had, and she screwed it up.

He took a quick look at his watch "Okay" he said.

They went into the empty lounge and he looked at her "So, Abby, what is it you wanted to talk about."

"Us….I miss how we used to be such good friends, I miss us as a couple, I just miss us."

"Abby, there is no 'us'. There hasn't been an _us_ for over 3 years. I can't and don't want to go back. It didn't work, _we_ didn't work as a couple."

"I made a big mistake, I learned that people can change, you were right. I went back, became a doctor, I stopped drinking, stopped smoking, you know I did all of that for you, so you would want me, so I could be good enough."

Carter looked at the floor, then back up at Abby, and sighed "Abby, I don't know how you still think...I never said you weren't good enough, I still don't know how that is what you heard when it was never what I was saying. At the end, I was simply tired. And frustrated, that no matter what I did it was never enough, _nothing_ was never enough to make you happy. I knew _I_ could never make you happy."

"But you can, I know you can, I still love you and I need you. I was hurt, I thought you were never coming back, so I got back with Luka one night, and I got pregnant, I felt trapped, but I stayed with him. I knew I couldn't raise a baby on my own. Then you came back…and I knew, we needed a second chance."

"You don't love me, Abby, and you certainly don't need me, you never did. If I tried to help, I was the overprotective boyfriend, or I was trying to fix you. I know Luka has left, but I'm not his replacement. Maybe you're scared, or lonely, I don't know, but I can't make you happy….and I don't love you, and I don't think you love me either, I don't believe you ever did. And it doesn't matter anyway, I'm with someone, and I love her."

"But you did love me, you wanted to marry me - or didn't you mean that."

Carter sighed again "Maybe I thought I did, but it's all ancient history, Abby, it's not relevant. It's been over three years, you need to let it go and move on. What I do know, is we saved ourselves from making a big mistake, we would never have worked. You can't play Luka and I against each other, and you know, he is a good guy, he doesn't deserve this….that stunt you pulled, you know he came to my work, and almost put me through a locker."

Abby looked ashamed "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that….I wasn't thinking."

"No kidding, you weren't thinking. I couldn't believe that you would say something like that. We were friends once, Abby, that you would _outright lie_ ….you know you could have ended my relationship with someone I love with this crap. Do you get it Abby - what you are doing could destroy what I have, with someone I love? If you want to wreck your own life, go ahead, but stay out of mine.

"I said I'm sorry, what else can I say."

"That you will get the help you need, and you know what I'm talking about, don't deny it. Don't make comments about me or my life. I don't want to hear it and no one else needs to. Apologize to Luka he didn't deserve any of this either – if you don't love him, then move on, don't torture the guy, make a clean break of it."

"Carter, I can't do this on my own, I can't keep this baby. I have Joe, and Luka will help support him, but this baby, I can't..."

"Well, have you thought about putting the baby up for adoption? Keep yourself healthy and when the baby is born, give it up. Just a thought, it's not easy to do, but there are some great people out there who can't have babies, and would love to adopt. In fact, I know someone who is in that situation, she and her husband want to adopt, but they have been waiting forever."

"Would they want this baby? Are they good people, be good parents?"

"If you are serious, I can phone and ask her. I don't know her husband, but she would be a great mom, she's a successful professional, and a great person. Do you want me to ask if she would be willing?"

Abby nodded "I just want this baby to have a good home. I have stopped drinking, Carter, I am trying to take care of myself, the ultrasound shows the baby is fine. They need to know about the bipolar though, Carter, can you tell her, please. I want them to know, not be surprised and be okay with it."

"Okay, I will ask her, and if she is interested, I will get her to check with an adoption lawyer. But Abby, if you commit to this, make sure that you really want to do this, I'm not kidding, it will be hard to hand the baby over, and if you're not 100% sure, don't do it. If you decide you want to, I will put you in touch, then I am out of the picture, no further involvement on my part. So think about it, and call me tomorrow."

Carter turned and walked out of the lounge. Susan was at the admit desk, Deb was no where in sight.

"Oh I don't like the look on his face, he is not happy." Susan commented

Jerry laughed "No kidding, he was talking to Abby."

Susan cringed "I wonder what she said."

"Oh, they're probably talking about their baby."

Susan whipped her head around "What?"

Jerry lowered his voice "I heard that they got back together in Vegas, she cheated on Luka, with Dr. Carter. That bun in the oven? That's Dr. Carter's baby."

"Uh, I don't think so Jerry, Carter definitely wasn't with Abby in Vegas."

"I heard she was hanging all over him at a club, they went for 'coffee'." He did little quote marks with his finger.

"He didn't go for coffee with Abby Lockhart - he went for coffee with Abby Keaton. And he is seeing someone, and it isn't Abby Lockhart."

Jerry perked up "What! Hey, Keaton, that name sounds familiar. Wasn't she...right the pediatric surgeon he was having the fling with when he was an intern. The guy gets around."

"Enough Jerry, quit with the rumours - Carter isn't the father of Abby's baby. He's seeing Jing-Mei." Susan walked towards Carter, she needed to give him a heads up on the rumours.

Jerry stopped and his eyes followed Susan as she walked across the floor. He said in a stunned voice "Dr. Carter is dating Dr. Chen?"

Chuney was also standing nearby and her mouth dropped open as she heard Susan's comment about Abby, the baby, Carter and Chen. "Wow, Carter and Chen, that's a new one." An hour later in the ER, the rumours were really flying.

Jing-Mei stood on the roof talking to Greg Pratt. He had noticed she was pregnant when he grabbed her waist, and he seemed concerned.

"So Jing-Mei, seems like there have been some...changes in your life. Are you?"

"Pregnant Greg? Yes, 15 weeks actually."

"I didn't know you were seeing someone that seriously...or are you? Is this like last time?"

"Last time? You mean when I had Michael? No, the father of this baby is totally involved, we have been seeing each other for quite a while."

"Good, I know I messed up with you, but I still consider you my friend. I'd like to meet the guy."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you already know him." She heard footsteps coming across the rooftop and turned to see John coming towards her with a bag.

"Sorry about lunch, I think we keep getting sidetracked, so I got you this." He handed her the bag and she peeked inside.

"Oh, I love these things." She pulled out a tortilla with chicken and vegetables wrapped inside.

"I know. So eat something. Hey Greg, how are you."

"Oh, I'm okay Dr. Carter."

"Too formal Greg, I'm not your supervisor."

"Right" He laughed "So what do you know about this guy Jing-Mei is seeing. Do you know him?"

"You could say that." He glanced over at Deb who was munching on the wrap but had a twinkle in her eye.

"So, is he treating my sweetness right? Did you know she's pregnant?"

Carter raised an eyebrow at Greg "I noticed, thanks for filling me in, and I think...he treats her pretty well. What do you think _sweetness,_ is your boyfriend good to you." He joked to Deb

"Oh he's okay I guess." She gave him a grin then took another bite of her wrap.

Greg took hold of her left hand "Is this an engagement ring? Too cheap to get you a diamond?"

She gave Carter an amused look "No, it's not an engagement ring, just kind of something he gave me. I think it's pretty nice actually, not many boyfriends let their girlfriends wear 5 carat sapphires from Harry Winston."

Greg looked taken aback "It's real? So those are real diamonds."

"And a platinum setting. And at some point, I expect a real diamond ring on this finger." She winked at Carter who just smiled and looked down at his hands.

"15 weeks, huh...about the same as Abby, so you were messing around with someone in Vegas too? Funny I didn't see you with anybody, you were mostly hanging around with Carter here. And we know he was with Abby."

Jing-Mei and Carter both looked at Greg " _What_?"

"Oh come on Carter, you and Abby were a thing, everyone knows that it's yours."

"Uh, no, it's actually not Greg. I wasn't _with_ Abby in Vegas, that is just a rumour, and an incorrect one. I'm involved with someone else and Abby is lying."

"So why was Luka so pissed at you, and why did he go to Croatia?"

"Maybe if she got pregnant in Vegas, it's not his either? And Luka and I straightened things out before he left, so he's not mad at me, but he might be with Abby. I don't know who the father of that baby is, but it's not me."

Greg nodded "Okay, the rumours are usually true, but I guess you would know. Anyway Jing-Mei, I didn't see you hanging around anyone in Vegas."

"Maybe you just haven't been paying enough attention, if you haven't noticed that she has someone in her life. It might have been right in front of you, the whole time." Carter said this with smile at Deb.

"I thought I had been, I mean the two of you were pretty inseparable I noticed but..." Greg looked out over the city for a minute then he looked back at Carter "Shit, you're kidding right? You two were spending all your time together."

Carter looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said nothing, Jing-Mei gave a little smile.

"You two." He motioned to them "I…did not see that coming."

"Yeah well that was the point, Greg, we have been seeing each other for months, but we didn't need it to be discussed ad nauseam at County. We hid in plain sight, since we have been friends for so long, no one even suspected a thing when we were together, even at the club, no one clued in. Susan found out when we were in Vegas, and I told Luka a couple months ago, when the Abby issue came up."

"So this baby" He pointed at Jing-Mei's belly. "Is yours?"

"Yes." Carter reached over a rubbed her stomach gently "It is."

"So you've been seeing Jing-Mei and Abby didn't know so she started a rumour that you were seeing her? Man that girl is messed up." He shook his head "Well, I guess congratulations are in order for the two of you. And it seems she is happy, so...wow, this is blowing my mind."

"Well, I know it's a bit of a surprise, but some things are just meant to be." Carter put his arm around Jing-Mei and she leaned against him.

"You two have known each other like forever right?"

"Well about 12 years in total, we were med students together, we both had Benton as a supervisor. So we became friends and we've been pretty close ever since." Jing-Mei looked up at Carter.

Greg eyed them and looked at Jing-Mei's belly "Yeah, I can see that."

Just then Greg's pager went off and he said good bye and ran back down to the ER.

"I'm still hungry, John."

"Okay, let's go get you a proper lunch." He took her hand entwining her fingers with his and the went to eat.

Pratt arrived back in the ER and assisted with the trauma coming in, then went back to admit. Jerry was looking rather pleased with himself. "What's up there big man."

"Oh, nothing. Just heard some interesting news...you know, the doctor love triangle...or maybe it's more like a quadrangle...is that even a word?"

"What?"

"Well, it seems that Dr. Lockhart is telling people that Dr. Carter is the father of her baby, which upset Dr. Kovac, so he left for Croatia, then Dr. Lewis dropped the bomb, that neither Dr. Carter nor Dr. Kovac are the father of Abby's baby, and Dr. Carter is actually dating Dr. Chen."

"Okay...At least some of that is true - Dr. Carter isn't the father of Lockharts baby, but he is the father of Jing-Mei's baby. The rest? Who knows?"

"Chen's baby? Dr. Chen is pregnant too? And Dr. Carter is the daddy? Wow this get's better every second. I wonder how Keaton fit's in to this."

 


	13. Chapter 13

   
  
Jing-Mei hung up the phone and went to sit on the bed, waiting for Carter to appear after his shower. He came out ready for bed. "You look deep in thought."

"Just talking to Susan on the phone, I guess the rumours were really flying this afternoon, but it seems everyone knows about us now, that I am having your baby."

"Wow, that didn't take long, but good, now everyone knows."

Jing-Mei sat on the bed "So what was that about with you and Abby today."

"Abby?"

"Susan said you were talking to her in the lounge, which is how Jerry got going with the rumours."

"Yeah, about that." He came and sat beside her on the bed "We talked about her little stunt and how she needs to stop with the comments and stuff. She said she wanted to get back together with me, and I told her it wasn't going to happen."

"Did you tell her about us?"

"I told her I was seriously involved with someone, but I didn't specifically say it was you."

"Well why not John, you don't want Abby to know about us? She is going to find out, or she might already know."

"She didn't ask, and I was just so angry with her, we never got to that part. I don't feel that I owe her an explanation or I need to give her special notification that we are together."

"So you are not...worried about telling her then?"

He slid an arm around her "No, why should I be?"

"You did date her for what - a year?"

"It was pretty much a year, but it has been over for what, well over 3 years since we broke up and I went to Africa. You _know_ I have never wanted to get back together with her, Deb, that we were wrong for each other. There was a time when she would have been one of the first to know what was going on in my life, but now? I guess I just don't care how or when she finds out, we're not really friends anymore."

Deb rubbed his back "I understand, John. I know you have told me many times that your relationship was a mistake, I guess for some reason I still get a little jealous."

"You don't have to be Deb, you know that I love you, and I want to be with you and our baby, not her."

"I know, John. So did you talk about anything else?"

"We also talked about the baby, she said she couldn't do it alone, and I suggested she think about adoption, if she can't do it by herself."

"She is asking you to help her." Jing-Mei's voice is flat and a bit annoyed.

"Well, I know someone who wants to adopt and I told her if she was serious, I would ask if this person was interested, and put them in touch and then I'm out. If not, then she is going to have to figure it out on her own, I'm not going to get involved too much, it's not my place."

"Who is looking to adopt?"

Carter glanced over at her, thinking this was going to be interesting. "Abby Keaton."

"Keaton told you this. When."

"When we went for coffee, we were just talking about her husband and she said she didn't have kids and wanted to adopt."

"Pretty personal information she is sharing with you."

"I guess, but we were always able to talk pretty openly, she is an incredibly intelligent, and interesting person, not to mention a brilliant surgeon."

"So that is why you came on to your Attending and slept with her?"

"Ummmm, it was kind of the other way around, she came on to me, but the attraction was mutual, I think she could tell that pretty quickly. I can't help it I like intelligent women, I always have. Anyway, it's old history, she's happily married, and I thought we had agreed we were going to be about us, not previous relationships. You were friendly with Greg today and I didn't get all upset about it, did I?"

Jing-Mei sighed. "Okay, John, you're right, sorry, can you forgive me, I think my hormones are just running amok, the baby thing."

Carter looked amused. "Ahh, getting lots of mileage out of the pregnant hormone thing, aren't we? But, you know what, _I_ am going to forgive you." He leaned in for a kiss and laid his hand on her rounded stomach.

"You should forgive me, it is a least half your fault that I am in this condition, no denying it."

"I take full responsibility for my actions - I even kind of enjoyed them." He gave her a suggestive wink.

"Just kind of? Seemed to me you more than _kind of_ enjoyed them." She gave him a little push and he just grinned at her. "So Keaton, you think she might want to adopt Abby's baby?"

"I don't know, she hasn't been able to have kids and really wants one. She...has had quite a few miscarriages it sounds like, I shared what I went through, we just...talked. She might not want the baby, there are the issues with Abby's family, you know the bi-polar thing, and though Abby says she has stopped drinking and the baby is healthy there still could be complications with her adopting. None of this will be my decision, and I don't know why I ever offered to help to be honest."

"I know why...because you are a good friend, even if Abby doesn't deserve it, you have done a lot for her. I love you for it, though, it's part of who you are." She kissed him and Carter kissed her back, pulling her down onto the bed with him.

"Mmmmm, trying to sidetrack me off the topic." Deb pulled away gently.

"Who me? Never, I just like kissing you. But is there more you needed to talk about?"

"I'm concerned about you getting involved between Abby...and Abby...I think we need some kind of code here to tell them apart. Maybe Abby and Keaton?"

"Sure, you're right, it's confusing. So I promise I will keep my involvement minimal, if Keaton wants to look into it further I'll just tell them to get the adoption lawyer going, and they can take care of it. I get it Deb, me between two women I've dated, not good, especially with Abby...Lockhart, given she has expressed her feelings about getting back together. Keaton, you don't need to worry about her."

"I know John, I trust you, just, be careful with this, it could get ugly."

"I promise, minimal involvement."

"Good. Now, where were we?" Deb pulled him closer and started to kiss him again.

They both had work the next day, another long and busy day in the ER. Carter had some time to work in his office, and listened to his messages.

_"John it's Abby, I thought about what you said, and I want to see about adoption, please call your friend and see if they would be interested. The baby is a girl, I'm about 15 weeks along, and I promise I will keep going to my meetings and be as healthy as possible. I know this is best for the baby, I can't take care of her, I just can't John, I can barely take care of myself right now. Call me back at home, I have a few days off."_

Carter pulled out Abby Keaton's card and dialed her office. They had a long conversation, he shared his news about Deb and the baby, then told her in general terms about a friend of his who may be looking to put up a baby for adoption in June. He shared the medical history and told her told her she could call him back once she had a chance to speak with her husband. They hung up and Carter looked up to see Deb was watching him. "Hey, come on in, I was just talking to Abby."

"Which one?"

"Oh right, Keaton. This _is_ confusing. So Abby said she wants to put the baby up and Keaton is going to talk to her husband and lawyer and think about it."

"You must have a thing for the name Abby."

"Not really, I like Deb better. Come here, you." He pulled her onto his lap. "Feeling okay? You look tired today."

"I am for some reason, I was going to see if I could talk you into covering me in the ER for an hour, and steal a nap on your couch. Can I talk you into helping out a poor pregnant lady, Dr. Carter? After all, this is your fault too."

"Oh, here we go with the my fault thing again. But yes, you can borrow my couch." He led her over and tucked her under a blanket. "Anything else I can get you?"

"Yes, a pizza, and then some ice cream, I kind of want mint chocolate chip to be honest." She smiled sweetly at Carter.

"Ahh right, the cravings, this should make for a fun few months. You get some sleep and I'll take care of things downstairs."

Carter spent the next couple hours clearing the board in the ER, he work quickly and efficiently, so Deb could have the extra time to sleep. Peter arrived to do a quick surgical consult for one of the other doctors as Carter was so busy.

"I thought Chen was on today, yet here you are slaving away."

"She is, I just let her sneak off for a break, she is kind of tired this afternoon, seems like she needs an afternoon nap everyday now."

"I guess that is to be expected, she is what, about 16 weeks now?"

"15 actually."

"I ran into to Edson today, I heard something kind of...interesting."

"What's that?" Edson still worked at County as a surgeon. Carter thought the guy was a weasel, but apparently he was a good surgeon.

"That you are...a busy guy, two women, two babies, due about the same time."

Carter rolled his eyes. "I am going to kill Lockhart - she started that, and now the rumour just won't die. Totally not true, by the way, Deb would have me 6 feet under by now if it were."

"I didn't think it was, just thought you might want to know what is going around County right now. I think you need to have a chat with the other woman so to speak and get this cleared up."

"I already talked to her, and Deb and I have started to tell people there too, so hopefully it will go away. Remember I even talked to Luka about it, but seems like the rumour mill just keeps on churning it out. Did you set Dale straight?"

"Sure, but he didn't really believe me. He's a weasel, that guy."

"I know, funny how everyone feels the same about him. Thanks though, Peter, I hope this dies down soon, I am getting tired of hearing about it."

"They are just rumours, as long as you and Chen know the truth, don't worry so much. I still can't believe it though, you two sure moved fast once you decided you were going to be together."

"Yeah, I guess we did, but it all just feels right, you know?"

"I do know...like when I found out about Reese, I was excited to be a father, and I wanted him. Though Carla was a different story than Chen, I didn't love Carla. But you seem to love Chen, and really want to be with her."

"I do love her, a lot. Crossing that friendship line was hard, but it worked out amazingly well, and I am really happy."

Benton put his hand on Carter's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I am glad to hear that, Carter, you have become like...well I guess family to Cleo and I, and we look forward to the new baby too."

"Thanks Peter."

A while later, Jing-Mei finally showed up in the ER, looking more rested and smiling brightly. "I could just kiss you, John, I got the delivery and it hit the spot. Pizza and mint chip ice cream. In fact..." She grabbed him and gave him a huge kiss which had the rest of the staff smiling too and they got a couple wolf whistles.

"Have to take care of my two girls, don't I?"

 


	14. Chapter 14

   
  
   
  
Carter and Jing-Mei walked into the County ER together, they were meeting Susan for lunch, and also wanted to make sure the Abby rumours were put to rest. They weren't sure if Abby actually knew about the two of them yet, as she had taken a few days off work.

Carter purposely held Deb's hand with their fingers entwined as the nurse on duty buzzed them in, and put his arm around her as they approached admit. Jerry looked up with a little smirk "Well, if it isn't the Dr.'s Chen and Carter…. I've been hearing lots about the two of you lately."

"Oh? And what have you been hearing?"

Sam came up to the admit desk just then and gave them a huge smile "I hear that congratulations are in order for you two!" She gives them both a big hug, but then ran off as she was called to help with an incoming trauma.

"Well, that for one." Jerry looks very pleased with himself. "So…it's true, you two are….." He waves his hands in a 'are you together motion.'

"Yes Jerry, Deb and I have been seeing each other for quite a while, and yes, we are expecting a baby in June." Carter winks at Deb.

"So…about you and….Dr. Lockhart…."

"No Jerry, Abby and I did not get back together, and the baby is _not_ mine. That is just a rumour."

"Ahhh, okay." Jerry shrugs "Sorry, just had to ask, there has been a lot of talk about her, you and Luka…good to clear it up."

Abby arrived in the ER, finally back to work after her days off. She looked over at admit, seeing Carter and Jing-Mei there talking to Jerry. She noticed how cozy they look, but then they always were flirting with each other.

She puffed out some air, blowing a piece of hair out of her eyes and went towards the lounge. Abby was still really annoyed that Jing-Mei was so flirty with Carter in Vegas. Not like he would ever get together with Chen, she thought. Jing-Mei was very pretty and all, but they had been friends since they were med students, and Abby knew they had never slept together, Carter had told her that when the two of them had dated.

She pushed into the lounge and went to her locker, opening the door and pulling out her lab coat and stethoscope, then rubbed her belly absently. She wished this baby was Carter's, she had intended to get Carter to sleep with her in Vegas. She'd stopped taking her birth control a couple weeks before the trip, as she heard he would be there, knowing if she could seduce him, she might be able to get pregnant. Then Carter would feel obligated to be with her, she knew he would not abandon a baby that was his. Instead, he rejected her and she got drunk, and ended up having an unfortunate night with some guy from the bar. He was good looking, but he wasn't Carter, that was for sure. The sex was mediocre and she was too drunk to insist on a condom, so…. here she was, pregnant with some unknown guy's baby. And Carter, her Carter was apparently involved seriously with someone else, and in love again.

Abby slammed her locker shut, and glanced at the clock. Maybe they were gone now? She took a deep breath, and forced herself to leave the lounge, damn they were still there. Now Lewis was there too, chatting with them as Carter put his arm around Chen. She hated watching them all flirty and lovey dovey. As she approached the desk, her heart caught in her throat. Oh, was he...no way. No way in hell, she thought. She stopped in shock as Carter rested his hand on Jing-Mei's belly and he gave it a little affectionate rub, then….kissed her…on the lips.

She finally noticed that Jerry was standing staring at her with an amused look on his face.

"Hey Dr. Lockhart, we have a nice full rack of charts over here."

Abby forced her legs to move and carry her over to the admit desk and put a stiff smile on her face.

"Hi Carter, Jing-Mei, what are you doing here?" She dropped her eyes down to where Carter's hand was still resting proprietarily on Chen's slightly rounded stomach, Jing-Mei was clearly pregnant, and by how they were acting, this was Carter's baby. She looked up and met Jing-Mei's eyes, that held a bit of a challenge in them, kind of like she was saying 'yes, Abby, he _is_ mine now'. Oh, I think I am going to be sick, Carter and Chen are together? Chen kept her from having Carter in Vegas, Chen was having Carter's baby.

"Hi Abby, how are you?" Abby cut her eyes over to Carter, who was very relaxed about the whole thing. He looks….happy, she thought, just like last time he showed up in the ER with a pregnant girlfriend. How could he! Chen? Really? "Just here to see Susan."

"I…I'm okay." She managed to force this out with a bit of a stutter. "Do…you have a minute Carter?"

"Ummmm." Carter looks quickly at Deb who just shrugs.

"We have a few minutes, our appointment isn't until 4:30 so we have lots of time for lunch."

"Appointment?" Abby pastes a smile on her face.

"We have an OB appointment at Northwestern." Jing-Mei smiled softly and placed her left hand over Carters. Abby's eyes widen at the sight of the very large sapphire on Chen's ring finger, which could only have come from Carter.

"Okay, I'll be back in a couple minutes, Susan did you want to get your stuff together?" Carter looked over at Abby then motions towards the elevator. "The roof is usually nice and quiet."

Jerry smirked and commented as they walk away "Yeah, as long as he doesn't toss her off the top of County it will all be good."

Carter and Abby rode up to the roof level in silence and then leaned on the rail, looking out over the city. "So….what is it Abby?"

"Seriously Carter, you and Chen? She's…having your baby?"

"Yes, Abby, we have been seeing each other for a while, and we are having a baby. Deb's due in June."

"Same as I am. So she's 17 weeks too?"

"No, 16 weeks actually."

"You were sleeping with her in Vegas."

"Look Abby, I am not going to discuss this with you. Is there something else, you wanted to talk about? I called my friend by the way, I am just waiting for her and her husband to talk to their lawyer. Were you still wanting to put your baby up for adoption?"

"Changing the subject, okay, Carter I get it, you have moved on to yet _another_ woman." She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her tone. She met his eyes, and she saw she had maybe pushed this too far, his eyes flickered with anger.

"This conversation is done, Abby. I think I am going to bow out of the whole thing now. If they are interested I'll give them your number, but don't call me, and I won't call you." Carter sighed. "I had really hoped we would be friends, but it looks like it is going to be impossible." Carter placed his hand on her arm "Be happy Abby, move on, and please let me do the same."

With that he turned and walked away, and Abby sadly watched him go, thinking of how she had watched him walk away when he left for Africa. How he didn't love her anymore, and she knew he never would.

Carter took the stairs back down to the ER, to say he was annoyed and angry would be an understatement. He had tried to be Abby's friend, to listen, but she had to keep bringing up his past relationships. He just wanted to be happy, and he was, with Deb. He stopped in the stairwell for a moment, to try and calm his emotions, then went down the last flight. Deb and Susan were waiting for him.

"Ready for lunch?" He put a smile on his face and took Deb's hand and they walked out of the ER with Susan.

"What was that about?" Deb knew, even though John was smiling, he was not happy about something, and it had to do with Abby.

"Same old thing, same conversation as last time, so I...told her not to call me."

Susan frowned "Everything okay, Carter?"

"Not really, I tried to be her friend, but...I just can't. So, enough about Abby, let's go have some lunch."

 


	15. Chapter 15

   
  
   
  
Carter and Jing-Mei were both in the ER tonight, along with Peter. It had been relatively quiet, and they had the rack and board pretty much cleared.

"Carter, Cleo wanted me to invite you and Chen for dinner on the weekend. Let me know your shift schedule – I think we are on the same rotation right now?" Peter leaned against the admit desk flipping a pen in the air and deftly catching it.

Carter grabbed a chart from the rack and finished adding a couple notes, then updated the board. "Right, we are, so let me know what Cleo had planned. Did we want to all go out somewhere?"

"Any chance you can get us all into that fancy restaurant again on such short notice?"

"Perhaps, I can give Andre a call and see what we can manage."

"Andre, right, your personal maitre d'."

"Ha ha Peter, didn't hear you complaining about my _connections_ when I saved your ass on your anniversary."

One of the nurses answered the radio and then turned "Double MVA coming in, woman approx. 37 years old, about 18 weeks pregnant and a second victim, a 50 year old male, in critical condition."

"ETA?" Peter starts grabbing gowns and gloves and tossing them out to the nurses, Carter, and Jing-Mei.

"Less than 5 minutes."

"Let's go." They all gowned up and went to the ambulance bay, arriving just as the first ambulance rolled in. Carter and Peter opened the door and got the bullet on the male victim, and Jing-Mei met the second ambulance is it pulled in and swung open it's doors.

Jing-Mei took one look at the woman on the gurney. "John….John…get over here."

"Go Carter, I've got this one, help Chen."

Carter dashed across to the second Gurney "Shit, Abby?" He looked at Jing-Mei "Let's get her in, give me the bullet."

The paramedic started calling out vitals as they wheeled in to the ER and Carter and Deb started assessing. "I need a fetal monitor and an ultrasound machine stat. Pupils are equal, man, she smells like a distillery. Get OB down here, _now."_

The second paramedic came in with a clear bag "These were on the floor of her vehicle." She held it up and Carter could see an open pill bottle with a few white tablets floating around in the bottom of the bag, plus a large and very empty liquor bottle.

"What is the label on that bottle?" One of the nurses fished it out and read it off for Carter as he worked on the still unconscious Abby. They checked for head injury and did a quick spinal check, then took off the collar. "I think we are going to need charcoal here, and push some Narcan, she is very intoxicated." Carter ordered some tox screens, a blood alcohol level and a trauma panel.

"John, there are no fetal heart tones, nothing. Look." Deb ran the ultrasound over Abby's belly.

The Obstetrician on duty charged into the room and quickly took over the assessment of the fetus while Carter intubated. "Deb, you don't look so good, get out of here, we've got it. Take a break, go use my office if you need some space."

Jing-Mei felt frozen watching what was going on with the baby Abby was carrying. Being so close in term to her, she was definitely not feeling well and John had spotted that. She ripped of her gown and gloves, and then ran for the stairs, not stopping until she collapsed on the couch in John's office. She grabbed a garbage can and vomited violently, wiped her mouth, then curled up protectively around her belly.

In the ER Carter had done everything he could, and Abby was on her way upstairs to OB. "Hey, did you find a cell phone on her?"

One of the nurses nodded. "I am working on finding out who to call."

"Give me the phone, I'll call her mother. I know Maggie." The nurse tossed the cell to Carter, and he scrolled quickly through to the "M" and then picked up the phone at the admit desk.

The answering machine at the other end clicked on, Carter could only hope that Maggie was taking her meds and was actually around. He left a message "Maggie, this is John Carter, pick up if you're there." He waited a second "Maggie, Abby has been in a serious accident, please contact me at Northwestern Emergency." He left the number and included his cell phone as well, then tried to call her brother Eric, with no success there either.

Peter walked up to admit. "My guy is stabilized and they are transporting him in a few, where did Chen go? And how is your patient?"

"OB took her up, I am not sure they can save the baby, doesn't look good. Can you cover for a few minutes? I had to send Deb out of the room, so I think she went to my office. I called Abby's mom and brother and left the ER number and my cell phone, telling them it is urgent to call us."

Peter nodded "Go check on Chen." He patted Carter's shoulder.

Carter found Deb curled up on the couch, sobbing, and he took her in his arms and just held her there. She clung to him tightly, and cried, soaking the front of his shirt. Finally she managed to get control and sat back a bit. "That was awful, John, how could she….do that. She was drunk, she took narcotics and almost killed that man. And she probably killed her baby."

"Shhh, I know Deb, I know. Abby…has a problem, she has been battling alcoholism for a long time, you know that. I don't think she has been happy for a long time, she said she was back in meetings, but….you saw her in Vegas."

"I'm sorry I had to leave, it was….too hard to watch, our baby is…about the same number of weeks as hers was, I couldn't stay and watch her baby die."

"It's okay, I still sometimes have a hard time with things….remember after I got stabbed and there was the stabbing victim that came in, and _you_ took over the patient for me, and let me take the other one. We are still human Deb, we try to help, but sometimes we just can't." He wiped the tears away with his thumbs and gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Here." He gave her a box of tissue and she wiped her face and nose, finally collecting herself.

Jing-Mei wrapped her arm around Carter and hugged him tight "Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know, she went up to OB, _her_ injuries were minor, she was pretty lucky, but we will have to see if the baby made it or not…but it doesn't look good." Carters cell phone rang. "I have to get this….hello?" Carter sank onto the couch beside Deb and let her lean against him. "Eric…it has been a while….no, she's not okay, she is in surgery and someone needs to come down here….no I left a message but haven't heard from Maggie….as soon as you can. She will be on the 9th floor, go to the reception there, I might not be here when you arrive…no I think Luka has Joe with him in Croatia…do you have his number? I'll try….okay, bye Eric."

"Who was that?"

"Eric, Abby's brother. He is going to try and get hold of her mom and get down here. I guess I should try and get hold of Luka too, maybe I'll call Susan to help with that."

Carter dialed County ER "Jerry, it's Carter. Is Susan around?" He looked at Deb while he waited "Do you want to lay down for a while? Peter and I are both there until end of shift."

Deb nodded and Carter settled her on the couch while he filled Susan in Abby's condition and asked if she could get hold of Luka. Once this was done, he went back down to the ER and finished up his shift.

Carter ran his fingers through his hair as he rode the elevator up to OB, then stepped out and turned towards the reception desk. The young nurse attending the station looked up. "Can I help you….Dr…?"

"Carter. We had an Abby Lockhart in the ER earlier, I just wanted to check on her status." He tapped nervously on the counter, he was worried about Abby. They hadn't been getting along lately, but at the end of the day, they had a history, had been very good friends at one point.

"She is in recovery, she abrupted, they had to do emergency surgery. Can I call Dr. Conway down for you? She is the one who performed the surgery."

He nodded, the nurse paged Dr. Conway, who appeared fairly quickly. "Dr. Carter, Ms. Lockhart was an ER patient of yours."

"Right, and I also worked with her at County, she is a resident there. How is she doing?"

"She is in recovery, but we had to do an emergency section, as she abrupted and there was no other way to stop the bleeding. I'm afraid we had to do a hysterectomy, as she was hemorrhaging. Did you want to go in and see her? I think she could use someone right now, her family hasn't shown up yet."

"Yes, I'll go down and see her, the family has been notified but they don't live in town, they are out of state, and will probably take a while to get here." Carter followed Dr. Conway, then took a deep breath before entering the recovery room.

Abby was laying quietly, just staring blankly into space, but started as Carter pulled up a chair and sat, taking her hand. "Hey, how are you doing?"

Abby shook her head wordlessly as tears tracked down her face. Carter simply sat and rubbed her hand, not knowing quite what to say. Finally he said. "Do you want me to stay, or would you prefer to be alone?"

"Stay, please." She whispered. "What did I do, John? What did I do?" Her dark eyes turned to him. "I promised you I would take care of myself, but….I keep screwing up, don't I? I lost you, because I had to show you how angry I was about you going to Africa. I lost Luka because I wanted you back, when you have made it clear you don't want that. Now, the baby is gone too, I wanted that baby to be yours, I wanted to get back what we lost 3 years ago."

Carter sighed. "Abby, you know that no matter what you did with the whole Africa thing, we were never meant to be together, that became really clear to me. I am really sorry you lost the baby, even if you didn't intend to get pregnant. Do you think….that maybe you are ready to go get some help with your drinking? I resisted the idea of rehab too, but you know what? It helped, I needed to do it, I didn't recognize how out of control I had gotten, how out of control my life was. I told you before, you saved my life when you turned me in….can you let me help you get into a rehab program? Please?"

"Okay, Carter. I will do it for you."

"Abby, I want you to go, and I will make the arrangements for you, but this is for you, not for me. I will always care about you, but not as more than a friend."

"I know…Carter?"

"What?"

"Thank you, for caring, for coming to see me, for helping me. I don't know that I deserve it….I…" She trailed off, she just couldn't admit to him what she had planned, how she was going to try and get him back. She could feel him watching her. "Just, please, set up the rehab for me."

"Okay, I will do that, I have to let Susan know where you are going though. So you can have the time off from work."

"Don't tell anyone else, okay? Not even Chen, I know…you two are together, but she doesn't need to know about any of this."

Carter looked down, then back over at Abby. "She was there, Abby, in the ER, she was….pretty distraught, seeing you like that. I will have to at least tell her how you are, but I won't share any of the details, okay?"

Abby swiped away the tears. "Okay." She whispered. Chen had to be working in the ER, and of course Carter would have to update her. It was...embarrassing, horrible, what she had done, she knew better, drinking, taking pills, and she regretted it. And too many people would know. "This is embarrassing, John, having all these people know what I did, how am I going to ever walk back in to the ER?"

"If I can do it, so can you. I had to face friends and colleagues after what I did too - using narcotics, while at work, almost killing a patient, how I acted towards people, I even decked Benton, but they forgave me Abby. I made amends the best I could, and I continued on with my life, and now I am happy. You can get there too, it's not an easy road, but you can do it. You are strong, Abby, independent, and you will get through this. I know a bit about feeling responsible for people dying, at it will take time, but you can get through it."

"But you will try to keep this as quiet as possible?"

"Hey, I was your doctor down there, as was Deb, so we won't tell anyone, or discuss it beyond what is medically necessary, you have my word on that. I do have to share with Susan, but we will keep it to only those who absolutely have to know - okay?"

Abby nodded. "Okay, I trust you. I always have, and I'm sorry for everything, John, I really am."

"You can make it up to me by just getting better, okay? By getting through this and being happy - you have a little boy who needs you, Joe needs his mommy."

"Did...you call my mom and brother?"

Carter nodded. "I had to, we weren't sure what was going to happen, so they might show up. Eric seemed like he was doing okay, I left a message for your mom, so I am not sure how she is."

"I talked to her last week, and she is on her meds, so she should be all right. You should probably go, I need some time, but come back and see me tomorrow?"

"I will, get some rest and I will talk to Dr. Conway and get things arranged so you can go to rehab as soon as you are out of here."

Carter rubbed her hand again and went back out towards the desk where two police officers were talking to the nurse.

"Dr. Carter, these two officers are wanting to talk to Ms. Lockhart. You were her doctor in the ER, right?"

"I was, but her chart is up here, so best if the check with Dr. Conway. If you could have her call me as well, unless she is around now?"

"She is in surgery, so I'll have her call you. So the officers should wait?"

"The patient is still in recovery, so they will have to wait until she is able to go to a room, she is resting now."

Carter hopped back on the elevator and went back to his office on the 5th floor. Deb was curled up on his couch, still fast asleep, but their shifts were over and he wanted to get her home, so he shook her gently. "Hey, Deb, time to go home."

"Oh, John, is our shift over? Sorry, I must have fallen asleep."

"It's okay, the rest of the shift was quiet, and Peter, Rachel and I were able to handle it, we had lots of residents and students on as well."

"Good...how is...Abby and the baby?"

"Abby is in recovery." He sat on the couch and took one of her hands "They...had to do a hysterectomy, Deb, she abrupted."

Deb started to cry again, John wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Shhh, hey, Abby is going to be okay, it's hard that she lost the baby, but she will be all right."

"What happens to her now?"

"I went up to see her, and she has agreed to get some help with the drinking, so I am going to arrange rehab for her."

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Is everything okay?" Susan was standing in the doorway, observing Deb's tear stained face.

"We're okay Susan, just updating Deb on Abby's condition. Did you see her?"

"No, they won't let me in to recovery, did you see her?"

"I was just up there, she is okay but she lost the baby. They let me in as I was her doctor in the ER."

"What happened? You said something about a car accident."

"Yes, she was in an accident, and... Susan, you can't say anything, and Abby knows I am going to tell you, but we are going to try and get her into a program right away."

Susan stared, not comprehending for a moment then Carter saw her eyes widen a bit as she understood. "She was drinking?" She whispered.

Carter just nodded and stayed silent.

"The accident was her fault?"

Carter shrugged. "I don't know, but the police are upstairs waiting to talk to her, so it doesn't look good."

"The person in the other car?"

"Is okay, Peter was there and took care of him, he is recovering."

"Good, losing a baby is bad enough, without having to deal with the other driver dying too. Jing-Mei, why were you crying earlier, you really are okay, right?"

Jing-Mei nods. "Yes, I'm fine, it was just hard to be in the trauma room, being pregnant, and I'm only about a week different in term, so John let me just hide out here in his office. He is taking care of me, don't worry." She leaned on his shoulder.

"I was just going to take her home - did you want to come over for a bit? You are off shift? Maybe we could pick something up or order in, if you don't need to rush home yourself."

"Are you sure? That would be great, Chuck and Cosmo are out right now, so would be nice to not be sitting around home alone."

"Of course, we took the El, but it doesn't take long to get home from here."

Carter pulled Deb up off the couch and the three left heading for the El.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Carter hit the elevator button, and looked over at Susan with a sigh.

"Well, at least we've got that sorted out. Sorry it is going to leave you short a resident for a while, but this is for the best."

"I know. Did you talk to Luka again? Is he coming back?"

"He phoned me last night, he is still in Croatia and it doesn't sound like he is in any hurry to come home. He is still hurting over all of this, Susan, she had an affair and got pregnant, I don't think I would be handling that so well either, or rushing home to her. He is better off with his family, he is taking care of Joe."

"You are helping her now though, even after she told lies and spread rumours about you."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, she was my patient in the ER, if she had gone to County I would not be involved at all. She was a friend once."

"More than a friend Carter, we both know that."

"Sure, but that is long over, it has been about 4 years now and even if my life has been difficult during the past few years, I am grateful that Abby and I didn't decide to torture each other any further than we did."

"Wow, really. Torture." Susan raised an eyebrow at him.

"Pretty much. When I went to Africa for the second time, I knew we would never get back together and that it was best for both of us if I made myself scarce for a while. I could not imagine how it would have played out if I had come back with Luka, it might have gotten ugly."

"It kind of did, I mean, a letter? You sent her a letter."

He shrugged again. "She wouldn't talk to me when I was in the same room, we ended up yelling at each other, and she didn't even want to talk to me. The minute we started saying anything worthwhile, she ran away, like she always did. So, I should have flown back from Africa just so she could ignore me? That is a long trip, and I would have been back on the plane the next day anyway. Those few weeks apart showed me beyond any doubt that we were not meant to be together. I wasn't making her happy, and she sure the hell wasn't making me happy. By then I didn't even owe her that, she had already broken us up, there was nothing left to talk about. I sent it to her so she would know I was in fact not coming back in any hurry, and so she could move on."

"I was just surprised at the time, I guess, you had wanted to marry her, and suddenly you didn't even want to be on the same continent."

"Well, I lost my mind for a while, what can I say, Abby and I being married? It would never have lasted. I cared about her, but I could not imagine being married to the woman, honestly, she has gone off the deep end. Cheating on her Luka, telling him that I was the father of her baby? I think you know Luka came to see at my work? He was pretty angry, I cannot believe she did that. Outright lied to Luka and tried to play us against each other."

"I won't argue with you, Carter, she has had her challenges. She seemed to get herself sober and she was taking care of herself for a while there, and now it's all gone downhill again. It's a shame about the baby though."

"Yeah, it is, though she was going to give the baby up anyways."

Susan started at that. "What? She wasn't going to keep the baby?"

"Nope. Not last I heard anyway. I thought you knew she was thinking of adoption."

"I didn't know that. I guess it would have been for the best, she has barely been a mother to Joe, with the alcoholism and Luka being away." Susan looked up at him. "How are you doing with all of this?"

"All of what exactly?" Carter stepped out of the elevator into the Northwestern ER.

"Do you have time for a quick coffee?" Susan put a hand on his arm.

"Uh, sure, let's go, I am not actually on yet."

They walked to one of the small cafe's nearby.

"The restaurants are so much nicer over here, than by County."

"Well, maybe you should think about switching hospitals. You don't seem happy Susan."

"I'm not really, they still won't give me tenure and I am working long hours, and...I really want another baby, and Chuck agreed but now he is acting weird."

"How?"

"I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, John, but..." She shook her head. "I think all the long hours are taking their toll."

"I'm sorry, Susan, I know how much you want another child, I can relate to that."

"I know you can. Which is something...how are you doing with things. With Abby losing a baby, and being so close to term as Jing-Mei, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am. I worry of course, but I try not to think about it too much. Deb is healthy and the baby is doing well, all I can do is wait." He sipped his coffee. "I can tell Deb is watching me all the time, waiting for me to freak out I'm sure."

Susan nodded. "She worries about you, Carter. She knows what you went through before. She understands having another child is difficult, the waiting and wondering. Of course that never ends, even after you have the baby, you are always still hoping things will be okay."

"She's sweet, but I get it. I know the odds of something happening are pretty low, but I am a realist too. There are no guarantees and life is too short, so we have to take the chance sometimes. I am willing to take the chance, because I have always wanted a family, children, and that normal life, where you walk in the door and there is someone waiting there for you. I don't know how to explain it, it's just I have never had a real family life, not for any length of time anyway. My parent were always off somewhere, and I spent a lot of time away at school."

"I get it, I had one when I was younger, but as an adult it took a long time to find Chuck and then having Cosmo, well I really want another child because I love being a family."

"Right, of course you do. You don't need to worry about me, though, and neither does Deb."

"She loves you, so she will worry, Carter. You can't stop her." Susan tapped her spoon on the side of her cup, then glanced over at him again. "You need to talk to her though, she...is a bit apprehensive about the baby room."

"Why is she...ah, right." He nodded slowly. "I was starting to wonder, she has not been out doing much shopping for the baby yet, and I was not sure why. She is scared of furnishing the room?"

"I think so, she is not sure how to bring it up. She mentioned it when we were in New York, and I don't want to interfere, but it seems like you two are not talking about it and she is getting concerned, but she doesn't want to push the issue."

"She doesn't need to be concerned, I lost a child, I've dealt with it. We are having a baby together, and our daughter will be just as important to me. If she wants to use that room, I'm fine with it."

Susan smiled. "You're having a girl?"

"Shit. Don't tell Deb I said that, and don't tell anyone else. Yes we are having a girl, or so the ultrasound seems to show. We found out after she got back from New York."

"Supposed to be a secret?"

"Well not with my big mouth I guess. But I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"I won't tell, I promise. Anyway, if you need to talk, or anything, you know where to find me, John. And talk to Jing-Mei. Hey, New York, that reminds me, what is going on with the ring idea?"

Carter smiled. "The ring is being made actually. I think she will love it, with all the notes you made on her comments, it should be just what she wants. I had to get sneaky though, I went to New York, and Peter covered for me so she wouldn't know I was gone. I hate lying to her, but I want it to be a surprise."

"I don't think she'll mind once she sees the ring, after all keeping a secret so you can spring an amazing engagement ring on a girl is not exactly a hanging offense. It's kind of sweet, actually. I cannot wait until I see it on her finger."

"She'd better say yes, or I might throw myself in the river."

"She will, Carter. Don't you worry, she will."

Carter hoped so, he didn't think he could stand the rejection, not after dealing with Kem and of course Abby. He'd not had the greatest luck with women in his life, especially when it came to marriage proposals.

Still Deb was there every day, and she seemed to be the right woman for him. Maybe that was the difference, Deb was truly the right woman.

Carter worked his shift, he was mostly in surgery, while Deb was in the ER. Finally they were both off and they picked up dinner on the way home, both too tired to even thing about cooking. It had been a really busy day.

Carter scooped out food onto the separate plates, thinking about what Susan had said about the baby room. It kind of made sense, he didn't know why he hadn't registered the real reason Deb had not been shopping for baby stuff yet. She was hesitating because of him.

"So Deb, we're both off tomorrow."

"I know, I have been looking forward to it. What did you want to do?"

"I thought maybe we should go buy some stuff for the baby. You know, our little girl is going to need somewhere to sleep, and you are getting close to 20 weeks."

"You want to...furnish the baby room?"

"Yes, don't you? Do you like it as is, or should we redecorate it? Up to you, I kind of liked the jungle thing, but we can change it if you prefer."

"I think it's cute, John, can we leave it? I like the room, but you're right, it's time to get it ready, and maybe buy some clothes and stuff."

"It is time. So, we have a shopping date for tomorrow."

He noticed that Deb seemed relieved that he had brought it up, and he knew Susan was absolutely right, she had been afraid to broach the subject as the room had been intended for Joshua.

Jing-Mei was relieved, she had been wanting to talk to John about the room, and she was not sure why she had been so hesitant to do so. This was John, she had known him for years, yet she didn't want to hurt him, to bring up a subject that was so sensitive. The loss of his son had devastated him, she knew that, and she could only hope that their daughter could help make up some of the pain he had felt in losing a child.

Deb could relate in a fashion, she still missed Michael desperately, despite the fact he was still alive and happy. He was not, however, part of her life, and this would probably haunt her forever in its own way. Same as losing Joshua must haunt John.

"John." Deb could feel their daughter suddenly very active. "You have to feel this." She took his hand and placed it on her belly, and she could see his eye light up as the baby moved, a little limb creating a bump against the smooth roundness.

"Wow, I guess she likes the idea of us getting the room ready too." He kept his hand there for a few moments while he gave Deb a kiss. Then he leaned down and kissed her belly. "Hey baby girl, you are going to love your new bedroom."

Deb ruffled his hair and laughed, he liked to talk to their unborn child, she thought when the baby was born she was going to know her daddy right away from his voice.

"We are going to have to think about names for her too."

"I know. What are you thinking? Any ideas?" Carter grabbed their plates and they sat down to eat.

"Hm, well, I don't know. This could get tricky."

"Why is that? I think we can find something we both like. Did you want to try and give her a Chinese name as well as an American one? I think we could find something really pretty that would combine them."

"I was wondering if you would be okay with that, I was thinking she should have an American name with maybe a Chinese name which we could use as her middle name."

"I would be absolutely fine with it Deb, if it is something you want. You know we did that with Joshua? He had an African middle name."

Jing-Mei was surprised that John was talking about this so easily.

"I didn't know. What was his middle name?"

"Makalo, which means wonder or surprise, and I guess he was a little bit of both."

"Joshua Makalo Carter. I like that John, I would like our daughter to have something along the same idea."

"I have a few ideas then."

"You've thought about it already?" Jing-Mei thought it was sweet that he had name ideas already, but then so did she.

"Yes, why so surprised?" Carter laughed. "We do have to name her at some point."

"I know, I just...I love you." She leaned over and gave his a kiss.

"I love you too."

The next day was busy, but they accomplished a lot. They picked out furniture and bought a car seat and stroller along with some clothing and bedding, and a bunch of other bits they would need for the first couple months. Jing-Mei was happy with how it was all coming together, John was being wonderful with everything. The room would be ready in no time, and she was incredibly excited about having a baby that she was going to keep.

She never allowed herself to get this excited about Michael, knowing she intended to give him up for adoption. She was glad she hadn't or she would never have been able to give her son over to his new parents.

"Hey, I need to go to New York for some business next week, did you want to come with me?" John casually mentioned over dinner.

"I would love to. We can stay in the amazing apartment again."

"We can. I'll get us tickets, and we have three days off in a row, so we can go right after work? That will give us a couple days up there."

"Sound terrific."

Carter nodded in satisfaction, his plan was all coming together.

Jing-Mei was about the happiest she had been in her entire life. She finally felt like she had someone in her life, someone that would always be there for her. She loved that he was including her even though she knew she would have a bit of time on her own while he attended to his business.

She suspected it had to do with the Foundation, it seemed like his family had some serious connections all over the States. The building of the new Carter Center was well underway, and she was excited to see it completed. It was still hard to believe he had that kind of money sitting around to build the place, but he did.

They landed in New York in the evening, and Jing-Mei was excited to have a few days away with her and John. They had not been able to get away together since the trip to Las Vegas, with all the work. This was her last chance to travel for a while too, once she hit 7 months she would not be allowed to fly, and that was coming up quickly.

They settled into the apartment and had a good sleep, John kissing her good bye in the morning before she rolled over and went back to sleep.

Carter arrived for his appointment, though it had nothing to do with the Foundation at all. The ring he had commissioned was ready, and he was here to pick it up. He thought it would be great to have a little mini vacation and ask Deb to marry him while they were in New York.

He arrived back at the apartment, Deb was up and showered, relaxing with a cup of tea.

"So, shall we get out for a bit? It's nice out today, we could go for a walk in Central Park."

"That sounds great. Your business didn't take too long."

"No, it was a really quick meeting. I expected it to take longer, but that's okay, I get more time with my favorite girl this way. Dress up just a bit and we can go out for lunch."

"Okay, sounds great. It won't take me long to be ready."

Jing-Mei dressed with care, then bundled into a warm coat, hat and gloves. It was nicer out today, but it was still New York in early March. John took her hand and they wandered for a while, until they reached the Bow Bridge.

"This is so nice, I love that we got away together, it won't be long and we are going to be really busy." Jing-Mei rested her hand on her belly.

"I am glad you came with me, we haven't been here together, you were up here with Susan, and the last trip was Vegas." He rested his hand over hers. "Excited?"

"Yes, unbelievably excited. I have wanted...all of this for a long time. It is just a strange reality when I have been looking so hard for the right man, and he has been right in front of me for years. I have wondered if we had gotten together years ago how it would have turned out."

Carter leaned on the bridge. "I don't know, sometimes I wonder too. All the people we've dated and everything we have been through...but maybe that is why it works now. We are both mature enough, our experiences have brought us together haven't they? When we were students we barely tolerated each other for the longest time."

"I know. We did some pretty mean pranks on each other too, and sometimes...like when I hit you with the paddles? That was just...crazy."

"Oh yes, I remember."

"Or when to pay you back for that exam I had to do, Haleh and I put you in the gown? That was funny."

"Hm, I think I still owe you one for that."

"No, you got me back, several times. Besides, I didn't see...much."

Carter put his arm around her and squeezed.

"Ha ha, thanks. You don't seem to have any complaints though, in that area."

Jing-Mei reached up and ran her fingers down his face. "No, I really don't. Our sex life is certainly good...well great actually. I am not surprised to be honest, we have always had a bit of chemistry, even when we were super competitive, there was a little spark there."

"I know." He pulled her into his arms and gave her a long kiss.

"What is that?" Jing-Mei felt something between them, and slid her hand under his coat and into his pocket.

Carter put his hand over hers trying to stop her, but not quite in time.

"John, what is this?" She came up with a small box, and her eyes widened.

"Ah, well, you weren't supposed to see that quite yet, but..." He took the box out of her hand. "I know we haven't been together a long time, but we've known each other forever. Sometimes things just feel...right."

Jing-Mei nodded, her breath catching in her throat. Was he going to? She looked up into his eyes her heart almost stopping at the love she saw there.

"Deb, I love you, and I can't imagine being without you." He opened the box, which contained the beautiful diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Wow. John, yes, of course, yes." She could feel a tear run down her cheek as he pulled off her glove and slid the ring onto her finger. She wrapped her hand up around his neck and gave him a long kiss. When they finally broke apart, she admired the ring now adorning her finger.

"It's gorgeous, John, how did you know what I..." She stopped and looked up at him. "Susan. The little sneak."

"Uh huh. She was my accomplice so to speak, taking notes on which rings you liked best, I wanted to make sure I got the right one."

"You have been planning this for a while, then. We first talked about that trip back before Christmas."

"Yes. It's not a last minute thing, I knew a while ago where I wanted this to go. I ordered the ring not long after you got back from New York."

"I didn't suspect a thing either. I mean, we kind of talked about it, but...I was thinking it would be a while yet before we made things official."

"A little misdirection. I wasn't going to bring it up quite so soon, I was going to wait until you were back from New York, but you running into my dad kind of threw a wrench into it. When he saw the sapphire and asked if we were engaged? It presented an opportunity to find out what you were thinking though." He kissed her again. "So...lunch?"

She nodded and slid her glove back on, he took her hand and they ended up at the Boathouse.

Jing-Mei spent quite a bit of time admiring her ring, and Carter noticed. He was happy she seemed to love it, it took a while to pick it out and get it made.

"This is just amazing, John, I cannot believe we are having a baby and getting married."

They spent the next couple days sightseeing and getting in a bit of shopping, then they were on the plane home.

Jing-Mei could not wait to tell Susan that they were engaged, so she arranged to go meet her for coffee before they started their shift at 6PM.

"You're looking great Dr. Chen." Sam smiled as she buzzed her into the ER.

"Thanks, I am feeling good too. I am sure in a couple months I will be wishing to have this baby out, but right now? It's great. Susan around?"

"Dr. Lewis is in with a patient, but you can wait for her, no problem."

Jing-Mei hung at the admit desk for a few minutes, chatting to the nurses as they went by. She got a lot of comments on how good she looked, but she was keeping her hand hidden for now.

"Hey sweetness, how are you doing?"

"Greg, you really need to stop calling me that!" Jing-Mei was getting annoyed that he kept on with the nickname. It had been a long time since they'd been together and she was so clearly with John now.

He reached down and grabbed her hands, giving them a squeeze. "I cannot resist, you still are one of the sweetest women I know. Hey, you still wearing that ring?"

He held up her hand and turned the ring on her finger before she could pull back.

"Greg."

"Holy hell, what is that?" He took in the large sparkler on her finger. "Is that real?"

"Yes it's real, you idiot. Shush, until I show it to Susan."

"Show me what?" Susan came up behind her and looked down at what Pratt was staring at.

"Wow! He doesn't go halfway, does he? That is amazing! When did this happen!" Susan grabbed her hand away from Pratt and held it up for inspection.

"We went to New York, just got back. So, a couple days ago. I am just getting used to it. I cannot believe you knew! And said nothing!"

"And ruin the surprise? Carter would have killed me, and he is my friend too you know. The only reason I knew is because he wanted to make sure he got the right ring."

Pratt shrugged. "Most places you can return the ring and exchange it."

Susan laughed. "Uh, well, I don't think he could have in this case, I don't think Harry takes exchanges."

"He has a jeweler named Harry? Must not be very good if they don't exchange." Pratt lifted an eyebrow.

"Um...no, it was custom made, that's why they don't exchange. Anyways, it's beautiful, I doubt any girl would take that back."

"No way, it is just what I wanted. He did a great job."

"Well, let's go for our coffee and you can tell me all about it."


	17. Chapter 17

Carter winced slightly as Deb gripped his hand, it felt like it was in a vice, but, he took the pain, knowing she was in even greater pain than him.

"That's it, Deb, you are doing great.  Breathe."

"Ow, easy for you to say."  Jing-Mei took a halting breath trying to relax as the contraction hit her.  She had been in labour for a few hours now, but it was almost over.  She had woken John at 3 am when her back started to ache, then her water broke. 

She loved how calm he was, he helped her dress, started timing the contractions and had her in the car in less than half an hour with her small bag. 

He stayed with her pretty much non stop too, he fed her ice chips and rubbed her back to ease the pain.  He was an even better coach this time than when she'd had Michael, but then again, they were far more familiar with each other too.

"Okay, Jing-Mei, one more good push."

Carter held on to her hand and rubbed her shoulder, then took a peek as the infant made it's entrance into the world.  The doctor worked quickly and the baby started to squall.

"Perfect, a beautiful little girl.  She's pinking up nicely." 

Carter was offered and accepted the task of cutting the cord, then gave Deb a kiss as they took the baby over to do a quick check up.

"You did great, Deb, she's gorgeous."  He pushed her hair back from her eyes, then turned to take their daughter, she was now swaddled snuggly.  He gently placed the baby into her mothers waiting arms, then sat on the edge of the bed

"John, she's perfect."  Jing-Mei felt a tear trickle down her cheek, this was so different than the last time she and John were in this position.  Last time she couldn't even face holding or seeing her son, and John helped her get through giving him up.

This time, John was there to love and support her, and she was going to take their precious new daughter home with them.

"I love you."  He leaned in and gave Deb another kiss, his heart swelling with love for them both.   His precious baby girl and the woman who was such a huge part of his life.

Truthfully, he had spent the last couple months of her pregnancy terrified that something was going to go wrong.  After all, Joshua had been fine, perfect too, and it was only bad luck that he managed to tangle the cord, which caused his premature death.  He breathed a huge sigh of relief, now that their daughter was here, and the birth had gone well.  Deb's labour had been much shorter than with Michael, and the baby was healthy and beautiful.

"I love you too, John."  Jing-Mei looked up at him, with tears in her eyes.  "So...Jaida Mei-Lin Chen Carter?"

"Yes, I like it.  Hi Jaida."

The baby stared at him with dark unfocused eyes, a look of concentration on her tiny face.

Carter went to make a few calls, to announce the birth of their daughter while they moved Jing-Mei into another room upstairs.  He called his dad, leaving a message and then Susan, who had become a very close.

"Hi Carter, how are you?"

"Great, Deb and I are at the hospital, and we have a new baby girl."

"That is exciting!  It all went well?"

"Yes, Deb did great, it went smoothly, they are just moving her to a room upstairs now."

"What did you name her?"

"Jaida Mei-Lin Chen Carter."

"Wow, that is a mouthful, but it's cute."

"Well, it's not so bad, she will be Jaida Carter for the most part."

"Congratulations, John, I am really happy for both of you.  Can I come over and see them?  I am done my shift in a couple hours."

"We'd love to see you Susan, you know that.  You are like family."

They chatted for a few more minutes, then he called Peter, and made a few other calls before joining Deb in her new room.

Within a couple days Jing-Mei was home with their new daughter, and she was really happy.  John had taken a few days off with Peter's blessing and was an enormous help.  He got up and changed their daughter often, bringing the baby into their bed so Jing-Mei could feed her.  He took care of a lot of the little details, made sure she ate, slept well - for someone with a new baby in the house - and generally pampered her. 

After a week, Carter went back to work, and Jing-Mei enjoyed some time off.  They had decided based on their financial position that Jing-Mei could take as much time as she wanted, so the initial plan was 6 months leave, with her to decide if she wanted longer once she had been off for 4 months. 

This was a bit of a luxury, Jing-Mei loved her work, but having some time off with their new daughter was exciting too.

Carter was in the ER working when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Carter."

"Abby.  What are you doing here?"  He erased a patient name off the board then turned to give her his full attention.

"I just wanted...to come by and see if you had time for a quick coffee?"  Abby had completed her rehab and was finally back to work after an extended leave of absence.  She felt the need to speak with John, she had not seen him at all since he helped set up the initial entrance into the program for her.  She had some news to share with him too.

She had been hopeful he would come and visit her, but she didn't end up having anyone come to see her, and it was pretty lonely.  She did however feel a lot better now, having dealt with so many of the issues that sent her back down the road of alcoholism.  She had never gone to full fledged program, she had relied only on AA for a long time.

He glanced at his watch.  "I'm off in about 10 minutes, let me just hand off a few patients and then barring any major trauma before I manage to get out of here, sure."

Abby nodded and went to sit out of the way in the chairs while he finished up, made a quick call home to Deb, then he beckoned her to follow.

"I just have to grab my stuff."  He hit the elevator button.

"Not in the lounge?"

"Nope, I have an office upstairs.  Since I am working both ER and Surgery, they gave me an office."

"Nice."

Carter unlocked the door, hung up his lab coat and started gathering his things.  Abby walked over and picked up the framed picture on his desk.  He could see she looked a little sad.

"She beautiful, John.  When was she born?"  Abby realized she should have known Jing-Mei was due to have her baby, it made her melancholy to think she would be just recovering from birth of a little girl too, if she had not made such poor judgement calls.

"She's two weeks old now."

"Wow.  I am really happy for you, I know...it was tough for you...you know before?"  Abby was hesitant to bring up Joshua.

"Losing my son?  Yes, it was, but it has been a while, and I have dealt with it.  Never easy to lose a child though."

"What's her name?"

"Jaida."

"That's pretty."

He locked the door behind them and then they walked up the street to a small cafe. 

"I know what you mean, about losing a child.  I still regret my stupidity, and I am lucky that I am not...well in jail I guess, though my drivers license was suspended.  I got some leniency since I went to a rehab program, and I have to thank you for setting that up for me."

"Glad I could help."  And Carter meant it, Abby had been important in his life at one point, and he hated how things had turned out.  Abby Keaton had been quite upset as well, she and her husband had given a lot of thought to taking the baby, and had been getting excited at the thought.

"Funny, I have kind of lost all of my children."

Carter frowned slightly.  "All?"

"I never told you, but...I had an abortion a few years ago."

"You did?"  Carter didn't want to ask the next question, but Abby answered it anyways.  She didn't want to think that she had done that to him.  It was bad enough she had never told Richard.

"When I was married to Richard, things were going down hill and I was not ready to be a mom.  You know how I felt about it for a long time, John, you know I was not sure I even wanted to risk passing on the disease."

He sighed.  "I know, it was...certainly one of our issues, wasn't it?  I always knew I wanted kids.  But you still have Joe."

"Not really, though, Luka is still in Croatia with Joe, and he is angry with me.  I am not sure when he will come home, I have not seen Joe except on video chat for months.  Not that I blame Luka, really, I ruined our relationship...just like I ruined ours.  I did that, didn't I?  Ruined what we had?"

Carter shrugged.  "Well, maybe we both did, I don't know Abby.  We were really complicated, you and me.  Neither of us had the greatest childhoods, though for very different reasons.  We didn't communicate very well, that is for certain."

"But our childhoods were not so different either.  Neither of us really had our parents as part of our lives.  I was more of a mother to Eric than my mom was, and I spent a lot of time taking care of her.  And you were so great, you were always there when I needed you, until you suddenly weren't.  And I know that was my fault, as much as I blamed you at the time.  I get it, John, I do, you lost someone who had a big influence in your life and I left, to help Eric, I let myself get caught up with his life again."

"I get why you went, Abby, don't think that I didn't understand, I did.  It didn't make it hurt less at the time, but it came after a lot of things that weren't going right with us already.  It was...just sort of the final thing that tore us apart.  An addict and an alcoholic, a really bad idea from the start, you know?  I wish we had just stayed friends, it was never really right."

"No, it felt right, at least to me it did.  But, I was in denial, when I started drinking again, I told myself that it was because I was happy, but I was really just making excuses.  I let my drinking get in between us."

"We had a lot more problems than just your drinking. I couldn't make you happy.  So much of the time, you didn't seem happy."

"You never made me unhappy, not until the end anyway.  But that was my fault, mostly anyways, I mean, you were always there, but I could never let myself open up to you, I was scared, terrified really.  Which is crazy, I kept myself closed off to protect myself from getting hurt, but I ended up hurt anyway, because I wouldn't open up to you.  I put my family first too many times, and you let me."

"Abby, you think I don't know how important family is?  Believe me, I get it...I wished I had my brother back, many times, I used to wonder what life would have been like if he hadn't died.  I would have done anything for him, you know?  Just like I would have done anything for Chase.  I know why you helped Eric, and why you always will, I didn't want you to give up your family, ever.  It was more that...you could never really accept that I was there for you, that even after that year, you still thought you needed to do it all alone."

"I know that, but still, you needed me to be there, didn't you?  And I wasn't, not in the way I should have been."

"You're right, I won't deny that I needed you to put me first, one time, and you couldn't, and that was really difficult for me.  That might be more my issue than yours, in fact it probably was about me.  I never denied I had my own problems, of course I did, there were a lot of reasons why I fell apart after Lucy died, I know that."

"But going to Africa, that was all about me."

"No, it wasn't.  I really did not go to hurt you, or abandon you, or any of that.  Initially I went because in the blink of an eye, everything in my life had changed and I couldn't deal with it, I needed some space to sort things out."

"You weren't even going to tell me you were going."

"No, but we hadn't really spoken for almost two weekd either, things were rough between us at that point.  I was supposed to go to Rio and meet my dad, but he bailed at the last minute and I had two weeks vacation booked.  Luka happened to call asking for help getting someones visa sorted out, and I had just treated a Buddhist Nun who had some interesting things to say to me.  I didn't even think, I just offered to go and fill in until they could fix the visa issue.  It wasn't planned, at all, it just kind of seemed to be what I needed to do."

"You've never told me that before."

"You've never asked me before.  You just assumed I did it to hurt you, which was not the case at all.  That whole time in my life...it was...just beyond what I could handle.  Things weren't going well with us, and hadn't been for a while, my grandmother died, my dad was beyond pissed at me, my mother...well I haven't talked to her in over 4 years, so who the hell knows about her.  You know, I didn't go to hurt you, it was about me not being able to deal with everything that had changed in the blink of an eye.  It was about me needing some time to figure things out, and I just...felt like us...you and me...was not something you really wanted.  I wasn't making you happy, Abby, admit it, we were falling apart."

"When you came back...I thought you would be around for a while and then you weren't.  I still had some hope we could work it out."

"I had no reason to stay, you had made it pretty clear how you felt about us, and about me.  You gave me no indication you wanted to work it out, at all.  You didn't even want to talk when we went for coffee, you did what you had been doing for a while, picked a fight, and walked away.  I couldn't take it anymore.  That night on the roof, you basically told me to go away.  I came back from Africa, and you told me again, pretty clearly, that you didn't know why I came back.  I am not sure what you want me to say.  I'm not a mind reader, though there were a lot of times I sure wished I could have, because I never quite knew what you were thinking, not those last few months anyways."

Carter lapsed into silence, these were things they had never said to each other.  He never thought Abby really cared about the reasons why he went away.  Why he chose not to come back with Luka.

Abby played with her coffee cup, staring at the table.  She finally looked up. 

"I was an idiot, I cannot believe I didn't say yes, when you asked me.  I wanted to, so badly, but I was so damn scared.  I wanted to get better, stop drinking and not feel like crap about myself all the time, to make myself worthy of you.  Then I convinced myself you weren't serious, that you were joking with me."

Carter shook his head slightly.  "I was never joking, Abby, I think you know that."

"Why didn't you ask me that night at the restaurant, I have always wanted to know."

"I thought we..."  He sighed.  He really thought they had been through that night not long afterwards, but she obviously didn't think so.  "You didn't seem to want it, something didn't feel right so I decided to wait.  I realized if you had really wanted it, you would have said yes, that night on the roof.  I didn't plan that, at all, it was totally spontaneous, but...the way you reacted...I just, I don't know.  Our timing has always been off I guess, maybe fate was telling us we shouldn't be together.  I think in hindsight, it would have been a huge mistake."

"You really think so." 

"Yes, I do.  It was not great between us, I think you know that if you are totally honest.  I came back and you basically said give me your key, get the fuck out and here's your stuff, I am not longer speaking to you.  How much clearer do you think you could have made it."

"But I asked you to stay, before you went to the airport."

"Yeah, stay because its too dangerous, not stay because I think we need to work this out.  Not stay because you were ready to actually sit down and communicate with me.  Just stay because...I don't even know, Abby, I have no idea why you suddenly did a 180 and wanted me to stay after telling me I had big problems and walking away.  By that point we were already not together, we hadn't been a couple for at least a month."

Abby wiped away a tear, she hated that she was crying over this, so many years later, that it still hurt so bad that Carter had walked away that last time.

"I wanted you to stay, because I was so in love with you it hurt, I wanted to keep you from getting killed in a dangerous country, because I loved you damn it.  I wanted you to stay so I could...try and fix things, to tell you I wanted to marry you...to tell you how happy I was that night and the next morning at the thought you wanted to marry me."

Carter closed his eyes for a moment.  Oh how he would have loved to hear that from her at one time.  She had never told him that she loved him, he assumed her silence on the marriage issue was her way of saying 'no way in hell buddy'.  Just case in point though, she never told him how she felt, about anything.

"But you didn't.  I assumed your silence was you not knowing how to say no, so you said nothing.  That was a big issue, Abby.  Even afterwards, I knew that you had seen the ring, and you said nothing.  And then you told me you got it, you understood why I didn't ask that night.  And we ended up fighting, with you walking away."

"And then your grandmother died and it all went even further downhill from there."

"We fell apart, and that is why I am convinced that it would never have worked."

"You told me to go away that day, after the funeral."

"I was upset, Abby.  I had just lost someone important to me, you showed up late, bringing your manic, drunk brother to the funeral.  You kept disappearing on me when I came in to talk to you and then all you could say was that it was going to get better? By the time we were actually in the same room, I was just buried, I couldn't think straight, and you just walked away.  You didn't even try to understand what I was feeling at that moment.  You didn't ask."

"Eric wasn't drunk when we left the house."

"Oh right I forgot, he was drunk after he drank the entire decanter of vodka that was in the limo.  It would have been better if you hadn't even come, if you had just called and said you couldn't leave Eric."

"I wanted to be there for you."

"But you weren't Abby, that's the point.  You were not there for me.  Not for the entire two weeks after my grandmother died.  And every time near the end, when I tried to talk to you, it ended up the same, we argued and you walked away.  There is no way that we could ever have had a happy marriage.  We are like polar opposites, oil and vinegar, we just don't mix."

"I wish I had talked to you when you came back."

"But you didn't.  And that was one of our issues, you didn't want to talk, and you can't have a relationship with someone if you can't talk to them.  Look, I'm not sure why we are even having this discussion, it's ancient history, it changes nothing."

"I guess because we never really sat down and had the discussion.  You were just gone and you didn't come back for months, and then you come back with...a pregnant girlfriend.  That was difficult for me John, I really hoped that I could get myself on track, stop drinking, go back to school and maybe we could fix things.  That I could fix things with you."

"Even without Kem in the picture, we would not have gotten back together.  It would not have happened, it was very much over by the time I stepped on that plane the second time to go find Luka."

"Without Kem though...there would have been no other woman between us.  I mean, she was the only one right?  In Africa?"  Abby peered up at him.

Carter didn't say a word.  What did she want him to say?  Kem had not been the only 'other' woman after they had broken up.  That was a fact, but to him, it wasn't really Abby's business.

Abby wanted to cry.  "She wasn't the only one, was she?  You left and you were in bed with someone else that quickly?  Who?  Gillian?"

"I've never slept with Gillian."

"No, right, that was Luka who was screwing, the nurse.  So who was it?"

"Does it matter?  It was after _you_ broke up with _me_ , Abby.  Not really your business at that point was it?"

"Hmm, so the other women Luka mentioned were Angelique and Debbie."  Abby was watching him closely.  "My bet is Debbie, the Red Cross lady, who if I am not mistaken is blond.  Damn it John, it was her, right?"

Carter shrugged.  "So?  What's your point?  That we broke up and I slept with someone else afterwards?  I'm not asking you who you slept with after I left, either time I went."

"I didn't have sex with anyone else until after you came home with Kem.  I waited for you."

"Why?  I didn't ask you to, in fact I thought I had made it clear that I didn't want you to wait around for me.  You can't condemn me for moving on, Abby.  It's not like I cheated on you, so I met someone I liked, we had sex, so what?"

"Just like you were screwing Wendall?  Did she know about Kem and did Kem know about her?"

"I didn't cheat on Kem either, not that it is any of your business.  My relationship with Kem is not open for discussion, period.  Neither is Wendall, so just stop."  He glanced at his watch.  "I should go.  I think we have discussed about all there is to say, don't you?"

"No, wait...you're right, I'm sorry.  John...I...still get jealous, you seem to have no trouble moving on, and I feel stuck in time."

"Oversimplification, Abby.  No trouble moving on?  Are you kidding?  You have absolutely no idea how I feel, what the circumstances were in those relationships, so...don't judge or think that you do."

He pulled out his wallet and dropped some cash onto the table for the coffees.  He was tired and ready to go home.  Abby was exhausting.  Being with Deb was relaxing and soothing, so comfortable.  Deb talked to him, told him how she was feeling, was never scared to say 'I love you'.

"Are you going to ask her?"  Abby looked at him as he made to slide out of the booth.

"Ask who?  And ask what?"

"Jing-Mei.  To marry you?"

"I already have, we've been engaged for months actually."

"Wow, you gave her...the ring?  Or does Kem have that?"

"Not sure why you're interested but Kem's I bought in Paris, and Deb's in New York.  Does it matter?"

"No, I suppose not."

"So, you getting back together with Luka at some point?"

Abby shook her head.  "Turning the tables are you.  I have no idea, I kind of think that it's over, I doubt Luka can forgive me for what I did.  I am surprised you have forgiven me for what I did."

"You didn't cheat on _me_ , Abby, if you had I am not sure how forgiving I would be either.  I am not...thrilled with the whole thing but it is a bit easier for me to move on from it than for Luka.  You have a child together, you were living together right?  When you went to Vegas?  Screwed some guy who is still the mystery man?  I love how you got all judgmental about Luka _screwing_ Gillian as you put it.  He was single, you weren't."

"Yes, and he knows that I flirted with you and slept with someone else.  That did not go over well.  Not to mention the whole drinking thing.  He said he finally recognized I have a real problem, that you had finally convinced him.  When did you do that?"

"The day he came to my work and was ready to kick my ass because someone told him that I had slept with you in Vegas?"

"Someone meaning me."

"Of course you, no one else even thought that until you said it to Luka.  We had a chat, worked it out, and no blood was shed.  You are damn lucky that he and I get along."

"Which I still don't get, you used to hate him."

"No I used to hate how he enabled you.  Big difference, Abby.  But, we overcame a lot of differences when we were in Africa, and now we are friends.  We still talk."

"But he's in Croatia."

"Phones, wonderful invention, aren't they?"

"He phones you from Croatia?"

"Uh huh, and sometime I phone him from the backwoods of Chicago."  His voice was sarcastic, she was getting on his nerves.  "Why is that so strange to you?"

"Because you are my ex boyfriend and he is...was...is my current boyfriend."

"Well, you and I have been apart for quite some time, and Luka and I are friends, so, not so weird actually.  Who do you think phoned him when you came through the ER?  Who do you think phone Maggie and Eric?"

"You."

"Yes, me.  Anyways, I should probably get home soon, Deb is going to be wondering where I am."

"Keeps tabs on you does she?"

"No, but she is at home alone with a 2 week old baby, so...I do what I can to help you know?  Give her a break, spend some time with my daughter?"

"Right, silly of me.  I...well, I guess I wanted to let you know that I am leaving County, and moving to Boston.  Luka might mention it, but I kind of wanted to say good bye in person.  I needed the closure, you and I, we've been through a lot and I never felt like we really talked like we needed to about how we broke up.  And I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, for...well, everything really.  For not being there when you needed me, for hurting you, for lying to Luka about us, and...anything else I ever did to you."

"So the whole inquisition was about...closure?  Isn't it a few years too late to even worry about it?"

"Yes this is about closure and no, it isn't too late.  I think you know that I would have taken you back in a minute, John, but you have been...otherwise engaged.

Carter ignored that comment, he didn't want to discuss his love life any further with Abby.

"Boston.  Good position there?" 

"It is, I have always liked the idea of Boston, I can finish my residency, and have a fresh start.  Too hard to stay at County after all the drama, the baby stuff, the Luka stuff, the drinking, and...a lot of the nurses will never forgive me for what I did to you.  You have kind of a loyal following there."

Carter held up his hands.  "I didn't instigate any of it. I promise."

"No, but Chuny, Haleh and Malik, they have known you for a long time, and they are not fans of mine let me tell you.  Especially Haleh and Chuny.  Sam doesn't like what I did to Luka, and she thinks I'm the ER slut because I slept with two doctors and a med student, and Pratt is mad at me because I haven't been nice enough to Jing-Mei.  Susan barely tolerates me because she is like your best buddy, and she loves Jing-Mei all the sudden, since you two got together maybe?"

"I had no idea the crowd had gotten so tough at County."  He was not all that surprised in some ways though, he had worked a long time with all of the County people, they were kind of like family.  "It was tough enough when I had to go back after rehab, but everyone was pretty great actually."

"I rest my case.  But then again, you didn't do something dumb like pretend your ex was the father of your child to make your current boyfriend really pissed off so he would leave you, all while in a drunken stupor."

"Nope I just got my med student stabbed four times by a patient, so much better, I agree."

"We both know that's not true, John.  You could not have known.  Anyways, take care of yourself, take care of your daughter, and I hope you are happy.  I will always have regrets about us, if I had done one thing different in those last couple weeks, we might be together now."

"Don't have regrets, Abby, put it behind you and try to be happy.  You have come a long ways, stay strong, finish your residency."

"You're just saying that so I'll pay you back all that money I owe you."

"No, I have never expected you to pay me back, Abby.  I told you that, and I meant it.  I know it would have been tough for you to get the money to finish school, and I think you will become a good doctor, if you can stick with it.  I don't need the money, if you ever really feel the need, then donate it to a worthwhile cause."

"Like?"

"I don't know, support something in health care?  A children's charity?  Something that will help people, and make a difference."

"Like what you are doing.  Building a health center."

"And I support the HIV clinic in Kinshasa still, I give them $15,000 a year, which treats a surprising number of patients."

"How long have you been doing that?"

"Almost 4 years, and I have guaranteed the funds for another 6 years at this point."

"Kem's clinic?"

"Yes."

"Jing-Mei doesn't mind?"

"Why should she?  It's my money for one, and I made the commitment before we were together.  I doubt she would be upset about me giving money for the treatment of HIV and AIDS anyways."

"But it's Kem's clinic.  She doesn't know?"

"She hasn't been all that worried about what I do with my money, Kem was my wife, Deb gets that."

"Oh right, spousal support and all of that, I keep forgetting that you are divorced."

"Hey, Carter, I thought you'd be home."  Susan's soft voice cut into the conversation.

"Hi Susan.  What are you up to?"

"Just grabbing a coffee.  Is Jing-Mei home?"

"Yes, I was just heading there, did you want to come with?"  Carter was happy to make his escape.

"Yes, absolutely, I want to see that little angel of yours."  Susan smiled.  "Abby.  Are you back to work?"

"Yes, I have had a couple of shifts, though I seem to be opposite to you."

Carter stood, grabbing his jacket and sliding it on.  "Take care, Abby, I hope it all goes well for you in Boston."

"Bye Carter, you take care of yourself too."

He turned and walked away before Abby could say anything further.  Abby had hoped that this would give her closure, but she only seemed to have alienated Carter further.

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

"So what was that about?"  Susan reached out and took Carter's arm as they walked together down the street.  It was comfortable and easy between them, they had grown quite close again, since he had been back in town.

"Oh, just...Abby being Abby."

"John Carter.  I know when you are deflecting a question, what the hell was that about?  You seem really bothered."  Susan stopped him, and looked up into his eyes.  "Seriously, you seemed pissed off."

"I am.  She comes to my work and asks if we can go for coffee.  Then she dredges up our history, making me go into the whole why did I leave her, what went wrong, all of that, yet again.  We broke up basically what, over 4 years ago?  I've moved on.  Then she gets all judgmental about Luka and Gillian and starts getting in to my sex life after we broke up.  All upset because, hey, Kem wasn't the only one in Africa.  Like it matters who I slept with after we were over."

"Oh boy, you are angry aren't you?"  Susan gave him a hug and rubbed his back.  "Relax."

"I am just really annoyed.  It is _not_ her business.  She gave up the right to know these things a long time ago and she was getting into my private stuff.  Asking me about Kem, about Wendall if you can believe it.  I am _not_ the one who cheated, fucking some guy while in a drunken stupor in Vegas while Luka was taking care of their son and lying about it."

"You are really upset about what she did to Luka, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am.  Luka is a friend, which seems hard for her to understand.  We haven't always been each others biggest fans, I get that, but we are grown ups and we shared a lot of experiences in Africa that she can never understand.  Ever, unless she decides to go there herself and see what it is really like, she will never get it."  Carter took a couple deep breaths.  "She tried to ruin our friendship, and then she tells me she will always have regrets about us.  Like, what the hell?  And it makes me wonder if she ever cheated on me."

Susan sighed.  "I don't think she ever did, John.  I am quite sure she didn't, though she was a bit worried that you had when you went to Africa.  You two were kind of on the outs at the time."

"Sure, but I didn't.  I had the opportunity, more than once, but I never cheated her.  I didn't get involved with someone until the second time I went, and we were done by then."

Susan nodded.  "What was the whole Boston thing about?"

"I guess she is moving her internship up to Boston.  Which is probably for the best."

"Oh for sure it is, she is getting a bit of the cold shoulder at County right now.  Everyone knows what she did to you and Luka.  That she cheated and lied and it is no secret she went to rehab either.  I am not sure how, but the nurses know everything.  Everyone knows she lost the baby due to an alcohol induced episode."

"Haleh I bet.  She has friends at Northwestern, she's been a nurse for a long time, she hears things.  Abby told me that Chuny and Haleh were really on her case, Sam is pissed off about her cheating on Luka and Pratt is mad about her not being nice enough to Deb."

"Yeah, Haleh."  Susan rubbed his arm.

"Thanks, I just needed to vent, get that off my chest, I will feel less bothered when I get home.  I am trying to keep things stress free for Deb if I can."

"Why, is she okay?  You aren't going to tell her you had coffee with Abby?"

"Of course I'll tell her, I am not hiding things, it's not a secret, we talk about everything.  It is something I value about our relationship, the fact that we communicate and tell each other pretty much anything.  It's just that she is not getting a whole lot of sleep right now, you know how demanding babies are the first few months.  She is fine, she's just overtired."

"Ah, right.  I remember that feeling.  It is good you will tell her, I guess it's good for Abby to truly move on, it seems she really hasn't yet."

"How are things with you?  Any good news?"  Carter changed the subject, he knew she was hoping for another baby, and it had been months now that she was trying to get pregnant.

"No.  I...John, can I ask you something?"

"Always Susan, you are one of my best friends."

"Just one of?"

"Yes, but you know I love you, Susan.  But I am marrying Deb, and I consider her my best friend."

"Ah, you are sweet and of course, I get it, I don't feel bad about that, in fact I'm a bit envious that you have Deb.  I wish I felt like that about Chuck."  Susan took his hand and held it as they continued walking.  She inhaled deeply before she tentatively let our her worst fear.  "I think Chuck is cheating on me."

Carter stopped short.  "What?  Why do you think that?  What are you seeing that makes you suspicious?"  He turned and looked at her, taking her other hand in his and squeezing them both gently.

"Well, he has completely lost interest in having sex with me.  He is barely home when I am, I get there and he seems to have 'things to do'.  I also think I have smelled perfume on him.  Part of the reason I am not getting pregnant is that...well it helps if you are having sex, and we aren't."

"Oh Susan, I am so sorry.  I hope it's not true."  He frowned.  "Anything else that he is doing or any other proof?"  Carter could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"I have been kind of...snooping a bit, through his pockets, and he has a couple of receipts.  You know, meals that seem like a lot of food for one person?  It could be he is going out with his friend Rob, but...he is just acting weird, a little guilty sometimes.  Do you think I am over reacting?"

Carter sighed.  "I wish I could say that you were, but...you should probably go with your intuition on this and confront him, talk to him.  I think you are right to be concerned."

"So you think he could be cheating?"

 "Can I ask...the not having sex thing...in how long?"

"Two months."

Carter shook his head.  "Okay, well that is not good, I have to say.  No sex in two months?  That is a sign something is wrong, I can't pretend it isn't."

"Have you ever been with someone for that long and not had sex with them?"

"Uh, yes.  Kem, when our marriage was heading into the toilet, we were not having much sex.  We were not generally even on the same continent for a while.  She was in Paris a lot. And Abby?  The same, the last month we were barely together, and the last two weeks not at all, then I was in Africa for a couple weeks...so yeah, not much going on there towards the end.  In fact, we were never together again after my grandmother died, I had no desire to be with her, at all.  Truth is, you are a beautiful, sexy woman, and if your husband is avoiding being home, acting guilty, and has no interest in sex, then there is something going on.  It might not be another woman, but chances are...it is."

"You sound like the voice of experience here."

"Well, maybe I am.  I suspected Kem was cheating while she was in Paris.  She denied it, but...I didn't really believe her you know?  We lost so much of our trust and ability to communicate, she shut herself down.  Losing a child...she never got over that, and I reminded her of Joshua, she couldn't deal with it.  She wanted to just forget, and being with me didn't allow her to do that.  So...I may never know for sure, but it was clear our marriage was done, so I went to Darfur for a while with a couple friends, then signed divorce papers in Paris before I came home."

"I'm sorry John, I didn't know any of this."

"I don't talk about it much, those were a couple of very rough years for me.  I have my closure, I know in truth we were not doing each other any good, and it was for the best.  We were both unhappy, whether we wanted to admit it to each other or not.  Now, with Deb, I am really happy.  Sometimes, no matter how painful it is at the time, things end up for the best.  For me, for Kem, it ended badly, but in the long run, it is the best thing that could have happened.  It ended badly with Abby too, but I don't think for a second that we would have been good for each other in the long run.  Again, things happen for a reason, it was for the best that we broke up."

Susan was silent for a moment as she took this all in.  He had some incredibly challenging relationships, he was kind of the voice of experience.  Though she'd had her experiences too.

"Not the first time a guy has cheated on me.  I was dating a guy in Phoenix who screwed my so called good friend.  I think you are right, there is no sex when the marriage is falling apart.  My marriage is falling apart, John,  I just don't know what to do about it."

"Ah Suze.  What can I do to help?"  He pulled her in for a warm hug.

"You're already doing it.  Listening, and being honest with me.  I talked to my friend Sharon in Phoenix, and she was telling me not to worry, it would be all okay.  I love how you just...tell me how it is, no sugar coating, just straight up telling me what you really think."

"I've been there Susan, and I had a good friend in Africa that did the same for me.  She could see what was going on, she was very supportive and I was able to talk to her about everything.  There are times when you have been brutally honest with me too, and I appreciated it.  I can't do less for you, I want to see you happy and clearly you aren't."

"You're right, I am not happy.  I thought Chuck was the one, but lately I wonder if I just really wanted to be with someone and I settled.  Pathetic right?"

Carter laughed slightly.  "If you are pathetic for wanting to be with someone, then I can name several people who are even more pathetic than you.  Including myself.  I have dated people for the same reason, you know that I am not one who can judge you for not wanting to be alone.  I can think of woman I was with when I knew it was probably not going anywhere.  I would be most people have either dated someone or had sex with someone in order to not be alone.  "

Susan smiled faintly.  "Okay, so who are all these pathetic people?  And do I know them?"

"Luka, Abby, Doug, Mark, Chuny, and Deb, for starters.  It is human nature, Susan, you cannot beat yourself up over trying a relationship in order to not be alone."

"You always make me feel better.  So what do I do now?"

"Do you want an investigator, I have a good one and I can give you her name?  Then you can find out for sure?  Or are you going to talk to him?  Do you think he will confess if you confront him with it?"

Susan clung to him and started to cry, right there in the middle of the street.  The thought of having to face Chuck and try to wrangle a confession out him in her current state was too much.  He maneuvered her to a nearby bench and let her sob for a few minutes until she finally stopped.

"Sorry, wonderful, having a woman cry all over you."  

"Would not be the first time, believe me.  It's okay, I don't mind, you needed to let it out."

"You are good to me."  She sniffled and Carter pulled out a handkerchief.  "Like a boy scout."  She dabbed her eyes.

"Old habits die hard.  Something my grandfather insisted on, and you know, it has come in handy a surprising number of times."  He rubbed her back.  "What do you want to do?"

"Investigator?  Not knowing is much worse and if I find out first, then he can't lie to me."

"Okay, I will get you the number.  Is Chuck home with Cosmo now?"

"No, babysitter.  He said he'd be late, so I can only do a quick visit with you and Jing-Mei."

"Or we can stop by your place, pick up the little man and a few clothes, and you can hang at our place tonight?  Do you work tomorrow?"

"No.  I don't."

"I have a Board meeting tomorrow for the Center, I bet Deb would love the company if you hung around for a bit.  What do you say?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Susan, I'm sure.  If you don't mind a baby crying at all hours of course."

"I would love not to be alone."

"I'll call Deb and let her know you're coming over, and see if she has had time to make a meal, if not we can pick something up on the way home?"

Carter pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial.

"Hi baby.  I was heading home, but I ran into Susan and I'm bringing her with me.  Do you have dinner?  Yes?  Right, Emily.  Perfect, Susan is going to stay the night so we are picking up Cosmo and we will be home in an hour or so."  He clicked the phone off and turned to Susan.  "Emily was in today to do some housework, so she made dinner.  Let's get Cosmo."

An hour later they arrived at Carter's and Susan was relieved.  She liked having some adult company, she could talk openly to John and Jing-Mei.  Carter had even encouraged her to pack up a bit of extra clothing in case she felt like staying for a couple days.  She was grateful, she needed a bit of space to collect her thoughts.  She left a note for Chuck so he would know where she was.

Susan watched as Carter took Jaida up to change her, he was so good with the baby, very involved.  He was also fantastic with Cosmo, and it made Susan a bit sad, his son would be almost the same age.  She wondered if he would still be with Kem if their son had lived, or if it would have fallen apart anyway at some point.

They had a fantastic dinner, then decided to take the kids out for a bit of a walk along the lake shore.  Susan loved the location of their house, they had a nice park and were close to lots of pathways.  Jing-Mei and Susan took charge of Jaida and the stroller while Carter chased a giggling happy Cosmo.

"He is so great with kids."

"I know, I love to watch him.  He is beyond fantastic with Jaida, and he helps a lot.  He is one of those men that truly wants kids, wants a family.  I am pretty sure that we will be having another one in the next couple of years."

"You know this already?  You've talked about it?"

"We've talked about it over the last couple years, yes.  We will probably try for a second one after Jaida is a year old."

Both women watched him fondly as he scooped up the little boy and put him up on his shoulders.

"John let me cry on his shoulder today."

"Why?  What's wrong Susan?"

"I think...Chuck is cheating, or something is going on, our marriage is not going that well at the moment."

"Oh Susan.  I am really sorry."  Jing-Mei picked up her daughter who was fussing slightly and rocked her.  "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, John suggested an investigator, it would let me know for sure."  Susan held out her hands and took the tiny baby.  "She is just so sweet and adorable.  You know, I so want another one, and this all happens with Chuck.  My clock is ticking so loud I can hear it, and the way things are going, it's not going to happen.  I am almost 39, my window is closing."

"I hope your wrong, I mean, I would die if I found out John cheated on me.  What makes you think he is cheating?"

"No sex, he's barely home, he is acting weird?  I am upset, I feel betrayed, how could he do that to me."

"Did you ask John what he thought?"

"Yes, and he was brutally honest with me.  He thinks based on the signs that it is likely I'm right.  And I appreciate his candor, you know?  None of that 'it will be all right, you are imagining things'  crap that some people dish out."

"You are a good friend to him, and have been for a long time.  He isn't going to lie to you, it is counter productive to tell you to pretend it's all okay when it's not.  He has gone through a lot with his own relationships and knows denial is an unhealthy place to be."

"He shared a bit with me, a few facts I didn't know.  I see why he feels that way, it is funny how he can agree with me that my husband is probably screwing around but still make me feel so much better.  Like...it's not the end of the world, even if it seems like it right now."

"I get you, he and I have shared a lot over the years, and he has a way of doing that.  Like when I quit as Chief Resident.  You know he told me he would turn down the position if I would stay?  He was going to take the job at Northwestern, rather than come in behind me and take the job.  But I talked him into it, someone was going to take the position, and I wanted it to be him, he deserved it, he busted his ass for it, and Weaver passed him over so easily.  It is kind of sweet justice that she is now kissing his ass.  Anyways, he has always been supportive of everything I do."

"He's a keeper, that is for sure."

"You know it.  I don't ever want to let him go, I hope he loves me forever."

"I hope so too.  You two fit together."  Susan paused.  "You know I've thought about just going and getting AI to have another baby?  Over these past few days, with all the stuff going on, and then my talk with John, I kind of think that even if Chuck is not cheating, the signs are there that my marriage is over."

"AI?  Really?"

"Well IUI actually, since it has a better success rate.  But then I need to pick a donor.  That makes me nervous, not knowing who the guy is?  What if I get...like Morris's or something, he always jokes he did a bunch of donations.  That would be awful, he is just not that smart."

"I see your point.  You could specify no red haired guys, that would rule out Morris."

"I suppose, but still, the unknown is a little frightening, but I really want another baby, and at this point in my life, I don't have a lot of time."

You should ask a guy you know really well.  Pick one that is smart and good looking."

"Yeah, I wish I had a guy I knew well enough to even ask.  Really, I have a string of exes, but most guys I know that well are ones I work with.  And some of them are not even close to being good genetic material.  You're lucky, you and Carter make cute babies, and you're both smart, doctors, and you love each other."

Jing-Mei watched John with Cosmo, as he helped him with the slide.  A thought formed in her mind, she was not at all sure it would fly.

"Maybe you should ask John."  She joked.  "You know him pretty well."

Susan giggled.  "Yeah, right.  I bet you would love that.  Me having Carter's baby?  I bet he would be just thrilled about me asking."

"Hard to say, actually, I am not sure how he would feel about it.  I know he cares about you a lot, you two are like best friends, he might surprise you."  Jing-Mei glanced over at Susan.  "It seems funny I know, but I think I would be okay with it.  It's donating, not like you need to have sex with him."

"True.  He is pretty damn good genetic material, but wouldn't it be awkward?  He is like an uncle to Cosmo, and he is on our list as a guardian if something were to happen to me or Chuck.  No one in either of our families or other friends are as close to Cosmo as he is, or in a position to raise a child.  Being 'uncle' to his own biological child?  I don't know Jing-Mei.  And I cannot believe you would be okay with it, or that he would agree either."

Jing-Mei shrugged.  "I would have to think about it a bit more, but my initial reaction?  It would not bother me, for him to do something like that for someone he loves as much as you.  It it was say...Abby?  I would freak out, I'm sure, but for you?  Not such a big deal.  I have a child with another man, and John is totally accepting of that."

"But you got pregnant with Michael when you and John were just friends.  Say for some reason the two of you couldn't have a child, because of him, would he support IUI for you?"

"I don't know, obviously not something we have talked about since we weren't even trying and I got pregnant."

"You would actually be okay with me asking your fiance and the father of your child to donate a few of his boys so I can have another baby."

"More like a few million of his boys, but I think I would.  Of course it would be up to him, and you of course.  I am not saying you should do it, probably less complicated to go to the sperm bank and make a withdrawal of anonymous contributions.  But, if it scares you to face the unknown then it is something to think about.  Provided you are serious about having another baby even if you have to raise them as a single parent.  And I believe it increases the odds of being successful if it is a 'fresh' versus frozen contribution."

Susan shook her head slightly at Jing-Mei as Carter brought Cosmo over to them.

"Time to head back, someone is getting tired."  He still had Cosmo on his shoulders. 

"Mommy, Uncle John catch me."

"I know, I saw.  Did you have fun."

"Yup."  The small boy nodded emphatically.  "I like playing with Uncle John."

They started to walk back along the path towards home.

"What?"  He could see both of them looking at him oddly.

Jing-Mei smiled.  "Nothing, just girl talk."

"Uh huh.  So why the looks?  Did I do something that I am in trouble for?"

"No.  Not at all.  It really is just girl talk."  Jing-Mei reached out and took his hand, entwining their fingers.

Susan wondered if she was going to tell him later, or if she was going to keep it to herself.

Carter took Cosmo up and helped him with a bath and pajamas, while Jing-Mei fed the baby and Susan made some tea.

"Are you going to tell him what we talked about?"  Susan dipped the teabag into the hot water.

"I don't know.  Do you want me to find out how he feels about it?  I can you know, without letting on that we talked about it."

"Um.  I think I need to give it some thought.  The more I think about it, the more it makes sense, but...I don't want to ruin the closeness we have." 

Carter came back down with Cosmo at that moment, the small boy carrying his teddy bear and a couple books, which Carter read to him.  Susan watched them closely, thinking how lucky Jaida was, to have a dad like John.

"Time for bed buddy.  Who is tucking you in?"  Susan smiled at her son.

"Uncle John tuck me in."

"Give me kisses and hugs then."  Cosmo made the rounds, even giving Jaida a very gentle kiss on her soft dark hair.

Carter brushed his teeth while Deb changed, coming out and folding back the covers, ready to slide in.

"So, what was going on with you and Susan?"  He didn't quite buy the fact that nothing was going on.

"She shared about Chuck, the suspicion that he's cheating.  And she said she might need to do IUI to have another baby."

"Really?  Well, she's a great mom, and I know she desperately wants another baby.  I hate to say it, but I would not be surprised if they break up, he is showing the classic signs of the philandering spouse."

"I know, she said she appreciated your honesty, no making excuses or pretending."  Jing-Mei crawled in beside him and snuggled into his arms.  "I would die if you cheated on me like that."

"Not going to happen Deb.  I hope you know that."

"I do.  Anyways, she is nervous about IUI and the unknown donor issue.  I mean, apparently Morris has donated, so you would have to worry about who the guys are that are donating to the sperm banks.  She said it would be scary to find out that Morris was the father, or some other guy like him."

Carter laughed.  "Seriously?  Morris?  That would be a bit scary, I don't know how Kerry even chose him for Chief."

"Didn't you and Luka vote for him?"

"Nope.  If you weren't at the meeting, you didn't get to vote, Luka had a trauma come in and I was called out of the meeting on a 911 as a patient was coding and there were no other Attending on at the time - Luka was already busy.  It should have been Pratt, but he turned it down for some stupid and unknown reason."

"Ah, makes sense.  Anyway, I told Susan she should ask someone she knows to donate for her, rather than leave it up to chance if she was determined to have another child.  She seems pretty sure it is going to be over with Chuck."

"If he's cheating, then I don't blame her.  What did she think of your suggestion?"

"Hm, well, she just said there weren't a lot of guys she knew well enough or would want as a father to her child.  Genetics is important right?  Picking the right guy, if you are doing IUI you are going to want to choose someone in good health, someone intelligent, there is a bit of a checklist."

"I guess I never thought about it, but I see your point.  So she is stuck with anonymous donors then."

"Well, not necessarily, there is a guy she knows, but I am sure she would feel weird asking him, he's not single."

"That does create an issue.  I guess if she decides she wants to go that route she would need to discuss it with him.  It might not be just his choice either, his wife would have to be on board too right?  That could get awkward."

"It could."  Jing-Mei was pretty sure John had not connected that they were talking about him.  "How would you feel about that kind of situation?  Having a good friend ask you for something like that?"

Carter frowned.  "I don't know to be honest, I have never even considered donating.  It seems to be something guys do to earn a little extra cash, something I certainly don't need.  Though maybe I should have, I had a couple lean years when I wasn't drawing on my trust fund."  He winked at her.

"And you make cute babies.  Look at Jaida, I know I am biased but she is really adorable."

"Well, we make cute babies together.  You had quite a lot to do with it too."  He gave her a kiss.  "So, how would you feel about some woman I knew asking me for a donation?"

"Depends on who it was, to be honest.  I might be open to it."

"We are talking hypothetically right?"  Carter was starting to wonder about this conversation. 

"Um."  Jing-Mei had been gauging his facial expressions, and she knew he was starting to catch on where this was going.  "Maybe not hypothetical."

Carter sat up and looked at her.  "Maybe _not_ hypothetical?  Is that what those looks were about?  Did she suggest that she would ask _me_?"

"No...she said she didn't know too many guys well enough to ask, and I... _suggested_ she ask you."

" _What_?  You told Susan she should ask me to donate so she can do IUI?  _Really_?  Are you out of your mind?"

"No, it makes a lot of sense.  You two are really close, you love her and respect her as a friend.  You want her to be happy, and so do I.  She's a great mother to Cosmo, and wants another baby desperately, she would have to do it soon, age is becoming a factor for her.  She is scared to roll the dice on an anonymous donor."

"And you would be fine with Susan having my biological child?  Don't you think it would affect how you and Susan feel about each other?  That it might affect the friendships we have established?  I would hate to see those ruined."

"Or it might make us all closer.  You are like an uncle to Cosmo, you would play an important role in the life of any child she has, you know that.  I don't know, you should think about it, John.  She might not even ask, she had reservations when I suggested it.  She might work things out with Chuck, or decide not to have another baby, or decide it would be easier to go anonymous."

"You still want at least one more of our own too.  Our kids would be growing up together, half siblings, but not knowing they were siblings, provided the IUI worked.  It could affect our kids, not just us."

"Of course it could, but if they are close like family, one day when they are adults they could be told the truth.  If you really don't want to do it, then say no.  I am not trying to force you into anything, I promise.  I was not sure how you would react to the idea, but I thought it would be good for you to know what I suggested.  Susan didn't think of this, I did, so you don't need to get all weird with her."

"I won't.  Okay, why don't we just...talk about something else and I promise I will consider what you've said.  Susan may not want it anyways."

"Are you angry with me?"  Jing-Mei felt like maybe she should never have brought up the subject.

"No.  I'm not angry with you, Deb.  You are a really sweet, amazing and selfless woman, you know that?  I get why you suggested it, surprised, yes, but angry?  Not at all."  He pulled her close and gave her a kiss.  "I love you."

Jing-Mei almost sighed with relief.  He had only mildly freaked out, but he saw the big picture.  She kissed him back deeply, then snuggled into his arms, dropping off to sleep, needing some rest before their daughter needed to be fed again. 


	19. Chapter 19

Carter dropped a kiss on Deb's hair, quickly and softly.  He had tried to be quiet, she had been up a few times in the night to care for their daughter.  He had helped where he could, changing the baby, and bringing her to Deb, but he had drifted back to sleep while she fed Jaida.  With nothing more to do, she had encouraged him to rest as he had a major meeting the next morning.

They were making some huge decisions for the Carter Center, and also planning the dedication and opening of Carter House, which was going to be home to academics and researchers for Northwestern.  At long last the estate was settled, of course it didn't help that he had gone AWOL for a while after his grandmothers death, but he had little regret in doing so.

He really had found himself and grown up a tremendous amount while in Africa.  Not that he was...not a grown up before, but he did feel much more sure of himself now, less hesitant, not so worried about what his family thought.  He still ruffled feathers on the Board of Directors of the Carter Foundation, but some of the old timers had chosen to move on and he had replaced them with younger, fresher, more forward thinking people.   He was proud of his accomplishments, and thought his grandmother would like what he'd done, as much as his dad still thought he had made a big mistake in investing so much into the Center.

Susan was puttering in the kitchen, making Cosmo some breakfast.  Carter had been a little surprised about the conversation Deb had revealed to him last night, but he was determined that he would not make it a big deal.  He would put some thought into what Deb had said, but he figured Susan had a lot to deal with right now and would not be bringing it up in any great hurry.

"Good morning."  He acted like he knew nothing and ruffled Cosmo's hair, then gave Susan a quick kiss on the cheek, sliding a piece of paper discreetly into her hand.

"Morning Uncle John."  He awkwardly stabbed a piece of pancake and miraculously got it into his mouth without too much trouble. 

Carter's heart ached as he watched the little boy, who was so close to the age Joshua would be now.  He shook off the feeling and poured a coffee.  He was lucky, he had a beautiful daughter, he would always remember Joshua, but he needed to concentrate on the family he had now.

"Jing-Mei still asleep?" Susan flipped another pancake.

"Yes, she was up a few times last night.  Just hang out, she'll be up in a bit I'm sure.  You know where the extra key is if you want to go anywhere."

"Thanks.  Would you like pancakes?  I have enough here if you'd like?"  Susan was watching him, but he was acting totally normal, so maybe Jing-Mei had not told him about the conversation.  Susan had lay awake for a while last night, trying to read her book, but she was preoccupied with the thoughts of Chuck and what Jing-Mei had said to her.

"That sounds really great.  I have a couple minutes before I have to go."  He took another sip of coffee.  "Have you thought any more about those positions I emailed to you?  I know you have a lot on your mind, but Todd is going to be making some job offers fairly soon.  The pay is good, probably far more than you are making now, and you have the experience needed."

"I sent him my resume actually.  There were two positions I thought would be perfect, though the salaries weren't listed."

"Oh good.  Well, I can't tell you exactly, but they are certainly not less than what you make at County.  We are trying to attract top people, we need a strong staff.  The fundraising has gone well so far, I have some strong commitments to pay for staffing.  Do you have an interview set?"

"Not yet."

"Mm, I'll ask Todd today then."

"What position are you taking?"

"I am volunteering my time.  Being on the Board I already have a major position at the Center, and I don't want to deal with paperwork.  I have decided to work as an Attending, help out with med students and Residents on rotation, be hands on rather than sitting in an office.  I will help choose a Chief Resident, those sorts of things.  Deb will volunteer too, at this point we both intend to stay on staff at Northwestern."

"You like it at Northwestern that much?"

"We do, actually, and it keeps our trauma skills up and I have tenure there and Deb is up for tenure.  There will be a full staff of Attending Physicians at the Center, Deb and I will pick up the slack where needed, be extra bodies, depending on how busy it gets."

"Without pay."

"Well, the Center is paying us enough to cover the malpractice insurance required, but beyond that?  No, it's not like I need the money or anything.  I still get paid from Northwestern plus I have my family money, not exactly going to create hardship for me to volunteer.  The whole thing was something Kem and I came up with, I am quite all right with not being paid when I work there."

Carter finished his breakfast, and put his plate into the dishwasher.

"I have to run,  I will see you later.  Have fun buddy."  He rubbed Cosmo's back then collected his keys and was out the door.

"Bye Uncle John."  Cosmo called after him.

Susan helped Cosmo get ready for the day, then set him up with crayons and paper while she phoned the number Carter had given her.  The private investigator took a few details from Susan and asked if she could drop by in the next hour.  Susan agreed, giving her the address and then she and Cosmo baked cookies.

Deb came down about halfway into their baking project, showered, dressed and holding a gurgling, squirming Jaida.

"Oh, coffee, I really need some of that."  She put the baby down on a blanket in the living room area and poured a cup.  "I thought I smelled something good, cookies, yum.  John took off already?"

"He left about an hour ago.  I hope you don't mind but that investigator is coming by in a while."

"Not at all.  I can watch Cosmo if you want to use the office?  Might be better not to discuss it out here where there are little ears?"

"That would be terrific, thanks Jing-Mei."  She helped Cosmo put the last cookie on the baking tray.  "Great job, Cosmo.  Stand back and I will put these in the oven."

It wasn't long before the investigator arrived and they ensconced themselves in the office.  Susan was surprised how quick and easy it was, they went over the fee schedule, Susan provided a picture of Chuck and gave Jill some information and she was out the door, promising she would call her as soon as she had information.

Carter returned in the early afternoon and they took Cosmo down to the beach.  As usual Carter ran attendance on the small boy, helping him build a sandcastle.

"You need to give him his own little boy I think."  Susan was helping Jing-Mei with the baby, but watching John with her son.

"Maybe next time.  I would love to give him a son, but it is luck of the draw.  He is 50/50 at this point, one son and one daughter, so who knows?  Maybe I will go for a third child if we have a second girl?  Too early to know how many we will have, this one is not even three weeks old yet.  But I bet he will be just great with Jaida once she is ready for sand castles.  He is already great, he does what he can between feedings."

Susan made a quick call home, and Chuck was out.  Yet again.  He hadn't even called her, though she had left him a couple messages.  Things were definitely not right between them.  He should be wondering where she was, missing her, instead he seemed barely aware of where she was.

The next few days went by quickly, Susan felt on edge, waiting for the verdict on Chuck.  She had seen him very little, they were like two ships passing in the night, he didn't spend any time at home to speak of, or maybe only when she was at work.  Finally the investigator called her 5 days after their initial meeting and handed her an envelope when the met at the cafe.

"I'm really sorry, Dr. Lewis." 

Susan pulled out the photos, and the evidence was damning.  Chuck with another woman, kissing her, hugging her, and...in bed with her?

"How did you get these?"

"I have my ways.  I am good at what I do, and most women really need to know for sure.  He is definitely having an affair.  My research shows it has probably been going on for at least 3 months, her name is Jessica, she is a nurse at Mercy."  Jill sized up Susan.  "I have something else, and you are not going to be happy."

"I'm already not happy, so just...say it."  Susan was terrified of what she was going to say, but on the other hand?  Her marriage was over.

"She's pregnant.  About 6 weeks or so."

Susan could feel the tears run down her face.  The bastard, he cheated, and to add insult to injury, he'd knocked her up?  He was supposed to be with her, they were supposed to be having another baby, not him with some nurse he picked up somewhere.

Susan sniffled and pulled out the handkerchief she had never given back to Carter, wiping her eyes. 

"I am so sorry...Susan.  I really am.  I hate it when the wife is right, but I've been there.  That is why I do this, you know?  Because I've been there, my ex did the same to me, and now I help women bust cheating philandering jerks.  Can I call anyone for you?"

Susan shook her head.  "No, I'll be okay.  I knew this was coming, that he was a cheater.  I will probably go see John."

"Carter?"

"Yeah, he's a good friend of mine, I'll talk to him.  I am sure he can recommend a good lawyer."

"I just bet he can.  He gave you my name right?"

"Yes.  Anyways, thanks."  Susan picked up the envelope and made her way over the Northwestern.  She hung out in the lounge for a bit as he was running a trauma, but he came in to see her as soon as he was done.

"Susan.  You don't look so good."

She silently handed him the envelope and he opened it, flipping through the pictures.

"I'm sorry, sweetie."  He wrapped his arms around her and yet again let her cry on his shoulder.  "I know, it is never easy, even when you suspect it.  Finding out for sure is hard."

"Can...Cosmo and I come and stay at the house for a few days?  I'm leaving Chuck, I can't stay with him in the apartment and I don't want to be alone."

"Absolutely.  You are always welcome, you know that.  I'll call Deb and let her know?  And I am off in about an hour, did you want to go home and pack some clothes, and I'll pick you up on the way home?  Or do you want to wait,  I will come with you and take Cosmo off your hands so you can yell at him."

Susan gave a little humourless laugh.  "I would love to yell at him.  Can I get Cosmo from daycare and I will bring him to you?  You could take him to your house and I will go to the apartment and get my stuff, then come over when I'm done."

"All right, but I am only a phone call away if you need me to pick you up or something, okay?"

"Thanks John, I appreciate your help."

Within two hours she was at Carter's door, a suitcase in tow.  It had been a nasty scene, Chuck pretending until Susan told him she had proof.  They'd yelled at each other, and she'd told him she was going to stay with John and Jing-Mei until he'd moved out. She wanted the apartment, and they would have to discuss Cosmo.  Once she was over her shock, filing for divorce would be next.

Jing-Mei opened the door, and pulled Susan in, giving her a hug.  "Susan, John filled me in, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too.  It's over, Chuck is going to find a new place to live, then I can go back to the apartment.  I hope you don't mind us being here for a few days?"

"Not at all, it is just fine.  I am glad we can be here for you, Susan, I know it's tough when a relationship breaks up, you've been together for a while right?"

"Where is Cosmo?"

"John took him to the park, he was a bundle of energy so we thought it would be good for him to get out and run it off.  Jaida is napping and I was just putting together a bit of dinner.  Leave that there and John can take it up when he gets back.  What did you need?  Tea, or maybe a drink?"

"I would love a Margarita, but do you have the stuff?"

"Mm, well, let me know what you need, if I don't John can pick it up on the way home, he took his phone and I think he has his wallet too."

Susan gave her the list and Jing-Mei called John to stop at the store for a couple items.

"Mommy!"  Cosmo raced in with a big smile on his face not too long after, John following with a grocery bag.

"Hey there big boy, how was the park?"

"Fun, Uncle John helped me on the slide and the swings.  And I played with another boy.  His mommy was talking to Uncle John, she was pretty.  My friend said she was deeevorced."

Both Jing-Mei and Susan turned to look at Carter.

"What?"  He asked as he emptied the grocery bag.  "I have all the fixings here for the Margaritas, and I brought chocolate too."

"Flirting at the park?"  Susan narrowed her eyes at him.

"No, just talking to another parent.  It's called not being rude, she saw me with Cosmo and thought he was my son.  Am I in trouble for talking to a woman who is not one of you two?"

Jing-Mei shook her head.  "I love you baby."  She gave him a kiss.

"I love you too.  Did you want a drink?  I can do one for you without the alcohol if you like."

"Yes please."  She popped dinner in the oven.  "Can you make a salad for us?  I need to feed Jaida."

"Absolutely.  Let me make you ladies a couple of drinks and I will do that next."

After dinner they got the kids bathed and ready for bed.  John headed off for bed and let the ladies talk.

The next morning both John and Susan had work, John was gone early for is 6am shift.  Susan left at 8 for her 9 am shift, dropping Cosmo at daycare along the way.  Jing-Mei was left to her own devices, and decided to visit County and take Susan for a coffee.

She had not been in yet with the baby so she was mobbed by the nurses.

"She is sweet." Chuny cuddled the little girl.  "She looks a bit like her daddy, doesn't she?"

Haleh took her turn.  "Too early too tell, but I think she is going to have his eyes."

Susan came up to admit to drop off a chart.  "Jing-Mei, didn't expect to see you here."

"Thought you might want a coffee?  Take a little walk in the sunshine?"

"Sounds great.  Give me a minute."

They escaped the ER, picking up drinks at the nearby coffee shop and then walked along the river.

"You look pretty happy at the moment Susan."

"Don't tell anyone, but Todd Becker called me for an interview.  I see him tomorrow before my shift."

"Ah, you applied for those jobs John sent you?"

"Yes, he keeps telling me I look unhappy at County."

"Well, you do, you know.  I worked with you before I went to Northwestern remember?  You were a bit like the dragon lady there for a while."

"Too true.  John refused to come work for me, now he wants me to take a job at the Carter Center."

"It wasn't just you that kept him from County, though you have to admit, you were rough on him before he left for Africa."

"I know, I admitted it.  He didn't deserve how bitchy I was to him.  He has been a great friend through all of this."

"He cares about you, he always has."

"Did you tell him yet about our conversation that day?"

"The baby conversation?  Yeah he knows."

"Really?  He has been acting so normal, I thought he would be freaked out."

 "Only a little.  He was surprised I would suggest it, but he said he would consider what I said, but I am not sure what he would decide, why?"

"I have an appointment with my doctor about IUI.  I want to see if I am even a candidate, and get some facts.  Get a check up again.  I did before Chuck and I started trying, but now, it is all different.  But even though I am done with Chuck, I still want a baby.  I want to do this before I turn 40, so it's this year or not at all."

"Did you want me to talk to him?"

"Uh, no.  I was going to talk about donors with my doctor.  If I decide to look for my own donor, I think I should talk to him personally.  Are you really still okay with it though?  I mean now that you have had time to think about it, would you want him to do donate for me?"

"Yes, I am fine with it.  I would like to see you happy, you are a great mother to Cosmo, and I think it would all work out.  If he asks my opinion, I would tell him to do it, but at the end of the day, he has to decide.  It is about him and his relationship with you."

"As long as it would not cause problems.  He is pretty well known in Chicago.  I think we would need to keep it between us."

"Absolutely.  Though, the child could end up looking like him, you would have to be prepared for that."

"I could deal with that.  Much better than a kid ending up looking like Morris."

"I mean the comments Susan.  People at County?  They might see the resemblance and wonder, but then again they might just assume the baby to be Chucks."

"Ah, right.  And if I work at the Carter Center, it could get even more interesting.  Since he will be there a lot, people might notice."

"Whatever, you can just say nope, you were not involved with John, and you weren't right?  You can even say you've never slept with him."

"True enough, I could say that honestly.  And it might never happen, he might say no, even if he did say yes, it might not work."

Susan went back to work, getting back to the house late.  Cosmo was with Chuck overnight, she would have him back in a couple days.  

The interview with Todd went incredibly well.  He seemed happy with everything she had to say. 

"Well, Susan, I am very impressed, and the big boss highly recommends you.  I think based on our discussion, one position would suit you more than the other.  Here is a detail sheet, take a minute to review it, and ask any questions you might have."

"8am-5pm Monday to Friday.  No weekends or shifts?"

"No, this role is going to require being available during what would be normal hours for most businesses.  Their may be the occasional evening or weekend event we need you to attend, but you would have plenty of notice.  The work load should be easily managed within those hours.  It would play to your strengths, you have plenty of experience working with med students and Residents, and of course the ever present paperwork.  You understand how to work in a major trauma center, the pace here will be less frantic, we are providing non emergency services for the most part, we are not taking in trauma victims."

"Am I able to work in the clinic now and again?"

"Yes, in fact it would be good for you to work it into your schedule regularly.  You need to keep in touch with what is going on day to day on the floor.  John and Jing-Mei are both going to be volunteering, you know them both well, right?"

"Of course."

"You can get feed back from them as well, they are both going to have valuable feedback.  You need to communicate with our Attending Physicians regularly, make sure the med students and Residents are set for their rotations, that sort of thing.  You will have your own administrative assistant who will have the same office hours, they can book your appointment, type letters, basically help with anything and everything you need done.  I have set up these types of health facilities before, I am building and tweaking previous models to fit this location, but it is proven that the structure I have worked out for this position is doable, without copious amounts of overtime.  John wants the staff to have some work and life balance, not just as words, but as a reality."

"Keep the staff happy?"

"Absolutely.  He has worked in all sorts of conditions and he knows what he wants to see."

"And tenure track."  Susan's eyes widened at the salary.  Definitely more than what she was making before.

"Yes, and benefits.  John and I have worked things out with both County and Northwestern and you also have access to the services provided at the Center as an employee.  He has ties with both - this Center was a joint venture with County, being on land owned by CCGH, and he donated a facility to Northwestern.  I am not sure you knew that?"

"No, I didn't.  What did he do for them?"

"A residence for visiting  doctors, and researches working at Northwestern University or Hospital.  I believe it was his grandmothers house, he inherited it apparently?  I was going to go out and see the set up with him, you should come with us."

"He donated the mansion?  I should have known, I thought he sold it, it was a lot of house."

"Yes, I hear it was.  Dr. Rosen at Northwestern was pretty excited about it.  He was even more thrilled when John agreed to do the Fellowship with Dr. Benton.  They didn't even interview him, they just gave him the job.  Benton recommended him highly, and of course Rosen already knew John."

"Ah, right, the guy gets jobs thrown at him.  He is a very good doctor though, I have to admit."

"He worked hard to get where he is, as far as professional reputation.  That I know.   He told me that you had a great influence on him early in his career, and he has watched you grow as a doctor too, you were a resident when you met him right?"

"Right.  So when will I hear from you?"

"No, the question is when will I hear from you, Susan.  The job is yours if you want it, you are my last interview and I agree with John you are the best candidate.  He reviewed the other resumes and met with them after my interviews.  He gave me his feedback though the final decision is mine.  I am offering you the position, if you could let me know by Friday?  I would like you to work closely with us as part of the Senior staff, but start date would still be a couple months down the road, so you have lots of time to give notice.  Maybe take your vacation time if you have any left at your current job? "

"Wow, the center is not open for at least a year from now, right?"

"Correct, but we are hiring the top positions, and then we are going to get you all started so as we hire the rest of the staff we are getting input from our Senior Management group.  Like, I will screen applicants for you Admin Assistant, then you will come in with me to the interviews of the short list.  I want your input on who we hire, you will be working with them closely and you need to be comfortable with the choice.  Then we need to tackle the red tape for getting med students and Residents in on rotations, set up scheduling for the clinic, a lot of things that you have experience in will apply and I want you to have input.  I am here as a consultant, to help John set up a working functional health facility, I will not be around to babysit once it is fully operational, though I am sitting on the Board at his request.  That is why I want to much involvement so early, we are building the team."

Susan nodded.  "Makes sense.  So, I will read through all of this again and give you a call if I have questions."

"Great, and you can talk to John as well, he is pretty up on all the stuff, we have had numerous meetings and discussions since this idea hatched, which was over two years ago now.  A lot of the ideas were his, he did a marvelous job on the plans, I had little input with that.  He is brilliant, I have to say.  Made them redo the plans several times until it meet with his vision, they tried to sneak in a lot of unnecessary frilly crap, where he wanted a functional and efficient health center, they were pandering to big business."

"Who is they?"

"Donald Aunspaugh and Kerry Weaver mainly.  But, John runs the show, he is the money man, so when you hold the purse strings with $200 million dollars in committed funds, you say jump, they say how high.  Right?"

"I suppose that is true."  Susan took a deep breath.  $200 million, she knew he had donated a lot, but that was an incredible amount of money.

She shook Todd's hand and worked her way back to the street.  Wow, the offer was so much better than she dreamed.  She could stop working shifts, still have patient care time, make decent money and have time for Cosmo...and maybe another baby.

She almost floated to work, carefully tucking away the information package so no one could see it.  She was pretty darn sure she was taking the job, it was a dream come true.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

Carter was having a crazy busy day. He had run several traumas and was now finally out of the ER with Peter.

"Great job, Carter. Get yourself home and take tomorrow off." Peter squeezed his shoulder. "You need a little time with your new baby. She is a doll by the way, I remember when Reese was tiny like that."

"Thanks, I will enjoy a sleep in and a bit of time with Deb and Jaida." He packed up his things and walked to the L. In no time he was in the house, surprised to see both Deb and Susan still up.

"Hi baby. Just doing a last feeding and then we were heading to bed. Susan has some exciting news."

"Ah, yes, I heard. Congratulations."

"How do you know." Susan frowned.

"Well, Todd emailed me about the candidates he made job offers to, and I was not surprised to see you on the list. As he he says, I am basically the boss, I hear everything."

"Of course. Jing-Mei said to not be surprised if you knew already. He emailed me the job offer and an invitation to go out to and view Carter House with you guys too."

"Yes, he mentioned that, see if you can get the time off? Did you like the offer?"

"Hell yeah, I did. No more shiftwork? Monday to Friday, normal hours? More pay, more vacation time, and I can work in the clinic some days to keep in touch? I love it!" Susan looked at Jing-Mei. "Why aren't you applying for one of the cushy jobs?"

"Um, well, truthfully? If I decide shifts are too much, I can just volunteer when I want to, I don't actually need to work. I would leave Northwestern or cut down to one shift a week. We are also having a family right now, we know we want another baby after Jaida is a year old. I am not ready to take on a new job role, I have enough on my plate at the moment."

"Makes sense, I keep forgetting who you are marrying, Mr. multi-millionaire. I mean that in a good way, though and I certainly get wanting to have time off for your kids."

Jing-Mei shrugged. "I also have my own money, Susan. I am not dependent on John, my parents left me a substantial inheritance when they died. I could live off my interest earnings, quite comfortably."

Susan laughed. "Right, you have kept that a secret. You did better than John at keeping it to yourself."

"I suppose I did, though I don't have even close to the money John has either, his situation is much harder to keep private. Anyways, I am not sure when I am going back to work, I have at least six months off, then who knows? I will decide later, but I am liking being home with Jaida, I am thinking I might take the whole year off."

"Speaking of time off, Peter gave me tomorrow off, so I can spend some time with my girls." Carter dropped onto the couch beside Susan as Jing-Mei was in the chair with Jaida on a pillow.

"Really? That is terrific."

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. Susan moved back to her apartment, Chuck had moved out. He was also back to work full time as a flight nurse, so they had to work out some child care. John and Jing-Mei had graciously offered to assist where they could.

Susan made a visit to her doctor and discussed her options for having a baby.

"I think IUI or even AI could work for you. We would use a mild fertility drug, to help things along. Do you have a donor in mind or are you thinking of going to a cryobank?"

"Well, is there much difference in odds of conception? And any risks or issues with using some from the sperm bank?"

"Your odds of conception do increase if we can collect a sample at about the same time you are ovulating. Motility is better and you can look at AI versus IUI. Downfalls of the sperm bank? The main ones are whether the profile is accurate and can get costly depending on how many treatments it takes to get pregnant. The sperm is screened for infectious diseases, but there will be a lot you don't know about the donor. If you have a donor you know personally who is willing, and he can be screened, I personally recommend going that route. It will be a lot simpler, increase your odds of conceiving in fewer treatments and more cost effective. It should be someone you can have a very open discussion with about how you are going to raise the child, how much involvement you want from him, if or when you might tell your child about their father, and he might want you to waive off any expectations of child support. Some women put a legal agreement in place."

"Can you do the procedure?"

"Yes, once he is screened then he can donate. We would put you on the fertility drug, and keep an eye out for ovulation, we can do that with ultrasound. It is simply inserting the sperm, and that can be done here, in fact it is fairly simple to even do at home if we do AI, then we don't need to wash the sperm, if you want IUI then it needs to be washed which increases the cost slightly and you need to be in the office. If you have a donor you know, if he is willing to provide 3 samples per cycle, then you could have the treatments right before we think you are going to ovulate, based on increase of LH or ultrasound, another when you have your LH surge, and then again within 48 hours of the LH surge."

"So, just like sex, the more times we do this, the better chances, makes sense."

"And I assume having sex with the donor is out of the question? Otherwise you would not be here."

"His fiancee might object to it, yes. And I am not sure how he would feel about it either, even with her 'permission', it could cause problems in their relationship. If he was...unattached I probably would suggest having sex, but even asking for a donation is kind of a big deal."

"Does he have any children?"

"Yes, he does, one daughter, and one son who died before birth. His son died due to a cord injury, he was very healthy until that point. I don't think there was much of an issue getting pregnant either, so I am guessing his sperm has good motility."

"We can check that, it's a good idea to have him give us a sample before you even start the process, and we can do a count and check motility. Is he in good health?"

"Yes, he is a doctor as well, he gets regular testing done, so I can get previous results I bet, for HIV and Hepatitis at least, and I am sure he would be fine with the screening for infectious disease. He and his partner have a newborn baby, she is about 6 weeks old now, and perfectly healthy, I don't think we will find any problems."

"Is his partner okay with him donating?"

"Yes. I would just have to get his decision. I wanted to make sure it was something I would ask of him before I had a deep discussion about it, but he is aware I may want this of him."

"Okay, so you decide. Screening is pretty simple as you know, if fact, if you want to save costs and he is a doctor, have him just do it or you can send him to see me and I will do a history with him. I can give you the list." Her doctor pulled out some sheets and handed them to Susan. "Questions you can ask him, what he should be screened for and some discussion points to go over with him. The less we do in office, the less cost to you. As you and he are both doctors, I will give you some latitude, I don't like to cut corners."

"Can we keep it confidential too? How do we protect his privacy?"

"You could have him provide you a sample at home. I can screen the sperm, check motility and numbers. Then each day the same thing, have him give you the sample right before your appointment and bring it with you. Or opt for a home kit, have him give the sample and then insert it right away, I can provide a kit for you."

Susan spent the next few days thinking about it, then decided she would just ask him. It seemed like having her own donor was going to be most effective. The doctor had given her a sheet that would outline expectations, what he would need to do, and it could cause a bit of disruption in his sex life with Jing-Mei.

She picked a day he was off work, and asked him if they could go for a walk. Carter agreed, knowing she was going through a lot and they had not really had a lot of time to talk in the past few days. He noticed Susan seemed distracted. Deb was having a nap as was the baby, so the timing was good for them to get out of the house for a bit.

"How are things going?" Carter had bought them each a coffee and they wandered along the lake path.

"Okay actually. As you know I accepted the job offer from Todd. I have met with the divorce lawyer you recommended and that is all right too. I am going to give my notice at County soon, but I'll take my holidays first. Weaver is going to flip out, but so what."

"She has not been supportive of you, so I would not feel bad either."

Susan stopped and motioned to a bench nearby. It was slightly off the path, and no one was around. They both sat.

Carter had a feeling she was winding up to something. "So, what is going on in your head?"

"That obvious?"

"Yup. I can see the wheels turning. You have been kind of distracted the last few days too, I know there is something going on with you."

Susan sighed. "I don't know quite how to do this, so I am just going to say it."

Carter was watching her closely, and had a suspicion on what she was going to say.

"I know Jing-Mei told you about our discussion."

"Ah, yes she did, we talked about it a bit."

"I wanted to know if you would consider it? Being a donor?"

"I don't know for sure. It is something we need to talk about. You and I of course, then I think we both need to talk to Deb too. Does she know you have decided to ask?"

"She knew I was going to see my doctor, and I needed to ask some questions. I did ask her a week or so ago if she was really okay with it and she said yes. I don't want to get between you and Jing-Mei in any way, John."

"I know, Susan. What did your doctor say?"

"That there are some good reasons to use a known donor rather than a sperm bank. Motility is better, we can screen for more things, and I don't have to worry about the profile accuracy, provided you are comfortable answering the heath questions. It increases the rate of success, and I would like need less time to get pregnant. I've known you for a long time, I know a lot about you. But, there are things that could be awkward too."

"Okay, what issues are you concerned about?"

"Well, we need to discuss how involved you would be, if at some point we would let the child know you were their father, maybe put some agreement in place about child support, me waiving it I mean, not you paying it. Your privacy, you are well known in Chicago, and their are considerations about that too."

"Mmhm, and what are your thoughts on these things?"

"I'd like you to be the uncle, like you are for Cosmo. Once the child becomes curious and mature enough we could discuss telling them about you, just like an adopted child, they will likely have questions about their biological dad. I would be willing to sign something to limit my legal recourse against you, I would not want any financial support or anything, though I would like you and Jing-Mei to be guardians should something happen to me, like you are for Cosmo."

"No matter which route you go, we would be honored to do that for you anyway, Susan. You know if anything happened, we would make sure your children were well taken care of. The only hitch with that is your children could grow up in separate homes if Chuck takes Cosmo full time, being his dad. But that would be an issue no matter who the father is of your next baby."

"True, I didn't think of that, but I still really want another baby. Of course you need to be screened for infectious diseases, my doctor would not do the procedure otherwise, and I would like to know if there is anything health wise you feel the need to tell me. I don't want to get to personal, but on the other hand...this is really personal? I don't want to cause issues between you and Jing-Mei or ruin our friendship. If you are really uncomfortable with it, then say no, and I will take a chance with the sperm bank." This all came out in a rush.

"Relax Susan. Please, just relax. If I decided to do it, I would not have a problem with any of those things. I don't have any known health issues, you know my brother died of AML, my grandparents were pretty healthy overall, you know my grandmothers history, you helped me treat her, my grandfather died of an MI but he was almost 80 years old at the time. My parents? As far as I know they are okay but they wouldn't share it with me if they weren't. I get tested regularly and I am pretty sure I don't have anything infectious, I have past testing I could provide for certain things, like HIV and Hepatitis, and of course I get new testing done is all fine. The bigger issue is watching my child grow up without them knowing they are my child. I would need a very serious discussion with Deb about it."

"So...you'll consider it?"

"Yes, I'll think about it. I mean, I kind of have already, it was good to have the heads up a while back. Deb is pretty smart that way."

"She is. So, what is our next step?"

"I want to talk to Deb, unless you have more to add. I am guessing you would want my participation much like I am with Cosmo? Be there, but not voice much of an opinion?"

Susan smiled. "I guess that is true, you would be Uncle John, and Aunt Jing-Mei. The way things are, you would see your child quite a lot, even if they don't call you daddy."

"And Chuck would have no input whatsoever, and would not be taking the child at any point either I am assuming."

"No, he will know this baby is not his. I cannot imagine he will want to take a child that is not his, and he is with his new girlfriend, she's pregnant, I told you that right?"

"I saw it in the report you showed me that first day. I would not want him to have any say or influence on the child. He has some strange ideas sometimes."

"I know, believe me. Anything else we should talk about?"

"I will probably have some more questions, but when are you wanting to do this?"

"Well, if you say yes, then I would want to do it right away. I need to start on fertility drugs and be watched for ovulation right? Then you would need to give a sample that would be used right away - or if you are willing, three samples so we can follow the recommended schedule. You would need to donate more than once, I am sure you are aware of the success ratios."

"I have an idea, yes. How long would you try for?"

"I don't know, I was kind of hoping it would happen quickly. I guess we would need to discuss that too. Some women don't have any luck with this, and then I would have to think if I want to go as far as IVF. In any case I want to do this soon, I am getting close to 40." She dug in her bag and held out the package. "This is what my doctor gave me for you. Donating might interfere in your sex life with Jing-Mei a bit."

"As in we would need to try not to have sex right before I need to donate. I get it, not a deal breaker if Deb is on board with everything." Carter stood and held out his hand, helping her up.

"You are really calm about this I was not at all sure how it would go." They started to walk along the pathway again.

"We're friends Susan, you can talk to me about anything, you know that. I'm also a doctor, nothing much shocks me anymore. Not that this is shocking, just...unexpected I guess. Lots of guys do it, and it is becoming more common to ask someone you know."

"Apparently it is yes. Like infertile men might ask a close relative so there is a biological tie to the child. I think asking a friend is less strange, though...it could still be weird. Like Morris made a comment not long ago about how he used to donate to a cryobank for extra money. I would freak out if I ended up with some of his boys, could you imagine? Just scary."

Carter laughed. "I see your point, if you know the donor it answers a lot of questions. Morris. Having his child would be a bit scary."

"Even worse, the doctor recommends a fertility drug right from the get go. There is a chance, though it is fairly low, that I could end up with twins. Twin Morris babies, that would be really frightening."

"Another consideration, but I am not surprised. What would you say if someone like...Chuny or Haleh noticed the resemblance, you could end up having a child that looks like me. Especially the brown eyes, it is likely though not certain the baby would end up brown eyed."

Susan shrugged. "Well, I could honestly say we've never had sex. Also people might just assume the baby is Chuck's and by the time it became evident it wasn't it will probably be a non issue. There are ways we can protect your privacy, John, the doctor doesn't even have to know who you are, you can provide the donation at home and I can take it into the office. Or the doctor said I can even get a home kit, if I do AI the sperm doesn't need to be washed, there are a couple quick and easy ways to do it. If I do IUI then it is a bit more complicated."

"Not the end of the world if someone figured it out, you could be honest and just say I was a donor for you. If it came to that, and it might with you working at the Carter Center. It doesn't bother me really, either way, who cares what people think, it might be a deal for some at first, then it would go away. As long as they understand I didn't cheat on Deb, it is all fine. I don't want people to believe that, especially after the whole Abby thing, with her baby."

"I know. Thanks for at least considering it. I won't bug you, but if you could let me know soon? I have a lot of profiles to look at if you don't want to do it."

"Let me talk to Deb, I won't make you wait too long, okay?"

Susan gave him a hug. "Thank you. I have to go to work, but we will talk soon."

Susan walked away feeling pretty good, Carter was being very reasonable about the huge favor she was asking of him. She was not deluding herself, this was an enormous request, to ask her good friend to give her a child.

Carter walked for a while longer, mulling the request over in his mind. He knew he was going to talk to Deb, it affected her too, though it seemed she was not against the whole thing. In fact, she had suggested it to Susan. Kind of flattering really, that she would ask him. This was a really big deal, giving a woman a child but not being the father officially in day to day life.

Though, he would be in the child's life from day 1, as an uncle, he could still influence how the child grew up to an extent. End up being the guardian in the event something happened with Susan, though he hoped it would never come to that.

He unlocked the door and went in to get a drink.

"John, you're back. Where did you go?" Deb came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning on his back.

"Oh, for a walk."

"You were gone a long time, I was missing you, baby."

He turned and pulled her into his arms. "Mm, did you." He leaned down and gave her a deep kiss. Deb had now been cleared by her doctor to resume their sexual relationship and it had been wonderful. He missed the physical side greatly.

"The baby is sleeping." She took his hand and led him up the stairs, pulling him into their room. It was not long before they were undressing each other, clothes dropping as he laid her out on the bed.

"You are so beautiful." He murmured against her neck, kissing his way down her body concentrating on each sensitive spot as he went.

"So are you baby. Oh that feels so good." She sighed as his lips created a sensuous trail across her skin. "I really need you, John."

He moved back up her body, looking deep into her eyes as he thrust into her deeply. She moaned softly as he started to move inside her. Jing-Mei loved how he always made her feel, it was so good when they made love. Her hips fell into rhythm with his as he continued with long slow strokes.

As they picked up the pace, she dug her fingers into his back, making no effort to stay quiet, knowing they were alone in the house aside from the sleeping baby. She could feel the heat rising, she gave a soft cry and her back arched and eyes closed as the waves washed over her. It had not taken her long to climax. Carter let her ride it out, then continue until Deb had a second climax and he enjoyed his own release, collapsing as he caught his breath.

"Mm, that felt so good." Jing-Mei sighed in contentment as they held each other close. "Where did you go earlier, I was hoping you'd be back before the baby woke up, I really need this."

"Later. I'll tell you later, I just want to enjoy this." Carter kissed her deeply, then started making love to her all over again.

Carter started awake as their daughter started to cry. They had both fallen asleep after their lovemaking session, it had been so warm and comfortable laying in each others arms.

He pulled on his clothes quickly and went to get the baby.

"Hi angel. I bet you are hungry." He efficiently changed her wet diaper then cuddled her for a moment.

"John, she's hungry, let me take her." Jing-Mei sat in the plush chair and picked up a pillow. He settled the baby in her arms, then went to get them some water. By the time he got back, she was busy feeding their little girl.

"I had a good nap, how about you?" He set the water down for on the small table beside her, then sat in the other chair across from Jing-Mei.

"It was a wonderful sleep, I feel the best I've been in at least a couple weeks. Must be the sex, I have been sleeping better overall."

"Well, it doesn't hurt that's for sure. I missed that part of our lives over the past bit, it was really great. Kind of nice working shifts sometimes, being home during the day." He gave her a little grin.

"Tell me about it. Which reminds me, tell me about where you were?"

"Ah, yes. Well, Susan invited me out for a coffee, we went for a walk along the shore."

Jing-Mei lifted her eyes to his. "She asked you, didn't she?"

"Uh huh. She did."

"What did you say?"

"That I would think about it, talk to you and then let her know. How do you feel about it, now that some time has passed? And it is no longer hypothetical?"

"I had a strong feeling she would decide to do it, so I have known it could easily be more than hypothetical for a while now. It is your decision, John, but if you want to do it, I would be absolutely fine."

"Let me go over some of the details for you, what we talked about."

They sat and talked for a good hour, weighing pros and cons, discussing the implications in their lives and arriving at a decision.

"Did you want to talk to Susan again too?"

"I am okay with everything John. She and I have talked about it, but if you want us to talk, or she wants to talk then of course. It is more important that you have made a decision you can live with."

"So, I will let her know? She is anxious about the whole thing."

"Yes, absolutely. Why don't we go for a walk, it's nice out, have a little visit at County."

"Sounds good."

They got ready and put Jaida in the stroller. They took the L part way then walked along the lake shore for a while. They ended up at County mid afternoon. Sam quickly buzzed them in.

"Hi, how is that adorable little baby?" She peeked in at the wide eyed little girl.

"Terrific. Is Susan around?"

"Just in with a patient, do you want to wait in the lounge and I will let her know you are here?"

Susan was surprised when Sam told her John and Jing-Mei had come in to see her. She did a quick check and decided it was time for a break.

"Coffee? Let's get out of here for a bit."

They left the ER and walked in the sun for a bit. Susan was nervous about what was going to happen next.

"So Deb and I discussed everything, and I have decided that I will do it."

Susan stopped short. "Really? Are you serious?"

"Yes. We have a few details to work out, but we can start the process, I will order all the testing you wanted, and fill out your questions. I don't think there is anything genetic that you need to worry about...so...I guess you need to let me know timing, when you expect to need my presence so to speak."

Susan felt tears come to her eyes, and she gave John a warm hug.

"Thank you." She whispered, overcome with emotion. She turned next to Jing-Mei. "And thank you too, for agreeing to this."

"You are like family, Susan. We both want this for you. We know how much and how long you have wanted another child."

"Still, it is a big favor to ask of you both. So, from the the bottom of my heart, thank you."


	21. Chapter 21

Susan sat nervously on the exam table, today was her first treatment and she was excited and also a bit terrified.  The point of no return, in a couple weeks she could be pregnant. 

Her doctor strode in with a smile.  "So, all ready?  I see you have your donor contribution."

"I do and I am.  A bit nervous, but excited too."

"Relax, and lay back."  The doctor adjusted her and Susan stared at the charts on the wall, barely believing this was happening, she was actually going to try and have another baby.  Of course it might not work, or it might take a few treatments, but she was hopeful.

The doctor moved around easily, everything was quick and efficient.

"All done.  I am going to tip you back a bit, and just relax, close your eyes, we will leave you here for a few minutes.  You have complete privacy for about half an hour."

An hour later Susan was back at work.  Wondering if this was going to work or not.  She would go in for another appointment tomorrow or the next day, as soon as her test kit recorded her LH surge, she would have a second treatment.

Two weeks later, Susan was feeling depressed as her period started.  She called John.

"Didn't work.  I got my period today."

"Well, we knew it might not happen the first time, be patient, Susan.  We agreed six months, then we can rethink if you want IVF, but remember that it often takes women 4-6 months to get pregnant."

"I know.  Thank you for being patient with me, I was really hopeful."

"Of course you were, just think it is only a couple weeks and you will be trying again."  He hung up the phone.

"Susan?  Not good news?"  Jing-Mei was getting Jaida ready for an outing.

"No, she got her period, so she was feeling a bit discouraged.  I guess I will be up again in a couple weeks."

"So we have about a week to have a lot of fun, then we're cut off for a few days?"

"Yup.  So, let's talk about those wedding plans."

Carter and Jing-Mei had been trying to decide when and where to finally get married.  They were deciding between just eloping or having a very small and intimate ceremony with just immediate family and very close friends.

"I'd like to go away, I think, and just get married.  We've been talking of doing a trip with Peter and Cleo, why don't we pick somewhere tropical and go.  Maybe even the Caribbean, the US Virgin Islands don't require anything special, we can easily get the license and have them witness for us.  My family is all in China, they are not coming here.  Then we could plan a trip so you can meet my family.  Ever been to China?"

"Yes, I have actually.  Saw the Great Wall, went to Beijing, it was fun.  Of course I will go with you to meet your family, so they can see our daughter.  How will they feel about you marrying an American...a very white American?"

"I am not sure.  Marrying outside our culture is frowned upon of course, but I will let them know before we go.  They have no choice but to accept it.  Oddly they will probably accept it better than they did the fact that Michael was half black."

"Sorry baby.  I know that was tough, your family's prejudice against a tiny little baby."

"It is what it is John.  I didn't mean to get pregnant, but I can't regret giving birth to him, he has made a family very happy."

"Absolutely.  You gave James and Linda something they wanted desperately.  That is a good thing."

"Just like you are trying to give Susan something she wants desperately."  Jing-Mei gave him a kiss.  "The baby needs a nap before we go out."  She gave him a wink.

"Hm, well, I'm on board with that."

Carter was off to work that night, Susan decided to come by and have dinner with Jing-Mei, who greeted her with a hug.

"He told you?""

"Yes, I'm really sorry Susan.  I know you wanted it to happen, but it was only the first try."

"I am scared he is going to change his mind.  I know this affects your love life too, having to abstain from sex with him so I can get a better contribution?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Susan.  Our sex life is still pretty damn great, we have 3 weeks out of the month that we can still have our fun.   And it is only for a while, not the end of the world.  I bet we have more and better sex than 90% of Chicago's committed couples,  maybe even 90% of Chicago as a whole,  I am not at all worried about it."

Susan laughed.  "Well that was just TMI."

"TMI?"

"Too much information?"

"Oh, sorry.  Can't help that it's true, my man is great in bed, what can I say.  The sex is still hot and frequent."

"Now I am just getting jealous, it has been a while since I had hot sex.  I have been trying to date again, but it has been hard to find someone I like.  And obviously I am not doing any one night stands while trying to get pregnant.  Not a chance."

"That is what condoms are for, Susan.  And you know when you're ovulating since your doctor is keeping a close eye on you, you know what times to avoid."

"I suppose that is true.  I will have to consider it."

"And maybe you will meet someone you really like."

"Yeah, but I don't want to get pregnant with some guy I just met."

"Point taken, it could end up like me and Frank."

"Frank is Michael's father?"

"Yes.  Anyway, two more weeks and you can try again.  John is not going to change his mind, either, he put a lot of thought into the decision, and he gave you his word.  You know he and I talked about it a lot, how it would affect him, affect me, affect us as a couple, and what it meant to you."

"You two are being so great about this." 

"We both know how much you want another child, you got blindsided by Chuck, we both understand the ticking clock.  John and I are going to try and have other baby as soon as Jaida is a year old."

"You've decided already?"

"Yes, John loves kids, he wants at least one more.  I would love to have another one, and we don't want to wait too long.  Tick tock, right?"

Two weeks later, Susan was back in her doctors office with another contribution.  The doctor did not know who her donor was, and she was going to keep it that way.  She had agreed with John that it would be anonymous.

She did her three days of treatment, over the course of four days, and kept her fingers crossed.  She rubbed her belly gently, hoping that this time it would work and she would also have a new baby to look forward to.

She was off work for a couple weeks, and she had just given her notice to County.  This gave them six weeks to find a replacement for her.  They seemed to be upset she was leaving but she didn't care.  The new job was so perfect for her, she was excited about a new challenge.

She went to Northwestern to meet Carter, they were going out to see the setup on the Carter House.

"I'm a bit early."

"That's okay.  How did your appointment go?"

"Good, all I have to do is lay back and relax for about 45 minutes.  Oh, this came to your house, Jing-Mei asked if I would give it to you?"

"Oh, perfect.  Wasn't expecting anything."  He looked at the return address and frowned. The name appeared to be a law firm. He ripped it open and pulled out the enclosed papers, Susan was chatting about how Jing-Mei had told her they might be going out of town.

Carter saw the top piece of paper and his breath caught in his throat.  He inhaled sharply, scanning it quickly, loosening his tie like it was strangling him.  He could not get air.  He flipped to the next one, then the next and he was seeing spots before his eyes.

"What's wrong, you don't look good."  Susan was watching him, the envelope obviously contained bad news, he was looking positively green, and looking like he was going to pass out.

"I need some air."  He turned on his heel and walked out of the ER, finding a bench in the green space not too far away.  He stared at the paper in his hands for a long minute, then flipped to the next one.  He leaned forward, running his hands through his hair, feeling nauseous.  Trying not to cry.

"John, are you all right?"  Susan was really worried, he had gone very pale.

He shook his head silently.  "Just give me a second.  I...shit Susan.  I..."  He took one of the papers and handed it to her.

"This is a death certificate.  For...Harper Tracy?  As in...Harper you dated when you were a med student?"

"Yeah, she was stationed overseas."

"Why did they send this to you?  Did you keep in touch with her?"

"On and off over the years.  We saw each other once in a while.  Last time I saw her was in Paris on my way home from Africa.  So a couple years ago now."

"Really.  I had no idea you had kept in touch.  I'm sorry, John, but I still don't understand why they sent this to you."

"This might help."  He handed her another piece of paper.

Susan scanned it and she sat down abruptly on the bench.  "A birth certificate?  She had a son?"

"Apparently she did.  Though I never heard about it...until now.  Shit, Harper, what were you thinking."  He muttered.

Susan looked at the details, and she was starting to gather why he was so upset.  She took in the child's name, Devon John Tracy, then the date of birth.  And then the fathers recorded name.

"The kid is yours?"

"Maybe?  It's possible."  He took back the birth certificate and looked at the dates.  "Entirely possible."

"So...you slept with her when you were in Paris, on your way home from Africa.  You think she would have lied on the birth certificate?"

"Lied?   I don't know, maybe?"  He took a deep breath, then admitted what he was thinking.  "No, probably not, she wasn't much of a liar, Susan.  I'm just kidding myself, if Harper says he's mine, then he is, she didn't ever lie to me, especially not about something like this."

"Are you sure?  I mean, she did...cheat."  Susan hated to say it.

"Mm, well, she didn't lie to me about that either.  She told me, right after it happened.  And we worked it out.  We weren't really, committed to each other when it happened, she regretted it, we got past it.  I am glad we did, she was really terrific, you know?"

"I didn't know her that well to be honest, though she was a very good doctor."

"She really was very talented.  Anyway, we...had that kind of relationship, we would get together once in a while if we happened to be in the same place and both single at the time.  She was busy with her career and she spent most of her time out of the country after she finished her Residency.  She knew I was in Africa, she emailed me, and I happened to see it when I got to Paris.  She was in Germany, so she came down to see me, as I was going to be there for a few days...signing my divorce papers actually."

He flipped through a couple more pages, and there were two more smaller envelops. One contained a couple pictures, which he stared at for a full minute before he gave them to Susan.

"He looks like you.  A lot like you.  Wow, Harper looked great in this picture."

"Yeah, he's mine.  No question."  He opened the next envelope.  "A letter from Harper.  This is her handwriting."

"Are you going to be okay?  Should I give you a bit of space?" 

"You can stay, as long as you don't mind me reading this, I need to see what she said."

"Of course.  I am just going to take a really short walk and I'll be back in a couple minutes?"

"Thanks, Susan." 

He started to read:

_Dearest John,_

_That is what you are to me, my dearest, most special friend on earth, my lover, my confident, my consolation in the worst of times.  We got each other through so much, and I only wish I had been there for you many more times, times where I almost lost you, but had no clue at all.  Even when we were apart for a long time, we just fit, didn't we?  
_

_You know how I wished I had not broken up with you so harshly when we dated so many years ago?  I know...Dale was a weasel and there was no love lost between you.  He gloated that we broke up.  Though I guess we got the last laugh, those two nights before I left Chicago were absolutely phenomenal, but then our sex life always was.  Unforgettable, incredible, that's what you are.  Not to mention the fact we still got together many, many times over the years, but he never knew that.  
_

_I am so glad I had the chance to know you, and our trysts over the years were also - well - phenomenal.  We both had our relationship ups and downs, seemed like mostly downs, and I often wondered if we could have made it as a couple if I had stayed in Chicago.  But of course I am kind of an adrenaline junky and I love my career, as do you.  I am not sure it would have worked, you following me around, not always being able to work as a doctor.  We have both had our adventures, I was very proud of you for going to Africa, and Darfur.  You are a brave man, John Truman Carter, and so special._

_I have treasured you as a friend and a confidant, for the many things we shared with each other over the years.  You turned into a really incredible doctor and such a good person.  John, I love you so, so much._

_If you are reading this, then the news is bad.  I left this with my lawyer, with instructions should something ever happen to me, they would send this to you.  So I would be able to say all the things I never said to you in person.  First of all, you were such a great boyfriend, in many ways.  We had our rough spots, but the fact that you found it in your heart to forgive me after my initial lack of judgment concerning a certain Pediatrician, well, I am so glad you did.  I always regretted hurting you like that, in hindsight it was so selfish of me._

_I was often selfish, but I was young, and I know you understand perfectly.  You always did._

_Our close call with the pregnancy scare, how relieved we both were, knowing that neither of us was in the least bit ready for that dose of reality.  We had been careful, and I know I was obsessing, but you never wavered, you were there for me, every minute of it.  I loved you for that._

_Our meetings over the years, sometimes with the hot sex, sometimes not, depending on whether one or both of us were involved with someone else.  We were often each others consolation after a bad breakup.  I loved our stolen moments, our snapshots in time, how we talked so openly._

_Paris.  Our last few days, those were magnificent.  I know you were coming off of a very bad break up, and I had just finished my divorce only 6 months earlier.  We are quite a pair, aren't we?  Still, it was so wonderful to see you, to be with you, our time together was unforgettable.  In many ways._

_By now you will also know that this time it was not a close call, it was the real deal.  I found out a couple weeks after you left for Chicago, and at first I was not sure what to do.  Should I have the baby, or not, take the chance of another heart break?  Then I just knew, I was ready to be a mother and I was carrying the child of someone I love so dearly, I needed to take the chance.  I knew you were not in a great place, you had lost a child, your son Joshua, not so long before and I was torn, to tell you or not._

_It was with a lot of thought, I decided that I would wait until our child was born, just in case the worst happened, you would never have to know or go through the pain of loss.  I could see it devastated you, John, and I understood.  I lost...miscarried...more than one child too as you well know, so if only one of us had to face the pain, then I was good with that.  I hate to cause you pain, because I love you and I always will._

_All went well, though labor was long, and I am sure I cursed you a few times for getting me in that condition, but after, it was a miracle, he was gorgeous, John.  As he grew, I knew he was going to look just like his daddy, it was like I got to see you everyday._

_I had plans to come back and visit you in Chicago, but time has a way of getting away, and it has been tough to get enough time off.  He turned a year old yesterday, and I know I need to tell you about your precious son.  The happiness he has brought into my life, and I hope the happiness he will bring into yours.  I hope you have a special someone in your life, and are making babies with her.  You need to be a daddy...you are a daddy even if you don't know it._

_My greatest wish was to see you again, and introduce you to our baby, our precious and special son, but...if you are reading this letter, I cannot be there.  Please forgive me for not telling you.  I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me yet again.  I also hope that you are well and able to take our son and see him grown up, something I am not going to be able to do.  You know my family situation, and it is only right Devon be with his daddy.  I hope the woman in your life can find it in her heart to love him like her own._

_John, I love you, I love you, I love you.  Always and forever.  You know this in your heart, or I sure hope you do.  Every moment we were together was special, every touch memorable. You, my love, gave me the best gift ever, the joy of a child.  Something I never thought I would have after so many losses, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for making my last bit of time on earth so completely and blissfully happy and full of love._

_All my love forever,  
_

_Harper_

Carter stared at the page for a long time, thinking of the times he had spent with Harper over the years.  No one knew about them, he had not even told Deb.  How was she going to feel about this? 

He gave his head a little shake, of course Deb was a wonderful caring woman.  He was sure, she would understand and welcome his son with open arms.  He and Deb were not together in any way when Harper got pregnant, he had just signed divorce papers.  As Harper said, they were friends, lovers, confidants, and each others consolation in rough times.  Those were really rough times for him.

He had known during her marriage she had tried several times to have a child, and each time she had lost the baby.  He understood the devastation this caused, and he was happy he had given her some joy, that she had finally had a child, even if she chose not to tell him about it.

"John, how are you doing?"

"Um, fine I guess.  You know she was married at one point, and they had tried to have a child, she lost several in a row.  She had been divorced for about 6 months when I last saw her.  She didn't want to tell me, she was afraid she was going to lose the baby, but by some miracle she went full term.  Crazy right?  She was really happy, She wrote this just after he turned a year old.   That is only a couple months ago."

"Now what?"

"The other letter has some directions, I need to contact her lawyer, and make arrangements to go get him."

"Just like that?"

"There's no one else.  And he is my child, she made sure she left instructions for me to be contacted, she wants me to take him.  If I don't he ends up a foster child."

"What about Jing-Mei."

"What about her?  You think she would turn away a 1 year old baby?  Not like I cheated on her or anything, I was divorced, not dating anyone."

Susan nodded.  "You're right of course.  She would never turn away your child, not matter what.  I know that.  I mean, she is even okay with what you are doing for me.  She is very sweet isn't she?"

"Yes, she is.  She is one of the kindest, most generous and sweetest women I have ever known."  He glanced at his watch.  "We need to go meet the car."

"We are still going?"

"Of course.  Todd is meeting us there, I will make a call on the ride out to the house."

He put the papers back in the envelope and stood.  Susan straightened his tie for him.

"I thought you were going to rip this right off."

"I couldn't breath for a minute.  It was hard to see the death certificate."

"How did she die?"

"I don't know, I will find out when I talk to the lawyer.  I am not even sure where he is."

"He was born in Germany."

"Uh huh, that is where she was living.  He might be there, I just don't know."

The driver opened the door for them and Susan slid into the limo, Carter following.  He shut the privacy glass and then dialed the number on top of the letter."

"Jason Reid please...John Carter."

Susan sat gazing out the window as Carter spoke on the phone.  She was picking up bits about some accident Autobahn, and that the child was still in Germany.  He finally hung up.

"I have to go to Germany, he's at the Hahn Airbase."  

She watched as he dialed again. 

"Katie Wisher please...John Carter.  Hi Katie, I need a flight into Germany...Frankfurt...Rental Car...uh, Hahn...please, whatever is close to Hahn.  I need accommodations for a baby too...he's 1.  Tomorrow morning?...Just one ticket...probably a couple days...I will get one this afternoon...perfect.  Thanks Katie."

"You're going tomorrow?"

"I have to go ASAP, and I'll be gone a few days."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"As soon as I am done at the house.  I'll go home, I'm done for the day, which reminds me I need to phone Peter." 

He made a quick call and told Peter he had a family emergency and he had to go out of the country for a few days.

They met Todd and did a quick tour of the house.  There were already a few new academics and researchers settling in, both John and Todd asked them a few questions, and seemed happy with the answers.  Susan had never been upstairs.

"So which room was yours?"

"Well...this one for a short time."  He pointed into one unoccupied suite, Susan giggled slightly, the room was massive, with a huge fireplace, ensuite bathroom, walk in closet with a view over the fountain. 

"Nice digs Carter."

They went down the hall and little further.

"And this one." 

Susan peered in to one that was slightly smaller but every bit as luxurious as the first one.

"Has Jing-Mei ever seen this place?"

"Yes, she has.  A while back she came with me to the dedication ceremony."

Susan followed Carter into a massive room, there was a table mostly filled now with people in business attire.  Carter walked easily to the head of the table, Susan and Todd took the last two empty seats on either side of him.

He took command of the room, everyone quieted down and they ran down the agenda with little fanfare.  Everyone was short and to the point, there were a few brief discussions, some fact sharing and it was quickly over.  Carter introduced her around as one of the Centers new Senior Managers and before she knew it they were back in the car.

"Well, you sure can run a room, no one argued with you."

"Why would they?  They are all professional business people, we had a job to get done.  Details were ironed out long ago.  I would like you to attend these Board meetings with us for a while, and when I get back I will take you for a tour of the Carter Center."

"Is it far enough along to go in?"

"Sure, its a construction zone, so you would need to dress appropriately, but I can always get in to see it."

"The big boss."

"Exactly. "

Carter had the limo drop Susan at home, then take him back to the house.

"How did it go?"  Jing-Mei was playing on the floor with Jaida.

"Good, really good actually.  Susan sat in on the meeting, met the Board.  I am going to get her to come to the meetings regularly.  You are also welcome to come anytime you like."

"I might once our little girl here gets bigger."

"Um, we need to talk, Deb."

"This sounds serious."

"It is.  The package you signed for was from a law office."

"I know, I saw the name.  So what was it about?"

"No easy way to say this, so..."  He pulled out the papers and handed them to her.

Jing-Mei leaned back against the edge of the couch as she started reading the letter from the law office.  Then looked at the death certificate, and the birth certificate.

"Is this true?  Is he yours?"

Carter opened the envelope and handed her the picture of the little boy.

"I kind of think so, it is very much a possibility and I don't think she would lie about it.  I've know her for years, Deb, she was someone I dated initially when we were both med students."

"Wow, he does look like you.  So, his mom, Harper, she died?"

"MVA on the Autobahn in Germany.  She was stationed at Hahn, not too far from Frankfurt."

"So what happens now?"

"I go to Germany tomorrow.  Deal with whatever paperwork I need to deal with and bring him back to the States."

"Bring him here, to live with us."  Jing-Mei met his eyes.

"Yeah.  I'm sorry Deb, I had no idea, she never told me.  I don't know what else to do here."

"Well, I am not sure there is anything else you can do.  John, could I ask you a question?"  Jing-Mei reached out and took his hand.

"Always."

"Say if something happened to James and Linda, and Michael had nowhere to go, what would you have me do?"

"Go get him?  For sure, you would need to get your son."

"Right.  So, you have a child, who has no one, and without you, he has nobody in this whole world to take care of him.  Don't apologize, don't feel guilty or whatever.  Just go get him.  Bring him home, he will have a home with us always."

Carter reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"Thank you baby."

"No thanks needed, John, this is your son.  You were single, had a relationship with someone, there is a child as a result.  Like I could ever judge you, I had a child from a one night stand.  I bet you if I hadn't given him up and we got together, you would be be the best stepdad ever to him.  I love you, don't you ever forget it."

"I love you too.  You are the most amazing woman in the world."


	22. Chapter 22

Carter stepped off the plane and went down the narrow hallway into the terminal then began the trek.  The Frankfurt airport was massive, but he finally reached Customs and pulled out his passport.  He had been here before, but it had been a while, most flights recently had been through London or Paris.

Next he located the rental office and picked up the midsize car, opting to get on the road right away.  It was 9am in Germany, and he had a bit of a drive out to the base.  Once he was on the highway, he allowed himself to muse about the past 48 hours.  It had been a whirlwind, receiving the package, having the Board meeting, then getting home to tell Deb.

He had been nervous, he didn't know quite what to say to her, and she had been wonderful.  Incredible really.  Here he was telling her he had a child he'd known nothing about, and she was so supportive.

They had made love, her arms tight around him as she told him how much she loved him.  It had been amazing, he felt his own love overflowing, as their bodies moved together, the deep warm kisses, the comfortable caresses as they drifted to sleep in each others arms.  She'd told him it would all be okay, that he should call her when he got to Hahn.

Carter was not sure how all this would go.  He had the name of the Commanding Officer - Harper had been one of the senior Physicians on the base - and he would go from there.  Find out who had his son, and get them back to the States as fast as possible.  That was his mission.

Harper.  He missed her already, even though they had not seen each other in such a long time.  He remembered so many of their rendezvous, usually when one or both of them had their hearts broken.  Like a shelter in a storm, the comfort of her arms, the steamy nights in Paris after signing away his marriage.  Not that there had been much left to sign away of course, not at that point.

She had been back in the States now and then over the years and he had been in Europe now and then too.  She had been one of his lovers before and after Abby, like a book end to that relationship.  He'd had a layover on his way back to Africa to find Luka, and he'd fallen into her arms.  She had always welcomed him into her bed, into her life.

It was hard to fathom that she was gone, leaving him a child...a son.  No doubt the little boy was his, it was very obvious in the pictures, so very plain to see the boy was a Carter.  He had even pulled out a photo album, and it was uncanny how much Devon looked like both him and Bobby when they were about the same age. 

Finally he pulled up to the guard shack.

"Sir.  Please step from the vehicle."  Carter opened the door and stood beside the car.  "ID please?"

"My passport is in the car, can I just grab it?"

The MP nodded, and Carter dug into the side pocket of his travel bag, handing the passport over to the MP for inspection.

"Your business here?"

"I need to speak to the Commanding Officer.  He should be expecting me...Dr. John Carter."

The MP stepped into the booth and made a quick call.

"All right sir, please proceed, his office is up on the left, you can park in the marked visitor parking.  Please do not wander around the base unattended, go right into the office."

Carter nodded.  "Thank you."

He did as directed, making sure he grabbed the envelop of paperwork the lawyer had couriered to him.  There were going to be hoops to jump through he was sure, but his son was born to an American mother, on an American Air force Base, even if they were in Germany.

"You must be Dr. Carter.  I'm Captain Richardson."  The grey haired man held out his hand, which Carter shook firmly.  "How was your trip, you came all the way from Chicago?"

"Yes, it was good, mostly slept for the entire trip."

"Good thing, I bet your flight home is not going to be even close to relaxing."  The older man smiled then it faded.  "I am very sorry about Dr. Tracy.  She was well liked on the base, we are going to miss her.  Very lucky her little boy was not in the car."

"Me too.  I haven't seen her for a while, but I am going to miss her.  We were medical students at the same time in Chicago."

"So I heard.  You obviously kept in touch."

"Not enough, I'm afraid.  I heard it was a car accident, but not many details."

"I am not sure you want to hear them.  I know you are a doctor and all, but..."

"Well, I don't know.  I'm an Emergency Physician in Chicago, working in a trauma center, and I worked for an NGO in the Congo, and in Darfur.  Not sure there is much that I haven't seen, but perhaps you're right, Harper and I were close, maybe I don't really need to know."

The Captain looked at him keenly.  "The car was totaled, she was killed on impact.  That is probably enough detail."

Carter nodded.  "Probably."  His heart ached, the very fact the Captain was reluctant to share the details told him all he needed to know.

"So, the Congo and Darfur."

"Mmhm.  I worked in Kisangani, and Kinshasa mostly, then spent several months running an IDP camp in Darfur before I went back to Chicago.  Overall I spent almost two years over there."

"Brave man.  I don't suppose you are looking for work."

"No, I am plenty busy.  Why do you ask?"

"Well, we are short a doctor."

"Ah, well, my fiancee would probably not agree to moving to Germany."

"So, you have some paperwork?"

"I do.  Where is Devon now?  Can I see him?"  Carter was anxious to meet his son.

"He is in the daycare facility.  One of Dr. Tracy's close friends has been taking care of him until we located you, but she works in the clinic during the day.  I will have her collect the child and bring him over. Of course, it seems her lawyer had all the information so it didn't take long.  You got here pretty quickly in fact."

"Took a bit of time off work, and of course, it was a shock to hear about Harper, I knew I needed to get on a plane."

"Please have a seat."

They spent the next half hour covering details.

"So the child of course is considered an American Citizen.  We can give you sufficient ID and paperwork to get him on the plane back to the US.  As you know, Dr. Tracy had lost her parents some time ago, and was an only child.  I would appreciate it if you could take some time and go through her things, decide what you want shipped home and we will put it on the next transport back to the US and get it to you in Chicago.  As it is getting late, you would be welcome to stay in her home for tonight, if you promise to not wander around the base without an escort."

"That would be nice actually.  The hotel is a ways away, and if I stay maybe I can go through some of her things tonight.  How long should I expect to be here...is the paperwork basically ready or do we have a few things we need to do."

"I would say about a week."  The Captain was nodding slightly.  "If you...might agree to help us out in the hospital, you could stay in the house for as long as you need.  We can get you a pass, and I am sure Crystal would be happy to chaperone you as needed.  And of course you can leave the base and do a bit of sightseeing, get to know Devon a bit."

"I am sure I could volunteer a few hours. I would appreciate if you can work it so I can stay here, is there any way to get a tour of the base?  I would love to see it."

"Absolutely."

There was a light tap on the door.  "Sir?"

"Come in.  Dr. John Carter, this is Dr. Crystal Sawyer.  And of course Devon Tracy."

Dr. Sawyer was carrying the little boy who was shyly hiding his head.

"Dr. Sawyer, if you could take Dr. Carter and get him settled in at Dr. Tracy's house?  He is going to go through a few things, we have the clinic covered this afternoon so if you could help?  Make sure he gets fed, show him around a bit, get him a pass and such?"

"Yes sir.  Come with me Dr. Carter.  Do you have a car?"

Carter thanked the Captain then followed her out and pointed to his rental car. Dr. Sawyer put the little boy into his seat in her vehicle. 

"Follow me, you can park your car at her house."

Carter followed close behind her as they drove across the base.  Her house was small and modest, but inside it was very tidy and well kept.  Dr. Sawyer handed him a key and showed him the small bedroom, and Devon's room.

"Dr. Carter, I am very sorry about Harper, we are all going to miss her."

"Please, call me John.  I'm sorry too.  You were close?"

"My best friend.  I am going to miss this little guy too when you take him back to the States."

"Well, if you are ever in Chicago, maybe you could come visit."

"I would like that."

"Can I?"  Carter held out his arms and the little boy looked at him curiously as Crystal handed him over.  Carter cuddled him close, and Devon rested his head on Carter's chest, sucking on his thumb.

"Wow, he doesn't usually take to strangers.  But then again, you seem to have a way with kids."

"Well, I do work with them all the time."

"I know.  Harper told me how you met.  She told me a lot about you John Carter."

"Oh boy, I guess I am in trouble then."

"No, it was pretty good stuff actually.  She really struggled with the whole tell or not to tell thing when she found out she was pregnant.  She was so happy when he was born, she had a tough time, she'd wanted a baby for a long while."

"I know. So, she told you about us?"

"Mmhm, your hot few days in Paris when she took some leave?  I swear the girl would have followed you back to Chicago after that, but she would have been AWOL.  She talked about bringing your son home to meet you, and hoped it would make you happy."

"It was a shock to find out about him, but yeah, it would have made me happy if she had come to see me.  I really wish I had talked to her more recently than Paris."

"Are you married?"

"Engaged.  And this little guy has a brand new baby sister named Jaida."

"Congratulations, now you have two kids, that is kind of exciting.  How does your fiancee feel about Devon?"

"Deb.  She was so great about it.  She told me to get on the plane and bring him home, she is going to get things organized there while I'm here."

"Understanding woman.  You weren't with her before though, Harper didn't say anything about a fiancee."

"She is a wonderful woman, I have known her a very long time.  And no, I was not with anyone when Harper and I met up in Paris."

"He's asleep, why don't we put him down and we can go through some things."

Carter tucked him in the crib, then they started to work.  Someone had brought by packing boxes.  Carter looked through the kitchen cupboards, everything there seemed pretty generic.

"The dishes are nothing special, we should start in her bedroom."

They spent the afternoon sorting and packing up the personal items such as photo albums, jewellery and a few other special pieces.  Really there was not a lot, Harper was used to moving around a lot and did not tend to collect anything she did not need.  The furniture belonged to the base for the most part and there was nothing special in the pieces that she owned.  The clothing was mostly military issue, with some casual wear. 

"Anything in the clothing you would want?  I have no use for any of it.  Same with any of the furniture or kitchen items that belonged to Harper.  Not much point in taking it back to Chicago, I just want the photos, and the really personal items.  We will go through Devon's room once he is up."

"That will the biggest part, packing up his room.  Maybe we should go for dinner, then we could take Devon to the playground?"

"Sure.  I just need to make a quick phone call home, and then we can get him up?"

Carter dialed home while Crystal wandered into the baby room, getting Devon ready for dinner.  She wanted to give John a bit of privacy for his call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Deb."

"John.  I was hoping to hear from you before bed.  How is it going?"

"Fine actually.  I am staying on the base, at the house she had here so I can pack up a few things, the Air Force is going to get it home for me.  And I met him."

"How is he?"

"Quiet, but he was tired.  And I am sure he misses his mom.  I might be here a week, baby."

"I miss you, but take your time.  I know there is stuff to sort out so you can bring him home with you.  Susan and Cosmo are keeping me company.  They are going to help me set up a bedroom for him.  What does he need?"

"I haven't been able to get through his stuff yet, but set up a little boys room.  Crib, dresser, the usual.  I haven't been through his clothes or toys, I have no idea if he has favorites or what, so I will call you tomorrow when I know more.  I love you."

"I love you too."

Crystal took him to the mess hall and they ate dinner, Devon was now more lively and talking a bit, saying a few words.  She watched him interact with the small boy, and knew Devon was going to be fine, his daddy was going to take good care of him.

Once they were done, they went to the playground and Crystal introduced him to a few of Harper's friends and colleagues.  Finally she took him back to the house.

"You need any help?"  Crystal opened the door so he could carry the tired boy inside.

"I think I'm all right.  Thanks for your help today, I appreciate it."

"My pleasure John."  Crystal paused.  "She loved you."

"I loved her too.  She was always a very special person in my life."

"So why were you never together?"

"Do you want to make some tea while I give him a quick bath and get him into bed?"  Carter thought it might be nice to just sit and talk to someone for a while.  He knew he was not going to sleep right away.

"I'd like that John."

Carter took his time, letting Devon play in the tub, putting on fresh pajamas and reading him a story before tucking him into bed with his teddy.  He came out to find Crystal had made them tea and organized some food for Devon's breakfast the next morning.

"Thanks.  You obviously know what he likes to eat."

"You are great with him, how did you get so good with kids."

"Well, friends of mine have younger children, I'm actually an honorary uncle to a very good friends 3 year old boy.  I've done a few pediatric rotations, including a surgical one, I see kids often in the ER and well, I just like kids."

"Harper loved kids too.  You know her history?"

"Yes.  We had that in common too, I lost a child, my wife was 8 months pregnant and we lost our son.  I don't know how she stayed strong, got through so much loss."  He gratefully took his tea and sat down.

"I'm sorry, about your son.  Why were you not together?  She never explained it, just that you saw each other infrequently."

"When we officially dated, we were both medical students.  I was fourth year, Harper was 3rd year.  Then she was transferred to another city for a rotation.  We were both young, and you must know how hard those years are, the hours you put in at work, the long shifts, all of that.  We were not ready to be involved.  Then we were never in the same place at the same time, involved with others, or coming off of a bad breakup, kind of like rebound material, you know?  Then we each found people we thought we were in love with, and Harper of course had her career, was always being moved around.  Timing, location, a combination of things I guess."

"So you were married?  Harper was married too."

"Yes, I met a woman while I was volunteering in the Congo, fell in love, we got pregnant.  I took her home to Chicago, and she lost the baby.  It was rough, she was French Congolese and after our son died she went back to Africa to run her HIV clinic.  We eventually got back together, but...sometimes no matter how much you love someone, its not enough.  We never really got to where we had been if that makes sense.  The loss of our son tore us apart.  Much like it tore Harper's marriage apart - the loss of more than one child is unimaginable, the pain."

"You were both single in Paris.  So why not then?"

"Harper was recently divorced, I was there literally to sign divorce papers. Timing...but also...as much as I loved Harper, I don't think we would have been right together, and I think we both knew it.  Our lives were so different, she was an army brat, I grew up in a wealthy family in Chicago.  She wanted to be in the military, I didn't, she had her career, I had mine.  I love what I do as did she."

Crystal nodded.  "She mentioned you were rich.  Like incredibly wealthy."

"Well, I am, yes.  I always have been."  He shrugged.

"And you are getting remarried, you have two kids now.  Tell me about your fiancee."

"Well, she's an Emergency Physician, coincidentally I met her when we were med students too.  We were really competitive with each other, but over the years things changed and we became very close friends.  We were there for each other during some of the toughest parts of our lives.  But we were never romantically involved.  Until I came back from Africa, and things had changed for some reason.  It was like...I recognized that we had so much in common, that I loved her, that we fit together so perfectly.  It finally just...happened, and I fell totally in love with her really quickly."

"Deb."

"Well, that is my name for her.  She used to call herself that when we were med students.  When she came back after being gone for a while she had changed it - her actual name is Jing-Mei - and she insists everyone call her that now...well, except for me.  I still get to call her Deb.  She's beautiful, incredibly smart, compassionate, loving...all I can say is I hope this one lasts forever."

"She must be if she is so willing to take in your child without a second thought.  That she is so accepting to me, all I can say is wow, for some it could destroy a relationship."

"Yes it could.  Some women would be freaking out I'm sure.  But we have a history that is too long to explain,  but she knows I would do the same for her if the tables were turned."

Crystal laughed.  "Well, she would know if she had a child out there, for a man, you can't always know."

"She does have a child out there, one she put up for adoption a few years ago.  I would take him if he ever had no place to go, in a heartbeat, I would do that for her and she knows it."

Crystal looked surprised.  "Wow.  So she gets it.  Like really gets it."

"She does.  That is why she is so special.  Her life experiences, it has not always been easy for her, just like it has not always been easy for me.  People think when you have money that life must be grand all the time, but it is so untrue.  My parents weren't around much for me, starting when I was about 10 years old, when my 12 year old brother died.  I've gone through things, loss of friends and family that I won't get into.  She knows every bit of it, she understands, she knows my imperfections and accepts them.  With no reservations, no judgements, I can just be me.  I accept her exactly the same way, imperfect, but perfect for me."

"I think I am going to cry.  Devon is a lucky little boy, it is obvious he is going to be loved, accepted with open arms, have a family.  A little sister."

"And maybe another sibling at some point too, if things go our way."

"And you don't doubt he's yours."

"Uh no, should I?  First, I don't think Harper would lie about it.  Second, we were together during the time period where she got pregnant, and third, he looks a hell of a lot like me as a kid.  I would be surprised if he wasn't."

"Well, he is, for sure.  I think everyone can see that just by looking at the two of you.  Harper showed me some pictures of you and I could see it too, the eyes especially, he has your eyes."  Crystal stood.  "I should let you get some sleep, Devon is usually up by 6am.  I will be by with some breakfast?  There is not much food in the house.  I can help you go through the rest of the stuff, we can pack up Devon's room and get it ready for shipping, aside from what you need for the next few days."

She took her leave and Carter spent a bit more time going through the living room, packing up bits and pieces, finally crawling into bed.  He pulled out his laptop and sent a couple emails, one to Deb, as he knew she would be sleeping.

_I miss you so much, I wish you could be here, but I know it is just not possible right now.  Jaida needs you to be there, and I don't want you trying to travel with her this young, so much work for you._

_I love you baby.  I know this is going to create turmoil in our lives, it is a big change, but we both know how much I need to do this.  Something I never expected, to lose a dear friend and find out I had a son, a complete shock._

_I will be home as soon as I can and I appreciate the work you are doing to set up the room for Devon.  I trust you will do a great job.  I still am not sure what he will need, maybe a few clothes, it seems like what he has is on the verge of too small, he is growing quickly at this age._

_I love you Deb, give Jaida kisses for me, maybe we can try to video chat sometime tomorrow, I am dying to see both you and my baby girl._

_All my love._

_John_


	23. Chapter 23

Jing-Mei turned on her laptop, sighing, she really missed John.  He had only been gone for a couple days, but still, the house felt empty without him.

She opened her email and smiled, seeing there was something from John.  She read it three times.

"I miss you too baby."  She said out loud as she clicked on reply.

_I miss you too, every second you are gone.  I thought about getting on a plane and following you there, but I know you are right, our baby girl is better here at home._

_It was wonderful to wake up this morning and know you were thinking of me too.  I would love to video chat tonight, let me know when, anytime is fine, I am up all hours feeding our wonderful daughter._

_I love you so much baby.  Come home soon._

_Deb_

She hit send, replied to a few other emails then got herself showered and dressed.

She'd had someone come in and paint the room for Devon, and she was going to spend the day out with Susan, buying some furniture, a few clothes, and necessities, but she did not really know what the little boy had, John had not had a chance to sort his clothes and toys yet.  Deb was anxious and a bit nervous too, taking on a baby boy, a year old.

She heard the door and then a voice called out.

"Jing-Mei?"

"Hi Susan, come on up, just getting Jaida ready."

Susan still a had a house key, they had decided to leave one with her, as she was over frequently anyway.  It was a strange situation they were in at the moment.  Jing-Mei had so readily agreed to allow John to donate to her, Susan and John were good friends, and she was a good friend with Susan.  Now, they were welcoming a son John had with another woman, someone Susan had known, but Jing-Mei had no recollection of.

"Oh, she is so cute in that outfit."  Susan came into the room behind her.

"I loved it when I saw it at the store.  I will have to restrain myself today, it is all about clothes and furniture for Devon."  She gathered up the diaper bag and they headed out to the car.  They had an extra stroller always stored in the back, she tucked Jaida into her seat and slid behind the wheel.  "To the mall I guess."

Susan observed her as they drove.  "How are you doing with all of this, now it's had time to settle.  I mean, John, with a son, with Harper.  That is just...so unexpected."

"I know.  We usually share a lot, but he has never said one word about Harper until now.  I mean, did he tell you?"

"Just that they got together once in a while.  And he only told me the day he got the letter.  I thought he was going to pass out, he did not look well, at all."

"Uh yeah, and we know what they were doing when they were getting together too.  She lived in Germany, and yet he still managed to see her.  And never said a word."

"Have you told him about every guy you ever dated or slept with?"  Susan raised an eyebrow.  "And this is John we are talking about, I don't think getting women into bed has ever been something he's had difficulty with."

"No, I suppose not, on both counts, I mean that Rena chick even sent him a gift.  Unfair of me, isn't it.  To judge, he apparently didn't sleep with her when he was dating someone else, and same with her. It was like rebound girl or something, whenever they needed someone they just got together.  Friends with benefits."

"He cared about her though, loved her on some level, though not like he loves you.  This baby happened before he was with you, he may be careful but sometimes it happens. Honestly?  If I had an ex who would be there for me when I got my heart broken, I'd probably be sleeping with them too."  Susan recognized the irony in that statement, though she didn't point it out to Jing-Mei.  John was sort of an ex, and he had been there for her when she got her heart broken, but...they'd never slept together and they never would.

"You're right, I might be doing the same, but I don't like any of my exes enough to sleep with them."

"You get along with Pratt okay."

"He treated me like a fuck buddy, I would never sleep with him if I had my heart broken.  He's a big time player when it comes to women.  Anyway, I hope John never breaks my heart, I'm not sure I would survive it."

"I don't think he will...I really hope not or I would have to hate him too.  And you have to promise the same, don't break his heart or I might have to chose between two people I love."

"I won't, you know I love him, I'm not a cheater either."  Jing-Mei sighed.  "I should not judge, I had Michael, and I know for a fact if there was ever a time I needed to take in my son, he would be supportive of that.  And Michael was the result of a one night stand, so who am I to say anything about Harper.  I can do no less for him than accept his child, _and_ we are talking about an innocent little one year old boy.  I have no doubt the child is his, the resemblance is uncanny."

"And John feels the child is his, timing, and he knew Harper well, he does not think she would lie about something so important.  He told you about her miscarriages?"

"I read the letter she wrote him, actually.  Very revealing, she totally loved him, I have no idea why they weren't together aside from the fact that she decided to work for the Air Force and bounced around a lot.  Traveled the world."

"I don't know if it matters.  If they were meant to be, they certainly had the opportunity to be together and they chose not to.  This little boy is a bit of a miracle in some ways, she lost so many babies and his is the one she managed to give birth to?  They were in each others lives for a reason, even if it is not obvious to us, everything happens for a reason Jing-Mei."

"So he could have a son?  After he lost his?  Or she could finally be a mom?"

"Maybe both.  Hard to know, right?  I think this is getting a little deep, and we're here.  Let's spend some of John's money."

Jing-Mei giggled.  "He won't even blink either.  He'll just pay it off at the end of the month, and never say a word."

"He's a keeper, and you know it."

"I do know it.  I love him way beyond reason."

"No, you just love him.  He is good to you, you are good to him, the way it should be in a relationship."

Carter walked into the hospital with Crystal, noting that there were a few men and women waiting to be seen.  Devon was playing with some other children at the nearby daycare, and Carter was going to see if he could make himself useful.  They lent him a white lab coat and a stethoscope, gave him a basic lay of the land and set him loose.

For the first bit Crystal and the other doctor and the nurses kept an eye on him, but soon everyone relaxed.  He was very comfortable and efficient, and they cleared the board in record time.

"Where did you say you worked?"  Dr. Ray Martin asked curiously.

"Right now?  The Emergency Room at Northwestern in Chicago.  Previously I spent some time in Africa as a volunteer, and I worked at County General in Chicago for several years, in the ER as well.  I am a level 1 trauma physician, double boarding as a trauma surgeon."

"Ah.  Well, you know how to clear a board.  You learned that where?"

"County.  I worked with some great doctors there, and spent some time as Chief Resident, so I ran the board quite often."

"You are welcome to come work here any damn time you like.  In fact we might adopt you."

"My fiancee might object if I don't come home, but thanks anyway."

Carter signed out and spent the afternoon playing with Devon, and sorting the little boys room out.  He had already taught Devon to call him daddy, his vocal skills were great, and he knew Harper had been a great mom.

The next few days passed much the same, he assisted at the clinic as needed, packed what was left of Harper's things that would be shipped home and spent time getting to know his son.  He wanted Devon to be fully comfortable with him before he had to get on a plane home, he was uprooting the child's whole life, taking him away from all that he knew.  It was hard enough that he had lost his mother already.

Carter also went off the base several times, taking Devon with him.  He bought the little boy a few clothes as the majority of his things seemed to be getting small now and did a bit of sightseeing, picking up some small gifts for everyone at home.  The amount of time he was spending with his son went a long way in bonding them and Carter figured it would all work out fine.

He found the people on the base friendly, and word had gotten around that he was helping in the walk in clinic at the hospital.  This seemed to make him extra popular, and he enjoyed getting to know some of the service men and women who were serving their country.  No matter where he went on base, people chatted with him, asking where he was from and sharing some of their stories.  Many had their families situated there with them, but they understood how much he missed being home.  Most of them had extended absences from their families at some point in their career.

He and Deb spoke every day, and were now video chatting every night.  Once Carter was in for the night he would leave his computer on until he heard it ring.  They would spend at least half an hour talking and Deb would hold up Jaida.  Carter also brought Devon into the chats as often as he could.  It was helping make the little boy familiar with the faces of those who were now his family.

"John, he is really sweet and adorable."  Jing-Mei told him on one of the many calls.  "I can't wait to meet him in person."

"Soon baby.  Only a couple more days and we should be able to come home.  The house is pretty much packed up, and we should have copies of all the necessary papers so I can get our little man on the plane."

Though Carter missed home, he was enjoying the experience too.  Crystal had been allowed to give him a tour of the base, and the Captain had surprised John with a couple of airplane rides.  One on a Blackhawk and another in the copilot seat of a fighter jet.

The experience in the jet was intense, and he felt a little wobbly getting back on the ground.

"Good job doc.  Most first timers end up squealing like little girls or hurling.  You did neither, I am very impressed."

"That was incredible.  I cannot believe they let you take me up, but thank you, quite the experience."

"Anytime man."  The pilot gave him a pat on the back and headed into the hangar, Crystal took John back to the house.

"You did good, Jenkins is hard to impress, you have his respect."

"I loved it actually.  I have been through so much, seen so much that maybe I don't get scared when I should anymore.  It was pretty great, those spins, wow, I don't know how they keep such level heads at those speeds and altitudes.  And the g force taking off, man, I thought I left part of me on the ground."

"I know.  So, we could use a bit of help at the clinic in the morning?"

"You bet."

Just then a loud boom shook the air and a siren went off.

"What was that?"

"Nothing good, an accident at the airfield probably.  Have you ever been on site at an accident?"

"Many times, multiple MVA's, a major train derailment, and lots of other not so fun situations."

"Devon is still in the daycare, come with me."  He followed her out at a run and they drove towards the airfield seeing smoke coming up from the ground.

"Blackhawk down.  Some casualties on the ground as well as the crew."  One of the MP's informed them.

"Okay, do they need medical assistance on the ground right now?"

"Yes, as many as we can manage.  They are prepping the hospital to receive casualties."  The MP let Crystal through but stopped Carter.  "Sorry sir, no civilians."

"I'm a doctor, an Emergency Trauma Physician.  I can help."

Crystal had disappeared, but the pilot Carter had been up earlier that day with noticed him being held back by the MP's.

"Let him through.  We have too many injuries and not enough medical personal right now, let him help."

"Yes sir."  The MP immediately stepped back and Carter gave a quick wave to Jenkins and jumped into the fray.  He grabbed a stethoscope and a bag out of the Medivac vehicle and started with the first casualty he came across.

"I'm Dr. Carter, can you tell me your name?"

"Chris."

Carter was checking for injuries as he spoke to the young man.

"Where does it hurt."

"My belly, its excruciating."

Carter did a quick check.  "There?"

The young man groaned in pain as Carter gently palpitated the belly.

"Okay, we've got you.  Don't worry, we are going to get you fixed up."  He waved down two corpsmen who had a stretcher.  "I suspect he's ruptured his spleen, he needs to go right away, he'll need an ultrasound on his belly to confirm."

The men nodded and got the young man onto the stretcher and into a waiting transport which ripped off towards the hospital.  Carter was already on to the next patient.

The young woman was barely conscious with a large bruise on her sternum.  Carter check quickly for injuries, listening to her breathing.  He intubated quickly, bagging with one hand as he listened to her heart.  He flagged down an MP that was looking a bit lost.

"Bag him.  1-2-3 squeeze,  no faster, no slower,  don't stop."

The woman was now unconscious and Carter suspected tampanaud.  He found a proper gauge needle and slowly inserted it.

"Holy crap, what are you doing?"  The MP was watching him in fascinated fear.

"Checking for blood in the sac around the heart.  If there's fluid, her heart can't beat and she is going to die."  He felt the signs he was close and started to pull the plunger very slowly.  "Just like that."  The syringe was filling with red liquid and the MP had to look away.  Carter took another listen to her heart. 

"That is disgusting.  I can't believe you stuck a needle in her chest, in her heart."

"No kidding, but her heart rhythm is back to normal.  Not the first time or the last I will be doing that."  He stabilized her neck after a quick check, and scanned for other injuries.  "Probably broken ribs, she took quite a blow.  Keep bagging."  He waived down another crew with a stretcher and ran the directions as they gently rolled her onto the stretcher. 

He moved on, taking on two more patients in order, then looked around seeing Crystal not far away.

"Do we have any more?"

"Just the pilot, they finally got close enough, and put out the fire.  I'm not sure how he is, I'm stuck here, can you have a go?  You are probably more qualified than I am anyway."

"Yup."

Carter approached carefully, avoiding bits of debris and hot metal.  The crew working on the fire beckoned.

"You're a doctor right?"

"Yes.  Can I get to him?"

"Carefully, it is still hot as hell in there.  Put this on."  They gave him a protective jacket and they moved in.

"We need to stabilize his neck."  Inside he was cursing, the pilot was badly burned and unlikely to survive.  He wished he could just let the young man go, but they had to try.  He cringed as he thought of the pain the pilot was going to endure, he already knew it was bad.

He had one of the medics bag as he stabilized the neck and checked for other injuries.  Mercifully the pilot was totally out, so they were able to extricate him very carefully onto a backboard.  Carter decided to ride with him to the hospital, and keep working on him during the ride.

They rolled in to organized chaos, which reminded Carter so much of County in days gone by.  He got the pilot into an exam room and put on an oxygen mask.  He hated to intubate but he knew he would have to at some point.

"Does he have family here?"

"Yes, a wife and two kids."

"How old are his kids?"

"Young, both under 4."

"Damn."  Carter shook his head.

"Is he going to make it?"

"I wish I could say yes, but these burns are bad.  Really bad, 3rd degree, at least 50% of his body.  We need to get his wife in here, if he wakes up I want him to be able to...talk to her."  They were cutting off the flight suit and Carter almost said...say goodbye.  The sad truth was, this young man had a marginal chance at best. 

The nurse nodded and went to make the call, while Carter did all he could to make sure the young man would be comfortable.

"Is there a burn specialty unit here?"

"Yes."

"Call them.  Right now."  The more skin was exposed, the more worried Carter was getting.  "Push some pain meds before he regains consciousness."  He ordered the appropriate doses and kept working.

"He's waking up." 

Carter talked calmly, letting the panicked man know where he was, what happened and what they were doing.  He never stopped, using a soft soothing voice, nothing was worse than having people working over you frantically without saying a word. 

"Sheila?"  He rasped.

"Is that your wife?  She's on her way, we've already called her."  Carter looked over as another doctor in a lab coat came in.  A middle age woman, with dark hair, she scanned the patient and her eyes said it all.

"Dr...."

"Carter.  This is Roger, we are waiting for his wife Sheila to arrive."

"I'm Dr. Redmond.  Do you have a moment?"

"Sure.  Don't leave him okay?"  Carter looked at the nurse who nodded and very gently held the pilots hand.

The two doctors stepped out.

"You haven't intubated yet?"

"No, if we can hold off until the wife gets here, so they can have a few last words?  We both know once I tube him, he's never coming off the ventilator."

She nodded.  "You've handled these types of burns before?"

"Many times unfortunately.  Those are 3rd degree over more than 60% of his body, it will be some kind of miracle if he recovers.  I've started pain meds, IV antibiotics."

"Okay, we are going to take him up to the burn unit and see what we can do.  We will need to debride the burns, and hope his lungs have not been too compromised.  Can you send his wife up and I will do my best not to intubate him until she gets here."

"Absolutely.  I'll make sure she gets upstairs right away.  What floor?"

Dr. Redmond gave him the details and had just left as the wife flew into the hospital.  Carter intercepted her, gave her a quick rundown and escorted her upstairs and into the care of of Dr. Redmond and her team.  He went back down, finding things had calmed down, the injured had been taken care of and were off to various departments depending on the diagnosis.

"Can I buy you a drink?"  Crystal came up and sat beside him on the bench.

"Yeah, I could really use one. Then I need to get Devon."

"I had our friend's daughter Vanessa pick him up and take him to the house.  He'll be fine for a while, she would babysit for Harper all the time."

"Thank you."

"No, John.  Thank you.  You did an amazing job today, calm, cool and collected.  We got some comments on how efficient you were, you certainly saved at least a couple lives today."

"I wish I could have done more for Roger."

"Oh, the pilot.  I heard.  3rd degree burns.  You've seen it before I'm sure."

"The worst one was a kid on his way to prom, 3rd degree, 90% of his body.  4 kids in the car, one was missing for hours, thrown from the car and it took a long time to find her.  The other two survived despite severe injuries.  I hate dealing with burns, having to tell them they are going to the burn unit to die?"

"Yeah, you need a double.  Let's go."

They hit the Officers Club, and sat in one of the booths, it was not long before they had quite a bit of company.  Carter felt much better after socializing for a while.  They got back to the house quite late, and Carter was definitely a little drunk, but he'd had a great time with the large group that had congregated around their table.

"I think I need to get some sleep."  He fumbled with his key.

Crystal giggled.  "Me too."

Carter got the door open, waking up Vanessa who was sleeping on the couch.

"Oh hi, you're back.  He was good, fast asleep in his bed."

"Thank you, how much do I owe you?"

"Nothing, really."

"No, please let me pay you for the babysitting.  What did you usually charge Harper?"

Vanessa shrugged.  Carter pulled out his wallet and extracted several bills.

"Here, we should have been home a long time ago.  Where do you live?"

"Just across the street, I'm fine.  Thank you Dr. Carter, I am going to miss babysitting for Devon."

She departed and Carter shut the door, looking at his watched, knowing he'd probably missed Deb's attempt at calling.  He would phone her in a few minutes.

"Thanks Crystal, that was fun." 

Crystal smiled up at him, she was feeling tipsy and he was...so damn cute.  She reached up and pressed her lips to his, kissing him and wrapping her hand around the back of his neck.

Carter was stunned for a second, but pulled back.  "Whoa, whoa, Crystal.  Sorry, but...I'm engaged to Deb, I cannot do this."

Crystal stepped back, embarrassed.  "I am so, so, sorry, that was so out of line.  John, I don't know what got into me, aside from maybe a few too many drinks."

"It's fine.  I get it, no problem.  But I think you should probably head home, we've both had too much to drink.  So let's just pretend it never happened and I will see you in the morning."

Crystal nodded.  "Good night John."  She turned and left quickly, mentally kicking herself.  This was Harper's John, he was engaged, the father of two children, and so very obviously in love with the woman he called Deb. 

Carter got ready for bed after locking the door, and then slid between the sheets, dialing the home phone as he did.

"John?"

"Hi baby, yeah it's me."

"Are you okay?  I've been trying to reach you for hours."

"Sorry, I went out with a bunch of people, it was a hell of a day."

"You sound...drunk."

"Maybe a little, yeah.  Like I said it was a tough one."

"What happened."

"A Blackhawk crashed on the airstrip, about 20 casualties.  I had to treat the pilot, just a young guy, married, two little kids.  3rd degree burns over at least 60% of his body.  Doesn't look good for him."

"Oh baby, I'm sorry.  Those ones are always tough.  You okay?"

"I'll be fine, a bunch of us went to the officers club, had a few, just got back and sent the babysitter home.  I miss you so much Deb, I want to be home with you."

"I miss you too.  Every minute of every day.  Hey, we got the room all set up.  You are going to love it."

"Thank you, it means a lot that you are being so supportive.  I get all sorts of surprise when people realize I'm engaged and it doesn't bother you in the least that I have another child."

"You would do it for me, John, and we both know it.  Besides, I love you, and this little boy is part of you.  I know I will love him too, I just know it.  Please come home."

"I will, really soon.  I promise."

They hung up and Carter dozed off to sleep.

Morning came a bit too early, with Devon calling from his crib.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy.  Bekfast daddy."

Carter groaned and stumbled out of bed.

"Hey buddy.  You are up way too early.  You hungry?"

"Hungy daddy, want nana."  His little arms reached up towards Carter.

"A banana.  Well I think we have some of those."  He scooped up the little boy and took him into the kitchen, getting him into his high chair.  He quickly sliced a banana, then poured a small cup of milk.

He started the coffee then made some scrambled eggs and toast, scooping some onto a plate for Devon.  He managed to get in a quick shower then dressed both of them for the day.  He made his way over to the Captains office, hoping they had the paperwork ready.

"Dr. Carter.  You look pretty good considering last night."

"I slept like a log.  Any good news?"

"Good and bad.  All the paperwork is here."

"Great...what's the bad news?"

"Have you watched the news this morning?"

"No.  What's up?"

"All commercial air traffic has been halted.  No flights, probably for a few more days."

"You have got to be kidding.  What is going on?"

 "Someone made a threat against the airlines?  They are working on it, but for public safety, everyone is grounded."

"Wow.  Okay, I guess I will have to wait until the all clear is given.  Should I find a place in Frankfurt to wait it out?"

"No, just stay in the house, you have been a great help, I know what you did yesterday on the accident scene.  I think we owe you."

"Just doing my job as a doctor, I was happy to help.  Standing around and watching does not come easily to me."

"I can tell.  Still, thank you."

He headed back to the house, dialing quickly.

"Hi! You heard the news?"

"Just now, it's morning here and I just found out. They have all the paperwork, but now there are no flights. That is just my luck."

"I know, I'm crushed. I wonder how long this is going to go on."

"Not too long I hope, I miss you so much."

They chatted for a few minutes longer then hung up.

Carter did his usual time at the clinic then spent the afternoon with Devon. Crystal seemed to be avoiding him, he finally had a chance talk to her.

"Hi. Have a good sleep?" Carter held out a cup of fresh coffee, smiling.

"Yes, could not help but sleep well, I was really drunk. Look I am so sorry for the whole…kissing thing."  She whispered.

Carter waved it off. "Never happened, remember? Really, don't worry about it, don't let it affect our friendship, it was nothing. The drink talking, and nothing more."

"You are so…amazing John. Thank you for not making a deal out of this. I know you love your fiancée, and it was wrong. But you're right, it was the drinking, and a very stressful day. So you are grounded for few more days?"

"Yup. Not great, but what can I do. I guess you will have to put up with me at the clinic for a few more days."

"Believe me we don't mind having a talented doctor help us out, especially one with so much experience in trauma. You are welcome here anytime, that I can tell you."

He went to pick up Devon from the daycare and took him to the park for a bit. As he walked up to the house he saw the Captain waiting for him.

"Dr. Carter, how would you like to head home tonight?"

"Oh would I, is the travel ban lifted?"

"No, not exactly. But, remember where you are?"

"An Air Force Base?"

"You are surrounded by planes. We have a couple of injured soldiers going back to the States tonight and a couple heading home on new assignments and we can get you to Chicago, if you have an interest in taking a military transport home."

"Seriously? I would love to get home."

"I will have Crystal pick you up from the rental car agency if you want to return your vehicle this afternoon, come back, pack up your things and we will have a transport pick you up by 5:30. We will set things up so your little guy can sleep, and so can you if you need."

"Thank you so much. I have enjoyed my time here…well mostly anyway, and I appreciate the hospitality."

"You are kind of one of our own you know. We were all very fond of Dr. Tracy and we are going to miss Devon too. You would be welcome back anytime. You take care Dr. Carter, in case I don't see you."

They shook hands and the Captain took his leave. Carter asked Vanessa to watch Devon while he and Crystal returned his car, then he finished packing the last of the boxes, taking a couple changes of clothing for himself and Devon in his bag.

"Will they have suitable food for Devon on the plane or should I pack something?"

"They will feed you, but I packed a snack bag just in case – goodies for both of you. Enough to share if you wish. We are going to miss both of you around here." She held out a card. "Please keep in touch, I would love to hear all about Devon, and see pictures since I am going to miss him grow up."

Carter pulled out one of his own cards. "And you can contact me anytime. I am pretty easy to find in Chicago, but this is my cell and personal email. Thank you for all your help, Crystal.

They all had a snack and by 5:30 a vehicle pulled up in front of the house. Two service men jumped out and helped, taking all the boxes that were going back to Chicago.

"We have room for these on the plane, so you might as well take them with you. We have arranged a ride home from the landing strip, so just sit back and enjoy the ride."

"Thanks guys. I am happy to be heading home."

"You call and let them know you were coming?"

"Nope, it's going to be a surprise. I've been running all day anyway, so let's go."

They were in the air quickly, Carter relaxed and read a bit to Devon, then walked him around holding his hands. The one thing about a military transport is there was a lot of room and you were not confined to a seat except for take off and landing. Finally he fed his son a snack and got him settled for a sleep, laying down as well letting the small boy cuddle up to him.

He chatted a bit with the guys on their way home, shared some stories and before he knew it they were ready to land. It was middle of the day now, and he was anxious to finish his trip. He laughed a little as they loaded everything into the large military vehicle, and strapped the little boy into his car seat in the back.

"Well, I feel special, my own armored car."

"Nothing but the best." Lucas gave him a thumbs up. He had been on the flight with John all the way from Hahn, and was determined to see the doctor home despite being tired himself.

Carter watched the world go by, finally reach Chicago late afternoon.

Jing-Mei was out with Susan, she had cried on her shoulder for a while that John was stuck in Germany, and they were now returning to the house.  They turned the corner onto their street and she let out a little gasp feeling her chest tighten at the armored car in front of their house. Susan frowned.

"What is going on at your place?"

"I don't know, but it cannot be good. John was on an air force base in Germany. Something has happened to him, Susan. They just had a Black Hawk crash the other day, what if something else went wrong."

"Don't panic"

Jing-Mei screeched to a halt. "Can you get the baby?"

"Yes, go see what is happening."

Jing-Mei bounded up the steps, noting the front door was hanging open. She stepped in cautiously.

"Hello? Who's here?"

Lucas came around the corner, noting the lovely dark haired woman standing in the door way looking petrified.

"Hi, you must be Jing-Mei. I'm Lucas…you can call me Luke."

"And you are in my house why? What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, just seeing your doctor home. Long trip, thought I would help him bring in the luggage."

John came down the stairs just then.

"John!" Jing-Mei bounded across the living room, leaping up into his arms and wrapping her legs around him, giving him a long kiss. Luke gave him a low whistle.

"Damn, I wish my girlfriend greeted me like that."

He heard a little chuckle behind him and turned with a smile.

"Well, hi. I'm Luke."

"I'm Susan, a friend of John and Jing-Mei."

"And who is the little tyke?"

"Their daughter Jaida. Looks like everything is just fine here, maybe we should step outside for a minute."

"Maybe."

"No, you don't have to go. Luke, are you in a hurry to get back to base?"  John put Jing-Mei down, keeping his arm around her.

"Yeah, doc, I do need to go before they think I'm AWOL, but you have my info, keep in touch and let me know if you ever need a lift. It's been a pleasure."

The men shook hands and Luke departed.

Carter started to laugh. "He is single you know." He was looking at Susan.

"Uh what?"

"Luke – he's single? And a pretty nice guy too, he has just been transferred back from Hahn actually. Maybe we should invite him out for drinks one night, and you can come with us."

Susan shook her head. "No, no. he's cute and all but, I don't know."

"All right, but let me know if you change our mind."

Susan shook her head at how Carter was playing matchmaker.

"How did you get home! I thought everything was grounded."  Jing-Mei could not believe that John was here.

"Well, unless you are the air force, you are grounded. They offered me a seat on a transport plane coming back last night,, and I took it, they landed at Scott. Otherwise I'd still be in Germany. Then they offered me a ride home too, Luke was kind enough to drive me. So here I am."

He stepped over and took Jaida out of Susan's arms. "My sweetie, I missed you." He gave her a kiss and cuddled her.

"Where is Devon?"

"Napping, he didn't sleep so well of course, not first class seats, but hey, it got me home."

Susan gave Carter a quick hug. "On that note, I am going to head home, I think you two probably want to be alone for a bit. I will talk to you tomorrow."


	24. Chapter 24

Jing-Mei wrapped herself around him tighter as he moved above her, her head tipping back slightly, a moan escaping from her lips. John ran his hand down her smooth leg, pulling it up slightly as their hips moved together.

He could feel her nails digging into his back, their breaths started to come in short gasps as they increased their pace.

 _"John!"_ She cried out his name as her climax hit her, luxuriating in the pleasure that spread through her body as he finally enjoyed his release.

Carter collapsed slightly trying to catch his breath, feeling very hot and sweaty, but immensely satisfied.

"Deb, I love you." He whispered softly against her ear as he finally moved, sliding onto the bed.

"I love you too baby. And I missed you so much."

Carter gave her a long kiss, pushing a long damp lock of hair back from her face. "Believe me, I know. I hated sleeping alone too and and being so far away from you and Jaida for so long."

They lay holding each other for a few minutes, kissing and cuddling in the bed, until they were interrupted by the cry of a little boy.

"Daddy." The small voice was plaintive.

"I knew it was too quiet." Carter disengaged himself and started to pull on some clothes.

"Well, at least they both gave us time to make love more than once. The first time was a bit...frantic and very intense."

"Mm, well I missed you. It's been over a week since we've been together on the same continent, which is a long time for us not to make love."

Jing-Mei giggled. "That is true, we don't often go that long do we. It was magnificent baby, I loved every second of it."

Carter gave her another kiss, then went to get his son.

"Hi buddy, what the matter?" Carter scooped the little boy up and cuddled him against his chest.

"Daddy, want momma."

"You miss her don't you, sorry she's not here. Want to come sleep with me?"

The little boy clung to him and Carter carried him into the master bedroom.

"Everything okay?" Jing-Mei had slid her sleepwear back on.

"He is still missing her, it seems to be a nightly occurrence, there were a few nights I had to let him sleep with me, he just needs the reassurance."

"Bring him into bed with us, it is going to be hard for a while, he is in a new place, a lot of change for him in such a short while. It has been less than a month right?"

"Yes, about 3 weeks. I wish I had known sooner, but...we have him now." He tucked his son into the bed with his teddy and let him snuggle against his chest.

Jing-Mei stroked the boy's soft hair. "He looks just like you. Like a little mini me, the same hair, eyes, everything. I bet you looked just like this when you were 1."  

"I looked at some old photos and you're right. No question he is my son, not that Harper would have lied about it."

"Why did you never tell me about her? Ever. I mean, you saw her on your way home from Africa, but not a word."

"I don't know, Deb. I just...never told anyone about the relationship I had with Harper, not after we broke up and she went to the new rotation when we were students. It might sound crazy, but I just didn't want to explain it, sometimes I didn't understand myself, beyond the fact that we...were comfort to each other. Through a lot and over a span of several years. And when it started you weren't around, you had left the hospital, and didn't come back until we were both into our residency. I didn't want to be judged, having this...friend with benefits things going."

"I wouldn't have judged you."

"Are you sure? I got a lot of hassle about more than one of my girlfriends, like it was anyone's business who I dated."

"Who, like the cheerleader? You have to admit, she was pretty damn young."

"See? This is exactly my point. I had no idea, she said she was an intern...you know? Interns are generally about 25 or so, and she...looked to be somewhere in that age group. I didn't set out to sleep with someone 10 years younger. If I met her now, no one would make a deal out of it. Any way, she was old enough, and she was quite mature. If I had known at the time? No, I would not have gotten involved, but I found out after the fact."

"She was sweet, right? I thought the coffee was very thoughtful."

Carter rolled his eyes. "Okay, so we had sex on the first date, I stayed at her place, sue me. Not like you haven't had one night stands, Deb. We've both...been around the block more than once, if you want to call me a slut, go right ahead. Kind of used to it by now." He could not keep the annoyance out of his voice.

Deb smiled softly. "John, we both know I am in no position to judge you, why are you so pissed off?"

"I get tired of it. My whole time at County, everyone had to comment on my love life. I got flack about Harper, Elaine, Keaton, comments about Roxanne, Chuny would not shut up about Lucy, and I didn't even sleep with _her._ The list goes on, I don't know why everyone has to make such a deal about women in my life. Even now people bring up Rena, that was like 6 years ago, get over it already, both she and I have. Last time I talked to Abby I got the inquisition about Kem and Wendall, and she was giving me the third degree about who the first woman was after she and I broke up. Enough already."

"You're right. I'll stop, I'm sorry John. You don't throw my relationships in my face, you never get on my case about Frank, or the fact that Pratt treated me like his fuck buddy."

"I did not need to hear that, I am just going to wipe that little tidbit right out of my mind. Pretend you never said that, and...maybe we should be watching the language?  Devon is learning to talk, and I don't think that..f buddy is something I want to hear coming out of my son's mouth...not when he is one year old...in fact I hope I never hear him say that, ever."  Carter did not love hearing about Deb being with other men, especially not in those terms.  He was not a prude by any stretch and it was reality that neither of them were lacking in sexual experience, but it didn't mean he wanted details.  Nor did he want to talk like that in front of his son.

Jing-Mei covered her mouth with her fingers and cast her eyes down to where the child was clinging to John.  She flushed slightly, a little embarrassed by her lack of sensitivity to the fact they had such a little person in the room with them.

"Oh John. I'm sorry, I was not thinking."

He gave her a little smile, letting her know he forgave her already.  "I know you don't usually talk like that in front of kids, Deb.  And you don't guard you words with me and that's okay, I know we have to get used to this."

"Oh come on, you knew he was a player.  You know we went out to dinner with my parents, and I made a comment that it went well?  You know what he said?  'Whatever, it's not like we were going to get married or anything'.  I introduce him to my parents, which was awkward and I find out that we were..you know and nothing more."

"Deb.  Stop!  You are putting horrible visuals in my mind."  Carter put a pillow over his face and groaned.

"Oh get over it.  I have to picture how happy you made Rena.  She must have loved it, sending you a thank you note and a gift.  Or the fact that Harper couldn't tell you too many times how much she loved you and how great the sex was in that letter."

Carter frowned.  "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have shown that to you.  It was thoughtless of me, I didn't think."

Deb sighed.  "Never mind John, it's okay, really.  Like you said, neither of us are innocent, we've both had our sex partners, past relationships.  It only matters that now we stay faithful to each other.  Why didn't you ever say anything to me about Pratt, did you know how he was?"

"You seemed happy, so I didn't get into something that was clearly none of my business. I was not aware of him doing anything such as...cheating on you or anything so I kept my mouth shut. I try to not let the whole Pratt thing bother me, you have had to put up with my exes, so I do the same for you. You have a bit more privacy since you were not at County as long, but I don't kid myself that you were acting like a nun or anything. I mean...a hand job at Harry Potter?"

It was Jing-Mei who rolled her eyes this time. "I do not know why I said that, or how you remember it. Makes me sound like a real ho."

"I would never say that about you, and like I would forget you saying something like that. But so what, all I can say is lucky guy. You enjoy sex, works for me, I enjoy it too."

"Two of a kind, aren't we?"

"We have a lot in common, yes. Hmm, he's asleep already, poor little guy, I think he gets scared."

"He lost his mother, he's too young to understand, of course he's scared. His world was ripped apart and now he lives in a different country with people he has known for 5 seconds." Jing-Mei sighed. "Whether good or bad, he will probably forget her in the next short while. Do you have pictures of her or anything?"

"I took all her personal stuff, her photo albums, jewelry, that sort of thing. Most of the furniture belonged to the base, her clothes, and the baby furniture I donated to one of the families that are expecting a baby. It was just basic stuff, no point in shipping it back to the States, we can afford to buy our own stuff."

"Didn't her family want anything? Where are they anyway?"

"Her parents died a few years ago, and she was an only child, I don't know any of her family, not sure she had much, which is why she loved her life so much. Never really alone, kind of like the ER became like family to me at some point. She asked that I take whatever I thought we should keep for Devon as he gets older and the rest I should give away. There wasn't a lot, really, she was used to moving around, so she didn't collect a ton of possessions. The photos to me were of the most value, she had a baby book she did for him, a few special baby items she had packed into a marked box, I kept all of that. I'll tell him all about her when he's old enough, she was a good mother to him, that I know."

"You cared about her, a lot."

"Yes, I did. I knew her for a long time, we dated for a few months, spent time together over the years, even if it was brief. I have postcards and letters she sent me, I'll keep those for him too."

"Who took care of...the burial?"

"The Air Force. I missed the memorial they had, but they gave me her flag, and she was shipped back and buried here in Chicago. I guess she had it all arranged. She left everything to Devon, made me the trustee, so I will have to get all the details from her lawyer now I'm back, his main concern was that I go get him, as she wanted me to have custody. When Devon is old enough, I will take him to her gravesite, I wish I could have been there, but it was done before I even knew she'd died. They gave me her stethoscope and a few things from the hospital and her best friend wants me to keep in touch, and send pictures so she can share them with everyone on the base."

"She was well liked?"

"Definitely. It is like a family, you know? I see why it appealed to her, living and working so closely with the group of people. They all made me feel really welcome, helped me out where they could. Let me stay on the base, which surprised the hell out of me. The Captain even let one of the pilots take me up in one of the jets."

Deb frowned. "A fighter jet?"

"Yes, quite a rush I must say. Those guys have balls of steel, and big ones. He took it easy on me to what they usually do, but it gave me an idea, the g force was insane."

"Are _you_ insane? You went up in a fighter jet? Those things crash, John."

"So do commercial airplanes Deb. He was an experience pilot, and they maintain the planes really well, it was probably safer than my flight to Germany. I went up in a Black Hawk too, and of course came back on a transport plane. And I lived to tell the tale. I am not scared of flying, I've been on a lot of aircraft, right from a small glider, a Concorde, a few private planes, and tons of commercial flights. If you want scary, you should try flying in Africa, worst flight ever. Or fly in a helicopter into an IDP camp in Darfur, that's a little dicey too."

"Don't remind me, John. Not to mention the heart attack I had when I saw an armored military vehicle in the driveway when I thought you were still in Germany. I _thought_ they had come to tell me you'd died."

"I'm sorry baby, I wanted to surprise you, and I was running like crazy to get ready to go, I didn't have a lot of notice that they were going to fly me home."  He squeezed her hand.  "Pretty sweet deal, really."

"How did you manage to get them to do that anyway?"

"I helped out in the hospital every day, got to know people and went onsite when the Black Hawk went down on the airstrip. They appreciated the help, they are trying to replace Harper still. They lost someone important too, and they accepted me there like I was family, Harper was like family to a lot of people on the base. The Captain offered, told me he knew I wanted to be home with my family, and he had a way of making it happen."

"I owe him thanks then, for getting you home to us, safe and sound." She leaned over a kissed him. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

The morning came too early, both kids were awake before 6am. Carter called Peter to let him know he'd made it back and find out when his next shift was, while Deb fed Jaida.

"When did you get back Carter?"

"Yesterday."

"What, did you swim or something? I thought there were no flights."

"No commercial flights. I had to visit an Air Force Base in Germany, and Military flights are not grounded so they gave me a lift home."

Peter snickered. "Only you would finagle your way onto a Military flight."

"They offered, I just took them up on it. Otherwise I was stuck there, might have been another week. But I'm home, so let me know when you need me in."

Peter arranged for him to come on shift the next day, which gave Carter and Jing-Mei the day together.

"How are we going to do this?" Carter was piggy backing Devon while Jing-Mei pushed the stroller with Jaida.

"Do what exactly?"

"Well, are you okay with taking care of both kids while I'm at work, or do we need daycare. I was so focused on getting him home, we haven't talked about what it all means in the big picture."

"I think I can manage, and honestly I believe it would be better for Devon to be home with me at least for now. When I am ready to go back to work we can worry about daycare or a nanny, but I'm home, and they are brother and sister. Let them get to know each other, let Devon get to know me. He has a lot of upset and change, take it slow, let him adjust John."

Carter nodded. "Makes sense, I just did not want to assume or...anything."

"John. This is your son, he's lost his mother. He's part of our family now, and I will treat him just like I treat Jaida. Like he's my own child. That means when you are not around, I am the parent. I hope that we can make decisions about him together and that you are okay with me being like a mother to him.  Planned or unplanned, he's part of our lives."

"I _would_ like that, Deb He needs a mom now, I mean, Harper will always be his mom, but you're right, he won't remember her, and he is going to need both us. Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. This is what we do as a family, we make sure no one is left out. As he grows up, he should remember his birth mother, but I can be like his adoptive mom. If we still decide to have another child, then the three grow up as siblings."

"I still would like another one, do you want another child?"

"Honestly? Yes, I would. If it doesn't happen we have two beautiful children to raise, but yes, I would like you and I to have another baby, I don't know that we have to change that plan. We can afford a nanny as we might end up with three kids under 4 years old at some point, but...yes, I will probably still want another baby with you."

They reached the park and Carter let the little boy down, they took turns attending to Jaida and chasing Devon. He wanted his son to get used to Deb as quickly as possible.

He was going to be fielding a lot of questions as he got back to work, but they would manage.

Jing-Mei watched John with his two children, and she felt content. Having another child dropped into their lives could be a big deal if they let it, but she was going to do her best to take it in stride. Devon seemed like a very calm child overall, he was having a bit of anxiety, but John seemed to be able to sooth the little boy. She was sure that once he had a chance to get used to Chicago, to living in his new home, he would be just fine.

They spent a couple hours out, then John carried Devon and they walked home.

The next morning John was up very early for his 6am shift. It was a busy day, he spent time with Peter in surgery, plus a good amount of time in the ER.

"Carter, how did your trip go? Everything okay?"

"It was interesting. A friend of mine was killed in an MVA in Germany about 3 weeks ago and I had to go…take care of a personal matter."

"Ah. I'm sorry. Did you get things sorted out?"

"Yes. Do you remember Harper?"

"Um…not really."

"We dated when we were med students, kept in touch over the years. Well, she had a son, he's a year old, I brought him back to the States with me."

Peter furrowed his brow. "You took her son."

"Well, he's my son too, actually."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Did you know?"

"Nope. She didn't tell me, so it was a bit of a shock. She ended up as an Air Force Physician, she was stationed in Hahn, Germany. She doesn't really have any family, and left instructions to contact me if anything happened to her. Then of course I kind of got stuck with the flights cancelled."

"But you got back on a Military flight."

"Yeah, I was staying in her house on the base while I sorted things out, so they got me home, which was great, since the flights are still grounded commercially."

"How is Jing-Mei with this?"

"Fine, actually, very accepting of the situation. Of course it happened before we were together, so not much she can really say, I guess."

"Still, you are lucky she is so on board. Some women would not be so easy to deal with, taking off overseas to bring home a 1 year old child? Your child? You are fortunate to have her."

"I know, believe me Peter, I know."

Later in the day, Susan showed up.

"You have time for a quick coffee?"

"I'm off in about 20 minutes, barring any unforeseen circumstances. Can you hang around for a few minutes?"

"Sure."

Once Carter was done he met Susan at the café not too far from the hospital. He had phoned Deb, making sure things were okay, she had fed the kids, and letting them have some play time. Devon was doing fine, he was used to being at daycare and did not seem too bothered to hang out with Deb all day.

He slid into the booth and ordered a coffee.

"Hungry? I might order some dinner. Deb and the kids already ate."

"Um, yes. That sounds good."

The both chose and ordered.

"So how are things, how did your trip go?"

"As good as can be expected, a little weird, having to pack up her house, but her parents died a while back and she is an only child, and she wanted her personal stuff to be for Devon. Everyone at the base was great. I helped out a bit at the hospital every day, they are short as there has not been a replacement sent for Harper yet. And I did an on scene, they had one of the helicopters go down on the airstrip. Not so much fun, but otherwise the trip was good."

"They let you stay on the base I hear."

"Yes, it was good, a lot less driving, lots of help with Devon and time to organize and pack. They even treated me to a ride in one of the jets. That was a highlight."

"A fighter jet?"

"Yes, it was something else."

Their meals arrived and they began to eat.

"How are things going with you? Get things settled out with Chuck?"

"Mostly, we have figured out joint custody Cosmo, split up assets and such. We are not doing any alimony or child support, though I guess I will be making more than him, he doesn't really know that yet. He is self-sufficient now, so at least I don't have to try and make my new income support two households."

"How is it going to work?  You know, with Cosmo?"

"For now we are splitting time, but once I start at the Center, I will take him nights when Chuck is working shifts. I love that I get to work regular hours, no shifts. And the money is great, I have to thank you for talking me into applying."

"I'm glad you did Susan. I think it will work well on both sides, Todd really liked your experience too."

"So, I needed to tell you something else."  Susan twisted her napkin, unsure of how to say it.  Silly really, it's not like she was going to catch him by surprise.

"Oh? What is that?"

"Um, I went in and did a blood test, and…I'm pregnant. It worked, though it is still really early."  A little grin crept across her face.

"Wow, that's great news, Susan. It happened quickly, two months of treatments and you're pregnant."  Carter felt a little stunned.  He knew that was the whole point of what they were doing, but the chances of it working were only about 20%...and she was pregnant already.

"I know. Again, it's early, but I'm hopeful. I haven't told anyone yet, but I thought I should tell you, given the circumstances."  Susan knew she owed it to Carter, him being the donor.

"I am glad you did, and I assume you are all right if I tell Deb?"

"Of course, given it has affected your lives, yes tell her. She is going to notice you aren't donating right?"  Susan suspected that Jing-Mei might have been...helping a bit with the donations, it sure didn't seem to put a dent in their sex life.  She was a little envious at times, Jing-Mei's recent comments made Susan realize that her two friends had a very vibrant and active relationship.  Something Susan was missing in her life.

"Right, she would figure it out, obviously. Did you want to come over, and tell her yourself?"

"Would you mind?"

"No, not at all. You two are friends, I am sure she would like to hear it right from you.  Part of the fun, right?  Making the announcements?"

"It's your baby too, though.  I wasn't sure if you would want to tell her privately."

"I don't need to, it's not like it will be a shock or anything, we didn't have some sort of secret affair.  As for the baby being mine...yes and no. Biologically yes, but I agreed to take a back seat and let you raise the child without making it obvious to anyone else that I am anything but the uncle. It is a weird situation, and I can be more involved if you want, but I don't want to overstep either. The reality is I did this for you, because you are a good friend and you wanted another child so badly, not so we could have family together, like Deb and I are doing."

"I know. And I like that you are going to be part of the child's life, but I also appreciate you are going to give me space to raise the baby. Honestly I was not sure how it would play out if I still wasn't pregnant with you bringing Devon home. Maybe it would get too much for Jing-Mei?"

"I don't think so, she is the one who originally suggested it, and she was supportive of me doing the whole thing, or I would never have even considered it. I wouldn't go back on what we agreed to, Susan, unless there was a serious reason not to."

"The fact that you had a child with Harper doesn't fall under that? Or that this child could so obviously look like you? I mean, I haven't seen Devon in person, but from the picture no one could doubt he's biologically your baby."

"Deb called him my mini me, he really does look like me when I was little, there is a bit of Harper but not a whole hell of a lot to be honest.  No one is ever going to doubt he's my son."

"And it might be the same with this baby too.  People might spot it quickly."

We'll deal with it as we need to. We've talked about the fact that the baby could look like me. If so and people ask?" He shrugged. "Maybe at that point we tell people? Or not? It really is not their business.  You need to think about how you want to handle it, how you want to explain or not explain to people." Carter pulled out his wallet and dropped his card on the table. Susan went to pull out her wallet and he waved it off. "My treat Susan, don't worry about it."

"You are entirely too good to me, John. I haven't always deserved it."

"Bygones, Susan. We have been friends a long time, if we can't forgive each other for stupid little things, we are in trouble. Especially now."

Susan laughed. "I suppose that is true. Still, thank you, what you've done for me over the past few months has been huge. You and Jing-Mei have been continually supportive of me, even when I have been going through a rough time. I am the happiest I've been in forever. A new job, another child, and…I just feel hopeful."

"I tried to find you a new boyfriend too, but you are not biting. Luke is a really nice guy, if you change your mind…he's interested."

"John! You did not ask him that!"

"No you're right, I didn't. He asked me about you, and I just said you had recently separated from your husband and I was not at all sure you were ready for anything."

"Really. He asked about me?"

"He did. Seriously, if you ever want a casual double date, we could go out sometime. If you like him, great, if not, then you never have to see him."

"What does he do?"

"Aircraft engineer  – he works on the military planes, helicopters, and fighter jets."

"So he's a mechanic for planes? Not the one who cleans them right?"

"No, he's not a janitor, he maintains the engines, that kind of thing. He has an important job, and he is located at Scott now, though he was at Hahn for about 3 years. He really does seem like a great guy, I talked to him at the base in Germany and during the flight back too. I could also get the scoop on him, just have to call Crystal and she'd tell me."

"Crystal?"

"Harper's best friend at Hahn. I saw a lot of her, she helped me pack up the house, sort things out with Devon, and I worked with her at the clinic, she's a doctor too."

"You have her contact information?"

"Yeah, I know where she lives. She gave me her number and email, she wants to hear about how Devon is doing, she is like Auntie Crystal."

"I see. Jing-Mei know about this?"

"Yes. You think I am sneaking around behind her back? Never Susan, I love Deb, you know that. I don't know why you get so suspicious. I go to the park and I get the inquisition. I talk to another doctor who helped me out, at the direction of the commanding officer? I get the inquisition. Not sure what that is about."

"It is about the fact my husband cheated on me, and I am being stupid."

"I'm not Chuck, and I have not intention of cheating on Deb. No way in hell, I know when I've got it good."

He signed off for the charges on his card.

"Shall we go?"


	25. Chapter 25

Susan followed Carter into the house, feeling a bit nervous again.  John was acting very calm with the fact she had just told him she was pregnant... with his child.  She wondered how Jing-Mei would do with the actual reality, it was one thing to talk about it, but now... it was happening.

She watched Carter give Jing-Mei a kiss then scoop up the little boy who had immediately run to him, wrapping his tiny arms around Johns leg.

"Daddy!" The little boy almost broke down into tears as Carter cuddled him.

"Hi buddy. I missed you today." He kept the boy in his arms and turned to Susan. "Devon, this is Aunt Susan."

The boy buried his face into John's chest, peeking at Susan then turning away again.

"He's still anxious, it has been a big adjustment for him."

Susan nodded. "Of course, he has only been here a few days.  He's taken to you, though."

"I spent a lot of time with him when we were in Germany so he could get used to me before we left."

Susan watched as the little boy finally looked up at her again and she was struck at how much he looked like Carter.There was no doubt of the blood relationship, she wasn't sure she saw any resemblance to Harper whatsoever.

"He looks just like you, John. Like, a little carbon copy, wow." Susan stared at the boy, wondering if the child she was carrying inside her would bear such a resemblance to him.

Jing-Mei laughed. "Like a little mini-me, isn't he?"  She picked up a photo album off the coffee table and passed it to Susan who flipped it open curiously. She scanned the pictures of two small boys together and glanced up at Devon again.  

"That's me and my brother, Bobby. Devon looks so much like us as children, doesn't he?"

"You could almost pretend _these_ were pictures of Devon. He's going to grow up looking like his daddy for sure."

"Where's Jaida?' Carter was looking for his daughter.

"Sleeping. She didn't nap much today, she went down right after her last feeding."

"I haven't seen her all day, I will check on her in a bit then. I don't want to wake her."

"Did you eat? I could make you something if you wanted."

"We ate at the diner, I'm good for now." Devon was starting to squirm, and he let him loose to play with the toys scattered in one corner of the living room.  "Something to drink Susan?"

"Just water...or some tea?  And I need to borrow the bathroom."  She scooted off, she was at the point where she felt like she needed to pee every 10 minutes and she could feel the changes starting in her body already.  She was barely 4 weeks along, but the symptoms were already starting.

Jing-Mei put on the kettle to boil and tidied up the kitchen now that John was there to help with Devon.

"How was he today?"

"Mostly good, he had a couple of moments where he looked for his daddy, but overall?  He's adjusting."

"Great.  I'm on another three days then I'm off for three so we can spend some time together."  He looked thoughtful.  "Let me know if it starts to be too much and I can arrange some time off.  Our study is about done now, we are going to be doing some writing, I can work from home or...take a sabbatical."

"Really?  You might...just not work?"

"Just for a few months?  Maybe a year even.  Not like I don't have things to keep me busy, I have the Foundation and the Center.  You also wanted to take the kids to China to meet your family, and to be honest?  I don't want to bury myself in work at the hospital and miss everything.  We have two beautiful children, and they change so fast, I feel like I am missing out a bit.  You are off work, have you thought any more about taking the full year off?"  He cut off as he heard the bathroom door open.

The both looked up as Susan came back into the room.  Jing-Mei poured her tea and they all sat together at the table.

Susan glanced at John then over at Jing-Mei.

"I got some news today." 

Jing-Mei was watching closely and her eyes widened.  "Are you...did it work?"

"I'm pregnant...so yes, it worked.  I know this is not the best timing, given what is going on, and it is still really early.  I am just at about 4 weeks."

Jing-Mei got up and hugged her friend.  "I'm happy for you.  And it's fine, honestly, I know we have some big adjustments in our lives, but...wow, that was fast."

"That's what my doctor said too, that it usually took at least 4 tries, if not more, but the three treatments per cycle and the fertility drugs helped things along I guess."

"Are you feeling good so far?"

"Mostly, though I can feel the symptoms starting already, I was a bit nauseous this morning, I've been extra tired and my breasts are already starting to fill out and get sore.  Not looking forward to morning sickness, but...goes with the territory.  My doctor is going to schedule an ultrasound for around 8 weeks as I did the AI route and I used fertility drugs."

"Symptoms are good though, means it is a viable pregnancy.  I didn't feel great the first while with either Jaida or Michael, in fact the nausea is what clued me in.  You noticed really early."

"I was trying to get pregnant, and paying extra attention to my body right now,  that is why I know so early.  My doctor had me in for a blood test too, she was monitoring me really closely.  When I had Cosmo, it took longer to notice, and I was not being watched like a hawk."

Carter nodded.  "Makes sense.  Well, we are happy for you Susan, I do hope that the baby is healthy."

"Is Todd going to be upset?  That I just took the job and now I'm pregnant?  I am going to need a bit of time off when the baby is born."

"It will be fine.  I know it happened sooner than expected, but we can make it work out.  I am debating on taking a sabbatical from Northwestern, if needed I could fill in at the Center for a couple months.  I am not huge on paperwork, but we could collaborate at bit.  The other nice thing about your position, is you can work from home when needed.  Todd and I want our employees to be happy, not stressed out, have balance, and having a family is important.  He's married, has kids, he knows the drill."

"You are going to take some time off?  Can you do that?"

"Yes, I have tenure, I can arrange sabbaticals every few years now.  Deb and I have to discuss it a bit more, but I did talk to Peter and to the powers that be at the hospital and they are going to look for a replacement for me.  Actually, my job worked out really well, so they might even look for someone who is interested in the type of position I am leaving - double duty in the ER and Surgery.  Even on sabbatical I will be helping Peter write up the study, we are each going to do parts, then read and review each others work.  After that we will be sending it out for a peer review."

Jing-Mei was starting to get a bit excited at the thought John might be around a bit more. 

"So you will be more say...working from home?  Around to help with the kids?  And we can travel a bit too.  I am liking the thought, John."

"So I should do it?  I mean, sabbaticals are meant for this kind of thing, professional development, research, publishing, right?  I can organize my work hours, and even if we decide to go to China for a month or two, I can take my work and video in with Peter, Todd and the Foundation board as needed.  It will be like only having 1 full-time job instead of two."

Susan laughed out loud at this.  "I bet.  You have a lot on your plate, I think it would be good for you, John.  Take it from me, Cosmo is growing up really quickly, enjoy your little people while you can.  That is one thing I am going to struggle with I'm sure."

Carter tilted his head a bit.  "Did Todd mention we are going to have an employee daycare?  You will be able to bring the kids there as needed, and you can arrange a work from home day when you don't have meetings to attend.  Keep to your scheduled hours, and it will be a hell of a lot easier than working as ER Chief at County."

"Jing-Mei took his hand.  "John, take the Sabbatical.  Take as much time as you can - as you said, you have a lot of writing to do.  You have all the information from Africa to organize and publish, not to mention the study you did with Peter, and I see an article coming for the Center.  How the idea hatched, how it was organized, and how it works out."

Carter winked at her.  "Todd and I were talking about co authoring just such an article.  He has done this before, so he has lots of facts and data to contribute.  It will be a collaboration.  We have the opening of the Center coming, and I would like to be able to some time to help out there.  The Foundation is on cruise control, or pretty much, but you are correct, I have a of half finished projects to deal with."

A month later, Carter started packing up his office.  He was for sure taking a full year away from Northwestern, he and Deb had discussed the changes in detail, and she was fully in favor of him taking the time off.  He was getting busier and busier and something had to give.  He was preaching balance to Susan, and needed to take some of his own advice. 

Devon had settled into their lives nicely, he was opening up and becoming more confident and outgoing, missing his mommy less.  Carter knew this was a double edged sword, he was quickly forgetting Harper, and it made him a little sad.  However, it was what it was - she was gone and they had to just deal with it.  He had unpacked the boxes from Germany, and put the photo albums with the rest of the family albums so he could share the pictures with Devon as he grew up.

He had kept his promise, and was sending regular updated photos to Crystal, who was then sharing with everyone at the base.

Jing-Mei was happy too, John was going to have more time with her and the two kids.  She loved Devon, and welcomed him with open arms, but having a busy one year old and a still very young daughter was a bit much to manage some days.  She was also busy planning a trip for the family to China, they had decided to stay there for six weeks, travel around, visit her family and let them get to know the kids.

Both Jing-Mei and John were happy for Susan.  She had started her new position at the Center, mostly working out of the temporary offices with Todd and the other Senior Managers who had been hired.  The Center was slated for opening in a year, but it was still far from habitable.

Susan was now sitting nervously waiting to see her doctor, ready for the first ultrasound.  She had been feeling pretty nauseous, morning sickness and the other joys of pregnancy had kicked in full force.  She had noticed Todd watching her closely some days, and though she had not told him, she thought that he suspected she was pregnant.  As John had said, he was married, and in fact his wife had just gone through the early stages of pregnancy so it was new in his mind.

"Susan."  She saw the friendly face of her doctor smiling across at her.

They did her weight, then she slid into a gown. 

"Ready to see your baby?"

"Yes, I am really excited."

The doctor squirted the cool gel onto her belly, then moved the wand across, taking her time to search every inch of her womb.  She then turned the screen.

"There they are, your new son or daughter.  Nice strong heartbeat, development looks normal for the 8 week mark, which is about where we are, right?"

"Wow, so tiny.  You are finding just the one?"

"Mmhm.  I know we had a chance of multiples, with you approaching 40 and using fertility drugs, but the odds were still pretty small.  You were only on them for two cycles.  Are you disappointed there's only one?"

"Not at all, I was a little anxious about having twins.  As you know, I am doing this on my own and one at a time is much easier.  And I am not sure how my...donor friend would feel about multiples."

"Did he know it was a possibility?"

"Sure, he's a medical professional too.  I am sure he would have been fine if it happened, and it was good of him to do this for me, but twins or multiples would have made it more complicated."

"It is always a big decision to allow someone to use your DNA to create a child - one that you are not planning to parent or raise as your own.  But it seems you are close with him?"

"Very close actually, with both him and his fiancee.  It will be interesting going forward, but they are both so...accepting and calm about the whole thing, it makes it easier.  It will all be okay."

The doctor patted her hand.  "It absolutely will.  Everything is going really well, Susan.  Get dressed and you can make an appointment on your way out?  Call me if you have any concerns."

"Thank you, I will."

Carter strode into the offices, he had a meeting set with Todd.  He was going to start organizing his life and work so he and Deb could make the trip to China.  He had talked to Todd, and given him a heads up, and was planning to attend Board meetings by video conferencing as needed.

"John!  How are you doing?"  Todd shook his hand firmly and ushered him into the offices.

"Really good.  You have some figures to go over?"

"Yes.  There were a few cost overruns I am not sure you are aware of and we have a few resumes to go over too.  We are getting some good candidates.  I am getting a few recommended by a Pediatric Surgeon out in California, not sure how she got her hands on the job descriptions, but the people are accomplished physicians, and some of the jobs aren't even posted yet."

"Abby Keaton.  Is that who is recommending the applicants?"

"You know her?"

"Yes, I worked with her at County when I was a surgical intern, and ran into her in Las Vegas at a medical conference about a year ago.  She asked if I would let her know when we started hiring, I emailed the full list to her once you started posting jobs."

"Uh huh.  That makes sense then, I was wondering if we had a leak somewhere, but...it's your show, and we are getting some interest from quality people.  You have some great connections, I love Dr. Lewis already, she is a no nonsense woman and she fits the role perfectly."

"Good, I thought we would have something good for her.  I've known her a long time."

"Can I ask you something?  It's a bit personal, but...is she...you know, pregnant?  Not that it affects her job or anything, but I just noticed a few things, kind of like Wendy, she has some of those early behaviors."

"Early behaviors?"  Carter grinned at Todd in amusement.

"Yes, like 10 bathroom trips per hour, dry crackers on her desk, doesn't eat until after 11 am?  Those kind of behaviors."

"Ah...um, okay, I wouldn't usually say anything because it is personal, but yes.  She is not ready to share, so if you could pretend to see nothing?"

"Of course.  I'll be sensitive to that, but I could just tell, it has not been that long since Wendy started feeling better and I saw the signs.  I thought she was...not married though."

Carter shrugged.  "If you want more information you will have to ask Susan directly.  I don't really want to talk about her personal life to anyone."

"I understand, John.  Let's get down to business."

Carter's phone started to ring as they were finishing up. He glanced at the call display.

"Um, County?  Give me a second, if you could?"  He hit the answer button.  "John Carter."

"Dr. Carter?  It's Jerry, Pratt asked me to call you.  We need you to get down here."

"Why, what's going on?"

"Dr. Chen was brought in, she was in an MVA."

"What!  Is she okay?  Did she have the kids in the car with her?"

"There were two kids yes.  Dr. Pratt just said to get you down here."

"I'm on my way."  He was up and sliding his jacket on.  "Sorry Todd, I have to go, Deb was in an accident and the kids were with her." 

"Are they okay?"

"I don't know, they aren't saying, which worries me."

"Go, and we'll talk later.  Call me when you find something out."

Carter headed for the elevator, pushing the button several times.  "Come on, come one."

It felt like it took forever to get to the hospital, and rushed into the ER.  Sam was manning the desk and saw him coming, buzzing him in right away.

"Where are they?"  He caught Chuney as she was whipping by.

"Carter.  I'll get Pratt for you."

"What room Chuney?" Pratt appeared moments later.  "Greg, what's going on?"

"Let's go in here."  Pratt pulled him into one of the exam rooms, Haleh was cuddling Jaida, and a Resident was trying to calm a screaming Devon.

"She's okay?"  He looked over at Haleh as he went towards Devon.

"She's been cleared, she was in her seat.  The little boy is okay too, but he won't stop screaming, and we haven't been able to calm him."

Carter scooped Devon up, the little boy's arms going around his neck immediately.  "Shush, shh, it's okay Dev."  The boy stopped fussing and buried his head against John's chest and cramming his thumb in his mouth.

The resident sighed.  "Thanks goodness, he has been screeching sent he got here.  We tried everything to shut him up."

Carter frowned at him.  "Get out.  I've got him."

The resident opened his mouth to say something but Pratt shook his head and pointed at the door.

"Fine, I'm going."

"Where's Deb?"  Carter rocked the boy and stepped over to Haleh, reaching over to take his daughters tiny hand in his.  She seemed content, observing the world

"We had to send her upstairs, it looked like a ruptured spleen.  We are waiting on a head CT, she had a pretty good bump to the head., and was out of while."

"Did she regain consciousness?"

"Briefly, at the accident scene, the paramedic said she was talking to them, though she was a bit confused.  It didn't seem like there were any other injuries aside from some minor lacerations and bruising.  She should be okay, John, though she is going to need some recovery time."

"Who's operating?"

"Dubenko.  He's really good, don't worry."

"Dubenko?  He'd better be, I just remember him and Elizabeth having a pissing contest over patients when he first started."

Haleh touched his arm.  "She'll be okay, Carter."

Pratt pointed at Devon.  "Um, this little guy was in the car, but we weren't sure who he was, he has a laceration that needs stitching, maybe you could hold him and I'll do it?  He is much calmer, he knows you obviously."

"Yes he knows me.  Bring me a suture kit and I'll do it.  I can almost do them blindfolded and he will be less upset if I take care of him.  Haleh, can you stay and help for a few minutes?"

"Absolutely.  I am actually off now, so I won't have to run off, and I am happy to help.  I just got this little angel calmed down, and she is nodding off to sleep now.  She's beautiful, looks quite a lot like her mommy doesn't she?"

"She does look a lot like Deb, I agree."

Pratt nodded and grabbed the supplies for Carter, he set Devon down on the bed and took a look at the cut above his eye. 

"Greg, could you get me an update on Deb?  I'll go upstairs as soon as I can, but I need to deal with this?"

"No problem.  I'll go call now.  Maybe you could take care of calling the little boys parents?"  Pratt spoke over his shoulder as he exited.

"Okay buddy, I am going to fix that up for you."  Carter efficiently cleaned and sutured up the cut while Haleh assisted him in keeping the boy calm.  Carter also did a quick exam, double checking for any missed injuries on both kids, and they seemed fine.

Haleh shook her head.  "Ah, doctors.  Don't trust anyone."

"Well, who examined them?  That snarky little resident?  Sorry, but these are my kids, so, I will check them out.  I don't know a lot of the doctors here now, it seems Pratt was in with Deb, so who took care of my kids?"

"Barnett looked them over, then left me and the resident in here to watch them as another trauma came in.  Mm, I see your point, and it has gotten worse since Dr. Lewis jumped ship.  Pratt has turned out pretty well, but Morris is still a bit of a liability, we don't have the doctors we once had, that is for sure.  I wish you would come back."

"Thanks Haleh, but no can do.  I'm on Sabbatical for a year, starting next month, no way am I going to subject myself to County hours, Deb would have my head."

"Sabbatical, really?  What are you going to do with yourself?"

"I have lots to keep me busy, trust me."

"Uh huh.  I have to ask...where did the little boy come from?  You said your kids?  He does look a lot like you, in fact...he has to be related to you."

"Yes, he's my son.  His mother died not long ago, in an MVA in Germany.  I brought him home only a few weeks ago, the word is not really out I guess.  His name is Devon."

"Germany, really.  Well, he's adorable, though none too happy to be here."

"He gets anxious still, it has only been a couple months since he lost his mom, and he's been kind of uprooted, he's barely 15 months old.  A lot of changes in his life in a short time."

Pratt came back into the room.  "She's still in surgery, but apparently they are almost done and it is going well."

"Thanks Greg.  I will take the kids upstairs with me."

Haleh patted his arm.  "I'll give you a hand."


	26. Chapter 26

Susan stepped into her office just after lunchtime, looking at the chaos still surrounding her.  She thought she would get a bit of organizing done, then Carter was going to meet her for a quick coffee break.

She got busy, finally looking at the clock and realizing it was after 3 pm already.  Where was Carter?  He hadn't phoned, and it was so unlike him to be late.  She knew he was meeting with Todd, maybe their meeting had gone extra long?

She decided to go see if he was still there, checking her phone along the way.  Damn, the battery was dead again already?  She was going to have to invest in a new phone.  Todd's office door was open, and his administrative assistance was nowhere to be seen, so she walked up and tapped on his door.

"Come in."  Todd looked up from the figures he was reviewing.  "Susan, hi.  Are you getting settled in okay?"

"I am, my office is starting to look almost organized.  Can I ask, didn't you have a meeting with John today?  He was supposed to come by for coffee afterwards, and it is not like him to be late."

Todd frowned.  "He had a personal family emergency, he ran out of here pretty quickly.  I was waiting for him to call actually, I was hoping everything was okay."

"An emergency?  Do you know what?"

"County called about Jing-Mei, she was in an accident, but they wouldn't give him details on the phone.  She had the kids in the car with her too.  I'm getting a little worried, maybe we should call his cell."

"Jing-Mei and the kids were in an accident?  I wonder if he tried to call me, I just realized the battery on my phone is dead."

Todd motioned to the seat across from his desk.  He tried John's cell phone, but it went directly to voice mail. 

"He's not answering."

"Can I borrow your phone for a second?  I'll call the ER and see if he's there."

Todd handed over the phone, and Susan dialed quickly.  "Hi Jerry, it's Dr. Lewis, is Carter there?  I heard something happened with Jing-Mei and the kids, he's not answering his phone."

"He went upstairs, Dr. Chen is in surgery apparently, but the kids were okay.  How do they suddenly have two kids?"

"Jerry, is Jing-Mei going to be okay?"  Susan was annoyed, she just wanted Jerry to focus on the important stuff.

"I have no idea.  I'll let you talk to Pratt, he would know better.  He's in a trauma right now though, do you want him to call you?"

"No, I'm just going to come down.  If you see Carter, tell him I'm on my way, but I'll just go right upstairs.  Thanks Jerry."  Susan hung up the phone.

"Jing-Mei is in surgery.  The kids are okay.  Do you mind...I think I should go down and see if he needs help with the kids or anything."

Todd shook his head.  "Not at all, go see if he's all right, and could you phone me when you know something?  I am sure he is a little overwhelmed at the moment, I hope everything is okay."

30 minutes later Susan stepped off the elevator onto the surgical floor.  She went to the waiting area, finding Haleh watching the two sleeping children.

"Dr. Lewis.  You heard?"

"Yes, Todd Becker  told me about the accident, but we couldn't get Carter on his phone.  What's going on?"

"Dr. Chen is in recovery, last I heard it was a ruptured spleen and a good knock on the head.  Thankfully both of these little angels are just fine, when Carter gets back I will see what he wants me to do with them.  They are going to need some food their beds, this is not  a great place for them."

"I am going to see if I can go in and find something out?  Hold tight for a bit longer."  Susan checked in with the surgical nurse who recognized her and let her go through to recovery.  She saw Carter talking to Dubenko, who was taking vitals on Jing-Mei.

Carter rubbed his hand over his face, they were going to send Deb for another scan.  They were keeping her under based on the results of the first CT, but now she was out of surgery, they wanted another one.  The bump to her head, as Pratt had put it, was serious.  She had been confused at the accident scene and now they were wanting to let the swelling come down a bit before they brought her out of the anesthetic.

He had just lost one friend to a serious MVA, Devon had lost his mother, and now Deb was the victim of another MVA.  What if Jaida lost her mother too?  She was only a few months old, and his heart was aching, he had two small children to care for, by himself.  He turned, seeing Susan step into the room, just as the attendants took Deb out to go to CT for the second time.

Susan could see he was barely holding it together, she walked across the room and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug.  She could feel his arms go around her, like he was holding on for dear life.  They stood there for some minutes before she heard his intake of breath.

"John, is she going to be okay?"  Susan said this softly.

He finally let her go, quickly wiping his eyes before he managed to answer.  "They don't know.  She came through surgery okay, they removed her spleen, but she had a severe blow to her head.  They had to cut her out of the vehicle, she has some swelling and they took her to CT to do another scan.  They are holding her under for now until the swelling goes down a bit, then they will try and wake her up."

Susan knew what it meant.  Jing-Mei might wake up and be just fine, but there were a lot of unknowns with brain injuries.  She could suffer anything from acute damage to short term memory loss to total amnesia.  Until the scans were complete, and until she was awake it was impossible to know for sure what the damage was.  That Harper had just died in an MVA leaving John with a child just over a year old, and now with Jing-Mei in the hospital, it was going to be tough.  Jaida was only a few months old as well, and now she was in danger of losing her mother too.

"I'm sorry John.  They should be back soon with some news, can I wait with you?"

"Please, that would be great.  It will be at least half an hour, why don't we go out and see how things are with the kids?"

 They both went out to where Haleh was still watching the kids.

Haleh looked up.  "Any news?"

"They took her up to CT for a scan.  They will be back in a bit."

"Carter, can I take these little people home for you?  Maybe get them fed and into bed?"

"That would be good, Haleh.  Do you drive?"

Haleh nodded.  "I do but I don't have my car."

Carter dug in his pocket producing keys.  "You can take mine, I'll take the L or something.  I'll help you get the kids out to the car.  Just park out front of the house."  He picked up Devon and Haleh took Jaida.

Carter helped her get the kids buckled in, then he set the GPS for his house and handed over the house key.

"Do you work tomorrow?"

"No, I'm off, so no rush, okay?  Take what time you need."

"Okay, I'll check in with you later, if I can't leave, I'll see if Susan can come over a bit later.  There are usually bottles made up in the fridge, call up here if you need anything and have them track me down?  I really appreciate this Haleh."

"No problem Carter, don't worry about the kids, okay?  I'll take good care of them."

"I know you will."

She gave him a quick hug and settled behind the wheel of the SUV.

Carter got back in time to see them wheel Deb back into the room.  Susan was there as Dubenko gave him the results.  It would be at least a couple days before they could even try and wake her up.  Carter pulled the chair up beside her bed taking her hand in his and leaning his forehead against her arm.  At least the brain activity appeared normal, but until she woke up nothing was certain.

He was aware Susan had slipped out of the room to give him a bit of privacy.

"Deb."  He whispered.  "Please don't leave me, Deb.  I need you,  baby, I love you so much.  Please wake up."  He entwined his fingers with hers, feeling the tears dripping down his face.  He didn't think he could stand losing another person he loved, it seemed like he was always losing someone, he could barely remember a year where he hadn't said good bye to or buried someone important in his life.

Bobby was only the first of many people who had left his life.  Harper was the most recent, and it was so fresh, now he could be losing Deb too?  His heart was aching, his chest tight, and he suddenly could not breathe.  He pushed away from the bed, and went where everyone went at County to think.  Somewhere he had spent a lot of time.

The roof.

Susan caught sight of him leaving, she was about to call out to him, but she recognized the body language, he needed a few minutes alone.  Anyway, she had a good idea where he was going and would catch up to him shortly.

She checked in on Jing-Mei, there was only the steady beeping of the machines that were monitoring her.  She waited a few minutes before followed Carter up to the roof, taking a cup of coffee for him and some tea for her.  She knew he would be sitting in...the spot.  It was where most of the long time ER staff went over the years to talk, the very spot John had cheered her up on one of her very crappy birthdays.

Sure enough, he was there, sitting on the roof, his head resting in his hands.  She knew by now he was exhausted, and she could tell he was falling apart.  Maybe she could get him home, get him to sleep for a while, perhaps seeing how much his precious children needed him would keep him together.

"John.  I brought you some coffee, I am sure it is going to be a long night."  She said very softly, so she didn't startle him.  She put the coffee down beside him, then she sat on the ledge just above where he was.  She brushed her hand over his hair, then rubbed his back.

"What if she doesn't wake up.  I don't know if I can do this."  His voice was soft, choked up.

"She'll wake up, John, just give it a few days.  And you can do this, you have to do this.  Jing-Mei needs you and so do those beautiful children."

"You don't know that Susan, she might never be the same or she might not wake up.  I don't think I can...go through losing another person in my life.  When is it going to end?"

Susan didn't know how to answer that.  It was true though, he had gone through an extraordinary amount of loss.  His brother, his parents virtually abandoning him, the intern that had died, his cousin, his med student, his grandparents, his son...not to mention the divorce he had gone through not so long ago, and having Harper die.  She didn't even know the half of it, and it was already a long list.

"I don't know, John.  All you can do is keep moving forward.  Crappy things happen to people all the time, we both know that.  But Jing-Mei is strong, she will get through this and so will you."

He leaned his head against her leg, and Susan rubbed the back of his neck.

"Let me take you home.  There is nothing more you can do here tonight, you need some rest, and the kids need you.  Chuck has Cosmo, so I can stay over if you want."

Carter could not bear sitting in that room watching Deb just laying there, so he nodded silently.  "Haleh can go home then, her family needs her too."

"You know she doesn't mind.  You are a bit like her son in some ways, she has known you a very long time."

"I know, and I appreciate her help tonight.  Let's go check on Deb, and then we'll head to my place."

Back downstairs, Carter gave Deb a kiss on her forehead.  "I'll see you tomorrow Deb.  The kids are both okay, I need to go home and take care of them.  I love you, baby, I need you, don't give up."

He let Susan lead him out to her car, and he sat silently, staring out the window, distracted and distraught.  Once they got home, he let Haleh go, Susan assured her that she would not leave him alone, especially not tonight.  He had faced a lot of tragedy in his life, almost always by himself, and Susan was not going to abandon him in his time of need.  To many people had done that already, his parents and Kem were the most notable.

She had called Todd from the hospital, and he told her if she needed to take a few days off to support John, that she should.  They would pick things up once things were a little more settled.  He was understanding, knew that John only had his friends to lean on, that his family was pretty much non existent aside from Jing-Mei and the kids.

She made a bit of dinner, she noted that Carter picked at it but didn't eat.  The kids were already tucked into bed, fast asleep, so she sent John to bed too, even though it was still early.  She heard the shower run for a few minutes, then the soft sounds of talking, probably from the television.

She cleaned the kitchen and made up a few bottles for Jaida, then tried to read for a while before she went to bed.  She was pretty sure John was not sleeping, and she knew she was right when she heard him tread softly down the stairs.  Susan was worried about him, he had stopped talking, had barely eaten 5 bites and looked...shell shocked.  She quietly made her way downstairs and noted the back door was open.  Outside she found him...smoking?

"Since when do you smoke?"  She could see him start slightly as she came up behind him.

"Please don't sneak up on me like that, it freaks me out."  He took a breath.  "When I'm stressed, I smoke.  I started...after I was stabbed, quit after I got back from Atlanta, picked it up again a bit in Africa, then stopped again."  He ground out the butt, and dropped it into a can on the deck.

"I used to do it once in a while too, right after I lost Susie."

"I know, I remember catching you on the roof."

"Ah, yes, that's right.  It's a bad habit, John, you should quit., those things will kill you."

He snorted.  "Mm, well, nothing has killed me yet, so whatever.  Anyways...it's better than what I want to be doing right now."

"What do you want to be doing?"

"Smoking something a little more potent than a cigarette.  I really am fighting it right now, I know I can't give in, but I really want to get high, forget everything.  Maybe get some sleep."

Susan reached out and took his hand.  "You're right, you cannot do that.  Those kids need you so much right now.  Come inside John."

He nodded and let her take him back inside, locking the door behind them.  They both went back to their rooms, Carter knew he was not going to sleep, so he turned on the big screen TV on the wall and found a movie to try and watch.  He stared listlessly at the screen, wishing he could just drift off.  Finally he fell asleep, only to be woken by a crying baby.

He dragged himself out of bed, picking Jaida up quickly.  "Hi baby doll. Sh, you are going to wake up the whole house."  He changed her dirty wet diaper, then took her downstairs with him, snuggling her in the crook of his arm while he waited for the bottle to warm.  He took her back upstairs and lay on the bed with her in the middle while she ate.

When she was done, he got her tucked back into bed, only to hear Devon a few minutes later.

"Daddy."  His voice was shrill, he sounded panicked.  Carter went in and lifted the little boy out of his bed, rubbing his back.  He took his son with him back to his room, and tucked him into the bed beside him. 

"Everything okay?"  Susan had heard Jaida cry briefly, but heard Carter get her.  It had been quiet for some time, then she heard Devon crying for his daddy.  Carter was not getting any sleep.

"Yeah, I think he had a nightmare.  He was doing it quite a bit for the first while, now he is waking up in the middle of the night again.  So much for getting any sleep."

"You want company, or do you just want to be alone...or sort of alone."  She glanced at the small boy curled up against him in the bed.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?  Make yourself comfortable."

Susan lay down on top of the covers, plumping up a pillow behind her head.  She reached over and caressed Devon's hair, his dark eyes were still open, he regarded her seriously as he sucked his thumb and clutched his daddy's shirt with a small fist.

"He is so like you, I still cannot get over how much he looks like you John."

"He is my son, Susan, not that surprising is it?"  He sighed deeply.  "He just started to adjust, to settle in.  He was up a lot in the night that first month after I brought him home, then it got better, he was sleeping through the night, getting used to being here.  Now...we have to go through it again, what if he loses another person so soon?"

"John, you have to stop thinking that, give it a few days and they will bring her out of sedation.  I believe she is strong, a fighter, and she is going to come out of it."

He closed his eyes briefly.  "I hope so, but, that is not how my life works.  It's like...I have some kind of curse on me, I find someone I love, and they are taken away, one way or another.  I cannot remember a single year when I have not had to say good bye to someone close to me, and...I just don't think I can do it again.  If something happens to Deb..."  He stopped, his voice choked up.  He took a couple of deep breaths, and reached over for the remote, flicking on the TV, trying to distract himself from thinking about it.

Susan could see he was completely undone now.  He'd had virtually no sleep and it was all hitting him, hard.  She understood, the losses he had suffered were traumatic and difficult.  It had never been simple for John, he was reaching the end of his rope very quickly.

She slid closer to him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.  "No matter what, I'm here.  You can talk to me about anything you know that, I'll help in any way I can.  Try and get some sleep, when Jaida wakes up again, I'll get her."

He nodded slightly.  "Thank you, I don't know if I can sleep."

They picked a comedy and eventually they both fell asleep, with Devon cuddled on the bed between them.  Susan woke when she heard Jaida start to gurgle in the other room, Carter was still sleeping, so she quietly got the little girl.  She changed and fed the baby, then got her back to sleep.  She went back and laid down on the bed with Carter and Devon, she hoped he would be feeling less despair when he woke up.

They were both awake by 6:30 am, Devon started to squirm and he sat up. 

"Daddy.  Daddy, daddy."  The little boy was leaning over John, almost crawling onto him in his bid to get his daddy's attention.

Susan smiled as Carter's dark eyes opened, staring up at his son who was now poking his face.

"Wake up, daddy."

"I'm awake, buddy.  Are you hungry?"

"Hungy, up, daddy."

Carter ran his hand over his face wearily, then crawled out of bed, taking the boy with him.

"Go back to sleep for a while if you want, I'll get him something to eat."

Susan sighed, closing her eyes as Carter left the room.  He could hear him briefly in Devon's room, getting the boy changed, then his tread down the hall.  Her stomach rolled, and she lunged for the bathroom, just making it before retched violently into the toilet.  She hated morning sickness.  Finally she was able to get back to the bed and drifted off to sleep again.

Carter got Devon changed, then fed him some eggs, toast and fruit for breakfast.  He was happy to see that the child had an appetite, yesterday had been traumatic for him, and he hoped for a quick recovery for the little boy.  He checked under the gauze, the sutures he had done looked great, no signs of infection, and he hoped if he left it uncovered Devon would leave them alone.

He made coffee, then checked on Jaida, who was now waking up.  He took care of her needs, then played with both kids for a while until Susan finally came down the stairs.

"Did you get a bit more sleep?"  Carters weary eyes scanned over her face, seeing that she looked at least a bit rested.  He didn't want to put too much strain on her and he knew she'd been sick earlier.  "Can I make you some tea?  Something to eat?"

At the word eat, she turned and darted out of the room, back into the bathroom.  There was not much in her stomach to come up, but her body still tried.  She felt warm hands smooth back her hair, and John rubbed her back.

"Here, I brought you some water." 

Susan rinsed her mouth out, then sipped some of it gratefully.  "Thanks.  Sorry, I just...I hate morning sickness."

"No need to be sorry, I understand.  I've been around pregnant women enough times, I get it.  Tea?"

"Please.  I'll be out in a couple minutes."  Susan sipped more of the water, then finally she dragged herself out to the kitchen where Carter was cleaning up, and had her tea almost ready.  She noted he had cleaned the pan he'd used for breakfast, and the dishes were already into the dishwasher.

"I love how you always clean up after yourself, and this morning I really appreciate it.  Most guys don't know how to clean up."

Carter laughed softly.  "Yeah, well, can you imagine leaving dirty socks laying around at the 'mansion'?  My grandmother would have murdered us."

"You had maids and housekeepers growing up though, they would have picked up your socks."

"Sure, but we were still not allowed to be slobs, Susan.  Just because you have staff doesn't mean you can be a pig, they are just people trying to earn a living too, you know?  Some people treat their staff like crap, like personal slaves, but to me that is kind of wrong.  Maybe something that I learned from my grandmother, but we didn't ever purposely leave a huge mess for the maid just because we could."

Susan nodded.  "I guess I never thought of it that way.  To most people having a maid would be license to never clean up."

"Not in our house.  Dirty clothes went in the hamper, dishes into the dishwasher if you were making yourself something.  Same applies here, I clean up after myself, we have the housekeeper come in and clean twice a week, help with laundry and groceries, but Deb and I do most of the day to day stuff ourselves.  I don't expect Deb to run around cleaning up after me, she doesn't have time for that, nor would I expect it."

"I wish more guys thought like that.  Chuck was pretty good, but...a lot of men are not."

"Neither are a lot of women, trust me, I dated a few that were a bit shocking in how entitled they were.  Anyway, do you mind if I go up for a shower?  I want to go check on Deb."

"Go ahead.  In fact, I can stay here with the kids while you go."

"Don't you need to work?"

"No, Todd gave me a few days off, in case you needed help with stuff."

 "He's a good guy.  I better phone him, I didn't do that yesterday."

"No need, I phoned after I got to the hospital.  Unless you want to of course, but I updated him."  Susan sipped her tea thankfully.

"It's not too much for you to take care of them?  What about Cosmo?"

"I'll have Chuck drop him off here before his shift.  I don't mind John, I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"I know, I just...thank you, for all your help, I don't know how I would manage otherwise."

"You have really been there for me, John.  I am just returning the favor, so don't worry about it, okay?"

Carter arrived at the hospital about an hour later.  He went directly up to ICU, the nurse recognized him and waved him through.  He kissed Deb's forehead, then took a quick look at her chart.  No change overnight.  He sat beside the bed and took her hand in his, rubbing gently.  He noticed her ring was gone, he had not recognized that last night.  He reached under the bed and went through her personal belongings that were in the bag.  He found her wallet, watch, and a few other items, but not her ring.  Was she wearing it?  She always wore her ring, Carter felt a little sick, he'd had that ring specially made for her, and it was gone.

He took a deep breath.  Nothing he could do about it right now, the only thing that really mattered was Deb at this point.  He took her hand again.

"Deb.  I hope you can hear me, I love you.  I miss you already, and so do the kids.  Susan is watching them for a while so I can be here, but...I just don't know what to do.  I need to be here with you, but I need to be home with them.  What do I do, baby?"

Downstairs in the ER, Chuny was admiring a ring the cleaners had found in the trauma room.

"Wonder if this thing is real?"  She squinted at the band.  "HW, TW 6.5 pt."

Pratt walked by as she slid it on to her left hand and held it up to the light.

"Where'd you get the big ass diamond?  Nice, who's the rich boyfriend?"

Chuny shrugged.  "It's not mine, it was found in trauma 1 when it was being cleaned last night.  I was just wondering if it was real, it had to be, I mean, look at the way it catches the light.  It's stamped with a jeweler mark - which jeweler is HW?"

Morris was evesdropping.  "Harry Winston probably.  HW?  Had any millionaires in here lately?"

Pratt cut his eyes over at Chuny as her eyebrows went up.  "Can I see that?  Damn, that's Jing-Mei's ring.  I would almost bet on it, Carter had that custom made for her in New York, Lewis made a joke about Harry not exchanging rings?  She said he'd had the ring made for her, it looks real, and who else can afford a big ass diamond like that.  I wonder if he realizes it's gone?"

"If he does, he is probably freaking out, pt. is platinum right?  6.5 TW, means it's over 6 carats of major rock, just how much do you think the ring is worth?"

"A lot.  I think you should take it off, Chuney, I don't think it's appropriate for you to be trying it on, especially under the circumstances."  Pratt held out his hand, and Chuney slid it off her finger.  "I'm going to take a walk upstairs and see if he's around, and get an update on Jing-Mei.

Pratt stood outside ICU for a few moments, watching.  He knew it was Carter sitting with her, he had his head resting on her arm, and he was holding her hand.  Pratt had been a bit jealous at first to find out his 'sweetness' had moved on to Carter, but damn, the guy sure loved her.  And she sure seemed to love him.

He opened the door and cleared his throat quietly, to let Carter know he was there.  "How's she doing?"

Carter shrugged.  "No change, they are keeping her sedated until the do another scan, which will be sometime tomorrow.  Good brain activity on the last scan, but...who knows for sure until she wakes up."

"I'm sorry.  It was tough to see her come in, I...still care about her a lot too.  I messed up, I didn't treat her nearly well enough, but, I was never truly in love with her, not like you are anyway. I'm sorry about that too, you must think I'm a real asshole."

"No, I am the last person on earth who should be judging anyone when it comes to women.  But you are right, I love her.  I don't know what I am going to do if...she doesn't wake up.  This waiting is killing me."

"I know, everyone is anxious to hear how she is.  Um, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Do you have her ring?"

Carter's head came up.  "No, it's missing.  She's not wearing it, and it's not in her bag.  Please tell me it was in the ER."

"Maybe?  We found one, and...it reminds me of the one Jing-Mei was wearing."

"It's platinum, stamped HW on the band."

Pratt reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring, holding it out to Carter.  He could see the immediate relief on the other mans face as he took it, sliding it onto his pinky finger.

"Thank you.  I was having a minor heart attack, thinking she lost it somewhere along the way from the accident scene."

"It's valuable, right? 6.5 carats, set in platinum, from Harry Winston."

"Yes, and it is very valuable, but not only that, I had it custom made for her.  It took like 3 months to get it, and 3 trips to New York, I had to sneak around a bit and enlist Susan as a spy to make sure I got her the right ring.  It's insured, but..."  He shrugged.

"I get it, you put a lot of effort into it, and replacing it would not be the same as the original."

"Yeah.  Sounds a bit silly, but it's true, we have memories tied up with this ring."

"Not at all.  I hope some day I find someone that special to me.  Anyway, I'm on shift, so I should get back downstairs."

"Thanks Greg, for bringing this up."


	27. Chapter 27

Carter hovered anxiously as they brought Deb back from her latest CT scan. It had been a full week now since the accident, and they still had not lifted the sedation, wanting to let things heal a bit further before they let her wake up.

"How did it look?"

Dubenko nodded. "Good, we are going to cut off the sedation now, so you might want to stick around."

Carter let out a long slow breath, it had been a very long and painful week. Susan had been a real gem, virtually moving into his guest room, bringing Cosmo along whenever he was not with Chuck.

Todd had been incredibly supportive, letting Susan have some time off to help him out, and he was really not sure how he got through the week. He was very sure he would not have made it without Susan. She was working a bit from home...his home, along with the time she was spending helping him with the kids, and sitting with Jing-Mei.

It seemed a lot of people had jumped in to help in that regard, it was not often she was alone, people were helping in shifts . Carter spent as much time as he could, but reality was he had two very young children who also needed him desperately. Devon was having nightmares again, and most often ended up sleeping in the master bedroom with him. Jaida he had moved into a bassinet in his bedroom as well, so he could attend to her without leaving Devon for too long.

Susan helped as much as she could, but Carter also worried about her, making sure she was eating regularly and getting in the rest she needed, now being almost 10 weeks along in her pregnancy. He had been interviewing for a nanny, even after they lifted sedation, it might be a while before Deb was up to taking care of two small kids, and they needed help.

Carter had barely slept for the last week, and it was showing in the dark circles under his eyes and his haggard appearance. How could he sleep? He was worried about Deb and up all hours with the kids. He would get one settled and the other would need him, it was a constant round of diapers, bottles and meals.

Pratt walked into the room, ready to take a turn sitting with Jing-Mei "Man, you look like you haven't slept in a week." He scanned Carter's face, seeing the exhaustion in his eyes.

"Maybe because I haven't." Carter ran his hand over his face, knowing that when it finally hit him, it was going to be like getting run over by a freight train. He'd been here before, but he had held strong and not given in to temptation. He could do this, he had no choice but to keep going. If he didn't have the kids? It might have been different, but he did, and he was grateful that he did have them. They were his whole reason for being these days.

"You need to get some rest."

"Tell that to the two kids who keep waking me up at all hours of the night."

"Isn't Susan helping too?"

"Yes, but she has Cosmo and she's..." Carter cut off, realizing he had almost let out the secret. He needed to shut up, his brain was not working at full capacity right now."

"She's what?" Pratt looked at him curiously.

"She's got work and other things besides helping me. Susan has been a big help but she has a life too."

"Uh huh. So what's going on?"

"They are going to lift the sedation, finally. I am going to stick around, she could come out of it anytime in the next few hours."

"Okay, I will check back later. Need anything?"

"Thanks, I think I'm okay."

Pratt left, and everyone cleared out aside from Carter. Dubenko had told him to page as soon as Deb started to wake up.

Carter entwined his fingers with Deb's and rested his head on the bed, he was so, so tired. He closed his eyes, just for a moment.

Jing-Mei became aware of the beeping of machines, and her head was pounding. She lifted a hand, feeling the bandage on her head, the other hand was held down, she could not lift it. What was wrong with her?

She reached back down, her hand moving over to see why she could not move, and she encountered...a person. Someone was holding her hand, their head resting on her arm. She struggled to open her eyes, it took a few moments to focus, and she finally looked down.

"John." She croaked out, her throat was on fire, it felt so dry. "John?" She ruffled his hair with her free hand, he was obviously asleep. "John, wake up."

"What?" Carter heard his name, he was disoriented, so tired he could barely open his eyes.

"Wake up."

He lifted his head, staring into her eyes. Deb. Awake.

"Deb! You're awake!"

He sat up, letting her move her hand. "I'll be right back." He stepped over to the phone on the wall and paged Dubenko, then went back to Deb.

"How do you feel?"

"Like...hell. My throat hurts."

"Let's get you some ice chips, don't talk for a few minutes." He hit the call button. "You were in an accident, you're at County. They had to remove your spleen, and you had quite a bump to the head."

"My head hurts."

Dubenko and a nurse came racing in, happy to see their patient wide awake.

"We'll give you something for that. And get you some ice chips." He pulled out a penlight and did a quick exam. "Hm, looks good."

The nurse came back and spooned a bit of ice into her mouth, and administered some pain medication through the IV.

"How long have I been out?"

"About a week." Carter answered her.

"Weaver must love that, being short a doctor. You look like hell John... and what did you do to your hair?" Jing-Mei looked at him inquiringly. He looked really tired, he had dark circles under his eyes, but he was as cute as ever, though he was doing something really different with his hair.

Carter frowned at her. "Weaver? Why would she care, you haven't worked at County in over a year."

"Ha, John, funny, not nice to pull practical jokes on me right now. Always so damn competitive. Shouldn't you go back to work? Or are you off shift?" Jing-Mei was watching his face, and was a bit confused as to why he was staring at her like that.

"Deb...what day is it?"

"Um, I have no idea. Last thing I remember was...Lucy..." Jing-Mei was trying to focus on the last thing she remembered. John looked...different...older? And what was he doing here, he was...in Atlanta wasn't he? Wasn't he supposed to be getting better? Jing-Mei touched her flat belly. The baby...she had been pregnant, hadn't she?

"Lucy?" John was looking at her, concerned.

The doctor, who she didn't recognize at all, was watching the two of them, a slight frown on his face. "Dr. Carter, can I have a word with you?"

"Um, sure. Just a second. Deb, what's the last thing you remember?"

Jing-Mei felt the tears slipping down her face. "Did I lose the baby? I was pregnant, and why are you here, you should be in Atlanta."

Carter felt his heart drop. Atlanta? Baby? "Deb, no, you didn't lose the baby, everything is okay." He pulled her in and gave her a hug, just letting her cry. When she finally stopped, he handed her a tissue, then rubbed her arm. "I'll be right back."

He followed Dubenko out into the hall. "She seems confused."

"Yeah, no doubt, those memories are from 6 or 7 years ago. She was pregnant, and I had gone to Atlanta. I hope...she remembers more than that."

"Don't worry, she just woke up, it is normal to be a bit confused. The good news is her brain function is good, her speech is great. Relax and give her some time. We will keep an eye on her for a bit, then move her to a regular ward."

"Can you give her a private room please?"

"Um, they are kind of costly."

"Not a problem, I would still like her to have a private room. We have young kids, I would like to bring them to see her, and have some privacy."

"Once she is moved it _would_ be good to bring the kids in to see her, it might help with her confusion."

"I'll talk to her a bit, too." Carter went back into the room and sat beside the bed, taking her hand in his. "Deb..."

"John, I'm okay, you don't need to be here. Why are you back in Chicago already...you need to be getting better."

"I am better. Deb, what year is it?"

Jing-Mei told him what year she thought it was.

Carter ran his hand through his hair. She remembered nothing. She thought she should be pregnant with Michael right now, she was upset and confused and he needed to clear things up for her."

"Deb. It's...not. You seem to be having a bit of...short term memory loss."

Jing-Mei stared at him for a long moment. "Memory loss? John, are you teasing me again?"

She looked deep into his eyes, and he shook his head. "Deb, I would not kid you about this. I have a lot to tell you...about the last 7 years you seem to be missing."

He could see the tears starting. "Seven years? John, you are telling me I've forgotten seven years of my life?"

"I think so Deb. Last you remember, you were pregnant with Michael, and I was in Atlanta, right?"

"Michael?"

"Your son...you gave him up for adoption, his name now is Michael Alexander King."

"How do you know that?"

We're close, very close. I was your labor coach when he was born."

"He's okay."

"Yes, he's great. The adoptive parents, James and Linda send you pictures all the time."

"What else don't I know...I mean, seven years John?"

"There is so much, I don't even know where to begin...I just..."

"You are acting really weird, can you just tell me what is going on?" Jing-Mei was feeling a bit panicked.

"Deb, you and I...are together."

Her brows knit together. "Like, together? As in, we are seeing each other?"

"Like as in, you live with me, and we have a daughter, together. Like as in, we are engaged, and...I love you. That kind of together."

"We have a child? How old is she?" Jing-Mei was not sure what to focus on, the child or the fact that John Carter had just said...I love you."

"She's almost six months old. Her name is Jaida. And I have a son who is almost a year and a half, Devon, he lives with us too."

"No, John, I would remember my daughter, wouldn't I? Where is she? Can I see her?"

"She's at our house, Susan is taking care of her right now."

"Who is Susan?"

"Susan Lewis? Do you remember her at all?"

"Um, sort of. This is too much, can you...just let me have a few minutes, some time alone?"

Carter nodded. "Yeah, I know it's a lot, why don't you get some rest, and we can talk later."

Jing-Mei was overwhelmed. Beyond overwhelmed, she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Here John was telling her...she had no memory of a very long stretch of time, she'd had two children? Moved in with him, and...did she love him? What was going on? She really needed to talk to her mom, as much as they had fallen out, would her mom come see her?

Carter couldn't breath, he went back up to the roof and slid down onto the concrete. She didn't remember. Not her children, not their life together, not their love, nothing. He buried his head in his arms and sat for a very long time, he was trying not to break down, he needed to stay strong, he knew that, but it was too much. He finally left the hospital, knowing Susan would need a break.

"Hey, you're back, anything new?" Susan looked up from where she was sitting on the floor. Jaida had been trying to push herself up and crawl for the last couple weeks, and she was getting close to succeeding. Devon was scribbling on a piece of paper with a crayon and Cosmo was stacking blocks.

"She woke up." He sat on the couch, and tipped his head back, closing his eyes. He was so, so tired, he could barely even deal with things.

Susan hesitated, watching him closely. "You...don't seem to happy, what's wrong? Is she...not okay?"

"Depends on what you mean by okay. Everything seems fine except...she has some memory loss."

"Memory loss. How much memory loss."

"She thinks...its about 7 years ago. She has lost the last 7 years. She...doesn't remember, Susan, not about us, about our daughter, she doesn't even remember Michael. I don't know what to do."

"7 years? Oh John, I'm sorry, I don't even know what to say, aside from it could come back."

"What if it doesn't? This just gets worse and worse. She has a child, and she had no idea." He ran his hand through his hair. "She's being moved to a private room, so maybe later I'll go see her again. I might take Jaida with me, maybe it will help."

"I'd love to go see her too."

"Maybe wait until tomorrow? It might help too, but be prepared that she won't remember. I don't want to overwhelm her...there is so much I have to tell her. Oh damn it."

"What."

"Her parents...she doesn't know...I am going to have to tell her that too."

"That they died you mean? She doesn't know that her parents died?"

"No, that was only about 3 years ago. This is going to get messy, I don't even know how to begin. What to do next."

Jing-Mei woke from a dream, she dreamed that John had said he loved her. She tried to roll over in the bed, and realized she...could hear machines beeping around her and that she still had an IV in her arm. She opened her eyes, and came back to her nightmare. John telling her she had forgotten...that she'd had a child with him? A daughter.

"Hey sweetness, how are you feeling?" Pratt saw her open her eyes, startled at his voice. She stared at him uncomprehending.

"Sweetness? Who the hell are you?" She frowned at the man sitting beside her bed. She had absolutely no idea who this guy was...though he was attractive, she could not deny it.

Pratt had been warned that she was having some memory issues so he played it cool.

"Greg Pratt. I worked with you in the ER, Jing-Mei. You don't remember me at all?"

Jing-Mei shook her head. "Nope, no idea, sorry. Where is John?"

"You remember him? How is that?"

"I met him when we were med students, of course I know who John is and I really wish he was here. I have lot to ask him." She tilted her head with a slight frown. "This is going to sound so stupid, but...I'm involved with him, right?"

Pratt gave a faint smile, then nodded. "Yeah, you are majorly involved with him. You should see the big ass diamond he bought you."

She looked down at her left hand. "Where is it?"

"I think probably somewhere safe. It got separated from your finger in the ER, so I doubt he was going to leave it here while you were unconscious. Jing-Mei, the guy loves you, and from what I've seen, you love him too. You have a couple of kids now, though...I am not clear on how Devon fits in, he's not your son, but he sure the hell is related to John. You can tell that just by looking at him, he's like a miniature Carter. Your daughter though, she is more like you...she's really adorable."

"I wish I could see her."

"You can." Both Pratt and Jing-Mei looked up, finding Carter in the doorway, holding Jaida in his arms, and a little boy by the hand.

"That's her? Jaida?" Jing-Mei stared at them.

Pratt got up from the chair. "Well, I think I hear Weaver calling me. I'll check in later." He patted John's shoulder on the way out.

Carter walked in slowly, Deb's eyes were following him closely, focusing in on the little girl in his arms.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Can I? Will she know me?"

"It's only been a week, Deb, I'm sure your daughter will know who you are." Carter handed over the little girl, then picked up Devon, who was clinging to his leg.

"Deb." The little boy pointed at Jing-Mei, then giggled then pointed at John. "Daddy."

Jing-Mei was slightly annoyed. "You taught him to call me Deb?"

"No, he is just mimicking what I call you. He is barely 16 months, Deb, besides we haven't exactly figured out what he is going to be calling you. It's a bit complicated, I'll tell you the whole story later."

Jing-Mei brought her attention back to the little girl who was gurgling and smiling at her, tangling her little fingers into Jing-Mei's long dark hair.

"Jaida. Hi baby, wow, I can't believe this John, this is our daughter. She is so sweet, so little." She cuddled the girl against her chest.

"Jaida Mei-Lin Chen Carter."

"Precious Gem. We called her a precious gem, and she is, she is beautiful."

"Just like her mom."

"What do my parents think of her? Have they been to see me?" She lifted her eyes to his, and was not sure she liked what she saw. Sadness? Regret? "Why are you looking at me like that John."

"They never got to see Jaida. Deb, your parents have been gone for a few years now. Your mom died in an MVA in China, and your dad never recovered properly and died a couple years ago here in Chicago. I'm sorry." He reached out and squeezed her hand.

She felt a tear run down her face. "They're both gone? I have no family left here?"

"Well, just us. You have me, Jaida and Devon."

"The family I don't remember. John, can you...take her please."

"Sure." He set Devon onto his feet, then took Jaida from her arms.

"Please, I need to be alone, I just...can't deal with this, it's too much." She swipe her hand across her face.

"Okay...you're sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"No, please just go. I need to be alone." Jing-Mei refused to look at him.

"Call me if you need anything. I brought you some things from home." He placed the carry bag on the chair. "Deb...I know this is overwhelming, but...I love you."

John didn't know what else to do or say, she didn't respond or even look at him, she was just staring at her hands. He felt his heart aching, the woman he loved didn't remember that she loved him, or that she adored her daughter, or had taken in his son like he was her own. His Deb was missing, and he was not sure he would ever get her back.

"I'll come see you later." He took Devon's hand and led the small boy out of the room.

"John."

"Yeah?" He turned to look back at her.

"Can you shut the door? I want to be alone."


	28. Chapter 28

Carter took the kids to the park for a while then it was time for lunch and naps, so he took them home. 

Susan looked up as she heard the door.

"I just made some lunch, great timing."

"Where's Cosmo?" 

"Chuck picked him up a while ago, it's his night with him."  Devon toddled over to her and she scooped him up.  "Oh you have dirty hands mister, did your daddy take you to the park?"

"Pak, I hungy Auntie Suze."

"Well, let's wash you up and you can have lunch.  I made you some noodles."  She carried him off to the bathroom.

Carter dropped a bottle in the warmer, then took Jaida upstairs, cleaning her up and changing her.  By the time he got back, Susan had Devon in his high chair, eating noodles with his chubby fingers.  Carter took the bottle and sat with Jaida.

"Thanks Susan, for helping out.  I have one more nanny coming for an interview later, hopefully I will have someone soon, but it has been more difficult than I thought."

"No problem, I don't mind being here, John, you know that.  And with Jing-Mei awake now, things will get easier."  Susan glanced over at him.  He remained silent, not even looking at her.  "John, is everything okay?"

He just shook his head, unable to speak, he felt choked up and he was trying hard to keep his emotions in check.  Deb had basically kicked him out of her room, she had barely spent any time with Jaida and had not been even remotely interested in Devon.  He knew this was tough for her, but it was equally hard for him.  She had not even looked at him after he had told her he loved her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now.  I just...need some time.  It is all overwhelming, you know?"  He ran a hand over his daughters soft downy hair, then cuddled her closer.  What if she had lost her mother?  Was he going to be able to raise these kids on his own?

Susan watched him interact with his daughter, and knew something was on his mind.  Jing-Mei was awake, and he should be happy, but he so obviously was not. 

* * *

 

Jing-Mei lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.  Her parent were both gone, and she felt adrift.  She had held Jaida earlier, and the little girl was sweet, adorable, but she felt like...the little girl was not hers.  She was having trouble reconciling the fact that she had a child she didn't even remember conceiving.  With someone she considered a friend, she and John were good friends, but they weren't _that_ close.  Were they?  They'd made a baby together?  She was engaged to him? 

She was trying, but she sensed the disappointment as he closed the door behind him.  It didn't help, she was feeling the pressure to remember.  Obviously a lot had happened in the seven missing years, she must have changed, they must have grown closer, but her last memories were of John being forced to go to Atlanta.  How erratic he had been in the past few months, the crazy mood swings, the sarcasm.  And she understood, she remembered that night, his blood everywhere, all over her clothes and lab coat, his face seeing Lucy in the next room.

How she had locked herself in a bathroom stall and vomited for what seemed like hours, then scrubbed her skin until it was raw, needing to wash away the blood, as if that could save him.

Yet here he was, seemingly fully recovered, with a son?  She still had no idea about who the child's mother was, or the circumstances, and a daughter?  Who was by all accounts hers and his? 

How did it happen, how did they get together, how had he fallen in love with her, and did she really love him?  She loved him, sure, but _in love_?  Enough to agree to marry him and live with him, and be with him for the rest of her life?  She had no recollection of that, whatsoever.  He was not even...her type.

She heard a soft tap at the door.

"Can I come in?"

Jing-Mei turned her head, taking in the pretty blond woman standing in the doorway.  She look vaguely familiar, but she was not positive who she was.

"Sure.  Sorry, but...do I know you?"

Susan took in a deep breath, slightly sad that Jing-Mei did not recognize her. 

"Susan Lewis.  I know you have...forgotten a few things Jing-Mei, but you might remember working with me when you were a med student.  I left County for Phoenix, but you were already gone by then.  I didn't come back until John was Chief Resident."

"He got the Chief Resident job?  After the whole Atlanta thing?  Really?"  Jing-Mei felt resentment course through her body, then took a few deep breaths.  Obviously ancient history even if she didn't remember it.

"He did, and he was really good at it too."  Susan came and sat by the bed, seeing the bag on the chair.  She knew John was going to give Jing-Mei some pictures for by her bed, but it looked like they had not even gotten as far as opening it.  "How are you feeling?"

"A bit of a headache, but otherwise all right.  I guess.  It is a bit strange really, to wake up and have the guy who you spent so much time being super competitive with and last you remember was...never mind."

"You can say it Jing-Mei.  Was sent to Atlanta to rehab for an addiction to prescription drugs after a violent stabbing attack at work?"

"You know."

"Yes, I know.  We're close."

"You and John?"

"Well, you, me and John actually.  My son calls you Aunt Jing-Mei, you and John have been incredibly supportive during my divorce, there isn't much we don't seem to know about each other."

"You and I are close friends?"

"I know you don't remember, but yes, we are."

"Mm, how long have we been friends."

"About 5 years or so now.  We used to go out for girls nights back when we were single, you know lots of alcohol, occasional picking up of guys for random hot sex."

"I bet John loved that."

"I don't think he cared, he was getting his own sex from his girlfriend, maybe not random but it might have been hot.  You never complained about the sex, in fact you seemed pretty happy with your...hot crazy and amazing bedroom romps."

Jing-Mei giggled.  "Oh come on.  I told you that John and I were having hot sex?"

"Oh yeah.  I'm often a bit jealous, I haven't been seeing much action lately, so...I live vicariously through my friends, and apparently yes, you two have very hot and satisfying sex."

Jing-Mei became more serious.  "We have a daughter, and I don't remember.  I don't remember loving him either, you know?  I just...don't feel like that about him, he is a good friend, and nothing more.  I am sure he is disappointed in me, but I can't make myself feel what...I simply don't feel.  Our daughter is...sweet...but I am not sure what John expects of me."

Susan nodded slowly, thinking about how he was when he got home.  He had been very quiet, had put the kids down for a nap, and excused himself, shutting himself in the office, saying he had some work he'd neglected.  It was evident he was struggling with things, and Susan was getting a bit of an idea now as to why.

The woman he had asked to marry him simply did not remember how they fell in love, she had lost a ton of her life.

"I think he wants you to get better and remember.  He cares about you."

"He loves me, and I can't love him back.  He needs me to be a mother to a six month old baby that I can't remember conceiving or giving birth to and be a mother to his son, who apparently is not even mine.  It's too much Susan, way too much to take in.  My parents are both dead?  Here I am alone, with no family, and I am so confused."

Susan's heart was bleeding, for both of them.  For Jing-Mei who has lost several years out of her life, and for Carter, who may very well have lost the love of someone he cared for deeply.  He may now be facing raising the kids by himself?  Now what?

"The doctor said I am only here for maybe another week, and then I can go home.  But go home where?  I'm living with John right?  I don't have any other place to go, so, I have to try and fit myself into a life I don't remember."

Susan sighed.  "Have you talked to him about this?  About how you feel about going home to the house?"

"Is it our house, or my house, or his house?"

"His house, I guess.  He bought it, and you moved in with him after you found out you were pregnant.  To be fair, you were really happy there.  Jing-Mei, talk to him, this is hard for him too, you know."

"Right, he remembers everything, poor John.  He hasn't forgotten the last seven years, I don't know the whole truth about us, about him and me.  I can't just jump back in, does he get that?"

"I don't know.  This is all too new, he spent the last week wondering if you were even going to wake up.  Don't think this affects just you, Jing-Mei, it doesn't.  You two were building a life together, you were thinking about another baby when Jaida got old enough, you were going to marry him.  I think you need to try and get back into your life, and see how it fits and what you remember over time.  Just because you don't remember now, doesn't mean you won't.  You need to give it a chance."

"I don't know if I can."

"Talk to John, he needs to know how you are feeling, Jing-Mei.  I am sure he would be willing to take it slow and give you time to adjust."

"I'll talk to him okay?  I don't have a lot of time to sort things out either, and I will have leave the hospital."

"Hey, do you want to look at what is in the bag?"

"No.  I'm not ready for that, maybe later."

"All right, I am going to go, let you get some rest.  It will all work out, relax and take it one day at a time."

"Easy for you to say.  Thanks, I think I will take a nap."

Susan let herself out, taking her time getting back to the house.  The kids were still asleep but the office door was open.  She peeked into the master bedroom, the door was ajar.  John was laying on the bed, but not asleep.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure.  You disappeared for a while."  He patted the bed beside him and she puffed up the pillows, laying beside him on top of the covers.

"I went over to see Jing-Mei."

"Ah.  How did that go?"  He was still staring at the ceiling.  His voice was flat.

"She seems pretty confused, upset, but who wouldn't be.  She lost 7 years of her life, she didn't even remember we were friends, which was tough."

"Tell me about it."

Susan took his hand and gave it a squeeze.  "I know, I don't have to tell you anything.  Give her some time, and be patient, it was a shock to her."

"I know, it's just...she doesn't love me and she...doesn't know her own child.  She didn't want us there, I saw her maybe for 10 minutes and she wanted me to leave and take the kids with me.  Dubenko said he is going to release her in a few days.  Then what?  This is her home, but I don't get the feeling she is going to want to be here and I don't want to force her to be.  Maybe I should find her an apartment or something, she is totally freaked out, and...I don't want her to feel pressured."

"You read her like a book."

"Did she say something to you?"  He glanced at her.

"Yeah, you're right, she is not sure how she is going to be able to fit into a life with you and two kids, when she doesn't know how she got here."

"Uh huh.  Well, I don't know either to be honest.  She would be welcome to stay in the guest room, but I have a feeling even that is going to be too much for her.  Plain and simple, she wants nothing to do with her life as it was right before the accident.  She may never get back to where we were, and where does that leave us?"

"Give her some time and space, her memory, or at least parts of it could come back, John."

"Not much else I can do is there?  I can't make her love me, and I can't make her want her daughter.  I'll go see her tomorrow and get her to talk to me, find out what she wants to do when she gets out.  I know trying to get back in to your life, and being around the familiar can sometimes help, but if it makes her anxious, and she is resistant to it, then mentally it is not helpful, right?  Good thing I'm on Sabbatical now and I have the resources to take some time off."

"You think she doesn't love you or want her daughter?"

"We have known each other a long time, Deb and I.  It never went anywhere before...why is that?  Part of it, I think, is over the year we shared a lot of experiences.  Like Michael being born, that was a huge deal in the development of our relationship, as was how she helped me when I came back from Atlanta.  The Marfans case and the Chief Resident stuff, the loss of her parents, Kem, Joshua, all of that ties into it.  Our friendship, how it grew over time, we were keeping in touch even before I came back from Darfur, she was emailing me.  How close we were when I got home to Chicago.  None of that exists in her mind anymore, she is missing a huge piece of the puzzle."

"Oh boy."

"Yeah, oh boy.  She is back at a point in her memory where we cared about each other, but it was still a new development.  We were so damn competitive with each other, and barely tolerated each other at some points.  That is where she is, Susan.  Not where I am, nowhere even close.  All I can do is give her some time and hope she remembers, or hope that over time she learns to love me.  So how long do I wait for that to happen?  I can't put my life on hold, I have two kids to worry about, one of which is her daughter, and there was...no real connection there today.  It could have been anyone's child she was holding, like Jaida is not even hers."

"This is complicated."

"Very."

Susan rubbed her belly.  "I think it is time for some dinner."

Carter looked closely at her.  "You're starting to show."

"Yes, I'm getting close to the magic 12 week mark.  And this is my second pregnancy and I showed early with Cosmo too."

"Can I?"  He held out his hand and Susan took it, placing it on the slight swell of her belly.

"Of course.  I guess this is another complication for you.  At some point telling her that this baby is yours."

"I think we will just leave that one alone for now.  I am not sure if or when it will be appropriate to tell her, like you said, complicated."  He rubbed her belly then took his hand away.  "Lets get some food...do you want to order in?"

"No, I put a chicken in the oven, so if you help we can have a proper sit down meal with the kids.  Are you still okay with me being here?"

"Honestly?  Yes, I am kind of dreading the day you decide to move back to your own apartment.  Especially right now, it is good to have an adult around to talk to, you know?"

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean.  I am still struggling a bit with the whole Chuck thing, and it is good for Cosmo to be around his Uncle John.  And he loves Jaida and Devon, and I like being here too."

"I like you and Cosmo being here."

* * *

 

Jing-Mei heard the tap on the door, looking over as Carter came in.  He was by himself today, he walked in slowly, then sat in the chair.  She noted he was keeping his distance, he looked...unhappy.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked quietly.

"Okay, my headache finally went away.  I have been up quite a bit, walking around, I seem to be healing up from the surgery."

"That's good."  He folded his hands and leaned on them.  "Dubenko said he was going to release you in the next couple of days."

"Yes, he is going to let me out of here."

"Then what?  What do you want to do, Deb."

"You've been talking to Susan.  I should not have trusted her."

"She didn't say anything, nothing I already didn't know.  I know you don't want to move into the house, right?  You would prefer your own place?"

"Yes, I...feel like I have so much catch up to do, I need some time, hopefully I can remember, but...right now?  I'm overwhelmed, I know you are disappointed in me, maybe you even hate me, but I just can't try and fit myself into your life."

"It's not just my life, Deb, it was _our life_...together.  I don't hate you, and I'm not disappointed in you.  Believe it or not, I get it.  I was going to say you could just move into the guest room, no pressure, but maybe even being at the house is too much pressure for you right now.  I get it, you are in a very different place than I am, you don't remember everything we went through, everything we shared.  All I can hope is that you will remember, or at the very least make some room in your life for your daughter."

Jing-Mei stared at him for a long moment.  "That's it?  You are just...okay with the fact that I can't live with you?"

"I'm far from okay, but...this isn't all about me is it?  You would be unhappy, I am not going to try and talk you into or force you into something you clearly don't want.  I can help you find a place if you want."

Jing-Mei shook her head.  "No.  I am making arrangements to...go stay with some family in China for a while.  Do you know where my passport is?  Where all my clothes are?"

"You're going to China.  By yourself."

"Yes.  I need some time, John, I think you get that?  I think it's best if I leave Jaida with you."

"How long?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  Dubenko is going to help me find a neurologist there, so I can get regular check ups.  He says I should stay in Chicago, try and immerse myself in my old life, but...my old life is sort of gone.  I don't work at County any more, my parents are gone, I don't have a whole lot else."

Carter gave her a long look.  "No?  You don't have any friends here?  Nothing worth staying for Jing-Mei?"  He stood.  "Let me know when they release you, and I'll get someone to take you to the house so you can pack whatever you need.  Susan would be a good choice, she has a key."

He turned and walked out, letting the door tick shut behind him.


	29. Chapter 29

Susan unlocked the door and stepped into the house, shutting the door behind them.

"This is nice."  Jing-Mei looked around briefly, Dubenko had signed off her discharge papers and Susan had picked her up from County.

"I've always liked this house, he did a lot of work on it right after he bought it.  Anyway, he said he would leave your passport and stuff in the top drawer of your dresser."  Susan led Jing-Mei upstairs.

Jing-Mei trailed her fingers up the banister, stopping briefly to look around.  She looked into the first room which was a baby room, set up with a jungle theme.  The next one was a little boys room, set up with a toddler bed.  Then the master bedroom on the left, where Susan ushered her in and pointed to one of the dressers.

"Your stuff is in there and of course in the walk in closet.  He pulled your suitcases out of storage, so I will just wait for you downstairs? "

"You're just going to leave me alone in John's bedroom?  Where is he anyway?"

'Um, out of town.  He left a couple days ago, took the kids with him, I think he had some business in New York.  And this is your bedroom too, you know.  You've been in here plenty of times without a chaperone, I think he would not be all that worried about it."

The truth was after John's last visit at the hospital, when Jing-Mei told him she was going to China, he bought plane tickets and left the next day.  Susan didn't understand what had gone on, he wasn't talking much.  He just said that he would leave what Jing-Mei needed and if Susan could let her in to the house so she could pack, he would appreciate it.

Jing-Mei he called her.  Not Deb, he had stopped calling her Deb, which was a very bad sign.  He had only very brief instructions that she could have her privacy to pack, but he couldn't be there.  Didn't want to be there was how Susan read it.

"Could you...maybe stay?  I would love a bit of help, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind, I'll stay if you want me to."

"He's angry with me, isn't he?"

"You would have to ask him how he feels, he didn't say much, just that if I could let you into the house, and help you find anything you needed.  Then he packed and went to New York."

"What's in New York?"

"Business I guess, he didn't elaborate.  Maybe he is seeing his dad too?  I don't really know to be honest." 

Jing-Mei inhaled deeply.  This was so weird, being here, it made the whole thing real.  Seeing the house, evidence of their life together, the fact that they shared a bedroom.  She opened the top drawer of her dresser, finding her passport and a few personal papers, her wallet with all her ID.

She went into the walk in closet, and found some handbags, arranged neatly on the shelf, she choose one and put her wallet and papers into it, picked up the suitcases.

"These aren't mine.  I didn't have Louis Vuitton."

"Um, no they are yours.  These were a gift from John,  and I think you donated your old ones?  You got them for Christmas last year."

"Oh.  All right, I guess we are good to go then.  Do you think he would mind if...I left some stuff here and got it later?  I won't need all of this in China, not even close."

"Um, I would guess it's all right.  Maybe let me know what you would like done with it all and I could box it up before he comes home.  How long are you going to be in China?"

"I have no idea.  John asked me the same thing, how long.  And I really couldn't answer, just that with my parents gone I don't have a lot left in Chicago, my family is all in China, so...could be months."

Susan turned away so Jing-Mei could not see the look on her face.   Nothing in Chicago?  Aside from a man who loves her and her daughter?  This was a side of Jing-Mei she had never seen.

"Did you tell John that?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you didn't have anything left in Chicago."

"I guess I did.  It didn't come out quite right, I mean, I know he's here, and Jaida, but I...just don't remember any of it and I felt she would be better here with him.  He'll take good care of her, I don't think I can take that on right now."

Jing-Mei started sorting things into her suitcase, beginning with her lingerie from the dresser.  Susan had seen a couple of boxes folded up in the storage room, from when John had come back from Germany, she thought maybe they could just box up the clothes now, save John from having to look at her things when he got back from New York.

"Just start putting anything you don't want to take into the boxes.  I'll get them into the storage room."

Jing-Mei stopped and looked at her.  "Protecting him are you?"

Susan crossed her arms.  "Maybe a little.  I admit it, having him come home to see half of your stuff still here?  Knowing what you've said to him?  I think he has enough to deal with, without having to face packing up your clothes, Jing-Mei.  You might think it's okay to run away like this, but in my books, you are being selfish.  Instead of staying and trying to figure things out, you are running off halfway across the world, leaving your fiance and your daughter."

"I'm trying to let him go, so he can get on with his life.  I'm a mess, I may never remember and he needs a woman in his life who loves him."

"You love him."

"No, I don't.  Maybe the Jing-Mei I was loved him, but now?  I've lost 7 years, and I have no idea why, or how much I loved him.  I don't remember anything, aside from what a pain in the ass he was as a med student, and how much we fought with each other.  This is best for everyone."

"No it's not.  He's devastated Jing-Mei, he thought you were going to die, he stayed with you for hours on end while you were in the hospital and took care of the kids.  He wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and now...you are just running off.  You can't see what you are giving up, you should be staying and fighting to get your life back, but you are just running away.  One day you will regret it, leaving like this."

"I notice that he is not here asking me to stay."

"You've made it clear to him that you think you have nothing left here.  What does that say to him?  Even if you can't stay for him, you should be staying and trying to get to know your daughter.  She is 6 months old, you were so excited when she was born, and you can just walk away from her?"

"Maybe I should just do this myself.  Can you wait for me downstairs?"

Susan threw up her hands.  "Fine, yes.  I'll go.  Just pack everything up, don't leave it for him to deal with okay?  This is hard enough for him already."

Susan turned and stomped out of the bedroom, fuming all the way into the kitchen.  She put on the kettle and made some tea, trying to calm down, rubbing her belly gently as she did.

Jing-Mei went back into the closet, and took out all her clothes, shoes and bags.  She started packing, and was soon done.  She took the last of her things from the dresser, coming across a ring box as she did.  She flipped it open, and brushed a tear from her eye.  It was beautiful, no gorgeous, a ring like she had always dreamed of having.  She picked it out of the box, holding it up to the light, then sliding it onto her left hand. 

Of course it fit perfectly, like it was made for her.  She noted the name on the box...well, it had been made for her.  She sighed, she was leaving this behind her.  She took the ring off her finger and put it box into the box, then tucked it into the top drawer of John's dresser.  She could not take it with her, it was incredibly expensive and she did not want to give him false hope that she would be able to come back.

She went into the bathroom and found all of her things, emptying out the cupboards of anything that she figured was hers.  She took a last look around, noting a picture on the bedside table.  She picked it up, studying it for a few moments.  It was a picture of her and John, both of them dressed to the nines, and both looking really happy.  She felt a twinge of regret, but, her family was expecting her in China, and she needed to go.

She could not tie him down, waiting for her to get better, to remember.  He should be free to find someone, and be happy.  She boxed up the last of her things, then went back downstairs, making a couple of trips to bring down the suitcases she was taking with her.

She could hear Susan in the kitchen, Jing-Mei wandered through the living room, looking at the pictures on the mantle.  One struck her, it was her and John, a belly shot when she was pregnant, but obviously done professionally.  She glanced over towards the kitchen, then picked it up and tucked it into her purse.  She had pictures of Jaida already, they had been in the bag John brought to the hospital that day, and she was taking those with her too.  As much as she didn't feel connected, something made her want to take those pictures with her.

She moved quietly across to the kitchen, observing Susan as she stood sipping some tea.  She was absently resting her hand on her belly.

"When are you due?"  Jing-Mei could see Susan jump and almost spill her tea.

"Oh, you scared me.  Um, I'm 11 weeks, not quite ready to start telling people yet."

"You must be excited.  But I thought you were getting a divorce."

"I am, but I wanted another baby, so, I'm having one."

"Not your husbands though, right?"

"No, I um...used a donor and did AI.  It worked pretty quickly, only a couple months and I was pregnant."

"Wow, really.  You want children that badly."

"I'm almost 40, so I don't have a lot of time left to have children, and I really did want a second child.  My soon to be ex Chuck and I were trying to have another one, but then...he cheated on me.  And I didn't want to wait around to find another guy, it is hard to find great single men it seems."

"Mm, I suppose it is.  I've dated quite a bit, and..."  Jing-Mei stopped abruptly, realizing that she was in the process of leaving a great single guy...who she had supposedly loved, and the same guy had asked her to marry him, with a really incredible ring.  "How did he ask me?" 

Susan looked up from where she was washing out her cup.  "What?"

"John, how did he...ask me.  I found the ring in my dresser drawer, what it was doing there I don't know but...do you know?"

"Not details, but he took you to New York and he asked you in Central Park I believe.  You would have to ask him, I think it didn't quite go as planned that day, but he asked and you said yes.  As for why it was in your drawer, the ER almost lost the ring, someone took it off your finger and it didn't get in with your personal belongings.  It was found when they cleaned the room and fortunately someone knew it was yours, they'd seen you  wearing it on another occasion and they gave it back to him.  He brought it home, to keep it safe, you were still being held under sedation and no one was sure what was going to happen."

"Oh.  I'm done packing, I'll let John know where to send the boxes?"

* * *

 

Carter opened the apartment door, his dad was standing outside, holding a couple of gift bags.  He had phoned him a few times over the past few months, but he had never quite made it to Chicago.  Now John was in New York, his dad decided to have a visit with him.

"John.  I'm glad you called and let me know you were in town."

"I had some business, and thought you might like to meet the grand kids finally."  He stepped back and let his dad inside.  Devon toddled around the corner, looking up at Jack curiously.

"Wow, he certainly looks like you.  Reminds me of when you were his age."  Jack got down to his level and gave the small boy a hug, then picked him up.  Devon allowed it, he was generally secure when daddy was in the same room.  "Where is Jaida?"

Just as he spoke, she crawled around the corner, and John went and scooped her up. 

"She's getting to be a handful."

"Pretty little girl, just like her mom.  Where is Jing-Mei?"

"She was going to China for a while."  Carter turned and took Jaida back into the living room, his dad following.

"China.  You are just letting her go?"  Jack had been filled in on the basics, that she had MVA  and didn't remember a lot."

"Yup.  She's probably on a plane by now."

"You aren't going after her?"

"What would be the point?  Not like she remembers anything about our life together, she didn't even discuss it with me, she just decided to go.  Said there was nothing for her in Chicago, her family is overseas.  That about says it all, don't you think?" 

Jack sat and gave Devon one of the gift bags, which he reached into, pulling out a cute teddy bear.

"Bear, daddy."

"I see that.  Say thank you to Grandpa."

"Tank you gampa."

"You're welcome Devon."  Jack watched the little boy sit down beside his half sister and start to play with her blocks.  "He talks really well.  You have two really beautiful kids, John.  You need to get back the beautiful girl to go with them."

"Can we not talk about this right now?  You think it's that easy?"

"Go after her."

"No.  If she wants to be with me, she will come back on her own.  You know, if you love something set it free, if it comes back, its yours, if it doesn't it never was?  Well, that is where I am at...she knows where I am, if she wants to be part of my life or her daughters life, she can make it happen, she can come back."

Jack sighed.  "You are far too stubborn for your own good."

"Yeah, whatever.  You know, I gave up so much for Kem?  Look how well that turned out.  I'm not doing it again, this time I'd be dragging two kids all over the place for someone who told me that there was nothing for them in Chicago?  I mean, I get she is missing a lot of details, but if she wanted to know those details all she had to do was ask.  She didn't even try, so, I should be running after her?  No way in hell, I'm done, I'm sick of the bullshit, if she is gone when I get back, then so be it.  She's abandoning her daughter, I don't even get that."

"She isn't really though, she knows you are not going to let anything happen to Jaida."

"But she is leaving Jaida without a mother.  I am not thrilled about that little fact, that she can walk away without a backward glance?  I would fight tooth and nail for either of these kids, but she can just get on a plane and go halfway around the world?  What kind of mother does that?"

Jack sighed.  "Your mother did that."

"Exactly, I don't know what went through her mind either.  I was 11 and left in a house of staff I barely knew, by myself.  Great damn parenting."

"You were fine, don't be so dramatic."

"Fine?  Are you sure about that?  You have no fucking idea, do you?  Not a damn clue."

"About what?  You had people to take care of you."

"Uh huh.  Whatever.  Keep telling yourself that it was all fine."  Carter didn't even want to get into it but his dad was watching him with a frown.

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter.  It was over 20 years ago, so don't trouble yourself with the details.  Are we just going to sit here and argue?  If so, you should probably just go."

Jack sighed again.  "Okay, have it your way."  He stood up.  "I have a meeting in a bit anyway.  Do yourself a favor, and get that girl back, John, you look unhappy."

"Thanks for the stellar advice.  Go to your meeting."

Jack left and Carter sat watching the kids play.  He was never going to do to them what his parents had done to him, what Jing-Mei was doing to her daughter.  Never.

* * *

 

Jing-Mei dropped her bags onto the small bench.  The room was very small, but it was clean and simple.

"Jing-Mei, you look good.  Except for that bruise on your head of course."

"Thanks Min, you are always so complimentary."  She hugged her cousin tight.  "I am so glad to see you."

"Me too.  I was surprised you came now, I thought you were going to visit us next month, and bring your doctor with you."

"What?"

Her other cousin Ling sat on the edge of the bed.  "Wow, did that knock on your head knock all the sense out of you?  You were supposed to bring John and Mei-Lin with you, remember?"

"No, Ling, I don't.  Amnesia, it means loss of memory.  I was supposed to come next month?"

Ling rolled her eyes.  "Yes, you were bringing your fiancé to meet the family.  You were both going to travel around China, the plan was about 6 weeks or so, we wanted to meet him.  We know he is not Chinese, but you talked non stop about how much you love him, and all about Mei-Lin, how cute she is.  And you show up without either of them."

"Well, things aren't so good now.  I don't remember, I lost about seven years, and I don't know if I still love him."

'You crazy girl.  You don't love him?  It wasn't even two weeks ago and you were gushing about how you wanted him to meet everyone.  And you didn't bring your baby.  I was looking forward to seeing her."

"Another time Min."  Jing-Mei concentrated on unpacking.  She was here now, and she intended to stay.


	30. Chapter 30

It had now been two months since Jing-Mei had left, and Carter was still not used to her being gone.  He'd made some progress though...hired a nanny for the kids, and settled into a routine.  He was working with Peter on writing up the study, along with attending the necessary board meetings.

He had come back from New York to a silent house. A quick look in the master bedroom confirmed she'd left, and her clothing was all gone, along with her personal items.  He'd found her ring in his drawer, and he knew, she wasn't coming back, ever.

He'd heard nothing from her either.  No note, no phone calls, no emails.  He buried himself in work and taking care of the kids, though the nights were tough, he barely slept.  He'd let another woman break his heart, he'd let himself love her and trust in her and she'd left him. His dad was keeping his distance too, not that it was any great surprise, they disagreed on what he should be doing about Deb leaving.  But John was not going to run after her, he'd made that mistake already, with Kem.  He'd get over her, and move on with his life. He didn't think he could ever let another woman into his life though, he'd lost too many people, he needed to guard his heart now.

"John?" Susan opened the front door and stepped into the house.  She'd been a frequent visitor over the past couple months, and she stayed over in the guest room quite often.  She tried to avoid asking about Jing-Mei, John was not talking about her, and she wanted to give him time.

"In here."  He called from the kitchen.  He was busy feeding both kids, Jaida was trying solid food now, and Devon of course was now a 18 months old and eating almost everything.

Susan gave both kids kisses and then set her bags on the chair.  John gave her a kiss on the cheek, and put his hands on her now noticeable belly.  "How are you feeling today?  Getting over the cold?"  He rubbed gently then let her go so he could get back to spooning pureed carrot into Jaida's mouth.

"Much better thanks. It's hard, I have to suffer through it, but lots of tea and chicken soup seemed to help.  I get to go for an ultrasound in a couple days."

"Wow, so are you going to find out?"

"What? You want to know? Wait." She grabbed his hand. "Feel that, the baby is active today."

Carter let her put his hand on her stomach, feeling the little movements as the baby kicked and squirmed.  "That's amazing.  No matter how many times I feel it, it's incredible."

"I know. I love this little baby so much already, John. Do you...want to come for the ultrasound?"

He glanced up at her. "Really? You want me to come?"

"Yes. And...I might let it be a surprise, you know, the boy or girl aspect. I want to know, but...I don't want to know. You in?"

"Yes, I'm in. Let me know what time and day, you know I'm writing and I have the nanny in most days to help out."

"Thank you."  Susan looked him over carefully, he was obviously not sleeping properly, he had dark circles under his eyes, he always looked tired these days. "Have you heard anything?"

He shook his head.  "She's not coming back, Susan.  It's been two months, and not a word.  If she cared at all about me or about her daughter, then she would have made some sort of effort."

Susan bit her lip, then stepped over, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm sorry. I thought she would come to her senses."  She hesitated. "Have you thought about reaching out to her?  Or going to China and finding her?"

"No. She made it clear how she felt, if she wanted to be here, she would be.  I can't you know?  I'm not going to run after her, or uproot my life or the kids lives. You may not understand, but I've been here before and last time I gave up everything.  This time...forget it.  She's made her choice, and all I can do is live with it."

Susan could hear it - anger, disappointment, but mostly hurt.  She was not at all sure he'd get over this in any hurry.  Jing-Mei had inflicted serious damage, and it was going to take time for him to get past it.  He may never trust a woman again.  She hugged him tighter, grateful at least he had his kids.  This could only be worse if Jing-Mei had taken Jaida with her.

* * *

 Jing-Mei woke up in the semi darkness.  She'd been in China for two months, and had no word from Chicago.  She had not left things on great terms with John, she knew that, but she wished he'd at least send her something.  Her life was feeling hollow, empty, like something was missing.

On top of that she'd been having strange dreams.  Last night was no different, except this time the dream was...incredibly erotic...and about _him_.  Susan must have put thoughts in her head, or her subconscious was telling her to find a man, because she woke up bathed in sweat and turned on.

She wasn't sure what parts of her dreams were fantasy, or what might be real. Her greatest wish was that she would remember her life, but it was not happening.  Jing-Mei pulled out the pictures, and stared at each one in turn, coming finally to the one where she was with John.  The one she had taken from the mantle the day she packed up and left.

His hand rested on her belly, and she was looking up at him with...such trust and love, she could see the smile curving her lips. The camera did not miss how he was looking at her either.

She ran her fingertip down his face, wondering.  She flipped back through and looked at the pictures of her daughter and her heart ached.

What kind of mother was she? How could she leave such a sweet innocent little person, someone she so obviously had loved and wanted?  John. Would he allow her back in their lives after she had run away like a frightened child?  Or had she destroyed whatever it was that they'd had together.

She pulled out her lap top and scrolled back down to the email he had sent her, apparently from Germany.

_I miss you so much, I wish you could be here, but I know it's not possible right now.  Jaida needs you to be there, and I don't want you trying to travel with her this young, so much work for you._

_I love you baby.  I know this is going to create turmoil in our lives, it's a big change, but we both know how much I need to do this.  Something I never expected, to lose a dear friend and find out I had a son, a complete shock._

_I will be home as soon as I can and I appreciate the work you are doing to set up the room for Devon.  I know you will do a great job.  I still am not sure what he will need, maybe a few clothes, it seems like what he has is on the verge of too small, he's growing quickly at this age._

_I love you Deb, give Jaida kisses for me, maybe we can try to video chat sometime tomorrow, I am dying to see both you and my baby girl._

_All my love._

_John_

 She had found this when she was going through trying to find anything to remind her of her life.  She had eventually found her reply as well, where she had expressed her love for him in return.  Had she made the biggest mistake ever, leaving Chicago like she did?

She opened a new email, then started to type, not quite knowing what to say.  She ended up with one line.

_How did it start, how did we fall in love?  
_

Her finger hovered over the key for a long moment, before she simply deleted it and snapped her laptop shut.  He would never forgive her.

* * *

 

Susan lay back and let the doctor squirt the cool gel onto her belly, looking up at John, reaching out for his hand.  He gave her a smile, squeezing it in return, then watching the screen.

"Everything looks really great, Susan.  Do you want to know if we have a boy or a girl?"

Susan looked up at John and he shrugged.  "Up to you Susan."

"No, I am going to wait."  She was clutching his hand tightly, excited and nervous that she was doing this.  The baby was perfect, curled up and sucking it's thumb, she could see that.  She looked up at John, and saw the expression on his face as the doctor ran he wand over one more time, but he shuttered his emotions quickly.

Carter had seen, but he was not going to say anything, now he was pretty sure the answer to the boy or girl question.  He was worried, he was getting attached to this baby, very attached.  But he should not be, this was his baby, but not his baby either.  So complicated, everything in his life was so incredibly complicated.  He wondered if he had done the right thing, donating for Susan, but he couldn't take it back, and right now, seeing the baby, he didn't think he even wanted to. She looked so happy, and the baby was perfect, beautiful.  His kids made his life worthwhile, the only thing that was keeping him going.

They went back to his place and collected the kids from the nanny, then took a walk along the river.  Devon was a bundle of energy, they stopped at the park, and John chased him and Cosmo around for a while, Susan put Jaida into one of the swings.

Susan wished dearly that this was her real life.  It felt like she was just borrowing it sometimes.  Obviously John was a great dad, and a very good friend, but there were times when she felt more for him.  Jing-Mei was a stupid woman, giving him up so easily, Susan was not sure she really knew what she had given up.  Yet, Jing-Mei was her friend, and Susan felt compelled to protect her interests until she came to her senses.  John belonged to someone else, his heart belonged to Jing-Mei.

Susan looked over as John watched the two boys playing on the slide, noting the attractive blond who approached him.  She did a double take, the woman was very, very familiar.  The woman who was now giving John a hug and kissed his cheek, holding onto him too long for Susan's liking.

Susan tried to discreetly observe as John split his attention between the woman and the two little boys.  She peeked out of the corner of her eye as John took out his phone and handed it to the blond, who typed something and and handed it back, then typed something into her own phone as John picked up Devon in his arms.

Her curiosity finally getting the better of her, she took Jaida from the swings and walked over as the little girl began to fuss.

Perfect, she could hand her back to daddy, and peel this woman off of him.  Two kids was sure to make her split, especially an eight month old baby.

"John, your daughter needs you."  Susan held out the little girl to John and finally got a proper look at the woman.  "Wendall?"

"Hi Susan, how are you doing?  I was just going by on one of my runs and saw John.  Haven't seen either of you for a long time...I didn't know you two were...seeing each other."

Carter shook his head.  "We aren't.  Jaida and Devon are my kids, and Cosmo is hers.  We're friends, have been for a long time."

"Right of course, sorry, I should not have assumed."  Susan could feel Wendall's eyes run over her belly, then her eyes went back to Carter.  Susan didn't miss the scan of the left hand either, Wendall was checking for the wedding ring.  "Give me a call, John, I'd love to catch up."  Wendall gave a quick wave then turned and headed back down the path.

"Wendall?  What the hell are you thinking?"

John gave her a look with a slight eye roll. "That I might go for coffee with a friend of mine.  That's what I'm thinking.  What's the big deal anyway, Susan, she left me, not the other way around, I am pretty much free to do whatever the hell I want, don't you think."  He tucked Jaida back in the stroller and pulled out a bottle which he handed to the little girl.  "Come on Dev, we should head home, I think it's time for a snack."

Susan took Cosmo's hand and walked with them.  "Is that a hint?"

"A hint?"

"I should go home?"

"No, you don't have to go, I would appreciate it if you didn't comment on Wendall.  I can have friends, you know, and most of my friends are women, get over it."

"You used to sleep with her. I think she's more than a friend, she's an ex girlfriend.  How long did you date her for?"

"Three months, okay?  Yes, she's an ex girlfriend, so what?  She stopped to say hi, she asked me for my number so we could go for coffee."

"She was checking out your ring finger, surprised the two kids didn't scare her off."

"Well, they didn't, maybe because she just wants to catch up, not like we are going to be jumping into bed or anything. I doubt she would want to get involved again, it didn't end  well before.  Hey maybe she wants the chance to poison my food and get back at me." He gave her a sassy grin.

Susan glared at him.

"Relax, why are you getting so bent out of shape about who I talk to."

"Maybe because I am good friends with Jing-Mei.  Remember her?"

"Oh, the woman who isn't here?  The one who ran off to China and left me, and her 6 month old daughter two months ago?  That one?  I'm trying to forget her, she sure the hell has forgotten us.  You know what?  I'm done with this conversation, not your business."  John was pissed off now, how was it he was getting lectured about talking to Wendall?  Deb...Jing-Mei...had walked out on _him_.  He was supposed to wait for her to decide to come back?  It felt like shades of Kem all over again, how long was he to wait?  If he had stayed with Kem no doubt he would still be waiting for her to get her act together.

He hoped Jing-Mei was happy, but his time waiting for her was done, and he didn't think he could put himself through it again.

"You are too damn stubborn John Carter, you let her walk away."

"What don't people get?  I have been there, seen it, done it.  If she doesn't want to be here, nothing I can say or do can ever change it.  I'm not giving up everything to chase her around the globe, if she wants to be with me, she knows where I live. She didn't even try, Susan.  She didn't discuss it, she decided to get on a plane and leave.  Despite the fact she's known me for years, even considering the memory loss.  I offered the guest room, I offered to rent her an apartment if that wasn't comfortable.  I asked her to make room in her life for her daughter, even if she couldn't continue with us.  And she still left.  Damn it Susan, do you not get it?  I cannot go through it again,  I am so done with women and their shit, I have nothing left to give.  My kids need me, I'm there for them, but giving me a fucking lecture about how I just let her walk away?  Fuck off, I've already heard it.  From my dad no less, parent of the year, the guy who left _me_ alone when I was 11."

Susan stopped, stunned.  She had not seen that coming, he was really angry, and she knew she had probably overstepped the boundaries.  No, not probably.  Definitely.  He had not told her any of this before, and neither had Jing-Mei.  He'd tried to get her to stay, and she gotten on that plane anyway, with no discussion.

She was still standing there, John had kept walking, and had not even looked back.  He needed time, she knew it.  The problem she had now, was Cosmo was with him, her son had stayed with John and she needed to go collect him. This should be fun. 

She followed, by the time she turned the corner, they were nowhere in sight, they were already in the house.  She took her time, took a breath then let herself in.  She walked into the kitchen, the two boys were already at the table, waiting patiently as John made them each a snack.

"Let's go wash your hands." She held out her hand to Cosmo.

"Uncle John helped me mommy, I washed and so did Devon."  The little boy crossed his arms defiantly.

"Really?"  She looked over at John who nodded silently.  He poured each of the boys some milk and put their plates in front of them. Then he sat down and started to feed Jaida.  He said nothing, just fed the kids, then took Jaida upstairs and put her down for a nap.  The two boys were playing happily, so Susan tidied up the kitchen.

John came back downstairs, getting involved with what the boys were doing, still saying nothing.  He finally put both boys down for a sleep, he noted Susan did not seem in any hurry to leave, she was not going to let up on him, apparently.

"Sorry for the language in front of the boys, I was...really upset.  I hope you understand why I can't go after her, she needs the space and time, I can't force it.  She doesn't remember Susan, she might never remember our life together, which means I have to move on and deal with it.  I'm doing the best I can, I thought what we had was going to be it, you know?  And now it's not, and I don't know what to do."

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, and you're right, I have no business telling you not to see Wendall or getting involved in your life like that.  It's hard, I know you love Jing-Mei, and it cannot be easy, what you're going through.  It's hard to watch, seeing a beautiful woman hit on you when you should be getting ready to marry my friend."

Carter sighed.  "Hit on me? Seriously? I doubt Wendall wants to get involved with me, and what makes you think I want to get involved with her?  She's great, but it didn't work out before, how would it now?  I'm not in much different of a position than last time I dated her, she would just _love_ that I bet."

Susan frowned. "What? I don't understand."

"I wasn't over Kem.  Now I'm dealing with my fiancee leaving me with two kids.  Wendall is not going to want to deal with it, trust me on that one. I know her better than you do."

"Still she was checking out the ring finger and you taking two adorable little children to the park makes you a chick magnet. Don't even pretend you couldn't get Wendall into bed if you really wanted to. Be honest."

Carter laughed. "Ah, I see. Women fall all over themselves when a guy shows up at the park with his kids? I guess I will have to go more often, without you."

"Ha ha, funny. But it's true, women get all gooey over a guy when he's attentive to his kids.  And it doesn't hurt if he's damn cute too. Admit it, how hard do you have to work to get woman to go out with you.  How many women turn you down for a date, and how many dates before you have them in your bed."

Carter rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

Susan realized she had let him lead her off topic.  Sneaky.

"You should be planning your wedding right now."

"She left her ring, you know. She left her ring, she left me, and her child.  She's not coming back, ever. Get with reality Susan, I have.  I don't want to talk about this, okay?  It's hard enough to get through every damn day, without you bringing it up. Or lecturing me about talking to someone at the park. Or whatever else. I'm barely holding it together, and you're not helping."

Susan reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry, John. I'm being stupid."

"Can we...not talk about it? I appreciate you are trying to be supportive, but can you let it go?  Let me get on with my life, Susan."

"You've completely given up on her?"

"Yes. I have to. If I hold onto the hope that she will ever be the same person again, or she's going to walk in that door?  It is going to sink me.  It hurts too much, I did that once already, and I can't.  I know you don't understand, it is not an easy thing, but to me this is Kem all over again.  We lost a child and she never got over it, she was never the same person afterwards.  She never will be, and I couldn't wait around for her to change, it was destroying me.  Jing-Mei lost seven years of memories, without them?  She is not the woman I fell in love with, and without them she doesn't love me. How long do I wait for her to get over it and decide she wants to be here?  How long Susan, tell me what to do to fix it, to make her who she was."

Susan closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  She was finally starting to understand what was going on in his head.  And the worst part was...he was right.  Jing-Mei was not the same person anymore, she was alive, but the person he fell in love with and the one who loved him had died in that accident. This was one of the worst things that could happen to him, he either gave up on the woman he loved and moved on, or he was going to be stuck in limbo forever, waiting to see if she regained her memory and came home to him. In the meantime, he had two children who were completely and utterly dependent on him, and he didn't have the luxury of falling apart.

Susan nodded. "I get it. You're right, I didn't understand."  She slid close to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry."


	31. Chapter 31

Jing-Mei sat in front of her laptop, idly twisting her hair. She had written and deleted the email at least a dozen time now, and she was no closer to knowing what to say than she was in the last week. She'd done a lot of thinking during her time in China, and she knew she was ready to go back to the States.

Her family was trying to push her to date 'eligible' Chinese men, with the news her relationship with the 'white doctor' might be over. They were happy, she had left her 'half blood' child in America, now she could produce a child that was 'acceptable' to her family. But it was not what she wanted, she didn't want to marry a traditional Chinese man and live the rest of her life in China. She knew in her heart it was the wrong path for her, but she felt at least accepted here, even if they didn't really understand what had happened to her.

At night, she lay in bed, looking through the pictures. John had given her the pictures of Michael, and the letters from the King's, detailing how he was growing up. Then she looked at the pictures of Jaida - who her cousins kept insisting on calling Mei-Lin - and wondering what she looked like now. She was close to nine months old and was probably crawling and making all sorts of wonderful sounds now.

She bit her lip, staring at the screen, then she typed in a message. She was not sure he would respond, but...she had to try.

_John,_

_I'm sorry it has taken me so long to contact you again. I'm sure you hate me, and maybe I deserve it, leaving like I did._

_I'm traveling around here in China, and was hoping... maybe, just maybe you would send me a few updated pictures of Jaida. I know she must be over eight months old now and I'd love to hear how she's doing. Is she crawling? Is she happy?_

_How are you doing? How is work? Where do you even work now? Come to think of it, I don't even know where I was working last in Chicago, or was I? So many questions._

_I have these dreams, and I don't know what is real, or what my imagination is making up. All I know is I feel adrift, my family does not seem to understand how scary it is to not remember so many years of my life. I'm scared John, really frightened of what my future holds._

_Not that you should care or worry about me, I'm a big girl after all. But, can I ask you some things? I have this huge blank where my life used to be, and I don't know what to do. Please, will you answer me? I miss my friend...are we still friends? Maybe not, I'm sure you never want to see me again. Sorry if I'm rambling._

_Jing-Mei._

She didn't think, she hit the send button, putting it out to the universe. If he answered, then she would know that her life was not without hope. Maybe she could mend the bridges, maybe he would at least let her see her daughter now and then. Even if she was proving to be a terrible mother, leaving like she did.

* * *

 

Carter handed off the kids to the nanny, then settled into his office for a few hours of writing. He and Peter had met yesterday and gone over the outline for the study, and they had each taken a portion to write out, then tomorrow they would trade and review and edit for each other.

Peter was being great, he had given him one of his 'Peter' big brother type hugs. No pressure, no lectures on how he could let her go, or the like, just the quiet support that was so typical of Peter Benton. And the offer to talk whenever he wanted.

Carter had started to open up to him, he knew keeping everything inside was not healthy. He thought maybe Susan was starting to understand his dilemma - how do you win back someone who doesn't even remember they loved you. He couldn't get Kem back, and she remembered their feeling for each other. Now he was faced with losing someone that he loved more than Kem, in fact...she was gone. Thousands of miles and seven years of memories separated them, how was he going to bridge that?

He turned on his laptop and opened his email account, starting from the top, when one caught his eye. Deb. She'd emailed him? He sighed and clicked on it, not quite knowing if he wanted to read it. He'd been trying to get on with his life, and now she was popping back into it. Still, he could not help the small glimmer of hope... unless she was simply telling him where to ship the rest of her clothes, this was at least something.

He ran a hand over his face, then sat quietly for a few minutes after reading it a couple times. He pulled out his camera and plugged it in to the computer, downloading the digital pictures. He had taken some great ones around the house and at the park in the past few days, if she wanted to see her daughter, then he wasn't going to refuse her. This was bigger than him, he could never deprive Jaida of the opportunity to get her mother back, even if she could never come back to him.

_Jing-Mei,_

_I must say I was surprised to hear from you. Glad you're all right, and I don't hate you. I don't understand why you left... not entirely anyway, but still, I don't hate you. I don't know if I ever could._

_I've included a few pictures, Jaida is doing great, she's crawling of course, and trying to pull up on the furniture. She's eating a few solid foods, loves going to the park, and is generally a happy little girl._

_Work. Well, we both worked at Northwestern. You took some time off after Jaida was born, but you had an Attending job in the ER and were thinking about taking off a full year._

_I was an Attending in the ER, double boarding in surgery, Peter Benton and I were doing a study, but that is done now, and I am on Sabbatical for year to spend time with the kids and do some publishing. I'm also on two Board of Directors, one for the Carter Family Foundation as Chairman, and another at the Carter Center, which is being built with funds from the Foundation. Yes, hell has frozen over and I'm now Chairman. But my grandmother left me little choice when she died, so... that's my life._

_I'm not sure what else you want to know. There's so much that happened in those seven years, I don't even know where to begin. I wish you remembered, and I'm sure you do too. Everyone gets scared, if anyone understands being scared, it's me. Try not to let it take over your life._

_I miss my friend too._

_John_

He read it over, hoping he was keeping it light, he didn't want her to feel pressured, but he was going to open the door for her. He attached a few of the best pictures, then hit send, hearing the swoosh sound as the mail left the outbox.

* * *

 Jing-Mei wasn't sleeping, she was tossing and turning in the narrow bed, and she heard her email bing. She sat up and opened her laptop, checking to see who was emailing her at this time of the night. Or day. This one was from Chicago and it was daytime there. John, he'd actually replied to her.

She took a deep breath and let the smile creep over her face, devouring the words. It was short and to the point, but, he'd sent her some pictures. She focused on the last words _'I miss my friend too'._

She wiped the tears from her face, she was beautiful, their daughter was precious and the pictures were wonderful. She noted the time, this had just been written a few minutes ago, maybe he was still online. She hit 'reply'.

_John,_

_Thank you, the pictures are beautiful. She's beautiful, funny how I miss her when I don't even really know her. You must think I'm the worst person in the world, leaving my child like that._

_Ha, hell freezing over... there must be quite a story there, you always swore you'd never be forced into the Foundation, but... what's the Carter Center? Sounds fancy, some big time arts thing I bet._

_And what's this Jing-Mei stuff, even at the hospital you were calling me Deb, now suddenly so formal? You know, as much as I always acted annoyed when you called me Deb, it's our thing, John, I wish you would call me Deb again. From you, calling me Jing-Mei sounds like you are so disappointed in me, and I can't take it._

_What is the story of us?_

_Deb_

She hit send, then leaned back against her pillow.

* * *

Carter saw the mail notification, and was amazed that she'd written back so quickly. She'd noticed his use of Jing-Mei, he knew he had started using it to put up the wall. Her comment about having nothing in Chicago cut him deeply and he'd immediately become defensive, and he knew that. Deb. She was asking him to call her Deb, maybe her subconscious was recognizing the importance of the name?

He replied, this was the most communication they'd had since before the accident, she was finally asking the questions.

_So Deb,_

_What are you doing up so late? Must be the middle of the night in China._

_She's beautiful, like her mother, she's going to look like you when she grows up. She's smart too, you can see it in her eyes, and she is trying really hard to talk. She's spending time around Devon of course, and Cosmo, so she has to keep up with the 'big boys'. I bet she will be walking by 10 months, she is already trying._

_The Carter Center is a Health Center, I have attached some information on it, if you are really interested. How it came to be is a long story. You should know that I support the arts of course, but given the state of our health system, this seemed a more prudent use of funds. Maybe someday you will let me give you a tour, it should be opening next year._

_The story of us...well, that is a long story too. All I can say is during those seven years you're missing, we both went through a whole lot. You remember your part in sending me to Atlanta...well, I did my time for my crime. Went through rehab, got better, and in the end I appreciated my friends cared enough to get me the help I needed, but was too scared to ask for... You're not the only one who has been scared Deb, I've been there too many times. But it can get better, don't give up._

_Beyond that, it would take hours to recount everything that happened. We had a lot of times where we supported each other, through some happiness, but unfortunately we helped each other more through times of sorrow - they weren't easy years by any definition. Or maybe the better way to say it is unfortunately we experienced much difficulty and sadness, but fortunately we were there for each other when it counted._

_When I got back from Darfur, it seemed like we had a lot in common, our friendship had grown over the years, and...it just seemed right. We were spending a lot of time together, and it just kind of happened._

_You will laugh of course, but—what happens in Vegas—doesn't always stay in Vegas. So cliche, but, that's where we conceived our daughter. Medical conferences are so much fun...and I actually mean that, no sarcasm intended. We were both more than ready to be be parents, so...we now have our sweet little angel Jaida._

_Get some sleep Deb._

_John_

* * *

 Vegas? What the hell?

_John,_

_Always so damn bossy...but truth is, I can't sleep. I have been tossing and turning and wondering. How did we get together. And all you can say is Vegas? Seriously? We slept together in Vegas, like some kind of one night stand, and that's why we're together?_

_And Darfur? Where is that and what were you doing there? It sure doesn't sound like any place local._

_When and where did you ask me to marry you? And why? Because I was pregnant with your child after we had sex in Vegas? I'm so confused._

_Deb_

* * *

 

Carter sighed as the reply came in and he read it.

_Deb,_

_Not sleeping. I know that feeling, and yes, seriously, Vegas. But, it was nothing close to what you seem to be thinking. We had been dancing around it for a while, then we were sent to a week long medical conference in Vegas. We went out the first night we were there, we went early actually, and we had this great night together._

_Of course, crossing the line from friends to lovers, not easy, but we did and spent the whole week together...and no one figured it out until Susan came by my suite a bit early one morning to go for coffee and you walked out in my shirt. But she kept her mouth shut and we kept it quiet, hardly anyone knew about us until you were almost 4 months pregnant. And it wasn't just Vegas, we stayed together, we were very much involved still when we found out you were pregnant._

_I did not ask you to marry me because of Jaida, I asked you because I love you. It wasn't some cheap little affair, Deb, but it hurts you jumped to that conclusion._

_When and where? New York City, March, on the Bow Bridge in Central Park. Not quite where and how I planned, but you found the ring in my pocket before we got to the intended destination, so I made the best of it and asked you right then and there._

_Darfur...maybe look it up, but it is in the Sudan, there have been some major happenings there, and the need for medical assistance...let's just say it made me feel needed and productive during a very tough time in my life. I spent some time in the Congo, volunteering for an NGO, and then in Darfur in an IDP camp. I was there in total...a couple years between my time in the Congo and Darfur. I quit County the third time I went, even though I had tenure by then._

_There is a ton of history, Deb. Each piece was a building block to what we had before the accident. I know we will probably never get back what we had, I understand that. Maybe one day, though, you will be able to let your daughter back into your world. She's going to need her mother, as much as she needs me._

_Seriously...get some sleep, things look better when you are not running on empty. I should get some work done before the nanny leaves for the day._

_John._

_PS. Keep writing and let me know how you are, I will try and answer your questions as best I can, but it is hard to put feelings into words. We have been there for each other through more than you know, Deb. None of it easy, and even if you don't remember, I am still here for you, I don't expect we can just go back to where we were. I am still your friend, and always will be._

Jing-Mei sat with the tears running down her face. The email felt like an invitation back into his life,  _'let your daughter back into your world. She needs her mother. I am still your friend.'_

She suddenly knew where she belonged.

* * *

 

Carter kept his eye on his email for the next couple of days as he went about his life. He was a bit disappointed, he had not heard anything further from Deb since her emails the other day.

"You are really distracted. What is going on with you? Are you not sleeping again?"

He was sitting across from Susan at the cafe, they had left the kids with the nanny and gone out for a break. He had finally gotten his mind back onto writing, but found his thoughts drifting frequently. He wasn't sleeping all that well either.

He sighed. "Deb emailed me."

Susan's head popped up, this was the first she'd heard of this. "When?"

"A couple days ago."

"What did she say? Is she coming home?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. We just talked a bit, she wanted some pictures of Jaida, so I sent them to her. Next move is hers, but she was still in China, so I really don't know. I was hoping she would keep emailing me, we had a bit of back and forth, but nothing for two days. I hope she didn't feel pressured."

"It's a start, John. Give her some time, and I bet she'll be in touch again. It's good she asked for pictures. I wish I'd given her my email too, in hindsight. Though she might not even think to contact me, she was quite annoyed with me the day I took her to pack."

"Why? What happened?"

"I told her she was running away, that she should not be just leaving like that. Then I insisted she pack up everything, not leave half of her clothes for you to deal with when you got home."

"So, she was going to leave some of her things at the house?" Carter frowned, this changed things. Or did it?

"I guess she was, she didn't need it all in China, she has a lot of stuff."

"I know, she was taking over the walk in closet, we almost needed a bigger house. In fact I was thinking we would need to move at some point, we were thinking...about having another baby at some point, even after Devon came home with me. Still, I guess I'm lucky, I have two great kids, I at least get some of what I wanted."

Susan nodded. "I hear you." She paused. "So, did Wendall call you?"

Carter narrowed his eyes at her. "Yes, she did as a matter of fact. We went out for dinner, caught up, it was nice."

"Did you sleep with her?"

"Holy crap Susan. Nosy much?" Carter was annoyed. Susan was a friend, but sometimes she got a little to up in his business.

"You slept with her? That was pretty quick."

"Not really your business, keep your comments to yourself."

"Does she know. What's going on in your life?"

"Discussion closed, Susan. I know you want what is best for me, what is best for Jing-Mei, but, you need to leave my personal life alone for a while. I'm not going to talk to you about Wendall, okay?" He finished his last bite and pulled out his wallet, dropping his credit card onto the table. "That's like me asking if you slept with Luke yet."

"No, I haven't slept with Luke yet, we haven't even gone out. I think the whole pregnant with another man's child is a little much for him. And he doesn't know whose child, just that I did AI because I wanted a baby, I think he finds it weird."

"Ah, well, you knew that might happen, right? Some people accept a woman might not want to wait around, others don't. If he's the right guy, he will come to his senses."

"Until he finds out the baby is yours, then he will flip out."

"Don't tell him. Anonymous donor, that's what we agreed to Susan. You are under no obligation to tell anyone, and I would prefer you didn't."

"Did you tell Wendall?"

"No, it's not my place to tell anyone, and why the hell would I?  Anyway, not like you came up much in the conversation, other than me assuring her that you were a friend and we weren't sleeping together."

"You did sleep with her. John, what about Jing-Mei?"

"Do we need to go through this again? I'm not discussing Wendall with you. Deb is thousands of miles away, on another continent, and I don't know if she is ever coming back. She left me, Susan, how many more times are you going to make me say it." He signed the credit card slip, and stood up. "I have to get home, I promised Peter I would finish editing today, and the nanny will be leaving in a couple hours. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Susan nodded. "Sorry, and yes, I will bring Cosmo by tomorrow and we can take the kids to the park. I'll stop, I promise."


	32. Chapter 32

Jing-Mei reached out her hand, then pulled it back.  Then reached out again, not quite having the courage she needed.  She had been standing in front of the door for a few minutes now, and she was sure one of the neighbors was going to call the police very soon and have her charged with loitering.

"Deb?"  His voice came from behind her, soft and questioning.

She turned slowly, knowing she was busted. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long.  Just wondering if you were going to actually ring the bell or stand there all day."  Carter's eyes took her in, at first he had been scared to speak, maybe she was just a mirage, not really there at all.

Jing-Mei shrugged.  "I was scared, I guess.  Maybe you would just open the door and then tell me to go away, that I don't belong here."

Carter observed her for a long moment.  "You know that's not true.  Whether you know it or not, you do belong here, Deb.  This is...was your home too, you lived here for over a year.  I'm sorry if you ever felt that way, if I ever made you feel that way."

She shook her head as he slowly came up the steps.  "No, it's just me, John.  I woke up in the hospital, feeling so overwhelmed and lost.  Not really believing that I had...gotten so involved with someone I considered my best friend.  I freaked out, and I ran away...though it was no better in China, I have to say.  My family was setting me up with all these 'acceptable' traditional men."

Carter tried not to react to that.  Setting her up...just like last time she was there, except this time, she was supposed to be his...his what?  He shook off the thought, they had both been trying to get on with their lives.

He unlocked the door and opened it, motioning she should go inside.

Jing-Mei could see he was not happy about something, but she stepped into the house.  He had not sent her away, and she hoped that she could maybe see her daughter.  She really wanted to know if he meant what he said about her making Jaida part of her world...again.  Even if she didn't know what that world was before.

"John, you're home."  The woman came out of the kitchen, and Jing-Mei inhaled sharply.  He had replaced her?  Already he was with another woman?  "The kids are both napping.  Did you need me for anything else?" 

Jing-Mei could see the woman taking her in, looking at her with curiosity.

"Thanks Elise, I'm good from here, see you tomorrow?"

"You bet.  8 am, right?"  Elise picked up her bag and left quietly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"  Carter could see Deb was upset about something.

"Is she...your new...girlfriend?"  Jing-Mei felt inexplicably jealous, why was she so bothered about the woman being in the house?

"Deb, she's the nanny.  You know?  The babysitter?  I needed some help with the kids for when I have meetings or when I need to write, so I hired a nanny."

"Oh...right, the nanny.  You must think...I'm crazy or something."  She looked at the floor.

Carter sighed, then stepped closer to her, sliding a finger under he chin, and tipping her face up so he could see her.  They looked at each other for a long moment, before Jing-Mei reached up and ran her fingertips down his face.  She remembered doing this in a dream, and it seemed...to just feel right.  She could feel her cheeks flush, as the details of the dream came back to her.

She felt mesmerized by his eyes, she couldn't move, she could hear his shaky intake of breath, before he leaned down and kissed her.  His lips were so warm and soft against hers, his hair silky under her fingertips as she ran her hand up the back of his neck, letting her hand wander freely.

His arm wrapped around her back, pulling her in closer, the kiss deepening, a little shiver running down her spine as she felt it right down to her toes.  The tingling sensation, the...desire that was growing in her belly.  She pulled back suddenly, this was going too fast, it frightened her how right it felt to be in his arms.

"Sorry.  I'm sorry Deb, too much, to fast, right?"  Carter turned away, leaning his hands on the counter top.  "You still don't remember, do you?"

"Not really, but I do have these dreams...and I am not sure if they are real or not."  She inhaled deeply.  "Can I see her?  Can I see Mei-Lin...can I see her?"

"Mei-Lin?  You mean Jaida?"  He turned around then held out his hand, leading her towards the stairs.

Jing-Mei halted, hesitant to go upstairs. 

Carter let go of her hand and watched her for a moment.  "What's wrong?"

"Um, I just...want to see Jaida."

"Uh huh, and she is sleeping, so she will be in her bed...upstairs...in her bedroom.  You can check on her, and then maybe you would like some tea or something, you can stay until she wakes up if you want, but if we interrupt her nap she will be a grouch all afternoon."

"Right.  Can I...just go up?  By myself?"

"Of course.  You know which room is hers?  Devon is sleeping too."

"I saw the rooms when I was here before...I'll be quiet."

She slowly mounted the stairs, opening the bedroom door very slowly and tiptoeing over to the crib.  The little girl was curled up with her thumb in her mouth, her breathing deep and even.  Jing-Mei resisted the urge to touch her, to run her fingers over the dark downy hair that covered her head.  She watched her sleep for a long time, before she backed out of the room, then went to the next bedroom.

She peeked in, the little boy was hugging a teddy bear, also fast asleep.  He looked liked John, so much like John, that it made her heart ache.  She knew from the emails she had gone through that they had found out about Devon not long before her accident.  That John had flown to Germany to retrieve his son, who's mother had died...in an MVA. 

She was not sure...did John have an affair?  Cheat on her?  Was this child a result of that?  Or did it happen before they were together?  He sure was adorable though, precious, and he was Jaida's big brother.  She wandered down the hallway, stepping into the master bedroom.  It was neat and clean, the only thing out of place was a dress shirt John had hanging over the back of a chair.  She ran her hand over the soft fabric, then help it up to her nose, inhaling deeply.

The scent brought back a flash...a real memory?  Or just part of one of her dreams?

She lay down on the neatly made bed, pulling out one of the pillows, plumping it up slightly, then closing her eyes, enjoying the soft scent of shampoo and aftershave clinging to the bedding.  She relaxed, feeling the happiest she had in quite a while.

Carter put on the kettle, occasionally glancing at the clock.  He ended up sitting with the article, and doing some editing, before realizing it had now been over half an hour since Deb had gone upstairs.  He tread quietly, peeking in at both of the sleeping kids, finding no sign of her.  He checked the guest room, and found no Deb, which left...his bedroom.  He smiled slightly as he saw her, fast asleep on top of the covers, hugging one of the pillows.  Her dark hair was fanned out, her breathing soft, but even.  Definitely down for the count. 

He took the blanket off the end of the bed and carefully draped it over her, not wanting to wake her.  She had looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes gave away the continuing sleepless nights that had plagued her.  He was not sure how long she had been back in Chicago, but it could not be more than a couple days and it was a long trip.

He returned to his study with a cup of coffee, and worked for a couple hours on the article before he heard the kids starting to stir.  Devon first, he could hear the little boy playing quietly in his room, then the gurgles as Jaida started to wake up and talk to herself in those small unintelligible noises that would some day soon become real words.

He set them both up with snacks, then let them loose to play in a corner of his office while he worked for a bit longer.  He kept an eye on the kids, Devon pushing around a truck while Jaida tried stacking some blocks, getting frustrated as Devon pushed them over.

"Hey there buddy, don't do that."  John gently pulled the little boy away from his little sister, distracting him with another toy so Jaida could play in peace.  He got fully involved with the two kids, not noticing for some time that Deb was watching from the doorway.

Jing-Mei had woken with a start, disoriented, not sure where she was, except the bed was wonderfully soft and luxurious, and the pillow smelled lovely, masculine and familiar.  She gazed around the room, feeling warm and cozy, then realizing she was laying on John's bed...covered with a soft blanket.

She had laid down on his bed and fallen asleep, and who knows how long she'd been there.  Long enough that someone...John...had covered her up.  So he knew she was in his bedroom, sleeping on his bed.  That she had been snooping around his house.

She stretched, then borrowed the bathroom to freshen up.  The dark circles under her eyes were still there, though not quite as noticeable.  She brushed her hair, which was a bit tangled, and splashed some water on her face.  She felt...almost refreshed after her nap.

John was in his office, not working, but playing with the kids.  He let them crawl all over him, and she had to smile, she never pictured him as a dad, not really.  But watching him, he was a wonderful father, patient and gentle, attentive yet firm, not letting either child get away with any bad behavior.

He felt like there was a presence, he looked up, meeting her dark eyes.  She had a slight smile on her face, and she looked simply breath taking.  He was not sure she would ever come back...and maybe it was too early to assume she was truly...back.  But he loved that she was here. 

"Sleeping beauty finally woke up."  He gave her a warm smile.

"Sorry, I think I am still jet lagged.  I'm...a little embarrassed though, I just kind of took over your bed.  I got caught, I was kind of...snooping, and I'm really sorry for invading your privacy like that."

He shook his head.  "You seem to forget that it was _our_ bed, Deb.  _Our_ bedroom, not so long ago.  You don't have to feel that it is inappropriate or that you were invading anything.  This was your home for over a year, the things here are also yours, I am not going to be upset if you...look in a cupboard or something.  I don't have anything to hide anyway."

"Still, I don't remember living here."  She came over and sat down beside Jaida on the floor, then ran her hand over the little girls hair.  "She has grown so much since I saw her at the hospital."  Her daughter turned and looked up at her with big eyes, then smiled.  A big, happy, grin as she held out a block towards Jing-Mei.

"She wants you to help her build her tower."  Carter bit his tongue, he wanted to say...yeah, Deb, children grow, you could have been here, but you weren't.  He took a deep breath, he had to keep perspective, this woman was not the Deb he fell in love with, her memories were from a time before they both...really grew up.  Odd to say, considering the were both close to 30 at that time, but it was true.  They'd had a lot of life in the seven years she was missing, they'd learned, lost and loved during those years, and she had no idea.

Jing-Mei's heart skipped a beat as she watched Jaida put the block on the tower, then push it all over with her tiny hands.  She started over, and Jing-Mei helped her rebuild, encouraging the little girl.

"Park, daddy.  Can we go park now?"  Devon wrapped his arms around John's neck, then put one of his hands against his face.  John nibbled at the little boys fingers, getting a squeal of laughter.  "That tickles, daddy."

"We always go to the park after nap time if it is nice out."

Jing-Mei could not help but smile, the little boy looked at her with dancing brown eyes, so much like John's. 

"You wanna go park with us, Deb?"  The little boy asked innocently.

"I would love to go to the park with you, Devon." 

The bundled up the kids, John piggybacking Devon after settling Jaida into the stroller, which Jing-Mei took charge of, just enjoying being with her daughter.  She felt...love for the little girl.  She had been so disconnected with everything and everyone at the hospital, but suddenly she was feeling like this was...so comfortable.

John chased Devon, letting Deb have some time with Jaida.  He wanted her to bond with the little girl, to see what she would be giving up if she left again.  His only fear was she _would_ leave again, but next time she would take Jaida with her.  Then John would follow her, he would never give up his little girl, he loved his children far too much.

After a good hour at the park, John suggested they go to their favorite cafe for an early dinner.  The server came by with a a smile. 

"Nice to see you Dr. Chen, it's been a while.  The usual?  Or do you all need a few minutes with the menu."

"The usual is good for me and the kids."  John answered right away.

"Dr. Chen?"

"Um...the usual, sounds good to me."  She gave John a half smile, he winked at her and nodded.  He knew she would like the order.

Jing-Mei felt her breath catch in her throat, he seemed so relaxed and easy going, but that wink had caused a rush through her body, electricity, and she was not sure why.  She concentrated on cuddling Jaida, who was having a bottle.  The little girl was starting to get fussy, and she was having no luck calming her.

John held out his hands, and the little girl automatically reached for him, settling down immediately once she was securely in her daddy's arms.  Jaida reached out her hand, playing with his face and then clutching at his shirt as she drank contentedly.

"I guess I'm Persona Non Grata at the moment."  Jing-Mei felt a bit hurt.

Carter sighed softly.  "Deb, you need to give it some time.  You've been absent from her life for almost three months including your time in the hospital, that is like...a third of her lifetime, considering she is only 9 months old.  You did great with her, but be patient, she is simply used to coming to me for comfort."

Jing-Mei nodded slowly.  "You're right of course.  I did that to myself, I left, instead of staying.  It was stupid of me, John.  I ran away."

"But you are here now...I hope you...plan on staying for a while."

Jing-Mei met his eyes.  "I don't know, I can't just jump back into where we were."

"I don't expect you to, Deb.  I just meant...I was hoping you were going to stay in Chicago, maybe spend some time with your daughter."

"Oh."  She felt slightly disappointed, he didn't seem at all interested in picking things up with her. 

Their meals arrived, and she had to admit, it was good, though her appetite was not huge these days. 

Carter watched her, wishing things were different, but knowing he could not push her or rush her, or even expect she would ever want anything with him ever again.  The most he could hope is that she stayed and became part of her child's life.

Susan arrived at Carter's house early, she was going to drop Cosmo off to play, John had offered to keep him for the day as she was having some day care issues...and Chuck issues.  Chuck was busy with his new son, and was spending a lot less time with Cosmo, and he was supposed to take the little boy today, but had backed out at the last minute.

She knocked then walked into the house, noting the ladies boots and coat on the rack.

"Hey John, where's Elise?"

"Not here yet."  Carter looked up from where he was feeding Jaida

"Oh.  Um...who's here then?  Is it Wendall?"

"No, Susan, Wendall is not here.  It's...Deb."

"What?"  She frowned, then a smile stole across her face.  "Jing-Mei is here?  So does she remember then?"

"Oh calm down.  No, she doesn't remember anything, but she stayed in the guest room last night.  She just showed up out of the blue yesterday, spent some time with Jaida and we had a bit of a talk.  It got late, she stayed here.  Don't read anything into it, and please don't make it into a big deal, it is a long way from being fixed."

"Okay fine.  Can I still leave Cosmo?  Chuck is being a jerk again, and I have a big meeting."

"Yes, you can leave Cosmo, I told you that already, and I know about the meeting, I was talking to Todd already today, he sent me a copy of the agenda.  Go or you are going to be late, not a good thing."

"Right, boss.  I'm gone.  Thanks!"  She gave Cosmo a quick kiss then ran out the door.

"Who was that?"  Jing-Mei padded into the kitchen in an oversized shirt that John had lent her last night.

"Just Susan, I told her I would watch Cosmo today, she is having issues with her soon to be ex-husband and babysitting."

"I see."  She gave Jaida a kiss on the head, then ruffled Devon's hair.

"There's coffee, I just made it, and help yourself to breakfast."  He spooned another bite into Jaida's mouth as the two little boys started to play in the living room.  "The nanny will be here in a bit, and I have to get the revised study off to Peter, then we can maybe have some time to talk properly."

Jing-Mei nodded, knowing they still had a lot to work out.


	33. Chapter 33

Jing-Mei tucked her hands deeper into her pockets, they were walking along the lake shore and it was chilly, though the sun was shining.

"So what do we do now?" She voiced the question that had been bothering her all night.

Yesterday had been...almost fun. After dinner, they'd gone back to the house and she played with Jaida and John let her help with bath time. The kids adored him, he was a good dad to them. Jaida squealed and giggled as he tossed her in the air, until they all cuddled down for stories.

Finally they gave both children a bedtime snack, brushed teeth and tucked them into bed. Jing-Mei was tired but they managed to talk for a short while. Nothing had been resolved, but he told her their history. What happened after he got back from rehab, how he'd won the Chief job after she killed a patient. And how he'd helped her with the birth and adoption of Michael.

She also got details on Devon, she was relieved to know that John hadn't cheated on her. The whole thing with his mother, a woman named Harper Tracy, had happened before they were involved romantically.

"I don't know Deb, I wish I had answers for you, but I don't. I would like to see you stay in Chicago and spend some time with Jaida."

"I'd like that. I have to figure out my living arrangements, but I know from this last trip I cannot move back to China."

"That does not surprise me in the least. You spent time there after your parents died and you said the same thing when you got back from that trip. They kept pushing you to marry traditional Chinese men who were older and wanted you barefoot and pregnant."

Jing-Mei laughed. "Damn, you hit it in one try."

"Uh, yeah not so hard, those are your words Deb, not mine."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I told you."

"You got back from China not too long before I decided to come back from Darfur." He slid an arm around her shoulders, leading her away from the waterfront, towards a large building under construction. Jing-Mei leaned into him, this was not unusual for them, to walk like this. Carter knew they had often been comfortable even before they were involved, and he took a chance, wanting to have her close for a while.

"This is an amazing building. What is it?" Jing-Mei looked up at the cranes working, and John pulled her closer, brushing a hand over the plaque. "Joshua Makalo Carter. Who is that? Is this the Carter Center you were talking about?"

"It is, and Joshua...was my son. I was dating someone here in Chicago, and things kind of fell apart when my grandmother died. I ended up going to Africa with an NGO for a couple weeks, Luka needed some help and I had a visa and everything ready to go. I came back, but Luka went missing, presumed dead. I went back to find him, and I did, and decided to stay in the Congo for a while. Things weren't great here, you know how my family was...well still is really. Anyway, I met someone there and we started seeing each other, she ended up pregnant and I brought her back to Chicago. We were happy for a while, but when she was 8 months pregnant, our son died...before he was born."

"Joshua."

"Yes. Kem...she was a French citizen but also half Congolese, she went back to Africa, she runs an HIV/AIDS clinic there. We were apart for several months, we reconciled, and got married, which is why I was living in Africa. When we separated I went to Darfur, signed divorce papers in Paris on the way home."

"You were married."

"Uh huh. Kind of one of our jokes, I got to add a divorce to all my baggage."

"Did I ever get married?"

"Not that I'm aware of...no."

"I'm sorry John, sounds like a tough few years for you. Your son died."

"It was tough, and I wish things had been different, but some things you cannot change. Now though, I have two wonderful children, and even though I will never forget him, I have a lot to be thankful for."

"You've changed, John. From what I remember, but it's good, don't get me wrong."

"You can't go through the things I did without changing, growing up, and hopefully becoming a better person. You've gone through your own struggles, your falling out with your parents over Michael, giving him up for adoption, losing your parents, and now this."

"Losing years of my life you mean? It's difficult, though I think I have my head on straighter now. I was in China, and suddenly realized I had a child, and I was giving her up so easily. And I wondered what kind of mother I was, leaving my daughter, after I'd given up my son. I knew you would take care of her, but still, I'm her mother, John. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Not my place to forgive or not forgive, Deb, you have to do what is right for you and for Jaida. I didn't really understand you leaving, I admit I was angry with you, disappointed you'd walked away without even trying. However, you did know I had her, so at least you knew she was safe and loved. But you're here now. So...are you ready to be her mother?"

"Yes. Are you ready to let me be part of her life?"

"I was always ready, Deb. As long as you're not planning on taking her away from me, we're all good. No running off the China with our daughter, I will follow you."

"John. I'd never take her away from you. It's obvious how much you love both of your children, and you're a great dad. They love you, both of them. I don't know how to best do this. I want to be there every day, and I'm sure you do too. How do we balance this."

"Move into the guest room, for now anyway. Let the kids get used to you again, and see if it help your memory. If it doesn't work, we can find you a place to live."

"What about your life...you aren't dating anyone? It won't cramp your style with the girlfriends?"

John laughed. "Uh, Deb, I was engaged to you. You were the girlfriend, so having you living with me at my house is hardly cramping my style with the girlfriends. Not like I've been out picking up women or anything. How about you? Got any boyfriends you need to tell me about? Should I be worried it will affect your love life?"

Jing-Mei shot him a look. "Right. So, you aren't...seeing anyone?"

"Nope. Not at the moment. You?"

"No, I haven't been with anyone since the accident. And before that, it seems I was with you. It won't be strange having me live with you?"

"No, you lived at the house for over a year. After Vegas we were spending all of our time together, you were staying with me most of the time, even when you weren't officially living at the house."

"Not in the guest room though, right?"

"No, not in the guest room. I thought given the circumstances you might be happier in the guest room now. Since you don't remember...us."

"Sound like a plan. My stuff is at the hotel, maybe I should check out. Do you still have my other clothes?"

"Of course. I can bring them up from storage. Susan made you pack them all up."

"She was protecting you. Kind of like a mother hen, isn't she? Where were you, when I came to the house that day?"

"New York. It was difficult, I'm sure you understand. I couldn't watch you pack up and leave, it was too hard, what was happening to us. I spent a time after the accident hoping you'd wake up and be okay, then...you didn't remember anything and didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me or the kids. You decided to go away without any discussion, and I knew I had to let you."

"Why New York?"

"Well, we have an apartment there, and I thought since my dad hadn't seen the kids I would visit for a few days. It was not a great visit, I got a lecture about not going after you. We had a fight, as usual, but it was a break from Chicago."

"You had a fight with your dad, over me?"

"Don't worry about it Deb, you know I don't get along with him at the best of times, he's barely part of my life. There was a point after you met him that he warmed up, then he got absorbed in his own life and we did not see him much."

"And your mom?"

"No idea where she's at, to be honest. Haven't seen her in five years, she's fully checked out of my life. My parents divorced a few years ago, the only reason I saw her was my dad would drag her back to Chicago when my grandmother was alive. Now she's gone, and my parents are divorced, I guess she has no reason to come back here."

"Except for you and her grandchildren."

"She doesn't give a damn about me, or her grandchildren. After Bobby died, she lived in her bubble, I was a side note in her life. I tried for a long time, but now? I can't even be bothered, she's been gone so long, I have nothing to say to her."

"Does you dad care about the kids?"

"Honestly? I don't know Deb. He's not thrilled I have kids without being married. In his eyes, I'm irresponsible, now even more so with Devon becoming part of my life. He was almost happy there for a while, when we announced our engagement, but our last visit was not good. I don't know when or if he will reappear."

"So our children have no grandparents. That sucks."

Carter smiled at 'our children'. Devon wasn't really hers, but she was acting as if he were. "It does. As much as my grandparents were tough, I still had them. But we do have friends, you're really close with Susan, and we see Peter and Cleo quite often."

"Peter?"

"Peter Benton."

"What? We're close friends with Peter Benton. Seriously. After he treated us like personal scut puppies when we were students."

"I know, boggles the mind right? But, we're friends now, he's been like...a big brother to me. You can laugh, but it's true. Um, and we're getting to know Todd Becker and his wife Wendy pretty well too. He's helping me with the Center, and we get along great."

"That names seems familiar. I'll have to look up a picture."

"Or we could go by the office one day and you can meet him in person...or meet him again."

"Won't he think it's weird, you introducing me again?"

"He knows all about the accident Deb, I was sitting in a meeting with him when County called me. Jerry called me and told me I needed to come down there."

"Oh. I never really thought about that day, and how it was for you. Damn, you got a call out of the blue that we'd been in an accident? The kids were in the car right?"

"They were, but neither of them were hurt. It was just you, Haleh took the kids home for me so I could stay. Susan was great too, she helped me a lot at first, until I got things organized, and hired Elise."

"And work?

"I took a year long Sabbatical. I have lots to keep me busy, publishing our study, and I'm on two Boards, plus with two kids...and we were going to travel, since you're off on leave as well."

"You were supposed to go to China with me, to meet the family. My cousins made a big deal I didn't bring you or Jaida with me, though they call her Mei-Lin. It took them a long time to get the fact things were different now."

"Do they understand? I wish we could have gone together, even after the accident. I would have liked to meet them and let them meet our kids."

"So...you would still go to China with me."

"Sure. I haven't been in a really long time, and most of your family I've never met. I only met your parents a couple times, though I'm sure they would not have been thrilled to find out about us."

"No. John, I have to tell you, it would be tough for you in China. My younger cousins are fine, but my older aunts and uncles, they were relieved to hear I was there without you, and they really did try and marry me off. They would like nothing more than for me to marry within our culture, and having a half Caucasian child to them is almost...sacrilegious. You might want to rethink the whole idea."

"I would manage, not like I am surprised, I know how they felt about Michael, your parents made it very clear they did not support you marrying outside of your culture. I get it Deb, but at the end of the day it is up to you. If you want to go, I would still travel with you, if you really don't want to, then that is fine too."

"But we were going right?"

"We intended to go for 6 weeks. We can wait and give it some thought, not hurry, and you just got home."

Jing-Mei nodded. Not to mention how to explain their relationship with each other. Right now she didn't even know what to make of it.

Over the next few days, Jing-Mei settled in at John's house. She found it comfortable and comforting. She was staying in the guest room, and she had lots of time to spend with Jaida. John was there a lot, but he also went out to meetings and worked with Peter on the study.

They fell easily into a comfortable routine, working together with the kids. Though Devon was not technically hers, she loved spending time with the little boy, and it was endearing how he called her Deb, just like his daddy did. She was still fierce about everyone else calling her Jing-Mei, but John had always called her Deb, and she knew he always would. It was only when he was very hurt about her leaving that he changed and called her Jing-Mei.

Jing-Mei started to spend time with Susan again, who was getting very large with her pregnant belly. It bugged Jing-Mei sometimes how close John and Susan seemed, were they always that way, or had that happened when she was away?

She and Susan took the kids down to the park one day while John was at a Board meeting and Susan had the afternoon off.

"What's with you and John?" Jing-Mei thought she would confront the issue.

"What do you mean?"

"You and John, did you...sleep with him while I was gone?"

"No, Jing-Mei. I've never slept with him, ever. We have been friends a long time, remember I knew him before you did. He was great when I got back from Phoenix, and when Mark died. He was a good friend when Chuck cheated on me and left me, and I supported him when you ran off to China. He loves you, in case you hadn't noticed."

"But that's the point, I left him, and I would have no right to be mad if he had sex with someone else when I was gone. He had no way of knowing I would come back. I didn't even know I was going to come back.

"We didn't have sex. We're good friends, and he's been supportive of me, he suggested I apply for the job at the Center and...well a lot of other things he's done for me."

"Okay, it seems you two are super close, and I had to ask. I don't want things between us. I'm sorry if I misjudged Susan."

"No, I get it."

They headed back to the house shortly after, and Susan took Cosmo home. She'd been spending less time at the house now Jing-Mei was home, she knew Carter was trying to get them into a routine, hoping her memory would come back, at least partially.

Jing-Mei put the kids down for their naps, then walked through the house silently, trailing her fingers along the walls. Wishing she could remember, even the smallest thing. She finally ended up in the master bedroom. She felt drawn to this room, and she didn't know why.

She looked at the pictures in the room, a lot of them were John with the kids. She ended up at his dresser, and she slid the top drawer open, feeling slightly guilty at snooping in his things. But, he did say that this was their home, and he had nothing to hide. She carefully went through, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

Socks, underwear, t-shirts, all neatly organized. A drawer with watches, cuff links and such, again organized. Then she found the box. She remembered this box, it was the one that was in her drawer when she packed. She sat on the bed and flipped it open, the large diamond winking at her, sparkling, it was a beautiful piece of jewelry. She lifted it from the velvety interior and slid it on her finger, holding her hand up to the light.

She could almost not believe ' he had bought her a ring like this one. It was...like he had read her mind or something. Perfect, flawless even. She lay back on the bed, caught up in her musings.

"Hey, how was the park."

Jing-Mei was startled to hear his voice, she had no idea it had gotten so late. She'd dozed off again, laying on his bed.

"Um, good, nice. The kids are napping."

"I know, I checked on them on my way by."

Jing-Mei flushed, his dresser drawer was still open, and the ring box was on the bed, and she had the ring on her finger. She knew he noticed, it was hard not to, the room was always so damn perfect and tidy. Partly because they had a housekeeper, but also because he didn't leave things laying around.

"Sorry, I...damn, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I feel the need to snoop." She stuttered. She tucked her hand out of sight, not wanting him to see she was wearing the ring. She didn't feel she had the right.

John sat beside her on the bed, picking up the box. "Looking for answers maybe? I already told you, Deb, I have nothing to hide, don't bend yourself out of shape over it." He idly opened the box, noting the ring was gone. He didn't want to make this into a big deal, he simply put the box on the bedside table.

Jing-Mei realized he already knew she was wearing it, so she silently slid the ring off her finger and put it in the box.

"It's beautiful, by the way, just what I would have picked for myself."

"You kind of did. I had a little help, my own personal spy, I wanted to get you the right ring. I wanted something you'd be happy with for a long time, so...glad you like it."

"I should not have been wearing it, it's not really mine."

"How do you figure? I gave it to you, Deb, no matter what, it will always be yours. I had it made for you, and no one else."

"I left it for you, when I went to China, so it's not mine."

Carter shrugged. "It doesn't matter, Deb, I could never give it to anyone else. That's your ring. I know...that we may never get back what we had, but you should still have the ring."

He handed her the box, then went into the bathroom, shutting the door. He took a few deep breaths, he never thought she would wear the ring again, and to see it on her, but knowing that they weren't really together was painful to him. He had tried to keep his heart closed, but she was working her way back in, he could not resist her, not matter how hard he tried.

Jing-Mei sat for a few moments, not quite sure what to do. She slid his dresser drawer shut, but she kept the ring box in her hand. She took it back to her room, then tucked it in with her own things. He obviously wanted her to have it, though it was difficult for him, she could see that.

She finally heard Jaida cry, and went to pick her up.


	34. Chapter 34

 

The next days were busy, Carter had several meetings for both the Foundation and the Carter Center. John was grateful to be busy, it kept him from dwelling too much on what was happening at home.

He and Deb, it felt like they were dancing around the attraction, like they were back to where they’d been before Vegas. But it wasn’t the same because she didn’t appear to remember anything from those seven years. He’d been warm to her, tried to keep their relationship to what it had been like when he'd gotten back from Atlanta. He wondered though, was he overstepping? When they touched, even accidentally, she reacted in a way he didn't truly understand She seemed nervous, so unlike her.

Her interactions with the kids however were great. She was generous and caring, the Deb he knew, when dealing with both Jaida and Devon. After they discussed the circumstances around Devon's birth, she was more open, he knew she'd suspected he'd cheated on her, and finding out he hadn’t seemed to relax her with the small boy. Her continuing amnesia worried him though, the longer it went on, the less likely she was to gain back any of her memories. He desperately wished for her to get something back...even small bits were better than nothing.

Jing-Mei tried to act naturally around John, but it was tough. The whole incident with the ring had made her on edge, she knew it had been difficult for him to find the ring on her finger when they were no longer engaged. The fact he'd wanted her to have the ring said something, it was obviously a very expensive and quality piece of jewelry and he was insistent he’d never want anyone else to have it.

She appreciated it in the respect he didn’t want to use the same ring again in the future for another woman. But the thought of him with another woman made her want to cry, even if it was selfish. For her to almost instinctively want him, but by the same token she wasn't encouraging him.  She felt so unsure of herself.

He was affectionate with her most days, not out of the ordinary, she did know how they were even as friends. They had often hugged, or walked along the lakeshore with their arms around each other, and he still did this to a point, but she felt like he'd backed off in the past few days.

Jing-Mei knew it was because she was hesitant about accepting his embrace or his touches. The reasons were far from what John was imagining. It wasn't that she didn't want him to be near her, it was she wanted him much closer than he was. It didn't make any sense until she factored in her dreams.

She was often having dreams, and they were invariably about him. About him making love to her, little flashes she wasn't sure were real. Perhaps they were manufactured by her overactive imagination. Being near him, the way he smelled, the way even the smallest touch sent shivers up and down her spine, made her tingle. Just what was about? She'd never felt like about a guy ever before, not in her entire life. That she was feeling that way about John, who by all accounts had been her best friend for a very long time?

Unnerving. Have carnal thoughts and dreams about him was unsettling. Then again, they had been together, they had managed to conceive a child, and Susan wasn't shy to tell her apparently the sex had been pretty amazing. Girl talk, Jing-Mei supposed, she found it odd she'd shared so much with Susan. Those kinds of comments she'd always made to...John. They used to joke about things like that...like... there was a little flash in her brain, she remembered teasing him about...coffee? Some girl he'd slept with had given him...coffee. She couldn't place the when, where or who...or was her brain tricking her? Was it real?

"Hey Deb." John came into the kitchen behind her, giving her a gentle touch on her back, which made her stiffen involuntarily.

She almost missed the expression crossing his features, he turned away before she could get much of a read on it, but...he'd noticed she'd pulled away from his touch. Not because she didn't like him touching her, but because it made her feel things she was having trouble reconciling with their former relationship.

"How was your meeting?" She tried to make her voice normal, level, but it came out shaky.

"Fine, we got a lot done. Kids napping?" He busied himself pouring a coffee, trying not to let the hurt and disappointed show on his face or in his voice. She'd flinched when he touched her, he'd noticed it, even though she was trying to cover it up. Now she couldn't even stand being near him, they were even further away from the relationship they'd had before, and it was...unbearable.

"Yes, we went out to the park since it was nice out. Devon made a friend, another little boy? His mother came and talked to me, she asked where you were. Making nice with the moms are you?"

John rolled his eyes, though his back was turned so she didn't see him. "Kyle? Is that the little boy's name? I talk to the other parents at the park, she's married you know...Kyle's mom?"

"She asked if I was the new nanny, and what happened to Elise."

John turned and looked at her with a frown. "Really? Did you correct her, and let her know who you were?"

"She was surprised when I told her I was a doctor and Jaida's mother. She seemed disappointed your child's mother wasn't off somewhere." Jing-Mei was irate. "Just what did you tell people while I was gone?"

"Oh relax, I told Sandra you were out of the country visiting family. She wondered why you didn't take Jaida, and I told her I was on Sabbatical and we felt she was too young for the long trip so she stayed home with me. Only the people closest to me know what happened, okay?"

"So people like Peter and Susan and Todd know I ran off and left my baby girl? That must impress them, thanks for that."

Carter stared at her with narrowed eyes. "You know what? That is what you did, Jing-Mei, you left. I needed my friends, you think it was easy for me? Not the first time I've had to deal with it, and I had a choice. Lean on my friends and get through it so I could take care of my kids, or let myself fall apart and be useless to everyone. Is that what I should have done? Go back to using drugs, or start drinking? Let my kids down when they needed me? You think any of it was easy? Get a grip Jing-Mei, you didn't even try, you walked out on everything we had."

He slammed his coffee cup down on the counter and walked away. She heard the door bang shut as he left.

She felt the tears on her cheeks, she didn't realize she was crying until the tears were dripping down her face. Jing-Mei. He was calling her Jing-Mei again, which meant he was truly and completely furious with her.

Not that she didn't deserve it, she'd picked a fight with him. Why did she pick a fight with John, stupid, making it a big deal because he talked to one of the mom's at the park. That didn't go over well with him, but then why should it? Devon played with other kids at the park, he was an outgoing and friendly little boy. John talked to the other parents, should he ignore them?

Would John get all jealous if it had been Kyle's dad at the park, and she'd talked to him? Was it fair of her to expect John not talk to anyone about what was going on in his life? To hold it all inside like he'd after the stabbing? She took a deep breath, realizing it was a real possibility, him turning back to drugs or becoming dependent on alcohol if he didn't find more positive and constructive ways to deal with the stress in his life.

he'd found a way, he'd come through a lot these past years, with no apparent relapse. She was curious if he'd ever used after coming back from Atlanta. Or had he simply learned his lesson and was now able to open himself up and ask for help when he needed it.

Carter walked along the lakeshore, trying to clear his head. This wasn't working. Having her so near, yet so far, was killing him. They were going to have to sit down and figure things out, maybe they needed to get her a place, and split time with Jaida. he'd no expectations of her taking Devon, he wasn't her child, not her son. He hated to go this route, but what other choice did he have?

So much for the Sabbatical year of travel and spending time with his family. Now he wasn't going to be able to do that, unless Deb agreed to let him take their daughter, he wouldn't be parted from his little girl. Jing-Mei was doing better, but what if she found it too much and walked away again? Could he trust her? He didn't know anymore, he loved her with all his heart but he'd learned with Kem, that wasn't always enough.

The sooner he recognized everything he'd with Deb was over, the better. he'd almost been there, but she'd come back, and he'd welcomed her into his life again. He'd hoped they could rebuild, but maybe he was fooling himself.  He'd deluded himself things with Kem could be fixed, and now he was deluding himself about Deb. 

He looked at his watch, knowing the kids would be up soon and he hadn’t had any time with them today. He took a few deep breaths and went home.

"John, you're here." Susan was in his kitchen, cutting up an apple for Cosmo.

"Yes, I'm known to show up at my own house once in awhile." He picked up Cosmo and tossed him in the air, making the little boy laugh.

"Uncle John, I'm going to play with Devon."

"Uh huh. Well, I guess I should go see if he's up yet."

Susan glanced over. "Jing-Mei went up to get the kids, she heard Jaida. Cosmo, why don't you go upstairs and see if Devon is awake?" She shooed the boy towards the stairs, waiting until he rounded the corner at the top before she turned to look at Carter. "What is going on?"

"Going on?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Jing-Mei seemed upset when I got here, but she isn’t talking. She didn't know where you were, and you didn't have your phone."

"Oh, I should wear a tracking device now? A guy can't leave the house without everyone knowing where he is every second?" He could hear the sarcasm in his voice, he was still pissed off about the comments Deb had made about the mom at the park.

Susan frowned. "Oh. Well. I guess I'm not wrong, you two are fighting about something. Tracking device?"

"Sure, you know, make sure I'm not picking up women at the park. Apparently it's against the rules to talk to other parents, even if your kids are playing together. And especially bad if the mom mistakes Deb for the nanny."

"Shit. She's mad because you talked to one of the mom's who assumed Jing-Mei was the nanny?"

"And she's pissed off because I had the gall to talk to people while she was away...you know, she didn't want anyone to think she up and left us or anything. I guess I was supposed to keep my mouth shut. This isn't working, Susan, I can't do this." His voice was soft, but the sadness was evident.

Susan leaned in and gave him a hug, her belly getting in the way.

"I'm sorry, John, I am. When she came back, I'd hoped you two would work things out."

"Me too, but it's not what she wants. So how’s baby." He put a hand on her belly.

"Good, nice strong heartbeat, active...in fact..." She took his hand and moved it over to where she could feel a little limb pushing out. "Feel that."

"That's a good sign, an acrobat, she's a busy one."

Susan froze. "She? Did you see the sex on the ultrasound?"

"Nope, nicer than calling the baby 'it'. I can use ‘he’ if you prefer. He's active."

Susan narrowed her eyes. "If I have a girl you're in big trouble."

"Why, you want a boy? Sorry, couldn't influence it for you."

"No, if I have a girl I will know you saw...damn it John, you did see didn't you?"

"Nope, you didn't want to know, we didn't ask. I don't know for sure, anymore than you do." Carter smiled at her innocently.

"You better not know. Anyway, I have a...favor to ask."

"Another one? Didn't I already...contribute enough?" He gave her a wink.

"Ha, funny. But seriously, the closer I get...John...would you consider being my labor coach? I was going to ask Jing-Mei, but that’s changed, she doesn't even know me anymore. I can't do this by myself, it's scary."

Carter nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. In fact, I would love to, count me in."

"Thank you. You're too good to me, John."

"Susan, you're one of my oldest friends. You know I will always do what I can for you...we’ve helped each other through a lot lately."

"I know." She rubbed his arm as Jing-Mei came in with Jaida, the two little boys trailing her.

"Daddy!" Devon wrapped his arms around John's legs.

"Hey Dev." He lifted the boy and gave him a hug, tickling under his chin. "Do you need something to eat? Or should we go outside, we could take the soccer ball to the park."

"Park! I love the park. Can Cosmo come too?"

"Of course. Anyone else interested in going out? It's nice."

Jing-Mei gave him a look. Sure, taunt her with the park.

"What? Why the look Jing-Mei? Don't want to go, then don't. I can take Jaida, you can...do whatever."

Susan was watching the two of them. Jing-Mei? Since when did he call her Jing-Mei? He must be upset with her.

"No, I'll come. Let me give Jaida something to eat first."

"Dev, Cosmo, you want a snack before we go? You didn't get to eat your apple Cosmo."

"Yeah."

Both boys sat and ate. Susan wasn't sure if she should stay or go.

Jing-Mei looked over at Susan. "So, you're due in a few months?"

"Yes, beginning of July. I'm excited and scared at the same time."

"So is your baby daddy going to be there for the birth?"

"I did AI, with a donor. John said he would be my coach though."  Susan wasn't getting into this right now, John could tell her if and when he was ready.

"Really. Above and beyond the call of duty for a friend."

Carter snorted. "Oh, you think so? Funny you didn't seemed concerned about calling on a friend when M-i-c-h-a-e-l was born." He looked at the boys meaningfully, not wanting to say the name.

Jing-Mei stopped, frowning. "You were there."

"Yeah, I was. I told you already, Jing-Mei."

Devon was frowning at John. "Daddy, her name Deb."

"You almost ready for the park?" He changed the subject, not wanting to get into it anymore.

After a slightly tense afternoon and dinner, they each took a child and got them ready for bed. John kissed Jaida good night, tucked Devon in, then locked himself in his office, trying to get some work done.

Jing-Mei at and watched a movie for a while, then tried to read. John was angry with her, and she needed to talk to him. He wasn't very warm or open at the moment, though.  she heard him come up the stairs, his footsteps as he moved down the hall.  She was sure he was checking in on the kids, he seemed to do that every night right before he went to bed.  He was a good dad, she couldn't fault him there, he loved them.

She tried to get some sleep, finally dropping off, waking up in the pitch black with a start ,after another one of her dreams. Damn it, this was getting stupid, she was attracted to him, and giving him all the wrong signals.

She crawled out of bed, freshening up in her attached bathroom, then she walked silently down the hallway, stopping outside his door. It wasn't fully shut, open a crack so he could hear the kids easily. She padded softly into the room, then slid into the bed beside him.

He was on his side, facing away from her, his deep even breathing told her he was asleep, as yet unaware of her presence in his bed. She moved closer, curling up against his back. She kissed across the back of his shoulders, then the back of his neck, running a hand down his arm, the other playing with his hair. She'd been dying to run her hands through his hair.

His breathing changed slightly, then he was rolling towards her, seemingly wide awake after being so dead to the world.

"Hi, baby." He said softly, reaching out his hand to caress her cheek.  He wasn't sure why she was there, but he waited for her to talk to him.  He hoped they could finally talk, without fighting.

Jing-Mei didn't answer, she leaned in and touched her lips to his, running her hand around the back of his neck. There was no hesitation, he deepened the kiss, an arm snaking around her tiny waist, bringing her in closer. Their tongues were touching and exploring now, she loved how he tasted, how his hand was skimming down her body, over her bare legs. She ran her hand up under his shirt, craving the touch of his skin, and he paused long enough to remove it, dropping it off the side of the bed.

They were taking it slowly, she ran her hands over his now bare skin, her lips moving across his warm chest. His back was so smooth under her fingertips, she moved onto her back, pulling him with her so he was over her. She met his lips, exploring his mouth with her tongue, while letting her hand slide down to rub him through his sleep pants.

He lifted the hem of her sleep-shirt, and she lifted her arms so he could pull it over her head and toss in onto the floor, leaving her on her back in a skimpy pair of thong panties. Carter's hand ran down her bare skin, raising goosebumps as he went, a little shiver of anticipation running through her body. His lips caressed her skin so sensuously, softly trailing across her collarbone, before his mouth explored her breasts, taking in her nipple. She moaned softly at what he was doing, the gentle sucking, his tongue gently flicking, as his other hand cupped and massaged the other breast.

She was stroking his back and shoulders, one hand wandering through the soft thick hair. He moved further down her body with those magic lips. Gentle kisses trailing across her belly, then her thighs.

She gasped as his mouth covered her over her lacy panties. Carter could taste her, smell her arousal through the scrap of silk. He slid them down off her legs while tasting her sweet wetness, feeling her push up towards his mouth, her hands clenched in his hair. He gave her a long last kiss, before he moved up, shucking off his sleep pants and reaching into the bedside table for a condom.

Jing-Mei wrapped her hand around him, needing to touch him, his skin so soft and silky. She stroked him as he opened the package, then she took the condom from his fingers, rolling it down over him. Carter moved so he was nestled between her thighs, looking down into her dark eyes and plunged into her. She inhaled sharply as he filled her, her body adjusting quickly to his length and girth as he paused momentarily, taking a few of his own deep breaths. It seemed like forever since they had been together like this, and he needed to keep control.

He started to move, her leg up around his hips, allowing him in deeper. He stroked in and out, hearing her sexy little gasps, then the long moan as he positioned them so he was hitting that little sweet spot inside. She was getting very vocal now, her smooth walls tightening around him, causing him to moan into her neck. He lifted his head, trying to watch her face in the dim light, catching only a fleeting glimpse as her eyes snapped shut and her back arched, and she cried out.

_ "Oh John!" _

Carter thrust into her several more times, collapsing with his forehead resting against her neck. He withdrew, giving her a kiss, then sliding out of bed to take care of the condom.

Jing-Mei lay on her back, her heart still pounding. He was good in bed, she'd to give him that. She'd a feeling they were only warming up, if she allowed the physical relationship, it would be intense and satisfying.

She heard him crawl back into the bed, his weight on the mattress beside her. She moved into his open arms, sighing softly. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? That was great, why are you sorry? Sorry for having great sex?"

"No, John, I mean, for being so bitchy today. I feel like I'm giving you the wrong signals, like in the kitchen. I'm confused, because I've been feeling…attracted to you…but trying to figure that out, when we were always friends. And I've been having these dreams, and I wasn't sure if they were real or not. I get these little flashes, and I don't know if they are memories, or my imagination."

"Is that what it was about? You seemed like…you didn't want me to touch you, at all. Which is confusing to me when you then get all crazy about me talking to parents in the park, and then you crawl into bed with me. Not complaining about you crawling into bed by the way."

"I'm being stupid, John, my imagination is out of control. So, I'm sorry for being all crazy and jealous and stupid. I'm trying to figure this out. The good news is maybe I'm remembering things."

"That would be good news, Deb. What do you think you remember?"

Jing-Mei blushed slightly. "I keep having dreams about us...in bed...together.  And I was wondering if I was imagining it or if they were memories of us."

Carter raised an eyebrow. "Really. Well, what do you think now? Were you imagining or remembering things?"

"Mm, well tough to say. Maybe we should…try again, see if it brings back any memories." She leaned in and kissed him deeply.

Jing-Mei woke up much later, enfolded in John's arms. He was up against her back, she could feel his warm breath tickling her neck slightly, his hand resting on her bare navel. The room was dim still, it was very early in the morning.

Her lips curved slightly upwards. Mm, reality  _ was _ so much better than fantasy, especially in this case.  She thought her dreams must be at least partly memories, her subconscious telling her to be with him maybe.

She took his hand in hers, giving it a kiss.

"Mm, baby, you're awake." His voice was soft against her hair. His lips caressed her neck, she wiggled onto her back, running her fingers down his face. His eyes were open, but he looked sleepy still.

"You look barely awake." She whispered.

"Awake enough." He slid closer and claimed her lips as her fingers wandered into his hair.

Jing-Mei pulled him closer, turning so she could wrap a leg over his hip. They lay there kissing until she rolled, bringing him with her.

Their bodies rocked gently together, she wrapped her legs around him, tightening her thighs to pull him ever closer to her. It felt so right, being with him, loving him, it was …perfect. She cried out as they finished, her body clenching around him.

She curled up in his arms. "Wow. Was it always like this for us?"

"Yes."

Jing-Mei laughed softly. "Mm, no hesitation at all, just yes."

"It's the truth, Deb, chemistry off the charts."

"Which is so weird, since in from what I remember, we never had a lot of chemistry.  Or if we did we sure weren't admitting to it."

"Hard to say for sure.  I feel like...maybe we both changed enough to become more compatible, recognize love, and the sex is part of having real feelings for someone.  Does that make sense?  I know we have both been with people, but was it ever love?  Most of the time for me, I'd have to say no, it was more like looking for love, and not finding it."

Jing-Mei looked thoughtful, this turned into a wicked grin.  "Hm, looking for love, that leaves you open to all sorts of things I could say."

"I'm sure.  But since you're not little miss innocent, I think you should be careful what you say there Deb.  I know a lot of your secrets, so guard your words."

"With anyone else I wouldn't believe them, but somehow I think you do know a lot of my secrets, so...I guess I should take heed."  She gave him a light kiss.  "I had another thought yesterday…did some girl bring you coffee at work? Or send you coffee at work?  You know, a morning after gift?   It was this weird little thing that popped into my head, how we would always tease each other and I remembered something about coffee."

Carter nodded. "Rena. She sent me coffee, and boy did I hear about it from everyone. She'd sent a note, and the snoopy people in the ER couldn't resist reading it. So, it was obvious why she sent the coffee."

"Why was that?"

"You want to hear this?"

"Yes."

"She didn't have coffee at her place, she only drank tea, so it was a little inside joke, that became very public because people cannot mind their own business.  She worked upstairs, she thought it would be cute, but she was embarrassed when she realized later someone had read the note she left before I got to work. Whatever, not like I did anything bad, it's part of the problem with working at County, I was there for so long people figured they could snoop into my life and it was okay. Have to say though, you sure got on the bandwagon about Rena." He gave her a gentle poke in her side.

"Sorry, is that why  _ we _ kept things private?"

"Yes. We were at a medical conference, we were there from Northwestern, but there was a group from County, one of which was one of my ex-girlfriends and…"

Jing-Mei cut him off. "Ooh what a surprise."

"Don't gloat, one of them was your ex-boyfriend. We didn't want to deal with it so soon in the relationship, so we didn't let on that we…well, we had started sleeping together. Everyone expected us to hang out and flirt, so we carried on as usual and no one was the wiser."

"My ex-boyfriend?"

"Uh huh. Greg Pratt?"

"Didn't he…visit me in the hospital?"

"Yes, he did."

"And you didn't…care he visited me in the hospital?"

"No, it's been quite a long time since you dated him. Like I could even comment, I've had a pretty good number of girlfriends, and Pratt is okay, I get along with him. we're grownups, Deb, we both have history, exes, baggage. So, we need to act like it. For instance, when I found out about Devon, you know what you said?"

"Mm, no. What did I say?"

"Get on the plane and go get him. Because you knew I would do the same for you, if Michael ever needed a home, I would never turn him away either. The thing with Harper was off and on for years, but stopped after I got home from Africa and we started hanging out all the time. She didn't tell me, I had no idea until shortly before your accident."

"And Devon has no other family, besides John, you're his daddy, he should be with you.  Anyone can see it, he's like your mini me."

"That is what you said when I brought him home.  No one ever questions he's mine, he doesn't look like Harper, at all."

"John?"

"Yes, Deb?"

"Where do we go from here?  I mean, am I forgiven for being such a bitch today?  I feel like...we're meant to be together, but what if I don't remember anything from the past few years?"

"I'm sorry too Deb.  I understand you know.  This has been anything but easy for either of us.  Where do we go from here?  Well, if you truly believe we should be together, then we take it one day at a time.  relax, and maybe it will start to come back.  It's already started right?  Your dreams, and the coffee thing, they are small bits, but over time it could come back."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we live with it.  The here and now is as important as the past.  I know a lot of what happened, though of course not everything about your life.  But we did talk all the time, we know a lot about each other, so I can at least give you the highlights.  I love you Deb, I want you here, I want us to be a family.  I don't want to pressure you, or scare you, and I can give you time.  As long as we're together, we can get through anything."

"You think we can build a life even if I don't remember things about my 'old life'."

"Do you have a choice?  No matter what, you're going to have to try and build a new life, unless the memories all come back.  Are you going to sit around and wait for that to happen, or do you want to try and live?  Can we build on what we have now?  I think yes we can.  I could be wrong, but you seem to be feeling something...our connection is still there."

Jing-Mei bit her lip. "It's true, what you say. I feel like we have something, it’s tough because I don't know how deep it goes.  I mean, why else do I get jealous...I even asked Susan if she'd slept with you while I was away. And the mom at the park, I got territorial thinking she flirted with you."

"You asked Susan if we'd slept together?"

"Yes. It might seem silly, but you two are...so damn close, she's always hugging you, and it...makes me crazy. I know I left, and I know I couldn't blame you if you slept with someone else, but please tell me you didn't sleep with Susan, who’s supposed to be my friend."

"You can calm down, I can honestly say I've never slept with Susan. We're close friends, and you have to deal with it. But the good news is, she's also your good friend.  She wouldn't do anything to hurt you, Deb. I've known Susan since I was twenty-three years old, we’ve had our moments, I admit I've kissed her-not recently except in a friendly way-we did hang out a lot when she came back from Phoenix. We sort of dated, but there was no chemistry, and it ended up as us spending time together.  That was five years ago, so nothing to get jealous about, okay?"

"Okay. So I can stay, and we're...dating? Together? What are we?"

"What do you want to be?  Exclusive...I think that should come into it."

"Yes, especially now we're sleeping together again.  you're mine, John, I don't want you to be with anyone else.  I cannot stand the thought of you with another woman."

"And I don't want you to be with anyone else either, Deb. Does that mean you're mine?  If you get to be territorial, so do I."

Jing-Mei laughed. "Come here, baby." She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. "I think I love you." 

 


	35. Chapter 35

Jing-Mei padded down to the kitchen, she was still sleepy, but John had let her get a little extra rest. The kids were both fed, and the nanny was watching them as John was busy in his office already.

He and Peter had been talking non-stop, and they were ready to send off their study for review before they published. Then John was hoping that he and Deb could take some time a travel a bit with the kids. Not too far yet, he had promised Susan he would be here as her labour coach.

Once Susan's baby was born, Jing-Mei wanted to finally take him to China. She had been looking at travel plans again. They had been able to keep themselves busy with the kids, but part of taking the Sabbatical for John was so they could make the trip to China and meet her family.

She knocked gently on the door, he looked up as she cracked it open and beckoned her in.

"Thanks Peter, I am sending it to Abby by priority messenger…uh huh, she absolutely wanted to read it and she does publish a lot…I promised her a personal tour of the Carter Center. I know…talk to you later." John hung up the phone. "Hey baby, you finally managed to get out of bed."

"I did. Thanks for letting me sleep in." She slid into his lap, putting her coffee on his desk before giving him a long kiss. "So what are we doing today?"

"I have a board meeting this afternoon, so nothing too much, but if you want we could go out for dinner tonight? Elise would be willing to sit for the kids. I'd ask Susan but she's usually exhausted by 8 pm these days."

"I just bet. She's almost 8 months and she has Cosmo, which seems to keep her busy. Jaida is going to be a year old pretty soon, can you believe it?"

"No, it is a little bit scary how fast the year went, and we have two busy little people here. We have to figure out what we are going to do for Jaida's birthday. Maybe we should take the kids to New York, but…I guess it depends when Susan has her baby." Carter was still not sure when to tell Deb the other part of that equation. He was kind of hoping she would remember on her own, but at some point he was going to have to discuss it.

Things had been going really well, they were both happy, and she seemed to be remembering small bits here and there, but not as much as he'd hoped. A couple months had passed since their formal reconciliation, and she had moved back into the master bedroom with him, but the memories were still elusive.

"Why don't we go to New York now? Visit Jack, do a little shopping, it would be fun."

"You class visiting my dad as fun? Boy you really did hit your head." He joked lightly as she gave him a little punch on the arm. "Ow, bully."

"Right like that hurt. Oh come on, visiting your dad isn't that bad, he has been at least in touch, and I am sure he would love to see the kids. I'll protect you from Jack."

Carter laughed. "Uh huh, maybe I'm not the one who need protecting, he really pissed me off on the last visit. But, I don't think going now is a bad idea. Why don't I clear my schedule for the next week? We could go any time after tomorrow, the apartment is always there. Do you want to call Katie and get us tickets booked? And we should deal with the passports for the kids."

"Did you get the name change done?"

"Mmhm. Harper's estate stuff is settled, and I got the paperwork back from the lawyer the other day, so he is Devon John Tracy Carter. Now we can get passports ordered so we can do our trip to China. I am looking forward to it."

"Me too. What about work for me though, you are sure Rosen is okay with me taking a bit more time off?"

"He is. You should go in and talk to him, but he knows that you had some memory loss in the accident, so…he wants you to take as much time as you need. The Carter Center will be opening next year, less than a year from now actually, if you want some work to do, I can get you involved with that? And when we open, if you want to take shifts with me, we can do that too."

"What, you don't trust me?"

"I do Deb, but you have to see it from the side of the hospital. You've not only lost your personal memories, but you have kind of…lost the experiences and all the learning you did in those 7 years. You went from a resident to an Attending in that time frame Deb. That is a huge chunk of medical training you have now lost, and I would hate to throw you into the deep end of a trauma."

Jing-Mei sniffled slightly. "I've lost my career, haven't I?"

"Not totally sweetie, but you might not be allowed to work ER anymore. But it doesn't mean you can't work as a doctor. If you want to go back to work, then seriously, let me take you on at the Center. Otherwise they are going to want you to go back in as a Resident, and redo and relearn. They have to insist on that, if something happened on the job, the lawyers would tear you to shreds if they just took you back in an Attending role."

"Everyone at the Center will be upset, nepotism right?"

"No, because I am not going to pay you. You won't remember this, but we should really talk about finances. You know my grandmother died."

"I know, I'm sorry baby."

"It's okay, hon, it was years ago now. She left me…a lot of money Deb. We are together, you don't need to work for a salary. We had agreed that when the Center opened, that we would volunteer our time there, only picking up a few shifts at the ER, maybe once a week or so to keep up our skills."

"But you gave Susan a full time paid job."

"Right, but she has to work, and she did the ER Chief job, she managed to put up with Romano and Weaver, she earned that job, Deb. They screwed her out of tenure at County. You have a lot of money, you are a millionaire in your own right, your parents left you their house, and all their investments, plus you earned your own money and saved your salary for several years. You have…at least $10 million, Deb, we invested it all very wisely and you have not needed to spend much, and you were still earning a very good income as an Attending. You are getting an income even now, because we put you on Long Term Disability, which was part of your hospital benefits. I have…a lot more than that, we do not need to work or draw a salary."

"So how much do you have?"

"Um, hundreds of millions. Not including my trust fund, which is significant. We are not even remotely in need of money."

"My very own multi-millionaire."

"Ha, _you_ are my own multi-millionaire, Deb. Honestly, if neither of us draw a salary, it is less fundraising we have to do and at least two more people we can hire for the Center. Or the money can go into the rotations for the medical students and Residents as we will become a teaching facility."

"Makes sense. Doesn't make me happy, but, I get it. I am no longer an Attending."

"It sucks. I know. You can still practice medicine Deb, just not in a trauma center, the liability and malpractice insurance would be outrageous. You worked really hard to get where you are, and now it's gone…until you regain your memory. But we still have a lot, you never have to struggle to get by, and you can still work and be productive. Just think, you have more time at home with the kids too."

"John…can I ask you something?" Jing-Mei played with the collar of his shirt, straightening it.

"Of course, baby."

"Did we ever talk about…having another child?" She looked earnestly into his eyes as she said this.

"Yes, we did. Why?"

"Maybe I hear my clock ticking, but…I'm 36 and…I think I want to have another baby. Watching Susan, she seems so happy, and Jaida is almost a year old. How would you feel about having another one?"

Carter smiled slightly. "Maybe you are getting some memory back. I would love to have another baby, Deb. We did talk about it, in fact we thought that once Jaida was a year old, we would try to have another baby. We talked about it quite a while ago, then again after I brought Devon home."

"So, you would be willing to have another baby, even though I don't have my memory back?"

"Yes. We are together, we love each other, why not? You lost some memories, Deb, but you are a great mom. Not only to Jaida, but to Devon as well. No reason why you can't, you are in good health. Has the neurologist said anything that would make you concerned?"

"No, and I just had a full physical, blood work, all of that, and I asked my doctor then if she had any concerns about my health, and she said no, if I can get pregnant, then she doesn't see any issues. I have had two healthy babies, but she did say I should think about it soon. Of course the risks go up as you get closer to 40."

"True. So you want to? Have another baby?"

Jing-Mei nodded. "Yes, I really do, John. Should we wait until Jaida turns 1?"

"Up to you. I don't know if it matters, if you just had a checkup and your doctor has cleared you, we could try anytime. It might take longer this time? Hard to say, not like either of us have had any issues producing children. You were on the pill and got pregnant twice, why do you think we use extra protection all the time."

"Mmhm. You have not had any problems either."

"Nope, none whatsoever, neither Joshua, Jaida nor Devon were exactly planned, so…I expect we can manage another one. You want to have a baby, let's just…have a baby."

"Just like that? You don't need to think about it?"

"I have thought about it, Deb, you and I discussed it a long time ago, we both want another child. The fact that you still want another one? That is a good thing, remember we are building our lives again? You may never get all the memories back, and it does create certain issues, but it's not like you have lost the basis of who you are deep down. You are great with the kids, you know how to take care of yourself and a baby."

"Yes, that's true, though it will be kind of like going through it for the first time, I don't remember giving birth to either of my children."

"Lucky for you I am a great labor coach. I was there for both Michael and Jaida, and I have delivered a lot of babies in the ER, it will be fine."

"You are totally on board."

"Yes, I would not agree to it if I wasn't. You want to have a baby, so let's have one."

Jing-Mei smiled. "I think Elise took the kids to the park, she should be gone for a while."

"Really." Carter glanced at the clock. "I have an hour or so before I have to get ready for my meeting."

"Really." Jing-Mei slid off his lap and held out her hand. "We have the house to ourselves."

"Uh huh." He took her hand and let her lead him upstairs, pushing the bedroom door shut behind him. "I guess we are starting now?"

"Uh huh." Jing-Mei started to undo his shirt, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

Two hours later, Susan sat down beside Carter in the Boardroom, giving him a once over.

"Well, you look happier than you have in quite a while. Good news?"

"Something like that." He sipped his coffee. "How are you feeling?"

Susan grinned at him. "Changing the subject?"

He leaned in close. "Not really work type conversation, so...yes I am." He said softly.

Susan laughed out loud then cleared her throat. "Well, I am doing well, thanks. How is the trip planning?" Susan got the message, he was not getting into it at work, but she had a very good idea why he looked so...content.

"Great, just so you know, we are going to New York for a few days, leaving on Wednesday. I think Deb was going to book a week? But you can call me, it's only a couple hours back, if anything happens while we are away."

"Okay, I am sure it will be fine, I still have almost 6 weeks. What is the plan while you are there?"

"Maybe a visit with Jack, take the kids to the zoo, that kind of thing."

"Mmhm. Anything else?"

"Nope, not really, unless you count a bit of shopping. Just a short getaway, we were wanting to travel during my Sabbatical, once you have junior, we are off the China for a couple months."

"I know, Jing-Mei informed me of the upcoming trip."

Two days later Carter and Jing-Mei landed in New York, with the kids in tow. They spend a couple days just taking the kids out to the park and the zoo.

The third afternoon they were there, Carter answered the door to find Jack standing in the hall.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" Carter had no idea that his dad was coming for a visit.

"Jing-Mei said that you were going to be in New York and I thought I would drop by and see my grandchildren. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Carter stepped back and let Jack in the door. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine, where are the kids?"

"Napping for a bit."

Jing-Mei came around the corner just then. "Jack, how are you?"

"Good. Nice to see you again, I just thought I would come by and see the kids, but John said they are sleeping? Do you mind if I hang around for a bit until they get up?"

"Not at all." She glanced at her watch. "Um, would you mind if we went out for a bit? I have something I wanted to pick up, and I could use John's help. Would you mind watching the kids if they wake up?"

"No, not at all. I really would love to spend some time with them. John, go help Jing-Mei."

"Are you sure? They could be a bit grumpy if they wake up and we aren't here." Carter was a little leery about leaving Jack with the two kids.

Jing-Mei grabbed her bag. "We won't be long, they probably won't even be up when we get back. Please? I really need your help."

"Okay, fine. Dad?"

"Go, I have been around small children before, you were little once you know."

"Uh, yeah, but..." He could see Deb giving him an impatient look. "All right, let's go, we'll be quick."

Jing-Mei gave a triumphant grin, and dragged him out, he managed to grab his wallet and keys on the way out.

"So, where are we going? I don't want to be too long, you know I was raised mainly by nannies."

"It will be fine John, we can leave the kids with your dad for a few minutes. Let's cut through the park, it will be quicker."

She took his hand and they walked through the park. Jing-Mei slowed down and enjoyed the beautiful day.

"It is so pretty here. We haven't been to New York enough, it has been a while."

"Yes it has. What are you up to?"

"Nothing, I just figured Jack seemed interested in seeing the kids, so we could take our time a bit, give grandpa time with his grand babies. I wonder if he will be excited when he finds out we are having another one."

Carter stopped. "What? Are you pregnant? Is that even possible?  I mean, I know it possible, but unlikely, we just started trying."

"No, relax, I just meant...well maybe I am, but...I don't know. That didn't come out quite right. I meant when we get pregnant and have another baby, I wonder if he will be happy about it."

"Oh. Well, I suppose he will, he sure was not happy I didn't follow you to China." He took her hand again and the strolled along, watching the families playing in the park.

"Why didn't you...follow me."

Carter stopped again and turned her so he could look into her eyes. "You were freaking out, and I didn't want to add more pressure. I guess I figured if it was right, you would come home when you had things sorted out, I needed to give you that time. It was really difficult for me to do, but...sometimes loving someone means letting them go. I don't know if you understand that, but I needed to let you go, and hope that you would realize where you were meant to be."

Jing-Mei nodded slowly. "You didn't know I would come home."

"No, I didn't know for sure, and I was angry with you, no question, but...I have some unique experiences that made me think it was what I needed to do. I was happy when you did come back, but we both know none of this has been a cake walk, right?"

"You're right, it hasn't." She linked her fingers with his and they started back down the pathway. "Show me our spot."

"Our spot?"

Jing-Mei pointed to the Bow Bridge. "Our spot, John, where did...you ask me to marry you? You said it was the Bow Bridge in Central Park."

"Oh, that spot. Hm." They walked onto the bridge and Carter stopped about midway. "Right about here, or pretty close. It was supposed to be a romantic lunch at the Boathouse, but, you felt the box in my pocket, and pulled it out before I could stop you."

"This box?" Jing-Mei pulled out the ring box from her bag.

Carter nodded. "That's the one." Sneaky. Carter smelled a set up.

"I know you have not wanted to rush me, but...I think we are back on track John. Would you...consider asking me again?"

He took the box out of her hands, running a fingertip over the velvet. He brushed her hair back from her face, tucking a strand behind her ear, then leaned in to give her a kiss. Jing-Mei could feel her heart thumping as their lips met, and she wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. They finally parted and he looked down into her eyes.

"Deb, I love you, and I can't imagine being without you." He opened the box, which contained the beautiful diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes. I love you too." Jing-Mei held out her left hand, and Carter slid the ring onto her finger, sliding the empty box into his pocket. He wrapped a hand around her waist and pulled her in for a deep and long kiss, which earned them a few wolf whistles.

He finally rested his forehead against hers. "Sneaky, was Jack in on it?"

"Only partially. I knew a while ago that I wanted to...be wearing this ring again, that I really did want to marry you, but I...also wanted the memory. I thought coming back here was the right place, and this was the right time to get...engaged again. I needed to get you alone for a little while, and he said he would be happy to watch the kids. He loves being a grandpa, John, and I know he has not been the worlds greatest dad to you, but he is the only grandparent our kids will ever have."

"All right, you win. I will try to make nice, okay? So how long do we have before he expects us back?"

"I told him when I called I needed you for about 3 hours."

"What are we going to do with all that time?"

"Late lunch at the Boathouse?"

"Good thing I love you. Let's go." He entwined his hand with hers, and they spent the next couple of hours having a long lunch. By the time they got back to the apartment, both kids were up and playing with Jack quite happily in the living room.

"I was about to send out a search party." Jack looked up from the spot on the couch where he was reading Jaida a story. Devon was happily playing with some toy cars and trucks.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was being kidnapped for the afternoon. Blame Deb, she insisted on a long lunch at the Boathouse."

"The Boathouse, very nice, what's the occasion?"

"As if you didn't know. All right, I'll play along, Deb has agreed to marry me."

Jack winked at Jing-Mei. "Let's see the ring. I didn't get to see it before."

She held out her left hand and Jack nodded. "Well, someone has great taste. That is a very nice rock. When is the big day?"

"Soon. I don't want to wait too long, life has a way of getting in the way."

"That it does. I am happy for you both." Jack gave Jing-Mei and hug and a kiss on the cheek, then gave John a quick hug. He was not good at demonstrating his affection to his son, he was going to have to work on that. Jack knew that John had a right to be upset at how his parents had left when he was younger.

He could only hope that his son had a happier marriage and could be a better father to his children, than he and Eleanor had been for John. He also finally recognized the wisdom his son had shown in dealing with his troubles with Jing-Mei, it seemed they had worked things out, and maybe things were going to be all right.


	36. Chapter 36

Carter pulled the pillow over his head to block out the incessant ringing of the phone. Jing-Mei jabbed him with a finger.

"Answer your phone, trying to sleep here. John, your phone, wake up."

"Is it mine? What time is it?"

"1 am, and yes, it is yours, I don't keep mine on the bedside table. Answer it or I cannot be responsible for my actions." Jing-Mei rolled over and tried to block out the phone ringing.

He fumbled on the bedside table, finally managing to get it to his ear. "Hello."

"Finally, John, it's time." The woman's voice was strident in his ear.

"Huh?" Carter was still half asleep. "Time for what, it's 1 in the morning."

"Damn it John, wake up! I'm having a baby here, and my coach is sleeping?" Susan sounded annoyed.

Carter sat up with a start, suddenly awake. "Where are you?"

"At home, but I am having regular contractions. My water hasn't broken, but I would really appreciate if you could get your ass out of bed and get over here."

"I'm on my way. Is your bag ready?"

"Yes, quit yapping and get in your car."

"Bossy, wow."

"Yeah that's a good idea, taunting the pregnant lady in labor. You'll pay for that one." Susan snickered, then groaned as another contraction hit.

Carter was already pulling on his clothes. "I will be there as soon as I can. Keep breathing. Call me back if anything changes."

Jing-Mei rubbed her eyes. "Susan?"

"Yes, she's in labor. Gotta go, but I'll call you later. Go back to sleep, baby." He dropped a kiss on her hair as she snuggled back down in the bed.

"Bye baby. Have fun with the grumpy pregnant lady."

"Ha, ha, funny. I hope I survive, don't want to leave you as a widow." He grabbed his keys and wallet, having pulled on the last of his clothes, splashed some water on his face and run his fingers through his hair.

"We're not married yet, can't be a widow." Jing-Mei mumbled, already half asleep.

Fifteen minutes later he was buzzing her apartment. Susan didn't even ask who it was, he heard the door click and he made his way to her place, finding the door cracked open.

"How are you doing?" He went in, taking in her grimace as she moaned in pain as the contraction faded. Carter took a quick look at his watch noting the time.

"How does it look like I'm doing?"

Carter raised an eyebrow, but ignored the comment. "Cosmo with Chuck tonight?"

"Yes, thankfully. I left him a message, he doesn't answer his phone either."

"Sorry, I was sleeping and I am here now. So, how far apart and has your water broken yet?"

"10 minutes, and they are maybe 30 seconds? Can you start timing?"

"Already done. Let me know when the next one starts and I'll mark the time. Did you call your doctor?"

"No. Can you?"

"Yes." Carter scrolled through his phone and hit the speed dial. He got the answering service and asked then to call his cell phone. "All right, she's supposed to call back, they are paging her."

His phone rang as if on cue, and he gave the particulars to the doctor and started timing as Susan squeezed his arm, the next contraction starting.

""Damn, I forgot how much that hurts."

"We can get you something for that, if you want it. You are about 9 minute, and 45 seconds, so I think we should get this show on the road. Where's your bag?"

Susan pointed and stood up just as a gush of fluid ran down her leg.

"And there goes my water."

"Hey better here than in my car. Let's get you some dry clothes, and a towel for the seat."

Susan gave him a look and he just rubbed her back, then headed into the bedroom, grabbing her some dry things to put on.

"You going to watch?" Susan grumped as he handed her some panties and sweatpants.

Carter rolled his eyes and turned around. "Yeah, like I have never seen a naked woman, or a woman in labor. Better get used to it, I think I am going to be seeing it all before morning."

"We can just pretend that you didn't see a thing, okay? You haven't seen me naked."

"Not yet, but I am sure you don't have anything I wouldn't recognize. Ready?"

"Yes, you can turn around now."

Carter picked up the bag and slung it over his shoulder, along with a towel. He picked up her apartment keys. "Anything else I need to grab?"

"No. Just get me to the damn hospital."

"All right." He took her arm and locked the apartment door, helping her down to his car.

"Ow, ow, ow."

Carter glanced at his watch again, then buckled her in, tossing the bag onto the back seat.

"Breathe, in…out…deep breath Susan."

"Shut up, easy for you to say."

"Wow, doctors _really are_ the worst patients." He slid into the driver's seat and pulled smoothly away from the curb.

"You still have a parking sticker?"

"Yup. We're going to Northwestern, right?"

"Yes."

"We are in luck then, I have a great parking spot. They didn't take it away, even though I'm on Sabbatical, though I did have to give up my office." He glanced over. "Okay? Keep breathing, you are doing great." He reached over and squeezed her hand.

He glanced at his watch again at the start of the next contraction, counting as she gripped his arm. "Still around 9 minutes…we have lots of time. You have names all picked out?" He started to chat with her, trying to get her mind off the labor pains.

"Yes, two boy names, two girl names."

"Can I hear them?"

"Not yet. Maybe later, and you don't get to choose anyways."

"I know that." He smiled slightly, he had kept her occupied and they were pulling into the lot. "And here we are." He parked, grabbing the bag, then helping Susan out. They had to stop part way across for another contraction, he rubbed her back while she leaned against the wall.

He got her checked in, and the nurse did a quick exam on her.

"You have a bit of time, the doctor will be along shortly. I am going to monitor you and make sure everything is okay with the baby." The nurse was staring at Carter. "Don't you work here?"

"Yes, I'm on Sabbatical but I was in the ER and Surgery."

"Dr. Carter. Right, so…I don't have to explain a lot to you."

"Or to Dr. Lewis…she is a physician as well."

The nurse hooked up the monitors and Carter helped Susan through another few contractions, watching the monitors to make sure that the heartbeat stayed in the proper ranges.

"You're doing great Suze. Do you want some ice chips?"

Susan nodded. "Yes, please."

Carter barely left her side, staying with her through the monitoring and then keeping her company on some walks through the hallways to help her labor along.

"Showtime." Her doctor came into the room and did a quick check. "Okay Susan?"

Susan nodded. "Yes, let's get this baby out."

Carter coached her through the breathing and encouraged her throughout the whole birth. She squeezed his hand tight and felt him supporting her back as she pushed, grateful she was not doing this without a friend by her side.

She finally lay back as her new daughter let out a loud cry.

"Cut the cord?" The doctor offered Carter the scissors, and he glanced quickly at Susan who nodded slightly.

"Go ahead."

Carter expertly did the cut, and then they took the tiny girl for a quick exam.

Carter gave Susan's back a rub, then went over to check on the baby as the doctor finished up with Susan.

"You did great, Susan, everything looks wonderful. I will be back to check on you a while, and they will get you moved up to a room shortly." The doctor patted her leg. "I have another baby on it's way in the next room."

The nurse handed the little girl to Carter, and he brought her over and tucked her into Susan's arms.

"Your daughter. She's perfect, just beautiful." Carter put his arm around her and sat on the side of the bed, while Susan admired her new baby girl.

"Wow, she's gorgeous. I can't believe she's finally here."

"You did great." He gave her a hug, then stepped out of the room to give them a few minutes so they could get Susan cleaned up and moved to a room upstairs.

He phoned home. "Hey Deb."

"How did it go?"

"Great. She has a little girl, 7lb 10oz, both Susan and the baby are doing well. I am going to hang out for a bit longer while they get her settled in her room. I think Chuck might end up dropping Cosmo at our house sometime this morning, are you around?"

"Yes, I'll be here. The kids are just waking up, so I have to go. Once Cosmo is here I'll bring him over to meet his new baby sister. Call me later okay?"

"Sure. I love you."

"I love you too."

Carter went up to Susan's room, she was now feeding the baby, having been cleaned up a bit by the nurses.

"How are you doing?"

"Good, I feel great considering. She is really gorgeous, John. Thank you." Susan gently touched the little girls face.

"So…have you named her yet?"

"I'm thinking…Savannah Everleigh Lewis.

"Savannah. I like that."

Susan brushed her hand across the soft down on the baby's head as the contented little girl blinked at her with unfocused eyes.

"You need anything?"

"Yes, the bathroom. Can you…hold her for a few minutes? I really need a shower."

"Of course."

She handed the baby to him, he sat in one of the chairs, and cuddled her while Susan disappeared into the bathroom.

The little girl closed her eyes, falling asleep in arms. He stroked her cheek with a finger, thinking how hard it was going to be, watching her grow up, not knowing that he was her father.

"You look so comfortable."

Carter looked up, Deb was watching him from the doorway, she was holding Cosmo's hand.

"Hey, come see your new baby sister, Savannah Everleigh Lewis. Your mommy went to take a shower, she'll be out in a few minutes."

Cosmo walked into the room shyly, and peeked at the little girl in John's arms.

"Can I hold her, Uncle John?"

"Maybe wait a few minutes, your mommy will be right back."

Cosmo waited patiently until Susan came out. "Mommy! I have a baby sister, can I hold her?"

"You sure can. Come sit up on the bed, and we will get you settled with her."

Cosmo held Savannah for a few minutes and Jing-Mei took some pictures. Once he got tired of being in the room, John took him down to the cafeteria to get a snack while Jing-Mei got a chance to hold the baby.

Jing-Mei sat in the chair John had vacated. "She is a beauty, so tiny and precious. It is going to be fun to babysit."

"I will be taking you up on that. You look so comfortable, maybe you should be having another one."

Jing-Mei brushed a finger gently over the soft hair. "Well, we are working on it."

"Really? Seriously, you and John are having another baby?" Susan was happy to hear it, it had not escaped her attention that after New York Jing-Mei was again wearing the fantastic diamond engagement ring that John had given her many months before.

"We want to, yes, our kids are going to grow up together. Kind of like family."

Susan knew that Jing-Mei was not aware of the situation, she had talked to Carter about it, and he was not sure how to bring it up with her. He had been hoping that by now Jing-Mei would have her memory back.

"Yes, exactly like family. I don't know what I would do without you two, really. My parents and I are not that close, and Chloe is...well I don't know where she is half the time."

"Well it goes both ways Susan. You know there is still a lot I don't remember, but my parents are gone, I'm an only child, John isn't that close to his dad or his half sister. Our friends and kids are our family."

"You and John are lucky to have each other, I am happy to see you together again, after all that happened. Having another baby must mean things are good, not to mention that amazing ring on your finger."

"Did John tell you the story?"

"No, just that you were engaged again."

"He was a good coach?" Jing-Mei was rocking the baby slightly and changed the subject, not quite sure if she wanted to share the story of how they got engaged again.

"He was, you are very lucky, if you have another baby, he is well broken in."

John brought Cosmo back, carrying the boy up on his shoulders.

Susan crawled back onto the bed. "Thank you for your help today, I don't think I could have done it alone."

"You are welcome. Do you want us to stay or should we let you get some rest? Take this little man back to our place for some play time?"

"I think I'm good right now. You should go home and get some sleep." Susan knew this was a bit difficult for John, a strange situation, but he was going to be the uncle, and he needed some separation. She was ready to manage the little girl on her own.

"Anything else you need before we go?"

"Not right now. I'll call you later though? Let you know how she's doing, and find out when I get to go home. And to say good night to Cosmo."

"Okay."

Jing-Mei gave the baby back to Susan. "Let me know if you need anything and get some rest."

Jing-Mei had brought Cosmo over on the L, so they all went back in his car.

"I need a nap, what time is it?"

"Noon already. Why don't you have a sleep, I'll give the kids some lunch and it will be naptime for them too."

Carter gave the kids each a kiss, then went upstairs for a sleep. Elise helped Jing-Mei with feeding the kids, and they tucked the three down for a nap before Elise headed home.

Jing-Mei went in the bedroom and shut the door, crawling onto the bed. She lay looking at John for a few minutes, then ran her fingers through his hair.

"Mm, hi." John opened his eyes, reaching out to pull Deb close to him.

"Have a little energy left?"

"Maybe a bit? Why?"

Jing-Mei kissed him deeply. "I want a baby, that's why. We can make a baby the first week in Vegas, but now we are trying, it's not happening."

"It will, don't worry. It has barely been a month, Deb."

"I know, just seeing Savannah, makes me want another so much. Make love to me, John."

Carter wrapped her in his arms kissing her deeply. "It will happen, Deb, be patient."

"I hope so." She pulled at his shirt. "Off. The kids are all sleeping."

"Mm, I like the way you think, and you have way too many clothes on for the proposed activity." He peeled off his shirt, then did the same to her.

Jing-Mei lost no time in divesting herself of the remaining clothes, sliding between the sheets of the big bed to join John. She pulled him close, turning onto her back.

Carter was taking his time, he kissed her wrist, then nibbled his way up her arm, stopping to lavish attention on each of her breasts. Jing-Mei let her fingers wander through his hair, then down his back, encouraging him to move up her body.

"Now, John."

"Impatient, aren't we?" He leaned down and caressed her lips with his, probing and searching her mouth with his tongue. He gave in to her demand, easing into her, then starting to move above her.

Jing-Mei looked up into his eyes, letting her hips rise up to meet him, digging her fingers into the warm flesh of his back. His eyes were locked on hers, watching the dark pools catch fire as their bodies danced against each other. He felt her leg wrap around his back, watched her lips part slightly as her breath started coming in short gasps.

Jing-Mei could not help it, every time they made love he made her feel so good. Even with her demand that she wanted him immediately, he was still taking his time, his hand wrapped in her hair while the other supported his weight off her body. She let out an involuntary moan as their pace quickened, feeling the tingle start down in her toes, the curling sensation in her belly, knowing she was almost there.

 _"Oh John."_ She buried her face into his shoulder, trying to smother her cry as they finished.

They lay for while, clinging together, finally turning so she could rest on his chest while he rubbed her arm.

"Satisfactory performance?" John teased her lightly.

Jing-Mei gave him a playful swat. "Don't even try to tell me you didn't enjoy that."

"Of course I did, are you crazy?"

Jing-Mei sat up with a start. "John."

"What? Are you okay?"

"Yes, just...had this little flash, of us standing on the Bow Bridge, except it was cold out, and...you kissing me, and asking me to marry you. I remember being nervous and excited, knowing you were going to ask me, when I found the box. I think that was real."

"It probably was, Deb. It was cold out that day, anything else?"

"I know what I had for lunch, and I was pregnant with Jaida...she was moving a lot by then, and..." Her eyes widened and she turned to look at him. "Is this real?"

"What?" John sat up, a bit concerned.

Jing-Mei felt the tears come to her eyes, then she wrapped her arms around John tightly, breaking down into deep sobs.

"Deb? Are you okay?" John held her close, letting her cry against him.

"John, I remember, I love you so much, and I remember everything."


	37. Chapter 37

Two days later Carter went to pick Susan up and take her and Savannah home.

"John, thank you for getting us home and for taking care of Cosmo so much. Was Chuck okay?"

"I can deal with Chuck, don't worry about it. He and I know each other Susan, remember he was around County quite a lot when Cosmo was little?"

"Right, he was bitching because you walked into the locker room without knocking."

" _Our_ locker room…we never knocked before going in. Wasn't he using some weird contraption to feed Cosmo? He asked if I wanted to try it, I thought he was nuts."

Susan started to laugh. "Oh you have got to be kidding, the breastfeeding thing? I swear the guy was more maternal than I was, I can just imagine. I hope he took that thing with him, I thought it was a little strange too."

"Yeah, I am more than happy just to bond with my kids by taking them to the park or something. They seem perfectly adjusted, though surprisingly Cosmo seems pretty normal despite Chuck's off the wall ideas."

"He is actually a good dad most of the time, it's just with the divorce he is around a lot less. He is bringing Cosmo home tomorrow morning right?"

"That is what he said."

Carter helped her take everything up to her apartment, including some of the baby gifts and flowers.

"It is so nice to be home. I didn't get any sleep at the hospital, I hope Savannah lets me get a bit tonight."

"Hopefully. So there is some food in the fridge, I see you have diapers and everything, but Deb did up some stuff for you, so you don't have to worry about making meals for a few days. We leave for China on Friday, but until then we are around, call if you need anything, we can take Cosmo off your hands or help with the baby."

"How is Jing-Mei doing anyway? You said she is regaining memories?"

"Yeah, a ton of them too. She had one wave of them, I guess you could call it, and from there she has been adding new ones. The good news is even if she doesn't remember everything, the most important ones seem to have come back, and I am grateful for that."

"What do you think brought them back?"

"I don't know. We have just been talking a lot about things, and visiting familiar places. I don't know if she told you, but when we were in New York, we went back to the same spot where I originally proposed and she got a…redo. Not exactly the same, but we went to the same place for lunch, that kind of thing."

"Mm, she didn't tell me the story, but I noticed she was wearing the ring again when you got home from New York. Brave of you to ask again."

"Well, she asked me to ask her again. She had the ring already, no matter what I wanted her to have brought it with her to New York and had my dad come and look after the kids for a few hours. Then she kind of sprung it on me, but that was okay, I was letting her have time and space, she decided she wanted to be engaged again."

"Did have much for memories at that point?"

"Not really...it was more that we talked about the fact she may never have the memories, and she had to decide what she wanted based on that. She decided to give it some time, live the life she was before the accident, and it seemed to have worked."

"I think it's cute that she got your dad to come and watch the kids. You aren't all the close to him, right?"

"No, and it made me nervous, he was all, yeah, you were little once, I almost said, yes, but the nanny isn't here to hand off them off to. I swear the guy forgets that he was barely around and we always had staff he could pass us off when he'd had enough. But, he seemed to do okay, maybe there is hope for him yet."

"What is it about your dad that drives you so crazy?"

"What doesn't? He's never been supportive of anything I have ever done. He was really pissed when I quit surgery for the ER. Can't brag as much."

Susan shook her head slightly. "I am so glad you gave her the ring back, John. That you are back together."

"Me too. That she remembers is huge, Susan. Thank you for being there, being supportive, it was a tough few months. Her coming back? It was a huge surprise, but I left the door open."

"I know you get mad at me for asking, but what about Wendall?"

"What about her? Seriously, you have to stop with the whole Wendall thing, Susan, she is not in the picture, so leave it."

"Fine, okay sorry. I just thought for a while that maybe you would get back together with her, you weren't engaged to Jing-Mei anymore."

"Didn't mean that stopped loving her, Susan, it just meant I was ready to face the reality that she might never come home. That I might be raising the kids by myself. But she did come home, we are engaged again and she remembers most of what she forgot. Things are good, we have things worked out."

"That is good, great for the kids to have her back too. And she has help, you have a housekeeper and a nanny."

"Sure, we have someone come in and clean the house a couple times a week, and someone to help with the kids. I hired the nanny because Deb wasn't there, I was doing it as a single parent and I am still working quite a few hours per week with the Center and the Foundation, and I had committed to Peter on writing up the study so we could get it published."

"Now she's back?"

"I don't know to be honest. It will depend on if Deb wants to go back to work and how many hours she wants. We are also thinking of having another baby, so it will depend on when that happens, and how much help we need. We could end up with 3 kids under 4 years old, we might need help? But we are gone for almost two months, and the nanny is not coming with us."

"Well, there are two of you. I am sure you will manage without the nanny."

"Of course we will, we do a lot for the kids, it is just nice that we can also still have a grown up relationship, and that we don't have to focus every minute of every day on the kids. Though we have been using the nanny a lot less now that Deb has her memory back."

"She was okay with the whole Savannah thing?"

"Yes, she remembers all of that. She was a bit pissed off that I didn't say anything, but we talked about it, and why I didn't bring it up. She has agreed it is between the three of us, as far as I know, no one else has figured it out."

"No one else knows, though perhaps my doctor suspects but she won't say anything, confidentiality right? I left the 'dad' spot blank on her birth certificate, which is allowed in these cases. One day I might have to tell Savannah, but when or how? I will cross that bridge when it seems to be the right time."

"I hope you will give me a heads up before you do. I don't object to her knowing, but I would like to be aware that she knows. We don't know how she will react, what she will say or do, and I would want the chance to talk to her, and also make sure we handle it properly with Jaida and Devon, and any other kids Deb and I have."

Susan nodded. "And I have to deal with Cosmo as well. It could get a bit messy if we don't handle it correctly."

"It could. So, anything I can help you with before I go?"

"Yeah, you want to change a diaper? I think little miss here has a little mess."

Carter laughed and gave his eyes a roll. "Okay fine, hand her over."

Susan wrinkled her nose. "I was kidding."

"Still, I have done plenty of diapers, I am a pro. Hey, I'd rather deal with baby poop than be puked on at work. Remember what it was like in the ER? Diapers are nothing compared to what we saw at work."

"Too true. Change away then." Susan started sorting and tidying gifts while Carter changed the little girl quickly and efficiently. "You're hired."

Carter smiled. "Oh I get paid to change diapers? That would be a first, at home it is just an expected activity."

"Nope, just kidding. Uncle John has to do diapers for free. Like you even need the cash."

"You never know, the Carter Center is over budget, and I still have to do the endowment for the uninsured patients. Might have to get paid for my babysitting."

"I'm so sure, John, like you don't have a good amount socked away. Todd was saying that the Center was coming in slightly over budget in the meeting the other day. You have some donated funds coming for staffing too right?"

"Yes, and once we get closer to opening, we will be doing a major fundraiser, we want a large endowment in place, and we hope to earn enough interest that we can make it self-sustaining. Otherwise Deb and I are going to be doing a lot of benefits. I'm sure she won't mind, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life raising money to keep it all going."

"You don't have the money?"

"We have other commitments, I am not going to invest everything I have into one thing. I have two kids to put through school, maybe three if things work out, and I don't want to spend all my time working shifts, so I need to keep money back for my family too. I am going to be volunteering my time, I already do to an extent. I think investing 230 million is probably acceptable by most standards, I'm not a bottomless money pit."

"Ah, right, 230 million, I guess you are off the hook. And with Jing-Mei not working, she depends on you too."

"Not really, actually, Deb has her own money."

"Really?"

"Remember, her parents were surgeons and she is an only child? And she worked for years as a doctor? What she had we invested carefully, she's not poor Susan, by any stretch."

"Oh. I guess she did say something when we went to New York about having her own money. I didn't get details though."

"No, she's pretty private about it."

"So who helped her invest her money that she did so well?"

Carter raised his eyebrow. "Who do you think? I have a business degree in Finance you know…from Wharton? And my dad does it for a living, that was one thing I do listen to, he's treasurer for the Foundation, he does a pretty damn good job of investing. In fact he is moving funds now, if you have any high risk investments, you should move them, there is something happening in the market."

Susan stared at him for a minute. "Seriously? I don't have a huge amount of money…but with the new job I am investing, and I have been saving ever since I got my loans paid in full. Would you be willing to take a look at my portfolio? I have a guy, but I am not sure how well he has been doing for me."

"Yes, pull your papers together, and I will look at them before we go to China. You should not wait to make your moves, it could be months but maybe not either. Depending on how much and what you have invested in, we can rebalance for you, preserve your capital. The market is running wild right now, it is not a good scene, it is way overheated. I know they always warn about trying to time the market, but in this case you need to shore up your risk position, maybe even put it into guaranteed investments. Deb and I have already protected our capital, we have too much to get it all guaranteed, but we have diversified and we should weather what is coming."

"You said once that your dad manages investment funds for your family?"

"And he does, he has been doing it ever since I can remember. My grandparents verged on financial genius, how do you think I have 230 million to build a health center? You can listen to your guy, maybe he is very good, but if he hasn't called you by now and started protecting your assets? He is probably not going to."

Carter was still holding Savannah, rocking her slightly as he stood. Susan held up a finger and disappeared into her bedroom, then came out with a file folder.

"These are my statements."

Carter took the file from her hand then sat, still holding the baby, but flipping through.

"Wow, really? Who is this guy?" He scanned the statements. "Can I take these? I need some stuff at my office at home, but I can do way better for you. This guy has you in the investments that make him the best commission, they aren't the best for you by any stretch. Trust me?"

"Trust me? Says the multi-millionaire?" Susan giggled. "If I can't trust you with my investing then I am in big trouble, you should be broke by now if you didn't know how to take care of money. Yes, take them, tell me what to do with the money and I will do it."

Jing-Mei was busy making the kids some lunch when she heard the door bell.

"Greg. What are you doing here, and how did you know where we live?"

"Not that hard to find out, Carter used to work at County, and I work there, so I was able to get hold of it. I just thought I would drop by and see how things are going. You never come by County anymore."

"Well, since until recently I didn't really remember anyone there, is that a surprise? I spent some time in China. And John and I have been busy, we went to New York, and of course we have the kids. He's pretty busy with the Center, the Foundation and finishing up his study for publishing."

She led him back to the kitchen, checking on the kids along the way, they were both playing happily.

"Can I get you anything? Beer? Soda? Water?'

"A beer would be nice." He watched as she reached into the fridge. "I heard neither of you were working. When are you going back?"

Jing-Mei cracked open the beer and poured it into a glass.

"I don't know to be honest. I have to talk to John, he is on sabbatical so I probably won't work until he is ready to go back, and then it might only be part time, depending on how involved I get with the Center. I might take some extra time."

"Can you afford to do that?"

Jing-Mei wrinkled her brow at him. "Of course I can, Greg. I have money, John has money, we are pretty set financially, I thought you had that figured out."

He gave a laugh. "Right, mister multi-millionaire Carter, how could I forget. I mean look at the rock he bought you, he was pretty damn relieved to get that baby back. I'm not entirely sure he knew it was gone."

"Oh he did, he was looking for it, actually, but he hadn't been home to see if I left it here, though he knew I almost always wore it. I am sure the ER would have been hearing about it if you hadn't brought it up to him."

She rounded up the kids and sat them down for lunch.

"What's the story on the kid? I didn't know Carter had a son."

"Devon? Um, his mom is an old girlfriend, she died in Germany not long ago, so John took Devon. He had to fly out and spend some time there, she was at Hahn, which is an Air Force base. He had quite a trip apparently, the commander of the base let one of the pilots take him up in a fighter jet. Then they flew him home on a military transport, he was stuck there when everything commercial was grounded...I almost had a heart attack, I come home and there is military transport in front of the house."

"Really, that is pretty cool actually. So the boy is his right? I mean, the kid looks just like him."

"Well obviously, Greg. It was before he and I got together so...it's all fine, he's a good kid actually."

"You are pretty accepting, I would never have thought you would be so relaxed about finding out your fiance has another kid."

"He'd do it for me. If I ever had to take in Michael? He would do it in a minute, without even blinking. We are adults, we've both had past relationships. He knew Devon's mom a really long time, they were med students at the same time, dated off and on over the years."

"How many women has he dated? He always has a girlfriend it seems."

Jing-Mei shrugged. "So do you, Greg. Anyway, I've never asked, though I have an idea, I've known him since he was 23, so I have met a fair number of the women he's dated. Not going to start asking for a list."

"Did you know Devon's mom?"

"No, he dated her when he was a fourth year, she worked at County, and I worked with him a few months before he met her, he was still a third year. He was fun to work with, we used to play these incredible jokes on each other, and boy we were competitive. We were both trying to get the same spot, and we both worked with Peter Benton. He had been there longer though, so he had the advantage. Then I ended up leaving, I went to another program for a while."

Devon heard the door and jumped up off his chair. "Daddy!"

Carter swung him up and threw him over his shoulder, the little boy giggling with glee. He took him into the kitchen, Deb was feeding Jaida, with a familiar figure sitting at the granite counter top sipping a beer.

"Greg. How are things?" Carter put the squirming Devon down onto his chair in front of his half-finished lunch. "Finish lunch, Dev."

"Okay daddy."

"Good, I just thought I would come by and see how sw…Jing-Mei was doing." Pratt almost called her sweetness, but he thought better of it at the last moment."

Carter dropped the file onto the side counter and pulled open the fridge, locating himself a cold drink. Jing-Mei reached out for the folder, but John put his hand on it.

"Can't look at that."

"Why not?" Jing-Mei lifted an eyebrow. "Since when is stuff secret?"

"Since it's not mine? I told Susan I would rework her portfolio, like I did ours? That's all hers, so it is better if you don't see it unless she shows it to you."

"Oh, of course, no problem, I thought it was yours." Jing-Mei put the dirty lunch dishes into the dishwasher as Carter wiped Jaida's face and picked her up.

"So, how is County?"

"Not too bad. Jing-Mei was just going to share some dirt on when you were med students."

Carter grinned. "Oh was she now. She might want to be a bit careful with that, since I have a pretty good amount of dirt on her. I remember the first..." Jing-Mei covered his mouth with her hand.

"Don't you dare or I will tell him about when Haleh and I..."

Carter gave her a warning look. "Well, Greg, seems we have a stalemate. I don't think either of us is going to be dishing dirt. Though we did have fun looking for a finger in a pile of frozen fish...good times."

"Scut work, the nightmares of being Benton's med students."

"Count yourself lucky Pratt, Benton was gone before you got there, he was tough. I think I sutured at least half of Chicago."

Pratt nodded. "I noticed you were good at sutures."

Jing-Mei rolled her eyes. "He spent a year as a surgical intern, he could sew you up blindfolded. Did a few pretty major procedures up in the OR didn't you John? Why do you think Northwestern wanted him so much? Still blows my mind that you and Peter are like best buddies now. Which reminds me, you got an envelope, registered from California? Abby Keaton?"

"Perfect, I'll look at it in a bit then drop it off for Peter. She was editing the study for us, glad she got it back before we left town."

"Keaton. That name is familiar."

"The Pediatric Surgeon, she gave a lecture in Las Vegas? Did you go to it?"

"Right. Where are you two going?"

Jing-Mei took Jaida back, Carter cleaned up Devon a bit as he was done his lunch.

"China. I am going to introduce John and the kids to some of my family. They have been wanting to meet him, we were supposed to go a while ago, but then the accident interfered in our plans."

"I thought you were there not long ago?"

"I was, but John didn't come with me, and I didn't take Jaida either. So, what else is new at County?" Jing-Mei changed the subject, she was not getting into all of that with Greg Pratt, not a chance. As far as she knew, not too many people knew they had been separated for those months, that she had almost left him permanently.

The visited for a while longer, then Greg left.

Two days later, they were on the plane to China, each taking turns managing the kids. Carter was pretty happy with how things were going, Deb was treating Devon just like he was her own son. He was hopeful that they would be able to have another child, he knew it was still early, but Deb was getting anxious.

"Min wanted us to stay with them, but I decided that we would stay in hotels when we can. The houses are quite small and I wanted us to have some privacy."

"Fine, I left all of that up to you for a reason. You know the areas and your family, what is expected, all of that." Carter had told Deb she just needed to direct him on the expected norms and behavior with her family.

"I know. I stayed with them when I was here before, but it was just me. We could have stayed there, and I am sure they would like it better if we did, but it would be all four of us in a room the size of a closet. There would be no baby making activities all week if we stayed there."

"Ah the truth comes out. Stay with family, no sex to be had. I'm good with the hotel." He gave Deb a kiss.

Jing-Mei laughed. "I knew you would be, the no sex thing is too much for you right?"

"Well, I don't want to be restricted from making love to my fiancée for two months, and I certainly don't want your family listening in while we have sex either. And you want to make a baby, so I guess we are both on the same page."

"Don't you want to make a baby too?" Jing-Mei lifted an eyebrow.

"Yes, Deb, I do. We both want another child, which has never been under debate has it?"

"No. I think you will like where we are staying, we can do some sightseeing and expect that Min and Ling are going to want to travel with us to some of the destinations. They have some time off work, they have been wanting to meet you."

"Okay, do they speak English?"

"Yes, they do. Some of my older relatives don't though, and please don't be offended if they are not the warm and welcoming. They want me..."

"To marry a traditional Chinese man." He finished for her. "I am wondering if we shouldn't have just married before we came to China. If we were married, would they let up on you?"

"Maybe? I don't know John, it's hard to say. They are not happy about the…illegitimate child we produced, if we'd had a boy they would be more accepting, but it is still a problem for some of my family. They will be even less happy if I show any signs of being pregnant a second time."

"We can always just travel if your family gets too much, Deb. You just have to let me know, okay? I'll try and stay cool about everything."

"Okay. I love you…and I have one…well maybe two more favors to ask?"

"All right? Shoot."

"Can you call me Jing-Mei while we are here? At least around my family? And Jaida, don't get upset when they call her Chen Mei-Lin. Please don't make a deal out of it."

"I will try, though I noticed you have Dev calling you Jing-Mei now. And I will not get upset if your family calls Jaida by the name Mei-Lin – that is her Chinese name, I am okay with it, but I am still calling her Jaida."

"Thank you, baby, it will all work out, I just want to make this as smooth as possible."

Jing-Mei was hopeful that her family would just accept John, and the two children. And certainly the younger generation was very welcoming. However, the older generation was much tougher.

John was doing his best, Jing-Mei had given him a rundown on the basic etiquette and she was impressed on how well he did at the first dinner they had. The family questions were merciless, though most of her older relatives simply spoke in Chinese, which excluded him from the conversation.

By the time they got back to their hotel, Jing-Mei was almost in tears.

She ran and locked herself in the bathroom, while he got the kids changed and into bed. He knew she was crying, but he thought he would give her some space. Finally he was tired of waiting for her to come out.

"Deb." He knocked softly on the door. "You have to come out sometime. Come out and talk to me." He was met with silence.

He sighed and flopped back on the bed, glancing over when he finally heard the door open. He took in the red puffy eyes, swollen from crying, her face was red and she looked devastated.

"The kids asleep?" Jing-Mei dabbed at her eyes before she sat on the side of the bed.

"Yes, I put them down as soon as we got back, it was a busy day for them. Didn't even get stories read before they were both out."

Jing-Mei nodded silently.

"Hey, did I do that bad? Are you mad at me?" John was not sure why she was so upset.

Jing-Mei shook her head. "I'm not mad at you, you did great, considering how rude my family was. I am mortified that they…have so little respect for my decisions. They are as bad as my parents, and I wish I had never subjected you to them. The question is, can you forgive me?"

"Oh Deb. Don't worry about it…you think I am so thin skinned that I can't take it? Did you forget what family I grew up in? Criticism was their middle names some days, I have dealt with far worse than a few people excluding me from their conversation because I can't speak the language. You are far more upset than I am." He reached out and took her hand, pulling her down onto the bed beside him.

She gave him a weak smile. "You were really great, you just hung in there, but all my family could talk about was the wonderful Chinese men that I had given up to be with you. I don't know why I let them get to me."

"Because they are your family. I used to let my family get to me too, baby. I have learned to deal with them, and remember, we are only here for a few days, and then we are going to travel, I want you to show me China. What _you_ love about China. We are going to enjoy our trip." He lovingly stroked her face. "Deb, do you still want to marry me, have another baby, and raise our family together?"

"Of course I do. I love you, so much. You know that, I want another baby with you, to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Okay, then forget what your family says. You are a strong independent woman, not your family's chattel to do with what they will. This is a few days, I can deal with it. I love you Jing-Mei, I would marry you tomorrow if I could. You know as soon as we get home…we are getting married. Enough waiting."

Jing-Mei slid closer, letting their lips meet softly, the kiss becoming more passionate quickly.

"You're sure they are asleep?" She whispered as she started to undo his dress shirt.

"Totally out. They were exhausted, but we can shut the bedroom door for a while if it makes you feel better." He whispered back between kisses.

Jing-Mei started to strip off her clothes. "Don't worry, they sleep like logs."

She sighed as he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her deeply, then worked down her body. Jing-Mei loved how he put all his knowledge into practice and had her gasping for air. His body moved above her, their hips locked into rhythm, as she let out little gasps of pleasure at each thrust.

Carter felt her leg slide up as she wrapped her legs around his hips, he gazed down into her dark eyes, kissing her luscious lips, her fingers digging into his back. He ran a hand down her arm, pulling it up over her head, entwining their fingers. He could feel her ring digging into his finger as she clutched his hand.

He watched as her eyes drifted shut, and she tipped back her head, her lips parting as her back arched up against him.

" _John, oh yes, John."_ She moaned against his hair. _"I love you."_ She breathed in his ear, as they waited for the aftermath to roll over them.

 _"I love you too."_ He murmured on her neck as he nuzzled against her, then rolled them onto their sides.

Jing-Mei looped her leg over his hip, holding him close as they shared sensual, loving kisses, John cradled her against him.

"Mm, this is why we stayed in a hotel. If we are already getting comments, then I can just imagine, they would probably have you sleeping at the other end of the house. We are never quiet, are we."

"No way, baby. I know your family probably believes we are living in sin, and they consider our relationship to be wrong, they want you to marry within your culture, but I love what we have."

"Me too." Jing-Mei could feel the tears starting again. "You are so good to me John. I don't know if I deserve how great you have been. Not after I left, I was so…I don't even know how to say it. I was horrible, I left you and I left my baby girl and the little boy I promised to treat like he was my own."

"Sh. Deb, you have to stop beating yourself up over it. It was not the easiest time, we both know that."

"You were really angry with me, though. How could you forgive me?"

"Because I love you, because I know how it is to make a mistake and need that forgiveness. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you makes me complete. Our family is everything to me, I don't want to be without you. You have no idea how hard it was, trying to convince myself that I had to let you go, but the minute you came back, I knew. It was futile to even try to stop loving you."

"I guess deep down, I felt it. That I loved you too, even though I couldn't remember. I took a picture off the mantle, one when I was pregnant with Jaida. How we were looking at each other, the camera didn't miss how much love was there. I went through those pictures you gave me every day, it just took me a long time to get over being scared. Being scared of the unknown, being scared that you would hate me for leaving you like that, thinking you would never let me come home."

"I know, I noticed it was gone, because it is one of my favourite pictures, but I knew you had it, and that was okay. Look, I was angry, I didn't understand, but I could never hate you. I can never know exactly what it was like for you, waking up to find that you had lost so much of your life, to find out that you had children. I tried to put myself back to that time, we were friends, but so much of what made us close hadn't happened yet. I get it, you were confused and scared and everything had changed. We've made it through, baby, we can make it through pretty much anything if we can get through that, it's made us stronger."

"You think so?"

"Don't you? A lot of things pale in comparison, once you have faced almost losing someone you love. I didn't even know if you were going to wake up, I thought I might be raising two kids by myself, and that was never part of the plan."

"I know, and even when I woke up, I left you. And I'm sorry."

"I've already forgiven you. Let's get some sleep, morning comes early with those little people in the other room."

Carter wrapped his arms around her and Jing-Mei cuddled up close to him, dropping into a deep sleep.

Carter was wondering though, she had been very emotional the past couple days, crying over nothing…he pushed the thought out of his mind and went to sleep.

The next few days were uneventful, though Carter noticed Jing-Mei was a bit moody and unfocused. She was tired and overly emotional. By the third morning she was not interested in eating.

"Get those eggs away from me, they're disgusting John. They smell funny." Jing-Mei appreciated that he had ordered room service and fed the kids, but she didn't know what he was thinking when he ordered.

He gave her an amused look. "They smell normal to me, but, I won't order them again." He was watching her as she went to lay down on the bed. "Tired?"

"Yes. My family is stressing me out. I think I'm coming down with something, I'm tired and I feel sick."

"Deb…did you consider the other option? Maybe it's not your family."

"Sure it is, they are driving me crazy, I need a day off from them. Then I'll feel better."

"Or maybe you'll feel better in a couple months. Deb, you are overly emotional…"

"Oh stop it." She snapped, cutting him off. "Quit criticizing, my family is nuts."

"Deb, relax, I was just pointing out the obvious. Did you bring any tests with you? Maybe you want to…check your calendar…see if you've missed something?"

Jing-Mei closed her eyes, then opened them again, looking over at John. "Are you suggesting…oh wow, I am an idiot. My boyfriend has to point out the totally obvious fact that I am now having all the symptoms of being pregnant." She sat up on the bed. "Wow, I'm pregnant, right?"

"Well, it is certainly possible, isn't it? I kind of think yes, but did you bring any tests?"

"Yes. Do you think it's too soon? I should test anyways…right?" She was already up and digging in her bag, coming up with a box.

"You are having symptoms, probably not too soon." Carter was watching the change in her, she was certainly happier all of the sudden.

She disappeared into the bathroom. "Start timing 5 minutes." She called out.

He could hear the toilet flush and water running before she came back out, holding the stick in her hands. She walked over and he pulled her down to sit across his knees, and she leaned against him.

"We might be having another baby." She whispered.

"I know. Okay, time's up. What's the verdict?"

Jing-Mei took a deep breath, then looked. "It's positive. John, it's positive." She threw her arms around his neck, giving him a kiss.

"I told you it would happen. I love you, Deb. This is great news."

"You get to be a daddy again." She could feel the tears starting.


	38. Chapter 38

Susan knocked gently on the door, seeing Jing-Mei sitting up in one of the chairs, holding her newborn son close as she fed him.

"Hi, how are you doing?" Susan stepped in quietly.

"Terrific, it went quickly, third times a charm I guess, we barely made it to the hospital in time, and this little guy was crowning. Labor was certainly fast, I woke up with a back ache and then my water broke. Maybe two hours total."

"Where's daddy?"

"He took Dev and Jai down to get a snack, they were getting a little tired of being quiet. They are still kind of young to really understand the whole concept, I mean Dev is just three and Jaida is barely two. How are Cosmo and Savannah?"

"Exhausting to be honest, Savannah is a little monkey already, she's not even one and toddling everywhere. I have a babysitter watching them for a while so I could come over. So what did you name him?"

"Matthias Jian Chen Carter."

"Cute. You are going to be a busy lady for a while."

"Yes, but it is worth it. We both just love having the kids, John especially, he is really great with them. He thrives on being busy, he hates sitting around."

"With the Center open now, he will not be doing that for sure. Between his time at Northwestern, the Center and having three young kids, I am surprise he has time to breath."

"He loves it, Susan, I am sure he would have another one, but I think we are done, I am very happy with raising the three. I am going to take some more time off, maybe another year, then I want to get back to work. It was good to even be busy a couple days a week at Northwestern, bring my skills back up. I was so grateful to get my memory back, if I hadn't then I would not have been able to go back to work there."

"I know, you are very lucky, and you seem really happy."

"I am Susan. I hate to think how close I came to losing it all...I still do not know what I was thinking after the accident, running away like that was the dumbest thing ever. He forgave me, it was almost a miracle."

"He loves you, and you two are so great together. It hasn't been an easy time. I was so sorry to hear about Greg, I am glad I was not working at County when that happened."

"It was a shock when John came home and told me what had happened. He was upstairs, he had a meeting with Don and Kerry, I am glad he wasn't in the ER. I guess Greg was already gone by the time they were allowed back down, he is not sure if anything could have been done anyways."

"It's weird to me that he and Greg were friends."

"After Darfur, Greg grew up a lot. I think he gained a lot of respect for John, seeing what it was like over there, and how long John lived there, what they put up with. I suggested to John that we go over and volunteer but he refuses to take me to Darfur. He says no way in hell, and of course working in Kinshasa would just be awkward and weird."

"Is Kem still there then?"

"John thinks she will be there forever. Her dad was Congolese, so it really is her country, and since she lost her mom not so long ago, it sounds like she has pretty much moved there permanently. It was strange enough when she came over for the opening of the Center, though I understand why he sent the invitation, after all she was Joshua's mother and she had a lot to do with the idea of the Center to start with."

"She didn't stay long though, I thought she was back on a plane to Paris rather quickly?"

"Yes, she was in Chicago less than 24 hours. I imagine it was hard for her, to see John married, with two kids and me pregnant? I kind of felt a bit sorry for her, she seemed really unhappy, she has not married again and she doesn't have kids.

"I wonder if she regrets how things ended between her and John. I kind of think she does, she certainly barely took her eyes off him all night."

"I know he had a talk with her, they went for a coffee before she headed home. He sent his condolences on her mom too, though he decided to not fly to Paris for the funeral. She kept in touch with him a bit after she lost her mom, but that has become less and less over time, especially since she was here for the opening. His commitment to her clinic has kept them in touch a bit, but once that is done, I expect she will just continue on with her life."

"How are things with the new house?"

"Great actually. We both decided that another bedroom would be a good idea and Jack has been around a bit more, still a lot of animosity between him and John but he is trying to be part of the kids lives at least. He seems thrilled with the grand kids, it has been hard for him, he has not remarried, I think Eleanor scared him away from the thought. Anyway, I am glad we had a couple months to move and get settled, the kids love the fact we have more room, the bigger yard, and a pool. Jack seemed surprised, but it makes sense to him that we have the five bedrooms. I still love the other house, and I am glad John didn't sell it, maybe once the kids are grown up we will move back there. How are you settling in?"

"Great. John is giving me such a great rental deal, I feel like I am going to owe him forever, he has done a lot for me. The job at the Center is great, I love working there so much, what a great change from County. Then of course the house, I could never buy anything even comparable and of course...Savannah. Jack doesn't know right?"

Jing-Mei shook her head. "I don't think he would approve, John simply does not want to listen to the lecture. I am sure a lot of people would never understand and it is just easier to keep it our secret. I know it is becoming more common but still, none of us want to get into the discussion."

"At some point I will probably need to tell Savannah, but when and how much I tell her will depend. Given that she is blond and her eyes are more green like mine, there may never be a resemblance."

"Maybe not, she looks more like you for sure, that is probably a good thing, people probably won't pick up on it. I notice Dev is just like John, and I have a feeling Matthias is going to take after his dad more than me. Jaida is much like me."

"I think so too. Can I hold him for a bit?"

Jing-Mei transferred the baby over to Susan.

"He's so sweet, so little. They grow too darn fast, don't they?"

"They do. It seems like yesterday Jaida was born, but she's coming up on two so quickly."

"How did your family receive the news of another baby?"

"My cousins are thrilled, in fact a couple of them are coming over from China to visit us next month. The older generation are still disappointed that I chose to stay in the US and marry a white guy, they had all sorts of eligible men lined up for me. You know in China they do the whole match making thing to see if you are compatible. I don't need all of that stuff, I love John. It was funny you know, I sensed it even when I didn't actually remember? I started emailing him and I just knew I had to get back to Chicago."

"It still amazes me, the two of you just work so well. I am still trying to meet the right guy."

"So Luke didn't work out?"

"No, he is after some young thing that can give him a ton of babies. We dated a bit, but I simply don't want to have any more kids now, I'm happy with the two I have. He denied it was the case, but he is not quite accepting of the fact that I have two kids that are not his. Hey, not to worry, John is keeping his eye out, he keeps trying to fix me up with guys he knows. He knows a lot of people."

"Yeah he does. I swear, we go out and no matter what, it seems like someone stops us and says hi, asks about his dad, or the Center or something. He might just fix you up with someone yet."

"I just might." Carter walked in, Devon up on his shoulders and Jaida in his arms.

"Congratulations, John, he is adorable." Susan was still rocking the tiny form in her arms.

"Thanks, Auntie Susan. We are both absolutely thrilled to have our third...and I think last child." He gave Deb an impish smile.

"Yes, that is what I was saying to Susan. Done. We have three great kids." She watched as he set Jaida down, then swung Devon to the floor.

"I need to take these little monsters home soon, get them settled, and then I will come back? Elise is going to come over later and watch them."

"You should go do that, hospitals are not fun places for little people. We will be home tomorrow anyways. When you come back, bring me some real food."

"I will do that. Any requests?"

"Just pick me something, I cannot deal with the hospital food."

"Done." He gave her and his new son a kiss. "I will be back soon."

Jing-Mei watched as he scooped up the kids and left. "Damn, I got really lucky, didn't I."

"You sure did. He's a keeper. Now I just have to find me one of those."


	39. Chapter 39

John sat on the bench, looking out over the water, contemplating how much things had changed over the years.

How much he had changed.

There was a point in his life when he was so idealistic and naive, but over the years he had lost so much of what he was originally, changed forever.

How could he not be? He had seen and done things that were...unimaginable. At least he could say he was trying to live his life to the fullest each and every day, no matter what. It didn't make life any easier at times, and they'd had their share of joys and sorrows over the years, but what made the difference is he had Deb by his side. They'd leaned on each other through thick and thin, and he loved her more now than he'd ever thought possible.

At this moment he was feeling sad, but grateful too. He had spent the past few years of his life watching his children grow up.

"Dad."

John looked up, seeing his eldest son watching him.

"Dev. What are you doing here?"

"I could say the same about you. Mom called, asked if I had seen you, you weren't answering your phone. Is...everything okay?" Devon could see his dad had been deep in thought.

"I'm fine." He pulled out his phone and sent quick text to Deb, so she would know he was all right. She always worried about him, she knew when he was down, and today was one of those days. Everything to be thankful for, but...it was the anniversary of Joshua's death, and some years it hit him harder than others. This year it certainly did, he had lost his own father not long ago, which was a surprisingly hard blow.

And though he and Jack had never been truly close, they had mended a lot of fences over the years. He had made good on his word to be part of his grandchildrens' lives and he was happy that his kids had at least one grandparent. Jack had been loving to all the kids, generous of himself in a way he had never been with his own son, which John had accepted with good grace.

John certainly had a different perspective of his dad, having gone through the loss of his own child, and the collapse of a marriage mostly due to the death of Joshua. The big difference was that John refused to let the loss of Joshua define him, refused to live in the bubble of grief and loss forever. He still thought about his son, and would never ever forget him, but he knew in his heart that the people who had left him, those who had died would never expect him to stop living like his parents had. They would not have wanted him to shut himself off, to not go on with his life.

Devon sat down close to his father and stared out over the water.

"Tell what you are thinking?" Devon loved his dad, no question. He felt like one of the luckiest kids on the planet really. Though he had lost his biological mom very young in life, his dad had always been there for him, as had Jing-Mei, who he had always called mom or mommy to his recollection. His dad told him that when he was first starting to talk, he had called her Deb, mimicking his dad. That had evolved to Jing-Mei on a trip to China, but when Jaida started to talk, she called her mom, and Devon just naturally followed suit. She truly had been his mom, every moment of every day, she was there for him.

"Oh, just remembering." He reached out and ruffled his son's hair fondly. "I have a lot to be thankful for, but sometimes I come here and remember the people we've lost in our lives. How they changed my life."

"People we've lost? Or you've lost?" Devon was curious, and his dad did not get onto this track, ever. Devon knew his dad had seen a significant amount of people in his life die...he was no stranger to loss.

"Both. Joshua, of course. Your mom...she was a fantastic lady, Devon, she was gone far too young, I wish you'd known her." John silently said the many other names in his head...Dennis, Lucy, Chase, his grandparents, Mark and many others.

"Me too. But you have told me so much about her over the years, I feel like I do know her. You loved her, didn't you?" Devon appreciated how his dad had answered every question he could about Harper Tracy, his 'real' mom, whenever Devon had asked. His dad had shared a box of postcards and letters that they had each kept from their correspondence. Devon could tell they loved each other, and it was still a mystery to him why they had never actually married or stayed together for more than a few months at a time.

"Yes, I did. You remind me of her some days too, you really do. She would be proud of you Dev. _I'm_ proud of you."

John never held back in telling his kids he loved them, hugs and encouragement were the norm in their household. He was determined that they would not grow up with the same complex that had plagued him...he had spent a good part of his early life trying to win the love and approval of his absentee parents. To a certain extent, he also had to try and win the love and approval of his grandparents. His grandfather he had never really reached, but his grandmother finally understood, though far too late in many ways.

John though felt fortunate, his kids were open and loving human beings. Jaida was sweet and quite a lot like her mom, Matthias was a bit more like him, but tempered slightly with a touch of Jing-Mei's more patient nature. Devon was a lot like him, but he could still see Harper in him some days, he certainly had her 'tell it like it is' attitude.

Savannah was another matter. She still did not know that John was her biological father, and she took after Susan, the same green eyes and blond hair. There were no overt indications that they were related, aside from her slightly stubborn streak, though that could easily be attributed to Susan. At the moment she was content, Susan had remarried when her daughter was quite young, and she considered her step dad her father, which was difficult some days, but it was part of the deal he had made with Susan. To be just 'Uncle John' and to not interfere.

Not to say he didn't sometimes help out, he had secretly provided a 'scholarship' that had been awarded to Savannah to attend the school of her choice. She was incredibly bright, and studying medicine, and it did not come cheap. Susan had worked hard to provide for her daughter, and was not poor by any stretch, she'd been paid well and John had helped her invest wisely, so she was well poised for retirement when she was ready. But he wanted to make sure his daughter had her education paid for, as did his other children, he felt it was only fair.

He and Jing-Mei had also provided some 'scholarship' funding to Michael King, without him ever knowing the source was his biological mother. The boy was unquestionably bright and a very hard worker, and the King's were not well off due to illness in the family, and it was easy to manufacture a scholarship that was not questioned and ensure he got to go to a top school.

John shook off his thoughts and brought his attention back to his son.

"Thanks, dad. You know I owe a lot of that to you? There were times when I was headed down the wrong path and you straightened me out. I don't know how you got so wise, but I appreciate it."

"I don't know if I am so wise all the time, Dev, I just have had a lot of life experiences that I hope you never ever have. I learned from those things that happened in my life, tried to be a better person because of them."

Devon nodded. He thought about what he knew...and he suspected there was also a whole lot he didn't know about his dad. His dad was a conundrum sometimes, a very deep well, and though he was honest about most things when asked, Devon always felt like he had only scratched the surface. His dad had secrets, and he knew that, secrets he may never know.

His dad had grown up in a wealthy privileged family...but then again so had he, he'd gone to the best schools, traveled extensively and never really wanted for anything, and he was only in his early 20's.

His dad had taught him a lot about the business world, and the world in general. John Carter had worked hard and become a successful Physician, traveled, and volunteered in Africa during some of the worst imaginable conditions, when the country was experiencing civil war and genocide.

His dad had lost a lot of people close to him, including Devon's half brother, who had died before birth. He had been married and divorced, and remarried again. He also knew his dad had come very close to dying, that he had been stabbed twice while at work, and had almost died that night. That he had also had some close calls at other points, and Devon was pretty lucky to still have him.

His dad had seen more people die than Devon cared to think about. He did not have the stomach to do what his father did for a living...he was much more comfortable as an artist, and both parents had encouraged him, telling him to do what he wanted to do with his life.

The thing that struck him the most though, was his dad was incredibly generous, a very giving and down to earth person, especially considering his upbringing. Devon knew his dad was incredibly wealthy, though he didn't know his exact net worth, he knew the family fortune was still massive, even with the donations he was constantly making to various projects, and his continuing support of the Carter Center, and that he regularly sent money and supplies to some clinic in Kinshasa, Africa.

When he was in school, he and some friends had looked at Chicago magazine, and he was shocked to see his dad's name in the top 5 on Chicago's rich list. Until then he'd had no idea that his dad had that kind of money. Wealthy and successful didn't even begin to cover John Truman Carter III. Yet he never let any of them take it for granted, they were all encouraged to earn their own living, at whatever it was they wanted to do.

Jing-Mei was also very much like his dad, they lived well, but not over the top, they had sold the bigger house once the three kids had left home, moving into a house they owned in the inner city. They volunteered, ran the Carter Family Foundation and traveled, always having time for their children.

Devon hoped one day he would find someone that was so special, that he would have such a loving and seemingly happy marriage as his parents. His mom and dad sometimes had heated discussions, he knew that, but in the end they always made up. He saw how his dad always showed Jing-Mei affection, and vice versa.

When they were kids they would always make comments like...gross they are kissing again, and silly things like that, but over the years Devon recognized how much they loved each other. How much they respected each other, how they were always talking about things, how they presented a united front to all three of their children. If he had to describe his home, Devon would say loving, supportive, and warm. They were a close knit group, he was very close to his sister and brother as well as his 'cousins' Cosmo and Savannah Lewis.

"Dad, how did you know mom was the one? How do you know if it's real love?"

John looked at him in surprise, then smiled. "I just did, it's hard to explain. It's not a secret that I dated a lot, and you know I was married to Joshua's mother, Kem and I thought that was true love, but it turned out not to be. I knew your mom a long time, we were very good friends for years. Maybe being with someone who was my best friend made the difference. She is still my best friend, we can talk about anything, we don't really have any secrets from each other, and we have a lot in common. I think if you have that kind of comfort level with someone, it makes for a good marriage. We have had an exceptionally great life together, Devon, and I love and respect her more now than ever. I have been in love more than once, but when you find...that one person...it is like being complete."

Devon furrowed his brow. "I am not sure I understand. Of course I have been dating, and I have thought I was in love, but no one has been quite the right person. What if I never find them?"

"I bet you will. Remember Deb and I were in our mid 30's before we got married, we'd both had other relationships, thought we were in love at times, but the key is not giving up, no matter what, knowing that you have to keep going. I have been through some difficult times, seriously difficult situations, but know that it does pass at some point, if you don't give up."

"My dad, the eternal optimist."

John laughed. "I suppose I am, I guess I always have been." He stood up. "We should head home, I bet your mom is starting to wonder if we are going to be home for dinner."

Devon took a last look out at the water before they turned for home.

Jing-Mei looked up when her husband and her son came in the door. Even after all these years, she still looked forward to the moment in the day when they were together. She knew this day was always a tough one for him, but when she met his gaze, he smiled, one of those true honest smiles that made his dark chocolate eyes sparkle.

He pulled her in for a warm hug, giving her a deep and very loving kiss. It seemed never a day went by that he did not show her how much he loved her.

"I love you, Deb." His voice was soft against her hair, and she sank deeper into his embrace.

"I love you too."

* * *

Thanks for reading!


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